I can't deny it anymore; it was time to accept the fact that I was stuck. Finally, one of my mother's statements came true, and she won the battle. I am pathetically stuck over an asshole and a bloody betrayer.
It's been a few months since their engagement, and still, the photos are floating everywhere. Ralph's smile and their affection for each other only make my blood boil. It's been years since I should stop this nonsense complaining stuff, but I can't stop myself when I come across things like that.
Ralph is blindly happy, but Asher, as always, is good at his acting. Anything coming from that guy is not sincere; everything is fucking fake, and Ralph is naïve as always; nothing new in that. I pity Ralph for lots of reasons, and that bastard deserves this for playing with me, right? 'No' something yelled. I sighed as I said I was stuck. My heart started repelling my statements, and I didn't bother to argue back or suppress them. I am not finding any more reasons to deny anything, and I am tired.
Being in power and money-rolling are only the things that helped me in the current situation that I was going through. It helps me to take study breaths whenever I am on the verge of losing myself in the battle of my own thoughts. It keeps me sane, as I did so much to gain those, but they didn't make me happy as idiotic as it may sound.
Money and power bring happiness. I saw with my own eyes, but in my case, they forgot to bring one I am not getting why. Does it depend on what happiness is? Did I forget the meaning of happiness or am I searching in the wrong place?
According to me and also, it's universal that money and power carry happiness. That bastard Asher, even fucking betraying twice, was able to get back to Ralph because of his bloody status, right?
Earning money and status should make one happy, but that was not in my case; both failed miserably or is it myself? Here I go again. This is the sole reason why I hate scrolling through those annoying social sites that only fluid my thoughts.
Things were okay between me and my mom. For the past few months, her nagging has taken a different form, and I am afraid that whatever stage she reaches, she will not get the result she is expecting. Yeah, I will make sure of that, damn.
My dream, my future, and my life, one way or another, always revolved around Asher. I didn't regret even a bit of it. He was my destiny; oddly, I felt that when I first met him. It was absurd. I was only 12; I felt that way not to forget the strong pull that I had toward him.
I didn't question my sexuality, but the first time our eyes met, that was it. I started falling hard for him. Again, I was only 12.
Does mature age make a difference? No, not for me, because I gave him chances when I was mature enough. I am not able to resist his pull at this age either after being betrayed. Why? What's with his charm? Why did it work so leisurely on me without considering what he had done in the past? Why does his charm work on everyone around me? How does he make everyone forgive him so easily? What's with him? My family is so obsessed and even sore to help him in respect of getting us back.
These questions bother me a lot, and finding answers is even harder. I envy him; truly, I do. He could get anything with his charm and also get out of anything easily. He could break my heart just like that, and he could win over me just like that. As easy as it sounds, things are easy for him. Again how?
We were ok, I nearly believed, and I was about to take a relief breath, but again, I was not that lucky.
I was born with a golden spoon; everything should be neat and welcoming, but that was not the case for me. My parents are too good; they are doing everything to see me happily settled, but I guess I am not blessed to lead the life they are leading. They are the perfect example of happily married, loving couples, which I always dreamed of having.
I did everything in a relationship where I went wrong was beyond me. I scratch my head so much that I started having headaches now and then, but I am not successful in finding my fault. I want to know so that I see to it not to repeat and also learn from it.
Nothing would be perfect in a relationship, and I didn't expect that either, but I thought something would be changed.
I chuckle at my naiveness.
Falling for the wrong person is the first defeat in your life. Giving chances is another, and you are doomed from everywhere. Finally, you will make up your mind to give up on things, but that wouldn't be the case with your family and friends; that's another setback. Another chuckle escaped from me thinking about my stupidity in considering their opinion and once more giving in.
I groaned when tears were falling leisurely.
All I asked was for them to leave me alone so I could lead my life however I wanted. Was that too much to ask for? I was doing fine by being myself and running the company. Recently I had a distraction from my ex-boyfriend; life was not that bad at all. Somehow everyone presumes things; he showed up being regretful, and with a guilty face, that's it, my life once again fucked up.
The water turned cold in the bathtub, but I couldn't get out myself. I was exhausted from everything. My favorite wine, which was working like a savior before, has lost its features. Maybe because of my numbness, nothing is working on me. I am 27. I feel like I am done with everything and everyone.
I am losing my mind. It was time to take tablets for my depression. The bottle was nearby that I was staring at with lots of scenarios running through my mind.
My cell started ringing. It was an unknown number, which I promptly ignored. Again, it started ringing. I am not lucky to get a bloody break from none, I bet.
By grunting, I answered the call. It was an unknown number. Instead of asking who the hell was this, loudly I spoke, "What" "Hi, I am Edgar."
I was shocked. What the hell? Why the hell is he calling me? I loathe that bastard to the core. That bastard always made things difficult for me. This brother from another mother of Ralph hated me and the feeling is bloody mutual. What the hell does he want from me? Not to forget his input in recent developments in Ralph's life. What more reasons do I need to hate him? Damn, I am good at finding reasons for hating people's existence itself.
I spoke. "So." He cleared his throat. "It's about Ralph."