I always wished the smile on Ralph's face would never vanish. There was a time when I did everything just to see a smile on his face. How plates turn in such a drastic way. A few days before I was worried by seeing his gloomy face, and yes, I did everything to bring back the same. Now I was annoyed by seeing the same smiling face. Why?
Is it because of someone else or for someone else? I am not the reason for the same smile is the reason for my annoyance. Lot more if I try to dig out, and I don't want to have more reasons to get annoyed, but I can't help myself from getting annoyed.
His cheerful appearance is killing me. I would probably be ok if the reason behind his smile was someone else, not that bastard who fucking got everything and doesn't know the value of a thing, especially the value of Ralph. Hmmm, Ralph. I don't want to jinx their relationship, but I can pretty much predict their future. Why the hell everyone is blind? Money and power—I hate it, and I want it at the same point. See fucking solves everything one idiot is falling for a betrayer again and again and that bastard with power and money winning over him again and again.
Nothing is fucking fair, not even my background and that bastard fucking threats. Well, whom I am to complain of anything or better, what the hell I have got, a bloody struggling guy—that's the tag—still I am carrying no improvement to stand up for what I want.
It's been two months since I visited my mother, and I started to get threatening messages and calls. I can't push my luck with her anymore, so here I am running to her before she thinks of visiting me. If she came directly to my flat, I would be more than happy, but I know her approach, and at the same time, she will make sure I am not going to repeat my mistake. I don't want my image to be ruined in the company, never, not by my mom.
When I reached my mom's apartment building, I took a long sigh not to give her any hint of what I was going through. I am good at it but I can't trust my mom's instinct; she is so genius but rarely points out anything, and I pray to be the same today as well.
I knocked on the door. When she opened the door, she was happy for a few seconds, but soon it was suppressed to show some cold shoulder, which I am totally used to. 'I am sorry.' By saying that I hugged her tightly, that was it; nothing more was required to cool her off, and she hugged me back with the same emotions.
After our make-up session, she started throwing questions related to my life and office work. I tried my best to explain everything to her, especially about my personal life. She is worried I am not getting the reason behind it. I am not dating. Yeah, I know, but it is only a momentary pause, not a permanent one. I am tired of making her understand. This, everything that I am concentrated on, means a lot more than my shitty personal life. Of course, I can't voice out; that doesn't mean I am going to divert my attention. My personal life could wait not my professional one.
I was helping my mom in the kitchen, and she was sharing about my grandparent's visit and also about her sister. Boring, but I need to make an effort to listen once in a while. No big deal, right?
We were seated at the same old dining table. It was actually brown, but it shaded over the years, and I am tired of telling my mom to change everything at this house. She doesn't want to move from here. I get her attachment, well, not totally, at least what was her problem in changing and renovating things. As I say and believe attachment sucks. This whole thing is just a waste of time.
"Your so-called boss is everywhere, especially in gossip columns, and as you know, I love gossip?" Here we go. I prayed. I thought there was no chance of his topic of discussion. Yeah, he had visited once still. What did she expect me to say? If she is expecting some juicy news, then I am not the right person. She was studying me carefully and again; I am not getting why. A chuckle left her mouth.
"So, you gave up." That made me halt whatever I was doing. The spoon that I dug in the food was kind of stuck. I was staring at her after sprouting things; she continued eating like it was nothing. Seriously.
I was still starting without blinking. I was getting her attention, but she was ignoring it without any remorse for her actions. "What do you mean?" "That you give up on him if I am not wrong; this is the second time, right?" I was angry. What the hell is she supposed to mean? Second time. She knew when I was dating him in my college days, I never fucking shared with her. We were close, but I didn't bring myself to share anything about Ralph with her, and I don't know why.
I was agitated and I needed to know what she was trying to convey. "What are you talking?" She sighed, and she met my stare with her own intense one. "You gave up just like you gave up on your dad. What I am trying to say is you won't fight." What the hell is she making any sense? I coughed some way I wanted to pour my annoyance out. "It was doctors who gave up." "Before them, you had given up once he was bedridden." What the hell? "I don't know what you are talking about; at the same time, what were you expecting from me? I did everything. I tried my best to share your burden. I was a teenage boy. I gave up on everything to help you." I was boiling; I may explode if she further pisses me off. What a fucking timing she chose to sprout things.
She sighed. She pushed her plate a little and picked up a napkin to wipe her mouth. "I am not saying you didn't support me. What I am saying is you won't fight for anything. Once your dad got bedridden, did you ever take time and chatted with him? Shared anything?" "I was only 10 when he got bedridden, and your suffering was affecting me more than his?" She averted her gaze. Common things came to this level; she was sharing her annoyance, so she should let it out once and for all. "I was only 10 when he was bedridden. I was hoping he would be normal, but it never happened. I know I didn't speak with him from that day because I didn't know what I should do or whom I should blame. And you. You started working that too over time. We needed to pay bills and medical expenses. I get that, but still I couldn't help getting frustrated with everything. Things changed just like that, and I didn't like it a bit."
