Chereads / Some Weird Sitcom / Chapter 10 - Remember That Time We Nuked Australia

Chapter 10 - Remember That Time We Nuked Australia

It was 4:44 AM on a cold summer night. Leo was having a peaceful slumber, when suddenly, he started hearing voices.

-"Oh god damn it." Leo said to himself, assuming that it was one of the boys.

He looked around his house, but he couldn't find the origin of the voice, which made him look outside. However, the moment he walked out to his balcony, he met a bizarre boy around the same age as him. The boy had blond hair, white eyes and was wearing some truly extravagant clothes, as well as... A cowboy hat.

"God damn it what the hell did those idiots get themselves into this time?!" Leo thought to himself, assuming that the boys were responsible for this.

-"What are you doing in my balcony? How the hell did you even get up here?!" Leo asked the boy.

-"Hey bloke, how come ya don't know me? I'm the bloody fahkin' famous Rousilleas!" The boy said.

Leo was too sleep deprived to deal with this.

-"God damn it, I literally couldn't care any less who you are, why are you here?!" Leo asked him aggressively.

-"Ta be true blue, i don't know how i ended up heah eithah. One moment i was wastin' my youth away in sydney, 'n suddenly i was transpawrted heah.  Fair dinkum mate." Rousilleas explained.

-"Wait, so you didn't meet any borderline sociopathic teenagers?" Leo started realizing that the boys may have had nothing to do with this.

-"Nah mate, i ayyn't in hollywood, I ayyn't interacted with a person bellow the bloody age of 18 fawr any reason up until now.  Fahkin' too right, cobber." Rousilleas answered.

-"That's... A bit concerning since you're not over 18 yourself but I don't care enough to involve myself in this. Just get off my property dude."

-"Wait, i need yah help!" Rousilleas called out to Leo.

Leo, on the other hand, immedietly closed his balcony door and went back bed, not even bothering to share a single additional word with the weird Australian outside his house.

A few hours later, the sun peered through Leo's window, signifying that it was time to wake up.

At that point, he hoped that Rousilleas had left and he wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.

Imagine his surprise when he found Rousilleas inside his kitchen.

-"Good as gold mawrning, asshole."

Leo was blown away by the fact that he had somehow gotten inside his house.

-"HOW THE HELL DID YOU... I-YOU-..." Leo was so flabbergasted that he couldn't even form a single coherent sentence.

-"Alright, now here's the bloody deal. I'm a fahkin' famous pop ahrtist, pretchoo neat right? WRONG! This shit sucks. I can't even av a single moment of privacy without Multiversal™️ tryin' ta get me ta make a new recawrd, awr go ta a new interview i don't cahah about, awr go ta an awahrd show nobody watches." Rousilleas explained his situation.

-"And why would I care?" Leo asked.

-"Well, here's the bloody thin'. I kindah don't want ta go back ta 'stralia, but i found out that nobody knows me heah. That means that as long as i stay here, hidden from Multiversal™️, i can live a nawrmal life. So, i need ya ta help me hide."

Leo thought about it, before he replied:

-"Alright, I'll help you. But only on one term, you will NEVER break into my house again. I still have no idea how you got inside."

-"Deal Fair dinkum mate."

Leo had already planned a meet up with some of the boys for later that day, so bringing a crazy Australian celebrity should at the very least be mildly entertaining.

EPIC TRANSITION TO THE MEETUP

-"NO WAY, YOU BROUGHT ROUSILLEAS?!" Achillop yelled out.

-"Who?" Asked Tempest.

-"It's an Australian singer dude who somehow ended up in my house last night." Leo explained.

-"Damn right i am, ahah ya a fan?" Rousilleas asked Achillop.

-"Hell no, pop music sucks, I just happen to be educated on the current status of every single musician ever. That's what happens when you listen to all of Mr.Bungle's projects every single day for a year, by the way." Achillop answered.

-"So why did you bring him here?" Roufail asked Leo.

-"Multiveral™️ is hunting him or something."

-"The record label?" Achillop pointed out.

-"Exactly fahkin' bloody oath mate."

-"So what will we do with him now?" Roufail asked.

-"Good question." Leo said.

Soon after that, Kewmed realized something.

-"Guys, I think we're being watched." he exclaimed.

Then, out of nowhere, Lasios and three of his goons from the Jock Mafia came out of a trashbin.

