It's been nearly two years since I left the company. I didn't run, as I am an opportunist and a claimer so yeah, I grabbed the chance. It was one of the best decisions that I made, and I am proud of it.
So many things have changed over the period, not my relationship status, which I could care less about. 'You will get used to it or over it' was a slogan that my mom kept chanting whenever I visited her, along with her taunting words prompting once again that I am the bloody bad guy. I was done arguing with her, but she had not done. For everything, there was only one solution: changing my relationship status, but I don't know what the problem was, either I am not lucky or damn choosy.
Seriously, dating drains my energy. My designation as a managing director comes with lots of workloads; at the end of the day, everything in me would be drained of patience, energy, whatever that required for dating. My mom's words: 'Either you are finding excuses, or you are stuck.' Over time I was done with that woman, so yeah, get used to her taunting words too. Don't argue with mothers; you can't win over them, and I realized a little bit late. Hey, it's not late for anything, so no complaints, and I will shut up in time.
So, coming to my dating part seriously, how everyone casually does this dating shit is beyond me. Whenever I meet anyone, I will be so eager to fuck and be done with him for the night. If it goes beyond one night, I will be scratching my head to find something to speak with the guy and damn finding time. If I find both, I will be exhausted within a few minutes; everything within me will be itching to run away. I am not able to spend time with any guy beyond the fucking session, and if I did, I would do everything to ruin the chance. The ironic part is that I don't even regret my shitty behavior.
I have achieved so much over the years in a short span, and I am surprised. I thought to reach this level I needed to cross at least 30+ and tons of hard work. There was so much hard work, no denying that, but I never thought it would pay off so soon.
After resigning from my previous company, I never took a break, not even a single day, except a few weeks off, and in most of my weeks off I was buried in completing tasks. Something triggered in me, and I don't want to point it at someone, but it affected me so much, and in return, I showed it in my work.
To get fast results, do we need a boost of our sorrow? Maybe, but again, I was not affected by that, right? I wasn't, I swear, but still, I couldn't help myself whenever I witnessed them on social media or anywhere else. Something would pass in me at that moment. I wanted to do something in return, and yeah, bury in workload. I am not a rich kid, where I can show my tantrum by breaking something.
I am a step away from becoming CEO due to the age factor, but I will earn that position sooner or later. I have cleared the required exam for the same, so nothing can stop me from becoming CEO.
Am I happy?
I wanted this carefree life where I wouldn't be bothered about anything. At present, I can face any situation. I secured my life for myself and my mom. I should be happy, right? This is happiness, right? I carved for this and did everything to achieve my goal, but I am not happy, not even a single day.
'You will get over it.' It's been years and still feels like yesterday when he broke the news that he was getting back to that jerk. It's still fresh like a flower. When the hell was I going to get over it? That's a false statement. It's not that easy no matter what. No matter how many years pass, it will be fresh and taunting you every day.
Everything was just fucking fine until he showed up proposing bloody sex. Everything would be bloody fine if it was just sex, and without my knowledge, something grew again. I thought I had plucked everything about him from the root only if I had any idea I would never give in to lust. Damit that bastard swore to make my life miserable with or without his presence.
Feelings and emotional bullshit I was fucking ok with nothing in me; he dug everything without my conscious and escaped. He was not sorry at least once. Granted, the second time we were fucking, he was still responsible for grooming me this way and making me suffer.
He can't do this, and I didn't plan to suffer twice over the same person. I hate it for not being happy after achieving so much. It was my fucking time to enjoy and relax after so much hardship I had gone through, but I couldn't. Sleepless nights, working during week offs, and whatnot—for everything, I deserve a damn vacation, but I can't let myself relax and drift where I shouldn't. I want to pay back twice or thrice for what I am going through only if it's fucking possible in some way.
What the hell am I even thinking? What is wrong with me?
I should do something and get over him as soon as possible; changing the company had a diverse effect on whatever I had planned. I need to think seriously this time and have no overconfidence once I get rid of everything about him. Yes, I learned my lesson this time. I will be more careful in discharging everything about him.
I sighed umpteen times, thinking that I was alone, which was a bloody mistake. "Right." My mom and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I swear the past few days I don't know where I am ending up with no idea of my surroundings. Thinking that I am in my flat staying alone, I will do so many things and end up getting caught by none other than my mom. This woman is an opportunist just like me in a different way, which only aims at ruining my mood, and she will see to it she achieves her target. Lucky me.
"They are getting engaged; are you aware? Of course, you are what a stupid question, right? Is it just a rumor, or are they really getting engaged?" I don't believe in past life sins, or anything related. Scenarios like this make me believe that I have done something terribly in my past life; that's why I ended up getting her as my mom. Wow, bloody lucky me.
