It's been a week since Keivan and I broke up, and it's still the same—the pain inside me hasn't changed. It's even worse because I still see him at school since he's one of the student council members and is involved in organizing school events. Every time I see him, all the pain comes rushing back. I still haven't moved on, and I don't know when I will.
"Laine, what's going on? Are you just going to stay like this? Always spaced out? Your quiz scores are dropping... I'm really worried about you, girl," said Kath, my best friend at school.
We were sitting on one of the benches at school, trying to review for our upcoming exams.
But I could barely keep my head up, resting it on my bag, which I was using as a pillow to nap. The breakup with Keivan has really taken a toll on me. Not only have I been neglecting my studies, but I've also been losing sleep at night, crying and thinking about where I went wrong in our relationship and why he did this to me. So here I am at school, feeling like a wilted vegetable.
"I just need a nap... I'm so sleepy," I said, yawning.
"You know, girl, you need to stop this. Love yourself. I don't know what else to do to help you. You have to help yourself, too," Kath said, worried.
"But how? I still love him. Every time I see him, it still hurts," I replied, trying to hold back my tears.
"I have an idea, girl... Why don't you shift your attention to someone else?" Kath said, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.
"Why don't you entertain someone else? Like Wilson, he likes you, right?" she suggested.
"I don't like him that way. I only see him as a friend, and besides, I don't want to use someone just for my own benefit," I replied, not liking Kath's idea.
"Well, if you keep focusing only on him, it's going to be hard for you to move on," she said.
"Please help me, Kath... I don't want to feel like this anymore," I pleaded.
"That's the only way I can think of to help you forget about Keivan. Think about it, girl. Anyway, let's just forget about the heartbreak for now and focus on reviewing, okay?" she said. I nodded in agreement.
I forced myself to absorb everything we were reviewing, hoping that concentrating on our studies would help me forget about the pain, even if just for a moment.
I was walking down the hallway, heading home. Kath had already left for some reason, so we weren't walking together.
"Laine, oh good, I'm glad I caught you. Could you please take these modules to Sir Montero's table in the faculty? I really need to pee, please," my gay math teacher said urgently.
Before I could even respond, he thrust the modules into my hands, leaving me with no choice but to accept them.
"Thank you so much... Bye!" he said, running off.
When I reached the faculty room, I immediately spotted Sir Montero at his desk, so I handed him the modules.
"Sir Dino asked me to give these to you," I said.
"Okay, just leave them on my table," he replied without even looking up at me. He was so busy with something on his laptop, so I turned around to leave and finally head home.
But I was shocked when I bumped into Keivan outside. Our eyes met... I couldn't bear to look at him for long, so I quickly looked down and walked away. There was no reason for me to acknowledge or talk to him anymore. But suddenly, he grabbed my arm, making me turn to face him. I looked into his eyes and then at his hand holding my arm, and he quickly let go.
"I have something to tell you," he said.
Okay, maybe I was assuming too much, but I couldn't help but hope that he was going to say he wanted to get back together or that he wanted to fix what he ended.
"W-What is it?" I asked nervously.
"Criselle asked me to tell you that you're invited to her birthday," he said.
I forced a smile and nodded.
Damn, I really did assume too much. Laine, you're so stupid. Why do you keep expecting things you know he'll never say? I thought to myself in frustration.
"Okay, I'll try to be there," I said, trying to sound fierce, but in reality, I was holding back tears.
He nodded. Criselle is his cousin. We became super close because I met her when Keivan and I were still together—he introduced me to her. She's incredibly kind, and we became friends.
I turned to leave. There was no reason to keep talking, so I started walking away. But then he called my name again. Stupid as it sounds, I hoped that this time he would say he wanted to get back together. I really hoped I was right.
He walked closer to me.
"I forgot to give you this..." he said, handing me the invitation card.
I stared at it for a moment, trying to calm myself down, and then I took it.
"Laine... I'm sorry... Are you still mad at me?" he asked, his tone almost tender.
I almost managed to hold back my tears, but when he spoke, I couldn't anymore, and he saw me cry.
"I'm okay..." I said, even though tears were streaming down my face.
"I don't know what else to say, but please, forget everything about us... Please move on. I don't want to see you like this," he said.
"I'm really okay... Sorry, I just cry easily... I'll head home now, I have a lot to do," I said, forcing a laugh despite my tears.
I walked away, laughing while crying like an idiot. He didn't call me back this time. I don't even know if I should go to Criselle's birthday party. I'll probably see him there, and I'll just get hurt all over again, so maybe I just won't go. I really need to move on.