Isabell hates Jade, Isabell wants to hate Spy as much as she hates Jade but why can't I do that? Emily said Spy was good to her but he is still a monster just like every other of them. Emily was just a child and she didn't know how it all worked. But I can't understand why I still can't despise him. Spy and Jade appear as two different human beings and I can not hate them!
Isabell went to her study table to work on her research but the moment she wrote Spy on her report her brain took her away from it and no matter how many times she squeezed her eyes, hit her knuckles on her forehead, and tried to get her focus back, it was all useless.
The problem wasn't with her pens which she was changing again and again neither was it the unsharpened tip of the pencil she needed to draw a box with and no matter how many times she drank the water her throat stayed dry maybe the problem was that she pulled an all-nighter and has been working on her report since she interviewed Max.
"What's left?" she asked herself
"The email to the local police station requesting to get access to all reports they have received about the Throne Of Demon" she replied to herself
Isabell positioned her Laptop in front of her on the table. Entering the password she took the cursor to the email icon and began to write the mail
In a total of twenty minutes, she was ready with her flawless email and after reading it one more time she sent it.
The moment she separated her finger
Her phone vibrated on the table for the thirtieth time in an hour and this time she picked it up and it showed a call from Ethan. She dropped it back and shook her head from side to side
Isabell never allowed herself to think about him since the last interaction. This was the only way she could stop herself from getting into the soul-wrenching depression again.
Ethan automatically turned her phone on vibration by his unstoppable messages; and threats. Isabell held up her phone again
Ethan: I'll kill you bitch
Ethan: That freaking boyfriend of yours broke my hand
Ethan: I am going to kill you both!!!
Her phone fell on the table again and so did her head, flooding with questions and memories
Will you believe it if I say I am not afraid of Ethan anymore? "No" I know because I won't do it either but his threats feel baseless, they feel hollow now.
The betrayal and fear are aching me but I'm not scared of him anymore.
Why does my life have to be like this? Why do I have to live with the fear of people?
First, it was Ethan then Steve, and now sometimes I find myself questioning if Ashley will turn like them too. What if one day she comes and tells me she is not someone I know
I can't help but wonder, was it necessary to make friends? Couldn't you live without them? "They were good people" They used to be good people but then, they became unrecognizable, someone I never knew, someone differs
The four of us were good together… I guess. An ideal friend group that scattered in the end. I wonder how Steve and Ashley behave after seeing Ethan.
Will Steve still fight to keep him away? Will the three of us continue to behave like he never existed as we have been doing?
Ethan lied, he lied to everyone saying he got an offer from an art company and was going to skip a year but we always knew.
Isabell lifted her head. She moved her finger over the touchpad, the cursor revolved in circles, and then unknowingly the arrow took her into an online journal started three years ago
The Four Legal Beagles
She started at it
She froze her eyes to it
She smiled sadly and then
She clicked on it
She began to read
First day at University:
I thought I would be ditching my journal for at least a month but damn! Here we are on the first day. Isabell, I'm really really excited to tell you about it. So I found three people (I'm not sure about calling them friends yet, so people will be okay for now)
Two guys and a girl, let me briefly (one day of knowledge) introduce them to you
Ashley: She is pretty and a little dumb. Not joking at all, this girl doesn't live here. Like she is in here but in her mind she has an entire world of monsters- mythological creatures—that's what they are called. Okay- she is pretty and she talks nice and I feel comfortable around her so okay I'll count her in.
Steve: He is a good kid, nice to be exact like today he left his seat for me like I didn't know we still had people like him! He is polite and sweet. Steve is good at studies and he is a year older than the rest of us. He said he loves material arts and to ride bikes. It looks decent habit to me, so Steve can stay
Ethan: He looks like a serious type of guy— not in the sense of intimidating but in the sense of a responsible person. Ethan is different, even in looks, he looks like a celebrity. He had dusty blue hair and wore jewelry. He is an artist and this is the reason why he came and talked to me on the first day– his dream is to win the Art Festival.