"I don't know, thanks BBC. I wasn't aware, and once again, thanks for the sensational news." When I was scrolling through my social media, this news hit me like a big wave, and I was just a second away from throwing my cell on the wall but instead ended up clutching the same so hard. I am rich, but I can't forget my past life, so yeah, clutching was the best option.
"Right. You can't fool me." And a grunt escaped. You can't hold too much; something is bound to escape from you, right? "So, how are you taking the news?" "What do you mean? I am good, but you swear to trigger everything in me. I am not getting bloody reasons. What is your problem? Mom, I am bloody fine, and I am tired of shouting the same thing again and again." I was staring at her, and she was staring right back with an equally challenging gaze.
"Prove me." "What? How?" "Move on. Get yourself a boyfriend; introduce him to me, and I will shut forever." Right. "If I can only do online shopping, select one of them. I would be glad, as it's not possible; it will take time." "I have given you that, and you are taking it for granted. You are stuck, agree that." I scoffed at that. I may be affected by them being together again, but I am not bloody stuck.
"I am not stuck. I am busy with workload, promotion, and everything, so I need time." It was her chance to roll her eyes. "I am worried you are going to end up like me." "What?" "I am worried about you. In your college, and now it's the same case, you are not moving on from him just like me. At least I was 45+ when I lost your dad, but you are too young to stay single forever." Is she gone crazy? I am not like her. "That's not true. I am going to start dating in a matter of time." "You have been saying the same thing for the past two years and before that, but you are not keeping your word." I scowled at that remark.
I hate when she points out something like this, which is just her imagination. I get it. She is worried, but thinking that I would end up like her, isn't it too much? "Reece." "I am not going to end up like you, Mom, please trust me. I need time. As I said, I can't just choose someone. I need to be more careful this time." She sighed. "Can you at least be honest with your feelings? Do you still like him?" I groaned at that statement. After whatever I have gone through, what makes her think this way? "Please be honest for once." This was the second time something was threatening from my eyes. No, no, no, I am not an emotional fool, not over that bastard. Words were stuck, and my mind was in chaos screaming different things, but the loudest one was clear, which I don't want to admit. "I don't know."
My mom got up from her seat and made her way to the fridge carrying two bottles of beer. We started taking sips, lost in thoughts; she was definitely thinking of my father.
"You should have taken chances." After a few minutes of silence, that sentence was left by my mom. We were through this not again. "Not again Mom, I explained everything. Please give me a break from making me feel like shit for once." "Do you think I feel good doing that to you?" "Maybe I don't know." "Reece." A stern voice. What was she expecting—she swore to make me shitty—that's crystal clear.
I pinched in the middle of my temple to relax, but nothing worked when I was with this woman. What was her point each and every time is beyond me, and trust me, I don't want to know. "Can we have a normal conversation without you making me feel terrible? You are giving me so many reasons to dump you as my mother, for which I am tempted, but I am not a shitty son. So, all I am asking is, please don't bring Ralph or his boyfriend, ok?" "And all I am asking is for you to move on, find someone." "That's not easy, Mom." "Why not Reece unless you are stuck?" Here we go fucking again.
"Accept it you are." "What are you going to get from this? Please tell me I am dying to know." "Two things. I don't want to bottle up things and act as if everything is bloody ok with you. Two, I don't want you to repeat your mistake in the future. It doesn't matter if anything is secure or not, if things work out or not. Nothing should stop you from getting what you want. Ending up with the loved one sacrificing just to be with them is more precious than everything else."
This alcohol is making me weak, but I have not finished even half of the bottle. My mom was staring at me, and I was staring at her back, but my vision became a blur. They were stored for decades just waiting for their chance, and I wanted to stop them, but I couldn't. I wiped my tears hastily, but they were flowing without wasting time to run away from my eyes.
"Reece." I hate her. I hate her so much; she always does this to me, bringing something that is entirely based on her instinct. This is wrong, and she is wrong; she can't do this to me every chance she gets.
She was in front of me, wrapping my neck tightly, and I let her. I didn't want to fight; I was so done. "I hate you, Mom. You always do this to me, always." "I know, but I am sorry. I am worried about the things you are bottling up. I am worried about your future. I am worried about so many things. I don't want you to end up like me, stuck in our past. I was happy because it was your father and he was with me, but Ralph is getting engaged. It's time to give up on him. Please move on for my sake."
I don't know what to reply to her.
Move on, of course; I will in a matter of time, right?