I gently grabbed his thighs and slowly lifted them up, pushing him against the wall while i continued kissing him and making out as usual.
We've never gone all the way which I desperately wanted to change, I wanted to prove that I can trust him more then Jimin, which I know is a bad way to want to loose your virginity but I didn't really care about morals at this point. All I cared about was trying to get over Jimin and yet still I find myself crying every night then ending up spending the night in Taehyungs room.
I haven't really discussed anything with taehyung about our hookups, and for now it was simply a quick way to blow off steam, which I'm fine with but I want to know how far he's willing to go with me. And I'll admit that I'm scared, the most I've ever done with anybody was blowjobs and make outs, which seems shocking given all the information I've given you, but that's truly the farthest I've gone.
That's why I was so skeptical and scared to go all the way with Jimin, but I don't want to wait anymore, I want to show him that I'm not scared anymore and that he's not as special as he thinks he is.
But no matter how hard I try I always end up backing out last minute.
I carried Taehyung to the bed and roughly threw him on it, pushing him down and pinning his arms above him i gently touched between his thighs. Watching closely at his reactions while I pulled off his pants, watching the veins that pop out in his v-line as his heart rate noticeably increased when my hands softly caress his pelvis, slowly making its way down.
I tried to get myself to make eye contact, as it was requested multiple times, and even completely demanded at others, but Im never ever able to hold eye contact for more then a few seconds at a time. And once again I honoured that tradition and broke our eye contact and looked away shy the moment he made any kind of facial expressions and noises.
I looked down at what I was doing and soon started jerking him off while planting kisses and marks all over his neck, I looked at my master peace and went back in at places I didn't feel was quit dark or noticeable enough and praised myself at one certain love mark on his jaw which I thought was very pretty on him as if it was a peace of jewelry or a certain bird in a la escaping art work, which is often what I see myself thinking of him as.
An artwork, a canvas, I black peace of paper that needs to be painted, and I I'm the painter,.
I didn't have time to go down further to his chest before he came in my hands, I slowly started stopping looking down to his pelvis and watching as his tool slowly went out and softer in my hands as I gently rubbed my thumb over his tip.
I looked back up at his face, immediately looking away and back down trying to play it cool, he has this smirk that he looks at me with and it's just so fucking- I don't even wanna talk about, it's just- I don't wanna talk about it.
After some playing with his now soft thang I looked up and didn't even give myself time to get shy before I lowered my arms and allowed my body to somewhat lay on top of him as I kissed him deeply and hugged his body threw the slow, steady but heavy makeout session.
I'll be honest the sencer, gentle and intimate kissing is by far my favourite thing to do with him, I could kiss him for hours. Literally, the longest sesh we had lasted for almost three hours, and I loved every single millisecond of it.
His lips are warm, soft, gentle and beautiful to look at, his neck and jaw is everything I've ever wanted and leaving marks that he ultimately will scold me for and try to hide~
I knew that I'd never trust anyone else to be this intimate and close with, I feel like when he holds me against his chest and gently kisses me, the whole world just stops at that moment. I feel like nothing can ever go wrong, I feel like I'm safe. Which I haven't felt with somebody in a good long while.
Of course there's always the guilt at the back of my mind knowing that I'm slowly admitting that I've fallen in love with the one person I promised myself I wouldn't, and I knew at some point the conversation of 'what are we' is gonna pop up and my heart will once again be broken. But this time I see it coming and I promise myself that when it does come, I won't let it affect me as much as Jimin did. I promised myself I'd be strong this time and just take whatever he's willing to give me, wether that's a friend's with benefits or if he wants to just stop and that he was only doing this because he was feeling sorry for me, I'd accept and move on but I'm going to avoid the conversation as much as humanly possible.
For as long as humanly possible.
We continued making out for a long time and eventually I slowly drifted off into a deep sleep, petty sure I was still on top of him. When I woke up again we were both comfortably cuddling, I felt myself get hard immediately as I fell asleep unsatisfied. Something I find myself doing often is waking up a few hours later and just masturbate while softly touching him and think of him as I usually end up just blowing or jerking him off and then getting distracted by kissing him.
Which isn't something I've skipped out on this time, I was touching myself while softly caressing his thighs, thinking about atrocious and disturbing things I could do to him so easily... He's so much smaller then me, weaker and I could just-... I dont wanna talk about it.
I easily climaxed and was softly panting, gently squeezing his thighs while slowly drifting back into sleep feeling satisfied and content. Happy hed allow me to sleep next to him and trust me enough to let me cuddle and caress him, something I'd never imagine someone like him would let someone like me do.
But seeing how I've reacted to such small things he's done, it made me realize how protective and scared I am over my body and how easily I'd shut people out and feel uncomfortable at any kind of physical contact. I often don't let strangers touch me, and it took me three years to be able to sleep in the same bed as Hoseok even though most of our other friends were sleeping together, cuddling and having pillow fights the moment they met. I literally waited until everybody was asleep before taking a shower in my own home, I'd refuse to undress in front of anybody in the locker rooms but I simply brushed it off as being the shy kind.
But seeing how I'm finally allowing someone so close to me, and seeing how a simple kiss can drive me so insane, I'm realizing that maybe I'm not just shy, maybe there's a little more to it...