And when I am writing about all of them it makes me feel that they have their interests and I'm the only one standing like the last slice of bread— I mean I don't have a particular interest yet. But I can study, haha— not funny
Maybe despite me being the useless one, the four of us could make a good group of friends
They are my Friends:
I'm so so excited! I have friends! Real friends. Ashley, Steve, Ethan, Me.
We are friends now, they are my friends now! I am and they are, we all are in a friend group and oh damn we look so cool (I look cool with them) walking down the building, we look so fine. It's been three months since we got to know each other– we have a name for us
The Four Legal Beagles haha– it's kind of cute, Ethan said we should change it to Legal Forces. But we ignored him.
We celebrated Ash's birthday today. It was so much fun, we got her a cake with monsters- creatures or whatever on it and she started to cry. She said she wouldn't cut it because it looked so precious to her and as three trustworthy best friends the three of us shoved her face into the cafe, smashed her head into it, and she cried louder and screamed crying
"I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" She screamed at us and I couldn't stop laughing at it. For a note, Ash is still angry with us and we gotta do something.
P.S. Ethan is not a serious type of guy! He is an entire damn circus type of guy
Valentine's/Friendstine/Hilarioustine:
The four of us went on a date. No no—not like that, nah not even in couples but–
I don't know how many times I am going to pause my fingers from writing because my stomach is rolling with laughter cramps, like painful pangs but I won't stop cracking up.
To my surprise (new knowledge from the morning) Steve and Ethan had a bet about asking me out as their Valentine (of course they were kidding)
Steve said if I went on a date with him, he would teach me his best self-defense techniques and Ethan proposed to me with his favorite painting. I was interested in none so I took Ash instead and gave them to each other! Oh, it's SO FUNNY.
So we went to this hotel, and we (Me and Ash) dressed in pink (girlie) and our boys! They–they wore matching suits (royal blue) THEY LOOKED SO DAMN HANDSOME! And both of them were red the entire time (Spoiler: they weren't blushing but angry at us) actually they don't like each other much and sometimes they quarrel. If it weren't for us they would have broken out of the group— no sad talks today
So we booked a table of four and Oh My God— Oh— Ooh they cut a cake- A HEART TIER CAKE with a single knife AND—oh we made the both of them DO A COUPLE DANCE! And and and THEIR FACES WERE RED and They looked as if they would burst at us for cracking up. IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!
P.S. Steve took the knife with him- he said he would cut our throats with it
Bye-bye to the year:
A year is over like it's already over. We had the last final exam today and yeah your girl nailed it. Of Course, like forever I'm gonna top the class without a problem.
Okay okay, don't frown I know I haven't been writing much to you but of course, because you understand, right?
Yep, right, so it's already been one year of us and I swear this was one of the best years of my life, mainly because of the four of us. I never knew people could become this important to you like it's not even one day of vacation and we are already planning meet-ups.
But of course, it's never easy like we have been making and destroying plans
Going to picnic on Friday was the first plan and Ashley had this 'Super important and couldn't-be-delayed mythology postcard' to host, so it's canceled now
Then we decided Saturday night for a hangout but Steve said he was busy (he didn't tell us the reason)
And then one more time, we decided on a tour to Napa Valley and it was Ethan to turn it down. And of course, he won't tell the reason too, faring Steve (irritating Steve in return)
At this point, I really wonder why I am with them. Like am I really not a busy person? It's not like I don't spend the entire day studying but I see no reason to spoil moods for this thing
I don't know. I just feel angry at them sometimes and other times (most of the time) I absolutely love my friends.
Reports are clanging on the heads:
Confused? Me too, like I don't know why am I writing about studies and things in a friend's journal but maybe it's because it's affecting us. It's already half of a year (yeah, I ditched the journal for half a year)
We are busy with studies (mostly two of us), so busy we barely hang out together and all we talk about is Law (Me and Steve mostly). Ashley isn't serious about studies. Ethan skips studying on purpose, he has more important work to do: Art. He is always in the Art Room. But you are supposed to study too, what's the purpose of all of this if you're gonna drop out of the university?
