When I joined this company, I was determined not to face Ralph, and considering my designation, I thought it was easy. I was proved wrong. When lust took over, I swore to keep it that way, never to go beyond sex, and I thought nothing was between us but a mutual sexual agreement, yet again I was proved wrong. I intend to keep my promise, which I made to myself when the hell things took the opposite path, was beyond me, and this only happens with Ralph.
Everything stopped when they both started appearing everywhere just like that, and I didn't push anything, mind you. Our relationship is strictly professional, with a friendly smile from Ralph, which only irks me. I did so much of the circus to build this professionalism between us, and at last, he is giving me what I had yearned for. Low grunts, scoffing, and rolling my eyes have become my friendly gestures these days.
It's been two months since my mom made me feel ridiculous for choosing my future over whatever she was aiming at. Why would I compromise everything for something that I am not going to get is beyond me.
Hard work will always pay off, and I am the best example. Due to my achievement, I was promoted thanks to my manager, who did everything so that I could get this promotion. I ended up getting a position above my manager designation. A separate cabin was given to me, followed by late-night work, which I am used to.
It was a normal weekday with hectic work; after completing the same, I was relaxed in my chair. Things are going the way I had planned, but still, something is missing. This is not enough, I know, and I don't think I am missing something about my career. My heart is screaming a name, and I am adamant about not accepting it.
Things need to get where they were like before in my control. I can't be an emotional fool, and I am not going to achieve my goal if things go this way. I needed to do something so that I would get back on track.
My cell started ringing when I saw the caller ID. I couldn't help but grunt, 'She should take a bloody break from stimulating things within me, damint.' I rejected her call only if she took a break from dialing back; it started ringing again. By sighing, I received her call.
"How are you, and why the hell you are not visiting me?" She should know better. "I am fine. I have not yet digested our previous conversation, and for the time being, I am taking a break from you." She scoffed. "Oh dear, I am your mother, not your boyfriend, where you can choose me over your future. You lost way before." There we go again. What a mean woman. "I bet you have not yet done with your lecture, then you can give up on my visits." "Are you threatening your mother? You know better if I take things in my hand; you better visit this weekend without giving any more reasons." I could only roll my eyes. I wish I could change her, which I can only dream of. "I will visit if you promise me not to lecture me again." "I am making sure that you are not repeating your mistake in the future; that's what parents do." "Mom, will you promise me or not?" "Come over, don't be dramatic. I will be waiting for you." By saying that she disconnected the call. I never hated her. These days she is doing everything to make me hate her.
After rapping the work, I came to the pub at Archie's request; anyway, I needed a break from everything that was going on these days. Upon ordering, our drinks arrived, and we started sipping. I wanted to get laid another reason for my visitation to this pub, so I started eyeing my surroundings if anyone caught my eye.
I didn't utter a word like words became distinct at present when my friend was in front of me and making most of the conversation. Granted, I am a man with a few words, but my input would be there here and there, and today that was also missing.
"You are gloomy." "No, just tired." "Right." That came in a sarcastic tone. These days simple things started getting on my nerves. "Is something bothering you?" "As I said, I am tired; it's workload, recent promotion, and everything." "If you say so, and yeah, the recent gossip is not bothering you."
Speak about my faith; wherever I am bloody going, Ralph is following me somehow. "Why everyone is getting on my nerves, especially about Ralph? Whatever is happening one way or another is bound to happen. He fucking always ends up with that bastard by default, so give me a damn break from him. We were fucking, and we gave a break to our fucking session. That's it. Why the hell is everyone making a big deal out of it?" "I am one of the witnesses of your history with Ralph. I don't know what happened in the past you never shared, and according to my source, he cheated on you. I don't know how far it is true. What all I am saying is you can be gloomy, or you can feel lost; don't control your emotions like always you do."
I am not getting how to explain myself anymore; nothing is bloody affecting me. Why the hell are they sprouting this nonsense? Before everyone's nonsense gets into my head, I need to do something. If things go this way, it's going to bite back one way or another. I made up my mind strongly without any solution for the same.
My glass was empty, and my mind was in chaos. It's been a few seconds before I made up my mind, but things started getting into my head without wasting any more seconds. Drinking is only making things worse. I am doing okay. I wanted to yell these words to whomever I am facing these days, and I want to make sure they are getting my words without them adding anything to it. I want them to get my message so strongly that they don't get anything to rebuke my sentence.
I am fucking fine.
I abruptly stood from the chair and bid goodbye to Archie without waiting for his answer. I didn't plan to run, but they were forcing me and making me weak. A person knows what the hell they are feeling and why the hell they are consecutively trying to prove me wrong was beyond me.
Patience is a virtue, and Asher strongly believes in this sentence. Things were slow between us till now we have not moved from kissing and making out. I am grateful for how things were going; I needed this. I want to be 100% sure this time, and with Asher, it's always less. Asher is not like before; he has changed so much, and I could see in his behavior that only made me terrified a little bit. I am going to surrender to him completely once again, and I don't want to taste any regrets this time.
Fear of loving him is always immense. One should not feel this way, but I couldn't help when I tasted his betrayal twice. I should reconsider my decision, but it was too late, and I didn't think I was going to move on and date someone else.
I feel pathetic for falling deeply on the same person again and again. I want to change that about myself, and I am not getting how. I want to be strong and easily move on, and again, I am not getting how.
In the 23 years of my existence, I have dated only two guys. Reece is really a miracle. I never thought of dating him but somehow ended up dating him, and things didn't work out. I want to know why, maybe because of my strong feelings about Asher, but I couldn't find out and concluded it may be because of him. The way I easily melt to Asher should be the reason I still wanted to confirm.
Dating Reece was a good experience in its own way, and genuinely, I had a good time. Whether it would go for the long run or not, I couldn't find out. My mind was in chaos when I was dating him, and Reece only added more to it.
If I wanted to choose between both of them, I would choose the one who would fight for me, not the one who always runs away for so and so reasons.