Prologue
They say you're truly in love if you choose to keep loving someone even when it hurts. Even when you're the only one holding on to the relationship, waiting for the other person to let go, you stay because you don't want to give up.
Even when you're completely shattered, you still do everything you can to bring back the happiness you once had. But what if they ask you to give up, to stop because they're tired too? What if they tell you that they're more exhausted and that it's better for both of you to let each other go?
Chapter 1
"Is this really beyond fixing?" I struggled to steady my voice as I tried to form the words I wanted to say to him, even though something seemed to block my throat as tears threatened to fall. I held his hands tightly.
Before he spoke, he gently removed my hands that were gripping his.
"This is going nowhere… I'm sorry, Laine," he said, looking down. Upon hearing this, I could no longer stop the tears that began to stream down my face.
"Kievan, why? Isn't everything I've done enough? Why is this happening? You know how hard I've been trying to fix our relationship, don't you see all… all my efforts? Keiv, I've forgotten myself because of you, because of my love for you." I said hurtedly
"Is there really no way to fix this?" I struggled to keep my voice steady as I forced out the words I needed to say to him, even though it felt like something was choking me with the tears threatening to fall. I held his hands tightly.
Before he spoke, he gently removed my hands that were gripping his.
"This isn't going anywhere... I'm sorry, Laine," he said, looking down. Hearing those words, I couldn't hold back the tears that streamed down my face.
"Kievan, why? Haven't I done enough? Why is it like this? You know how hard I've tried to fix our relationship. Can't you see... all my efforts? Keiv, I've forgotten about myself because of you... because I love you. My world revolves around you," I said between sobs, not caring that people in the restaurant were staring at us.
I didn't care about anything anymore because all I felt was a pain so deep it felt like it was killing me slowly.
"I'm sorry, Laine, but this is the right thing to do... for both of us. I don't deserve someone like you. You deserve someone better than me," he said, standing up and turning away.
I knew then that he was really done with our relationship. Breaking up is incredibly painful, especially when you love someone so much. Why is he hurting me like this?
"Before I leave, Laine, please love yourself and take care. Thank you for everything and for loving me unconditionally. I wish you all the best, and I'm sorry... but this is the end," he said before walking straight out of the restaurant.
I was left there, still crying, feeling like I couldn't breathe from the pain of his abandonment.
I walked out of the restaurant, feeling lost, not knowing where to go. I don't know why, but it feels like everyone is leaving me. I was abandoned as a baby and don't know where my real parents are.
They left me with Auntie and never came back to get me or even check on me. They said they'd return once they had saved enough money.
But now, I'm 17 years old and haven't seen even a shadow of them. I feel so unlovable—why does everyone leave me? When Kievan came into my life, I thought he was different from my parents.
I thought he was my savior, that he would stay for me. But I ended up begging him to stay, and now he's finally left me. Am I that hard to love?
I don't know what to do anymore. No one loves me. So why do I keep living? I'd rather die than be treated like this. I'm done, and I want to quit everything. Kievan was my world, but now he's gone, and there's no reason for me to keep going. He was the only one who understood me, but now he doesn't either. He's grown tired of me; loving me has become exhausting.
The rain started to fall as if it sympathized with me, growing stronger and stronger. Before I knew it, I found myself on a bridge, looking down at the rushing water below. I couldn't feel anything anymore; my decision to end it all was final.
There was no one around because it was nearly midnight, and this part of the bridge was dark, with only a few cars passing by.
I stepped onto the railing that served as the bridge's barrier. I felt no fear, completely numb to the pain I was feeling. All I could think about were the painful things Kievan had done to me, despite all the love I gave him. The pain was unbearable, but despite everything, I still loved him deeply, and that love hadn't diminished at all.
I was ready to jump. I closed my eyes, prepared to leap and end it all because I couldn't take it anymore. But suddenly, I was pulled back by someone grabbing my clothes, causing me to stumble. A man was holding me, and I couldn't speak.
"If you have problems, this isn't the solution," he said in a calm voice.
I quickly pulled myself away from him.
"Don't interfere! You don't know what I'm feeling!" I shouted at him.
"Everyone has problems, you know. Don't act like you're the only one who has them," he said, smiling mockingly.
"YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ABANDONED BY THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE? THEY ALL LEAVE ME!!! I ALWAYS ASK MYSELF, WHY? WHY DOESN'T ANYONE STAY? DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT FEELING? OF COURSE NOT, BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS BETTER THAN MINE. WHY DON'T THEY WANT TO STAY?!!! DO YOU KNOW THAT? HUH? YOU DON'T!!! YOU DON'T!!!" I screamed at him, almost pulling at my hair in frustration and anger.
But what infuriated me more was his reaction—his deep, emotionless eyes staring directly at me.
So I climbed back up, determined to jump again. I wouldn't let this guy stop me—he didn't know the truth about how I felt. He didn't know anything.
But to my surprise, he suddenly picked me up. He was so strong, and I had no idea where he was taking me. I struggled, but he didn't stop.
"Hey!!! Let me go! Stop interfering with my life!" I yelled, hitting him, but he ignored me and just kept walking.
He stopped at a car parked by the side of the road, opened the backseat door, shoved me inside, and then shut the door.
"Hey, where are you taking me, you jerk?!" I shouted, but he still didn't pay attention to me. He walked to the front and started the car.
"Let me out!!!" I screamed at him.
"I won't let you kill yourself," he said coldly while driving.
I just looked down. I knew I was really wrong. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about Keivan and how miserable I was now. I felt so sorry for myself that I couldn't stop crying uncontrollably.