We were silent, and I did not get why she waited this long to remove everything. Why fucking now? "You were 10, I know, and you did your best, I know, but what I am saying is you were not positive about your dad's recovery. You gave up, which means you didn't have any hope for his recovery, and I didn't lose my hope, and I didn't regret it either. The difference between us that I fought for what I wanted because I loved him wholeheartedly till his last breath. On the other hand, you would give up on things easily without fighting, especially things related to your personal life. I don't know what was between you two, but clearly, there was something I bet you just plucked it off as usual."
I was stunned for a second. I didn't expect this—her completely different view. I was lost for words. I wanted to contradict so badly, but how? "He was the one in your college days, right?" How? Common, she was fucking busy in her own mess, and I didn't even utter a word about Ralph. Still, she knew. "Yes." "And what was the reason for breaking up?" "I am surprised you don't know about that; I thought you were Sherlock." "You are not in a position to give a sarcastic comment when your personal life is running into disaster. So, what was the reason?" "He betrayed me." "Can you elaborate?" Like a whole fucking story. "I am not getting any reason for digging the past." "Well, I want to see to it that you won't repeat the same mistake and if you still hold a chance with your ex."
Yeah, right, only if that bastard is not in the picture. I may. Still, I don't want him. Bloody bastard, always crawling back like an idiot. "He was dating someone—his name was Asher—they broke up as Asher was cheating on Ralph, and he witnessed the same—my entry, and after a few months, exit too." "What happened in your entry and exit? I mean, is it because you didn't give enough time for him as you were busy; was he complaining about the same, or was he playing with both of you at a time, or because of the background? As you know, he is super rich." I wanted to say he is a bloody billionaire, but what caught my attention was what the hell was the bloody reason from the given choices. None right? Well, he cheated. "None. He cheated." "Why?" How the hell do I know? That should be directed to that bastard. "I am not the right person to answer, I guess, Mother." "Trust me, you are. So, how he cheated, I mean how you caught him."
I was frustrated. What the hell is she trying to gain from everything? I was a bloody victim two times. Only one time, still somehow it feels like two times. "I caught him kissing his ex and after a few days making out." "What did you do when you caught him?" "Well, the first time he wanted to talk, but I didn't give him a chance for fear of breaking up, and the second time when I caught him, he broke up with me." Hmmm, only was her reply.
"What about now?" "We were not dating just something else." "Really. I was getting a different vibe from both of you. Something else, why with Ex though?" "I don't know he proposed, and I accepted." "And now he is dating the same ex well that went well." "Mom, will you stop it like seriously? I am ok with everything and have overcome it too; stop your taunting." "Well, I don't know you are not filling the gap." "Gap? What gap? Why are you so sure I did something in the relationship?" "How was Ralph as a boyfriend?" "Good." She was not pleased with the answer before she opened her mouth. I continued. "Good, in fact very good. He was not demanding, with no bratty behavior, simple and kind; if only his ex was not in the picture, everything was perfect between us. I was not giving enough time; he never complained. He loved my cooking, and that was all it took to win over him. He was very good—too good for me, or I was not enough, I guess. I don't know." "So, his ex, how was he?" Opposite of Ralph. He threatened me so many times to stay away from him." "What did you do about that?" "Nothing." "Did you discuss with Ralph?" I cleared my throat. "I didn't; there was no point." Hmmm once again was her reply. Once again, we were silent, but she was comprehending something, God knows what.
"If I am not wrong, that was the time when you started taking a step backward." I averted my eyes. I don't know what the hell was happening; things are making sense in a different manner. Yeah, whenever that bastard would threaten, I was always going into muteness, but it never affected our relationship, right? "No." "Reece, look at me." This was too much. I was content with what I had gone through, and she swore to disrupt everything. I was confident with my reasons, and it was diminishing as the second passed and the scenario was pointing toward me.
I am the bloody victim.
"You love him still somewhere. You do, as I said, you won't fight for it, easily you would give up." I coughed on that. "You can't judge me just like that. Do you know the background of that jerk? If he threatens, he means it. He can do anything with his money and power; what about me? How can I fight against him?" "I am so right about you." "No, you are not. Stop turning the table and pointing at me. He cheated, and I didn't push him." "Are you happy now?" "Look at what I have achieved, Mom, and I am going to achieve much more. What do you think? I am not, but I will be happy in the future for sure." "If Ralph is not there in your life too?" "I am doing okay; can't you see it? I get over everything." "That's good. Do you know when your happiness will be valuable?" I was staring at her, expecting me to finish it, and I knew it was going to be an emotionally pathetic sentence. "When you share with your loved one, keep in mind. I suffered everything because I loved your dad so much, and till today I am happy with my suffering days. I didn't give up on him."
Good for her but not for me because I have a whole life ahead of me, I would find someone eventually.