"What do you mean?" I asked, not understanding what Nadia had just said.
"I'm your wife, you should take care of my feelings. Even though we don't love each other, you should at least understand my feelings."
"How can I understand, if you've never told me how you feel."
"Should I tell you clearly what's in my heart?" shouted an angry Nadia. "Should I say out loud what's in my heart right now? Are all men insensitive to other people's feelings?" she said with a higher volume than before.
"What do you mean, don't make a scene at night, Nadia! We also have to take care of Andara's feelings who deliberately came back to Indonesia for us."
My tone of voice was suddenly high. I don't know why, but I feel so emotional today. Everything happened so suddenly, my brain couldn't think straight.
When I wanted to fix everything, explain everything, Nadia suddenly got angry and made me silent and unable to move. Women always make things uncomfortable, they always scream, cry and blame everything on men.
So, when was I given the space to think logically? Can I solve the problem without yelling and without using my feelings? A man also needs time to think. They are silent not not wanting to solve the problem, but they need time. Everything must be realized properly and correctly.
Silence does not mean losing, but silence is trying to relent so that the atmosphere does not become chaotic. I don't want this problem to become taboo and bigger. Everything has its procedures, but Nadia really made the sleeping lion inside me wake up. And, this time I was sure, the fight this time would definitely be bigger than Maxime's problem.
"Not for us, Niko. But, for you! She's still waiting for you, she still loves you!" she shouted, and for the first time I saw with my own eyes that Nadia was crying. She was crying about our current status.
How could she say such a thing, when I myself didn't know my current feelings and I didn't even know Dara's feelings towards me until now.
"You also still love Dara, right? What's in your brain right now is only Dara and can only take care of her feelings. Meanwhile, you can't even take care of my feelings? Is it because you love Dara and you don't love me that you have to keep our marital status a secret?
"Then what's the point of us getting married if you and I don't love each other, can't understand each other and only think about each other's feelings? Do you think I'm a doll that has no feelings? Do you think marriage is just a game?"
I was very surprised to hear all of Nadia's words. It made my brain spin and go back to thinking for a while. I was now really confused about what to do. I was between two difficult choices and two different conditions at the same time.
I couldn't answer her question at all. Nadia could only wipe her tears and then went into her room. I thought getting married was an easy thing. As it turns out, building a household is very difficult. Was the decision to marry Nadia the wrong one?
Tonight was going to be a long night for me. While I'm confused about all my coursework, other problems come and go, making my head feel like it's about to pop out of its place.
It's not just about my marital status, but I have to complete some paperwork and oral exams for my master's scholarship in Germany.
If things get this complicated, will I be able to continue my master's degree? Only God knows all this. And, I just hope that I wake up from this nightmare.
The next day, Nadia seemed to have left early in the morning in her car. It seemed like she was still angry about yesterday's incident and I decided to go to campus alone. Arriving at the campus, I already saw Bella, Bobby and Dara chatting together in front of my class.
"There's the boy!" Bobby exclaimed when he saw me coming. "Nik, why didn't you tell me Dara was back?" he asked, putting his arm around me.
"Have you met?"
"Yes, we met in the parking lot. Me, Bella and Dara were jumping up and down in excitement because we were so happy to see each other again. Finally, we can be together again."
"Oh, yes, where's Nadia?" asked Dara while looking around.
"You didn't go together?" asked Bella confused.
I shook my head and smiled a little. Trying to hide the problem I was facing. One of the strengths of a man is that he can hide his problems in front of his friends.
"Are you guys still fighting?" asked Bella and Bobby simultaneously.
"You're fighting? I didn't know you guys were fighting?" asked Dara confused.
"They fought over a trivial matter. The usual seasoning of people who just-"
Before Bella could continue, I stepped on her foot and made her scream in pain.
"Aww, that hurts!" she screamed in annoyance.
"Ra, I'll borrow these two boys first!" said I who immediately pulled Bella's and Bobby's clothes by dragging them both to leave, making Dara look confused.
"What the hell are you doing? You're dragging us around like that!" exclaimed Bella while straightening her clothes.
"Please, this time I'm asking you two for a favor. Please keep my marriage to Nadia a secret from Dara, okay?"
"What, so she doesn't know yet? You're crazy, Dara should know!" Bobby shouted annoyed.
"Let me tell Dara about this marriage myself. Later I will explain everything. So, please keep this marriage a secret from Dara, I beg you," I pleaded while bowing.
"How long do you want to keep your status with Nadia a secret, Nik?" asked Bella sarcastically.
"Until I'm ready and waiting for the right time."
"You can't respect Nadia's feelings like that, Nik!" Bella continued, causing me to look down.
"That's what happened last night between me and Nadia. I fought with her about it again."
"Again?" he asked, folding his arms. "I'm surprised that you guys are so happy to fight now. You used to have such a good feeling. Nik, the whole campus knows about your marriage to Nadia and now you're trying to hide it from Dara? Isn't that too much? What if Dara finds out about your and Nadia's marriage from someone else's mouth?" asked Bella, which made me think for a moment.
What Bella said was right, what if Dara found out about this marriage from other people's mouths? The problem will get more complicated if there are other parties who create new problems.
"One person Maxime alone has made you divided, now added to the presence of Dara. Don't you have a headache? I hope your relationship with Nadia will be fine," said Bobby, which made me frown again and massage it lightly.
This dilemma is really excruciating. Why do I have to experience unwanted things like this?