"Oi! You're swinging me wrong!"
"What did you think was gonna happen, I'm still learning!"
"I thought you practiced swinging a scythe before!"
"I didn't practice it enough!"
"Exactly! You should have worked harder!"
"I worked as hard as I could!"
"Well clearly it wasn't enough-YOU'RE SWINGING ME WRONG AGAIN!"
"IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP!"
"WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING YOU STUPID ROCK!"
"Oh I'm just enjoying this dumpster fire"
"Oi boy! Swing the sword next"
"Shut up you pointed rod!"
"I think I should practice the swinging the sword too"
"Nononono boy, don't listen to the scythe, don't listen to the second place loser-No no, why are you coming closer, stay back! Aaaaghhh!"
"Hahahahahahahaha!"
"Stop laughing you ugly broom! You did this!"
"I know, it's why I'm laughing"
"Instead of shouting at each other, can't you just guide me?"
"Guide you? You aren't fit to be taught by us"
"Okay....I'm gonna keep swinging you now~"
"Alright scythe, I hereby declare that we will help this kid wield us"
"Agreed"
"Yay~"
So began their training, with the sword and scythe teaching the boy how they are to be fought with. Of course, they did sometimes intentionally cause him to injure himself, but the lack of reaction quickly fizzled out their fire.
"Oi kid, why do you have such a high pain tolerance"
"Wrong question stythe"
"What even is a stythe?"
"I shortened stupid scythe, aren't I really efficient?"
"Do you want me to clap for you?"
"I would love to see you do that, mainly because I don't think you can"
"I dug my own grave didn't I?"
"Yes you did stythe, yes you did"
"Can you ask me the question now? I'm sick of hearing you two argue..."
"Which is why we want to do it all the more"
"The correct question is why do you want to practice so many weapons at once?"
"That is completely unrelated to my question!"
"Which is why it is the correct one"
"Damn you stupid flump"
"Flump?"
"I shortened fat lump! Aren't I efficient?"
"To answer your question! It seems fun!"
"Fun?"
"Fun?"
"Yeah, fun"
"....."
"Oi, fun??"
"Yeah"
"So, you consider swinging heavy and sharp objects, usually used for killing, as a fun activity?"
"Hmm...when you put it that way...yeah"
"Huh....Oi sword, I think we've been picked up by a madman"
"I...Ok I've stopped thinking about it already"
"You've what?"
"I don't really care. By the way, have you ever thought about how we were born just a while ago, but we know so much about concepts that we should probably not know? Like killing, how do we know what killing is? We haven't done it yet!"
"Uhhhh....now's not the time for an existential crisis! He's swinging us wrong!"
"You tell him what to do, I gotta think about this some more...."
"Oi god...some weapons are gonna be so unreliable when it matters, I really think you should dump this sword somewhere and just use a scythe"
"No, I'm not gonna do that"
Saying so, the boy tossed the sword and the scythe aside and pulled out his wooden daggers. The sword continued mumbling something about "impossibilities" and the scythe was speechless.
"OI, oi, oi why'd you throw us like that?!"
"My entire style involves switching weapons"
"Well you don't have to throw your weapons away after you use them!"
"I do! I have less clutter on my body!"
"OI FLUMP! SAY SOMETHING, THE BOY JUST CALLED US CLUTTER!"
"Don't disturb me"
"WHAT THE-"
"Okay don't be angry, all I'm saying is that I want to get faster as the battle progresses, I'll definitely pick you back up, to fight again when I run out of weapons"
"So you'll just be dumping weapons all over the battlefield?"
"Yeah, pretty much"
"And what happens when someone who is proficient in using us just grabs us and uses us against you?"
"Oh...I hadn't thought of that...I'll just throw you guys backwards"
"Wha-Why do you think that will help??"
"Cause they won't get the weapons behind me...."
His voice teetered off at the end, maybe realizing how ridiculous he sounded. The scythe was speechless. The boy suddenly lit up.
"Unless....HA! COME TO ME! SECOND!"
"....."
"....."
The boy stood with his hand outstretched toward Second. His eyes kept darting from his hand to the weapon. He suddenly a squeak as the door to the shed closed with a bang. He could make out his Aunt shaking her head as she closed the door.
"No...it's not....what it looks like..."
"What did you think was gonna happen?"
"You guys have sentience, I thought if I called you, you would fly to my hand"
"I would...fly? I'm a scythe, not a freaking bird! I'm not supposed to listen to commands like a dog! You are supposed to swing me around towards enemies! I'm meant to kill! Not fetch treats!"
"There's that word again, 'kill', how do we kno-"
"You shut up!"
The kid brought his hand back. He stared at it for a while, then looked toward the scythe again.
"I was sure that would work..."
"WHY???"
"I don't know, I've seen it happen many times...in manga and anime...."
"We have definitely been given to a madman. Snap out of it you flump! We have to get out of here. It's important! Run for your life!"
"You go ahead, I'm so close to figuring out how we know so much..."
"I would definitely leave if I knew how to! Tell me some ideas! Quickly! I don't care what happens to you! I just have to escape!"
"Yeah, yeah you're completely right..."
"He's not even listening...No, no don't come any closer....Nooooooooo!"
The kid picked the scythe up again, ignoring it's pleas, and swung it hard against a tree in the farm. The tree was cleanly sliced in the middle, slowly falling to the ground.
"Timburrrrrr...." the boy smiled as he watched the tree fall.
The scythe stopped talking.
"You...you only held me with one hand. I know my limits, I'm not supposed to be able to cut one of these trees without any damage to myself and...what was that I felt right now. What did you do....?"
"Now listen here Second!"
"What....?"
"I'm definitely a madman...but I'm a strong madman. I would never allow my weapons to shatter!
The boy smiled at the weapon.
"Do you still believe that I can't be trusted?"
".....Yes"
"Agree to disagree"
"No, that's not how that works-"
"YOU LITTLE KID!! YOU CHOPPED DOWN MY FAVOURITE PEACH TREE!"
The kid slowly turned toward the voice. Teresa stood there, fuming.
He looked toward the tree had chopped down. He could definitely make out a few peaches fallen on the ground. He suddenly felt the earth rumble. He looked to see his Aunt bounding towards him, her eyes screaming murder. He quickly started running away for dear life.
"YOU'RE SCARING ME AUNT TERESAAAAAA!"
"YOU BETTER BE SCARED!!"