I guess I was being too optimistic about today.
Earlier on,I had had a heart to heart conversation with Alya. All was good until we were interrupted and had to end it there. Little did I know that the rest of my day would be messed just by one person's disturbing presence.
"What are you doing here? I don't recall inviting you at all,and who let you in?" I asked her,irritation slowly seeping into my veins.
Issandra just ignored my question and invited herself to take a seat in front of my desk.
"I'm here to see you. We need to talk Julie baby,I need to apologise. I'm sorry for everything I did." She started pleading while rubbing her palms together.
I wasn't expecting this at all. Is she here to pick on me, or is this gesture true? I know nothing about her.
She must have read my confusion and sat back upright,and started laughing. Mocking laughter.
"Oh,you're so naive and funny, Julian. Did you even assume that act was sincere? Please tell me you didn't. By the way,did you expect some sort of apology from me?" She leaned back and fell into another fit of laughter.
If you had asked me to tell you about Issandra,a few months ago,I would have told you about how she is kind to me and that she loves me. Because that's what I thought.
Even when she was a bitch to most students in my school,it was never the case for me. I always thought it was okay since she held a soft spot for me,but I guess not. It's now my turn to face her wrath.
"I at least expected that much from you. An apology or an explanation,nothing more."
"Oh dear! I don't owe you an explanation,let alone an apology. What for?"
"For your actions. To be honest,I'm quite curious. What were your intentions for dating me for that long? I atleast should be told the reason why,I have known you longer than I have,Matt. So what was the reason?" I asked in one breath.
I didn't know how much I needed this,this conversation here. I've have multiple scenarios in my head whenever I thought about why they did it,and how long it would have gone on without my knowledge.
If I'm lucky today,I'll get a few answers to my unanswered questions.
Maybe,I'll feel lighter.
"I guess I just liked the idea of having someone obsessing over me,attached to me like a puppy. To be frank,that's it but I never loved you. Look at yourself Julian,you're unlovable. What would make you think that I,of all people could even dare to waste my emotions on your useless self?"
Alya spoke with distaste clear on her face,her body language spoke louder than her words. The way she looked me up and down with dusgust,broke me.
If in a decade,I expected someone to shamelessly say these words to my face,it was never Issa.
Never
I never expected Issandra of all people to spit such vile words to my face. I don't even know how to face this. It could have been anybody else but not her.
"My Oh My! Are those tears in your eyes? Did I smash your tiny little fragile heart? Poor boy. Anyway that's not all,I want you to unfreeze my accounts,I need money. I'm giving you twenty four hours to get it done." Alya stood up from her seat and leaned in,threat and malice evident in her green eyes.
"You don't want to mess with me,you impudent son of a bitch! Twenty-four hours,max." She then turned around and walked away,slamming the door behind her.
The moment I confirmed that she had left,I let the tears fall from my eyes,they rolled down to my shirt making it wet and I didn't even bother to wipe or stop them.
I don't know how long I spent there,motionless and unaware of what's going on around me.
Even my mind was silent,not even a single word to pull me out of this stupor. I have no exact words to describe how I was feeling at the moment.
Alya's cherry vanilla cologne invaded my senses,snapping me out of that stupor. I found my face in her chest,she was embracing me.
I managed to wrap my hands around her and held onto her like my life depended on her,she was my pillar,she was my anchor at this vast sea of emotions.
"Breathe,Julian,breathe." Her voice managed to make it across to my brain.
I started breathing again,slowly sobs started and before I realized what was going on,I was wailing.
"It's okay baby,let it all out. I'm here with you. You're safe my child." She started patting my back slowly.
I cried,recalling all those memories I shred with Issa. The promises we made to each other,the moments and events that had led us to dating,engagement and wedding. Everything came back at me all at once.
"Why am I unlovable? Why am I never enough? Why? Why?"
I clenched my fists around Alya's blouse,listening to her instructions for breathing exercises.
"Good boy,breathe on. Out. I love you baby boy,you're important,you're enough. Don't let her words get to you. You have a new lover,my family loves you,a lot of people actually love you. So please shop berating yourself. Okay!" Alya comforted me with her soothing voice,slowly,I started to regain control over my emotions.
Alya left the office after she had let me lie down a bit for some rest,which she recommends is good for recovery after having a breakdown.
She had also grabbed for me two painkiller tablets and a glass of water.
"Take these before you sleep,they will hell ward off any fevers or headaches. Be strong for mama okay pretty boy?"
"Okay,mama bear. Thank you very much." I replied,slowly. My voice had become coarce and almost nonexistent.
"Don't mention it,Julian. I'm glad I was still around to help. I'll make sure she doesn't get in or anywhere near REZ offices,disguise or not." Alya promised.
This actually made me feel better. I was suddenly reminded of the fact that I'm not alone. I have Alya and Adrien and both their families.
In the meantime,I texted Adrien and asked him to come pick me up from work if he's not occupied. Which he replied with a simple okay.
I emptied my glass of water and took the painkillers,layed down slowly and closed my eyes,willing my mind to silence.
I let my whole body rest and slept the stress and fatigue off.