Since the incident in the cafeteria yesterday afternoon, I've been ignoring Nadia until this morning. This was our first fight after one year of marriage. Actually, it's not natural for me to ignore her like this. Perhaps, this is the bad trait of a man when he is fighting with a woman in a relationship.
Selfishness and prestige are too shackled in the heart. I'm the one at fault here, but I'm too proud to speak to her first. It's a trait I hate, but I can't change it at all. It's all too natural.
After finishing breakfast, Nadia and I went back to campus together. I noticed that Nadia didn't touch her breakfast at all. I really wanted to touch her, but I was too proud to talk to her.
While in the car, I just concentrated on driving and looked straight ahead. However, I occasionally glanced at Nadia, who had been silent. Her thin, petite face looked so pale. Because of her white skin, she looked like a vampire. I saw that both her eyeballs were puffy, red and had eye bags like a lack of sleep.
What happened to her last night? Did she not sleep? Did she cry all night? But, why? There were so many questions raging in my head. But, I was too proud to start a conversation first.
Arriving at the campus, from quite a distance I could see Maxime looking at the two of us. Actually, this was the core of the problem in our quarrel. I hated that person so much. And, I don't know what reason I have to hate him.
"I'm going to class first," Nadia opened her voice and sounded weak.
"Wait!"
I stopped Nadia in her tracks, causing her to stop her steps and look at my face softly.
"What's wrong?"
"Are you sick?" I asked anxiously at the sound of her weak voice.
"I'm fine."
"I see you didn't eat breakfast earlier. Go eat breakfast, you'll get sick."
"I'm not hungry," she said and left without even looking at me.
It was so annoying. I hated being an insensitive guy like this. I was actually still upset with her for yesterday's problem, but I was also worried about her current situation. Nadia's physique is very weak, she is susceptible to disease and that's what has always made me want to protect her and take care of her since I was a child.
While in class, I couldn't concentrate at all for this lesson. My brain seemed to be full of Nadia. . . Nadia and Nadia. What's wrong with me? Why am I being like this?
"Why are you?" asked Bobby who saw me uncomfortable.
"Is it obvious that I have something on my mind?"
"Very obvious! There's just a little burden on your mind, your face looks like you've written 'I'm in trouble please help me'. You're so predictable, Nik," she said sarcastically.
"Should I apologize to Nadia first?"
"You have a problem with her?"
I nodded slowly and bent my face as I scratched my head, which wasn't itchy.
"So, you guys got angry over something yesterday? That strange guy named Maxime?"
"I think so, he's the trigger for our problems."
"Oh my God! Nik, answer my question honestly. Do you like Nadia?" Bobby asked suddenly which surprised me.
"Huh? What, like Nadia?"
"No need to act surprised. Just answer, did you start to like Nadia?"
For a few seconds I was silent and averted my eyes by looking in an uncertain direction.
"I don't know, what I feel right now is that I don't like fighting with her for a long time, I'm also worried about her current body condition. My mind is full of him."
Bobby chuckled, making me surprised to see that kind of expression on his face.
"Why are you laughing? Is something funny?"
"Just pay attention to the front first, after the lecture I will explain."
After finishing today's lecture, Bobby and I were still in the classroom and I was still curious about his answer to the discussion earlier.
"Why did you laugh earlier?"
"Are you an idiot or a moron, Nik?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're smart about your studies, but when it comes to love you look like this. You know, that means you've started feeling for Nadia. It's just that you haven't realized your feelings yet."
"What, I have feelings for Nadia?"
"I think it's normal that you have feelings for Nadia. You see Nadia every day, every hour and every second. You also interact with her and see her face every day. When the trigger comes, you realize that you like Nadia. You're jealous of Maxime because he knows so much about Nadia, aren't you?" she accused.
"Jealous of Maxime, no, you're crazy!"
"Obviously you won't admit it, you're too proud to admit it, right? Just admit it," she said and left.
"Hey, wait! I haven't finished talking!" I shouted and immediately ran over to Bobby.
"Jealousy is not wrong, Nik. Jealousy is one of the signs that you love your wife. But, reasonable jealousy is not excessive. It's not good for your relationship with Nadia."
"I'm not jealous, Bob. I'm just upset about all this."
"Obviously you're upset, because you don't like it when there are other men who are close to and pay more attention to your wife than you. Do you remember when you were in high school, you were upset because a senior liked Nadia. Do you remember?"
I thought back to my high school days. At that time, I was only in 11th grade and suddenly I heard from Nadia that there was a senior who liked her. The senior kept approaching her, often picking her up and certainly the senior paid more attention to her.
I saw that the senior was handsome and kind. But for some reason I didn't like Nadia being close to someone other than me. I spent less time with her.
Usually, I was always her number one priority. But, ever since that senior came along, I've always been her number one. I was so upset that I made a mistake that made Nadia fail to get together with that senior. Yes, I suddenly said that Nadia and I were just dating and that made the senior slowly distance himself from Nadia because he was disappointed.
It was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. Why should I be upset that Nadia was dating that senior? I should be happy that my best friend has a boyfriend. But, I don't know why I had to do all this.
Is this all because I'm jealous like Bobby said just now? Is this what is called falling in love? For a moment I digested Bobby's words just now and tried to think about it in more detail. Is it possible that I'm in love with Nadia?
When I had just left the Faculty of Medicine building, I accidentally saw Maxime together with Nadia. That guy again, I hate seeing that guy so close to Nadia.
I was actually curious about what they were talking about. Out of curiosity, I decided to get closer to them and eavesdrop on their conversation.