"So how is this going to teach me about death and suicide?", I finally posed the question after almost an hour of silent rubbish-picking and sweeping the street with my suicide mentor – Miya.
"Actually, it won't"
"What the heck?", I was more pissed off about the way she said this so nonchalantly than feeling tricked somehow.
"Well, not directly. But it helps my life, giving me more time and energy to help you"
"How?"
"This is the only 'job' I have for now, I got kicked out of too many to count. I'm only keeping this job because I have a friend in the cleaning company's admin office vouching for me"
"You 'need' this job?"
"Yes, stupid. I need money to buy food don't I?"
"How much do you get paid for this? Is this even enough to get you through a week?"
"No. Normally I run out of money by Friday or Saturday, so on the weekend I tend to starve unless I find some leftover food somewhere"
"Gees girl, are you that broke?"
Miya stopped and looked at me with an annoyed face. On second thought what I said didn't sound very nice.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
"Yes, I'm broke as fuck. I barely make enough money to put food on my table – wait, I don't even have a table, I just need food in my stomach, got it?"
"Look, I could help you maybe"
"Oh, so you gonna be my sugar daddy?"
"No no. Nothing like that, but at least I can afford to buy you a meal every now and then"
"How sweet of you, but don't be so patronizing"
"Look, you will take all my money after you successfully teach me to kill myself anyway, so just consider this as an advance payment. I'm not offering this out of pity"
Miya was silent for a bit as if trying to think over the offer.
"Let's put it this way, I need my mentor to be in good condition to teach me well, right?"
"Hm, so you feed me so I can focus on getting you killed"
"That sounds horribly wrong, but yeah, something like that"
"Thanks, I will accept your treat every now and then, but don't pity me, and I AM keeping this job"
"Sure thing, if it makes you feel better that way"
She beamed me a quick smile and we went back to cleaning up the street.
By the time the morning sun was rising, we'd already finished and headed to the admin office of the cleaning company. I waited outside for a minute while Miya went in to collect her payment. Shortly after she came back out again with a bright smile the sunbeam reflected on her dirty and greasy face, but somehow she looked good this way – not in an attractive sense in any way as a girl, but there was something heartwarming about seeing someone enjoying her reward after a night of hard work.
"I'll treat you to breakfast"
"No no, Miya, this is your precious money"
"But you helped me earn it, and you bought me burgers last weekend too. I would have starved for at least three days if you didn't help me out back then"
"You are my teacher now, consider it as an advance payment"
"Even so, you will eventually die, and I don't want you to die on me while I owe you something"
"Huh?"
"You said it before, you don't owe me your life. I don't want to owe my life to you either while not being able to pay back 'cause you are dead"
She was persistent, and maybe she was right in some ways.
"Well, okay then, I accept your offer"
"Cool, there's a convenience store just down the road"
So we trod down the street. As we entered the store, an old man behind the counter greeted us.
"Hey Miya, how's things?"
"Not bad uncle, I brought a friend today, more like a disciple actually"
"Haha, you are always saying strange things"
Miya smirked and scratched her head through the black hoodie she was wearing again. Actually, I'm yet to see her wearing anything else. She walked down the aisle headed towards the cup noodles corner, and picked what looked to be the cheapest one. She waved at me, motioning me to go sit at the table in the corner of the shop.
She came back to the table holding the cup noodles after filling it with hot water, and handed me a pair of chopsticks.
"Wait, we have only one cup noodles"
"Yeah, we share it"
"er.. you were saying you are going to treat me for breakfast?"
"What, so you expect I give you the whole thing and I starve myself?"
"Well, that won't do, and I guess buying two noodles would be expensive"
"So we share"
We sat idly for three minutes, looking out the window and people passing by on the street, probably all heading to work or school.
"Tell me, you don't go to school?"
"Nope, I quit"
"Why?"
"I can barely afford to live, sitting in a classroom every day is not gonna help that"
"But you only work one night a week though?"
"I spend my other days in certain ways"
"Such as?"
"The noodle's ready, let's eat. We can talk some other time"
We opened the lid and dived into the noodles or more like, she dived into the noodles with her face covering the whole cup while I just looked on holding my chopsticks. After some furious seconds of gulping down the noodles, Miya looked up and asked me.
"You are not going to eat?"
"Your face is on the way"
"Well, sorry I have a big face"
"You don't actually, but the cup is small. You eat first and I will eat after you"
Miya didn't wait for my answer and went back to eating. When she handed over the cup to me it had maybe a few spoons of soup and a single strainof noodles left. Miya was looking away trying not to show her face. I wondered what kind of face she was making, but I gratefully took the cup, finished the noodles, and drank the soup.
We then walked out of the shop and Miya sat herself down on the pavement, so I sat next to her. She put her hand into her pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, unwrapping the plastic cover.
"Wait.. you just bought that?"
"Yeah"
"How…?"
"Well Uncle knows me well and it's not like I'm gonna snitch on him, so he sells me the cigarettes if nobody else is around in the shop"
As she spoke, she took out a single cigarette, gave it an admiring look with a smile, put it in her mouth, and lit it with a lighter.
"Miya – that's not what I meant. That pack of cigarettes is like ten times the cost of cup noodles we've just had!"
"C'est la vie – good things in life are expensive"
"Gees, and there I was thinking you were financially short"
"Huh? I am though?"
"Look, you are spending money on cigarettes while starving yourself because you 'don't have money'. You just have a bad habit and you are wasting your money"
"You wanna try?"
"Hell no, I don't smoke"
"You've never tried?"
"No, and I don't want to start-"
And all of sudden, Miya thrust her face to mine and kissed me – what the.. but then again, it was more like she put her mouth over mine while it was open as I was talking, and I felt smoke rushing into my mouth and traveling down my throat. I tried to pull away, but Miya was now holding me tightly with her arms around my back and wouldn't detach her mouth from mine, pressing it harder as if to make no space between our lips.
After some seconds of struggling and choking feeling, Miya let me go and I was in a terrible state of taking deep breaths while coughing out smoke at the same time.
"It all went in, see? No smoke comes out"
"What.. what were you doing?"
"I wanted you to try smoking, but cigarettes are expensive, and they are precious to me. If I let you take a puff it means I have one less puff for myself. If I inhale the smoke and blow it out into your lungs though, we can kinda 'recycle' it so I get to smoke while you also get to smoke"
Ok. This weirdest girl just gave me my very first 'kiss'
"But that was weird, Mi... it's like kissi...", Man, although I knew it was just one of her weird acts, I still felt kinda embarrassed and wasn't even able to say her name, let alone complete the word 'kissing'
"Oh..."
Miya then made a face of sudden realization and looked away. I wondered again what kind of face she was making.