I don't know, I just tell them to study and they don't listen. We offer to help them with everything but they never agree to be helped
Ashley and Ethan don't even care about the final report. I and Steve, have been skipping meals, skipping sleep, and every unnecessary thing just so we can focus on it and they don't care. I don't know what will happen to them.
We turned twenty-one:
No, no, not all of us together but just me. Basically, I'm the youngest (which I hate to admit) of the four of us. I alone turned twenty-one which means we all are twenty-one now and just like responsible citizens (adult) of the United States of America we all went drinking
No, I'm not laughing, not even smiling right now. Not kidding– I really am not laughing. I'm in a foreign feeling today because something happened
A strange thing happened stranger than the rumors about the drug dealing club (Throne Of Demon to be exact- that I don't believe in- will tell you about it later)
STranGe Thing! It's about Ethan.
As I told ya, we went drinking today, it was the first time for us (Not for Steve– he is older). We were all drunk and Ethan– the drunk Ethan said something like it's not weird but it was unexpected
Like the way he always dresses and behaves it makes him look like a wealthy kid- but he is not.
Ethan is in debt.
I'm not saying anything like that– but why does he have to lie? Why does he have to pretend to be rich? Is it because of all the rumors about him? About him being an evil person? NO, he isn't. I want to tell him. We want to tell everyone at the top of our lungs that our friend is not a bad guy and they don't know him!
It's not the same:
Everything seemed to be not okay.
Steve fell from his bike again and broke his ribs this time. We got the news at night and the three of us ran to the hospital. He was in the ICU for an entire night!
Are bikes more important than your lives?
I know it is not but Steve doesn't listen to me. That night in the hospital Ethan broke up in an argument with Steve. Firstly we thought it was because Ethan was worried about Steve just like the rest of us. But it was not like that
He said Steve didn't hurt himself from the bike but he got into a fight. He said all of his knuckles are red, his face is filled with bruises and that doesn't happen when you fall from a bike. He accused Steve of being in a gang of thugs
Steve cursed at him. I had never seen him this angry. He yelled at Ethan and threw him out of the room.
Ethan asked us if we had ever seen him with a bike– no— but this is not how you are supposed to handle— you are supposed to believe! Steve- Ash and I, all believe in Ethan not being a bad person, we believe him because he is our friend and we don't ask questions in return
Isn't Ethan supposed to do the same in return? Am I the wrong one here– is it not meant to be like this?
I don't know how to turn it to be okay. I don't know whom to believe. All I know and want is for my friends to stop fighting.
We are breaking apart:
Steve is not the same
Ethan is not the same
Ash's priority was never us,
I have three close friends and I am still alone. I don't have anyone. Steve and Ethan haven't talked to each other since their fight, even if we make plans they slip out of it. It's beyond irritation, Steve and Ethan aren't annoyed with each other now.
They hate each other
Two of my best friends hate each other to death. They can't even bear the sight of one another
I never imagined it like this. Nothing is working, I'm trying so hard to bring them close, to at least make them talk but it's useless. And if it wasn't bad enough, something else knocked us—
There are more rumors about Ethan and they are worse. They say— they accuse Ethan of rape. NO! I don't believe it, none of us do. Even Steve won't believe them. He is innocent. Our friend is innocent
.
.
.
When will it be all over?
Why will we breathe in peace again?
When will I get my friends back?
When will I not be alone?
Why is this happening?
Why is everything falling?
We are at the end of the year and it doesn't seem like a good end
We are dying:
I don't have anything to write today.
Smile- smile- fake smile-fake-fake-fake
Fake a smile- don't smile-don't try to smile- it hurts- it hurts fake-fake a smile- I hate it- don't smile
Good:
I completed my report after three months
But I can not be happy. It's the end of every good thing that happened in my life
It's the last month of my second year of law.
My Trust is fading:
Lately, I don't have words to write, everything is not working
I have changed
I can't help but wonder, was it necessary to make friends?