-"Damn right you are. But don't worry, we're not here for you losers. Multiversal™️ hired us to get this Rousilleas dude back to Australia. So just hand him over and we'll take care of the rest. No need for anyone to get hurt." Lasios explained.

Really, the boys had no reason to not hand over Rousilleas. His accent was relatively irritating at times, he broke into Leo's house and was overall a very high maintenance individual.

It looked like they really were gonna hand Rousilleas over to the jock mafia, not even their absurd hatred for each other was enough to stop them.

However, there was a single individual. A man who hated something more than any other person has ever hated anything else in history.

Achillop quickly whipped out his guitar out of thin air and started playing.

It didn't have anything special. He wasn't too loud, he didn't use any random superpowers, he didn't even play a super complicated tune.

-"What the hell is he doing?" Lasios asked.

The boys were just as confused.

-"Achillop why the hell are you doing this?" Leo found himself agreeing with Lasios on something for the first time, maybe ever.

After about five minutes of that, Achillop stopped playing, and he threw the guitar over to Lasios, who managed to catch it.

-"What purpose did THAT serve?!" Everyone said at the same time.

Achillop simply pointed at a clock.

It was exactly 15:45.

-"OH SHIT!" Leo shouted.

He was the only person to realize what had happened, so he simply took all of the boys and Rousilleas and ran away as quickly as possible.

-"Where the hell are we going?!" Roufail asked.

-"JUST SHUT UP AND RUN!" Leo shouted.

Soon after, the police suddenly appeared.

-"DROP YOUR GUITAR AND LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS YOU PUNK!"

Achillop had been playing loud music during Quiet Hours. It was exactly 1 Decibel above the allowed limit. His plan was to frame Lasios and his goons with disturbance of peace, and he did it, as the cops couldn't care any less about context and who actually was guilty, they just wanted to find an excuse to beat up teenagers, which worked perfectly in the boys' favor.

-"I gotta hand it to you, Achillop. I didn't expect you of all people to have such a smart plan." Leo praised him.

-"Good as gold job indeed, but wat will i do now? Multiversal™️ is gonnah keep huntin' me fawrevah unless we do somethin' like, i don't know, completely eradicayyte 'straya from the bloody face of the bloody map." Rousilleas said.

Achillop looked at him dead in the face and said:

-"I would do anything to stick it to the face of a big record label."

He then whipped out another guitar, once again out of nowhere.

-"How do you keep doing that?" Leo asked, to no response.

Instead, Achillop begun playing every single track from the LP "Devil's Ground", by experimental metal band Primal Fear.

-"WHY ARE DOING THIS?!" Everyone yelled at Achillop at the same time.

-"IT HAS A BIRD ON THE COVER!" Achillop yelled out, as he continued playing.

Unbeknownst to the boys, a certain species of Ave in the land down under started acting... Differently.

Every single Emu in Australia suddenly became extremely aggressive towards humans, within a matter of minutes they started organizing and successfully executing terrorist attacks against the Australian government. Until, they reached the Control Room, where all of Australia's nuclear weapon controls lied.

-"Prrr, GAWK!" Said Emu.

-"Ggeuk, Prt Prt Prt! GAWK Prt?!" Emu defied Emu's orders.

-"PRRRR! PRT PTY GAWK GAWK PRRRRRET!" Emu brutally dissected Emu's counter argument.

Now that all doubt had disappeared, Emu-Kind executed the final stage of their life-long purpose; destroying all of Australia. Thus, they launched every single nuclear missile across different parts of the country, rendering it completely uninhabitable and extermianting almost all life.

At that moment, Achillop stopped playing.

-"It is done." he proclaimed.

-"HUH??" All the boys exclaimed at the same time.

However, Rousilleas was not confused at all. He knew exactly what had happened. It was common music knowledge that by playing an Album with a bird of any kind on the cover would lead to an uprising of Emu in Australia.

-"Ya... Freed me."

-"Anything to be a nuisance to big labels." Achillop replied.

-"Well uh, I have no idea what you did but if it 'freed' him then I suppose our job here is done. Fucking finally." Leo said.

-"But weah will i live now?" Rousilleas asked.

-"Certainly not in my balcony." Leo exclaimed.

-"You can stay at my place. I could certainly use your bank account for my projects." Achillop told Rousilleas.

And thus, Achillop and Rousilleas walked in the direction of the sunset. With all of the other boys being extremely confused as to how the sun is setting in the noon.