People often assume that goblins are creatures not possessing an ounce of intellect. They are taken as a being that merely listens to their instincts and acts accordingly.
But this belief could not be further from the truth. Goblins are creatures capable of speech, they like to hold open discussions about philosophy and their society as a whole.
The Evergreen forest, known as the "Foliant green reverie", freely translated from Goblin tongue, marked the home of the most intelligent subspecies of their kind.
It was the 9th day of the eternal sun calendar as 2 goblins met up far outside their village to pursue their guarding task.
"Good day, good sir," it said in a well-mannered goblin dialect.
"Have there been any movements from the heinous man-creature that wreaked havoc?" it inquired further, waiting patiently for a reply from its fellow guard.
"Dear Sir, I do appreciate the concern. However, there were no events of note. Reconnaissance operations suggest that the enemy is planning something. Our spies have taken up positions to deliver intel on their movements."
A sudden pause, both goblins looked at one another, smelling the air intently.
"Good sir, at 5 O'clock there seems to be a smell of a large grouping of female man-creatures. Judging by the smell, they do not possess the qualities that we are looking for."
"Indeed, god Sir. These are not the goods that the goblin chief desires."
They both nodded at one another, clearly happy for having seen through the situation with such ease.
However, they stood still when another smell arrived in their nose.
Their nose flared, their muscles bulged, their heads twitched in anger. Jumping left and right.
"MAAAAAAANNNN SMELL," the one goblin deduced with sharp wit.
"I MUST STAB MAN WITH KNIFE," added the other goblin, in its infinite wisdom.
And so these 2 goblins followed the call of their heart.
Let us now look at another pair of goblins, whose story had yet to end in tragedy unlike the other pair of goblins that ran into a certain man in debt.
"Dear friend," one goblin, a sense of longing filling its eyes stared into the sky, "...what do you think happens to us after we die?"
To its right, sitting on a large tree branch, his goblin friend rested.
"I wonder, I wonder…" it spoke calmly into the air, its mind wondering what would await them if they died.
A goblin's life was short, filled with troubles and danger. Yet, it was also a life of adventure and freedom.
"I think, after I die I will see everyone again. Papa, moma, my grandpa, my grandma…all of my best friends that I have lost over the years."
The goblin on the ground, put the biggest dream of his heart into words. Such a place would be the paradise all goblins would yearn for. Certainly, it might be wish-full thinking, but was that not what all dreams should be about?
"I imagine an endless field of golden corn, enough to fit every mouth. It's a world without any hunger, without man…just a perfect place to spend eternity in."
Both goblins shared a hearty laugh, for now, they were just living in the moment and took the days as they came to them. To find out what came after─ that could certainly still wait a bit.
Another smell, another abrupt pause. The situation grew tense, ideas of violence took over their mind.
"MEN, MEN; MEN; MEN," they screamed, jumping left and right. Their green bodies shaking in fury at the odour of a male human, which caused them to seek out the answer that came after by rather violent means.
Meanwhile, a certain male man-creature called Moros was frustrated. All these goblins did not even look at the daughters that were given to him. All goblins' eyes were on him.
"Did these goblins swing the other way?"
At first, the thought seemed ridiculous, but all these monsters just looked at him and wanted to stab him. Maybe these goblins just wanted to flirt with him and court him.
These goblins clearly had special tastes, everyone knew that…but did they just have to lust after him? Couldn't they have been like the more normal monsters?
There were 20 daughters behind him, barely over the age of 18. That was walking meat, fresh meat─and yet these monsters did not bat an eye and just went after him.
"What a screwed-up world."
That was the only conclusion Moros could come to.
Seeing all these goblins straight up ignoring everything else, left him with no other choice. Maybe he had been born to be bait for goblins.
Yet another pair of stupid goblins came running at him. And Moros became their date of choice.
The speed-dating session took an abrupt end, after their love confession was rejected in a not-so-friendly manner.
Moros did enjoy the attention, it was the first time outside of his dreams that he felt wanted. Being the sexiest in the room was a boost to his confidence, even if he only ever was attractive to goblins.
And yet, even this confidence was taken from him as another peasant approached them from afar.
It was a bombshell, a mature charm surrounded her, it was a middle-aged woman with a sweet, caring face, a small nose and blue eyes as deep as the ocean. She was an 11/10, the mom every teenager dreamed of under their blankets.
Dressed in a white dress, she glided across the green floor, like a fairy.
For the very first time, Moros missed the magical visor feature that told him of her cup size. Since the things that she carried were absolute monsters.
This beautiful lady, with her mature charm, greeted Moros with a soft smile and a hearty laugh.
"Hiya, darling…I am here to check up on my 5 daughters."
A voice as smooth as silk and something as comforting as a hug─had Moros found the mother he had always been missing in his life?
Yet, from the distance a group of goblins came…3 goblins came running at them. Moros felt peeved, could these creatures not read the room? It is not well-mannered to disturb people when they are talking.
Yet, something felt different. The goblins still felt crazy, but they also felt a bit too excited…?
Why exactly was there a small bulge in their loin clothes?
Before Moros could realize what was going on all the goblins had already run at him and then past him.
It was at that moment, that the descendant of the Terra family snapped fully.
"YOU CHOSE A RANDOM MOTHER, OVER ME?"
"WHAT DOES SHE HAVE, THAT I LACK?" just thinking about it, made him even more furious.
Driven by anger his body shot forward, towards the goblins that had rejected him just because of one woman.
The first goblin received a strike to its face─its head completely separated from its body.
The second goblin had both its arms ripped off and the third had its neck broken, the head rotated thrice around its axis.
The group of goblins annihilated, before the mother could even let out a scream.
But this could not quell the anger Moros felt. He had been betrayed, had been left behind like some sort of cheap whore, and these motherfuc…an idea struck Moros' mind, a very good idea.
Yes, these goblins were attracted to mothers.
He did not need the daughters to capture the goblins, he needed their mothers in skimpy clothing. Moros had an epiphany, a plane that would get him…a lot of goblins…and even better a lot of money.
…
Meanwhile in a goblin village closeby a certain goblin spy reported to its higher-up.
"Sir, a Milf has been spotted in the West…it is guarded by one male man-creature. How shall we proceed?"
In a dark secluded tent, there were bones and potions lying around. Amidst a throne made out of human skulls, there sat a tall figure of a goblin hidden in the shadows.
The goblin spy kneeled down, not daring to look its chief in the eye. The sheer presence of the boss monster caused his green legs to shudder in fear. One wrong word and its head would roll on the floor.
"A Milf," a deep voice contemplated, "How many years had it been since such a legendary creature appeared in this forest?"
A chill overcame the goblin that kneeled before him, leaving it unable to speak.
"It has been far too long…"
A deep, unsettling grin formed on the scar-covered green face of the lesser goblin chieftain. Such a delicacy would not come around that often.
Licking its lips, it could not wait to have the taste of strong fertility dance upon its tongue: Eating Milfs is said to strengthen the bloodline of any goblins that took a bite out of them.
Maybe he too could challenge the goblin chieftain leader and rule over the entire Evergreen forest. This truly was a gift from the heavens.
"Gather every single goblin…tonight we shall hunt the lonely MILF!!!"
He laughed loudly as the spy ran away to let everyone know…
That Milf, it was the lesser chieftain's ticket to absolute power.
News spread fast through the goblin village. All of them let out battle cries of a different kind resounded through the goblin village as the order was given to gather their weapons.
More and more inhabitants grew excited at the prospect of eating a Milf. They were ready!
Moros vs Goblins, the MILF battle had begun.