Couldn't you live without them?
I started to ditch Ash. I started to manipulate her if I needed to, I hated it. I hate myself for doing it but I am done with this. I don't know how to survive anymore.
Steve is not the Steve I used to know. He acts weird. He comes with new scratches over his hands daily. Steve still cares but Steve is dissimilar
Ethan– I don't know what to believe about him- Ethan turns into something different sometimes. He cursed at me, he cured at Ash. Is it okay to swear at your friends? Was it only because he was angry? Am I overthinking it? I don't know the answers but I don't feel safe around him anymore
I don't feel safe around MY FRIEND anymore
What the hell should I do? Do I need a break from everything?
Maybe I want a break, all I need is a break and tomorrow I will have one
Tomorrow is the last day of the worst year of my life.
I hope it will end soon.
It'sall gone now:
E t h a n --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The third year of Law:
Ashley said we will behave as if He never existed
Steve said he will take care of him
Ethan still threatens me
I don't think I can continue this journal.
Goodbye to my obsession
Goodbye to The Four Legal Beagles
I'm good alone
I have myself and a fake smile
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Ethan Still threatens me," she said and she hit the cover on her laptop without waiting for it to shut down, not crying, no tears in her eyes but grief
"I need rest" This seemed like a reasonable solution to all of her problems, but she wasn't looking for a solution because counting the square on her ceiling and thinking about all unnecessary things were more important to her
Isabell stood up from her chair. She strolled around her room, barely taking steps. She dragged her feet circles; thinking, and then eventually she jumped onto her bed to rest with her head down, buried in the pillow, her eyes closed, breaths almost stopped and she stayed in the same position for moments
Her body yanked her around "I can't sleep!" she yelled and once the voice was gone, she held the reason of couldn't sleep in her hand, it was the message. Her phone was vibrating with messages again
Ethan: Reply to me
Ethan: You crazy bitch
Ethan: Do you think I can't do anything
Ethan: I won't let you live!!
Ethan: won't let you live
Ethan: I will take my revenge!!!
And she threw the phone away, her expression never seemed to care
Isabell lay down with her head up and she started to count the boxes above her head
She just reached twenty-nine when her phone buzzed again, she ignored it and the counting continued
She never had plans of picking it up but this time it never went into trembling mode but stopped after one ring. She looked at it with uncertainty and after waiting for minutes, it still didn't ring again
She picked her phone up, unlocked and locked it again in a second and then unlocked it again
Sebastian: Hey, Isabell.
She stared at the message for a long moment. She closed her eyes, opened her eyes and it was still there
Isabell swallowed
What?
Sebastian: I accidentally bought a carton of cranberry juice. I was wondering if you want it.
She grinned and forgetting every problem she had had seconds ago, she smiled a wide smile
No one accidentally buys an entire carton of cranberry juice and when it's something you don't like the chances are so low. Isabell knew this much of it but
maybe
Isabell: Well I don't hate it
I love it a lot, like a lot
Sebastian: Okay, perfect. Let's meet at Wilson's cafe in the evening.
And she laughed at his not-funny message this time
That seems more perfectly planned than an accidently occurring accident
Isabell: Why his cafe
Sebastian: He has been asking again and again plus I don't want you to go alone.
No no no no I want to see him frowning! Right now! please
Isabell: Okay Deal
The phone was supposed to stay on her side table or maybe on the bed but for an anonymous reason it was over the ribs inside of which her heart was beating louder and faster than usual.
No one knew why and she was never an exception
"Remember, Isabell" she said to herself in a whisper, standing in the kitchen "It's not like he just asked you out on a date or something, it's just about the juice" she was never going to tell herself but Isabell forgot that normal people were not supposed to smile ear from to ear for a carton of juice.
Isabell was hosting a cooking show in her mind, physically in the kitchen of her house but she kept on interrupting herself for not measuring with the correct spoon
"Damn! I'll just use my eyeballs" she yelled in annoyance, stopping the passing Xavier "You are changing the race" he informed "I don't know, these spoons are so annoying plus my eyeballs work better"
"I can swear they don't" he added with a smirk "Oh, I thought you were busy packing but here he is the forever useless Zavy" she taunted back and Xavier rolled his eyes
"I sincerely wish you get food poisoning from your pasta, One minute elder sister," he said with peace in his voice "I would have sprinkled some poison instead of Parmigianino, if it was for you, One minute younger brother" The amount of peace exceeded
"That was mean, Izzy"
"Similar to your face, Zavy" Xavier laughed at the attack
"I hope a ghost haunts you in the empty house at night" he conveyed wishes "But you are going to tour right?" She whined, he snorted
"Darn you," he said stepping back into the living room
"After losing your memory, currently your eyeballs, are you failing the hearing too?" Xavier asked, bending down to the table "What was that supposed to mean?" She asked confused
"Your phone has been vibrating like crazy for an hour and you aren't even checking it" The cooking show had a break
"It- it's a scam- Yeah a scam" Her voice sounded anxious
"Is the police scamming you?" Xavier asked holding her phone in his hands
"Huh?"
"You received an email from the local police station" Xavier walked towards her. He was stopped midway when Isabell ran and snatched her phone from his hands "Hey, hey, hey, What are you doing?" Xavier's feet stumble over the attack from her
"Nothing you should be caring about" she laughed nervously taking steps back to the kitchen
"Well okay, Izzy Weird Wizy" he looked puzzled by the face
"Don't you have packing to do?" She asked standing back in the kitchen
"Yeah" his face stayed confused and he moved to his room with the same confused face
She turned the stove off, checked the email, and was relieved after reading it for one time
She sent a long thank you note and in no time Isabell was back on the stage with relief, terror, happiness, and a mixture of all of them
Lowren walked to the living room sending a speech to Isabell's ears "Take care of the house-" Isabell continued her words "Check every lock before going to sleep, Don't open the door at night even if knocks for a hundred times until you recognize the voice, Eat on time, don't stay up too late, remember to put two extra alarm, remember to–" Lowren cut her in "Okay, okay, I got it, you have memorized everything" Isabell smiled, dishing her pasta
"Have fun in Ohio, Mom" Isabell smiled wider "It's for business, I don't think we'll have the time to enjoy"
"It's okay, it's okay at least you'll get to visit places," she says "Well, yeah" Lowren replied
"Are you leaving with Zavy?" She asked, grating cheese over the pasta "Yes, he is going to drop me at the airport and he will leave for the tour" Xavier came out from her room with a big suitcase held in both of his hands
"Let's go, Mom," Xavier said to his mother "Let's go." They headed to the door
"Have fun, Mom! Have fun, Zavy" she yelled from the kitchen
"Take care, Bella"
"Take care of yourself, IzyWizy" they replied and the door was shut.
Isabell never sat down and ate her lunch in peace instead she flew in the entire house, one room to another, every corner and everywhere.
Her back seemed to have sprouted wings and earth appeared to be a bouncing ball under her feet. Her hands were still holding plates, the fork tried to make its way from her humming mouth but it failed every time. She remembered nothing about her vibrating phone or anything she read in the afternoon but the messages from Sebastian
She landed in her room in front of the closet not trying to select a dress for the twentieth time not layering ten pairs of shoes on the floor and rejecting every one of them all over again.
Her empty stomach felt filled with wandering butterflies.
After spending two hours not trying to select an outfit, she spent the rest of the time-sharing at the walls while her lunch stayed ignored, lying sadly on the table.
Isabell never slept, all her closed eyes did was to make her focus on thinking about twenty reasons why Sebastian asked her to come to the cafe. After her mind was done manufacturing one dozen theories it was already time for her to go
"It's evening," she said already dressed up
The time to meet Sebastian
"Let's go, Isabell"
I'm going to check myself in the mirror for eight more times
"Let's go and get the car"
Let's go and Fly the car to Wilson's cafe,