I don't know why I expected anything different from myself. Maybe it was my ignorance or innocence if I was to be kind to myself. Blatant stupidity, so much so that now that I am in a more proper sense of mind, I feel my face burn in shame at my actions.
I sigh again. Losing count of how many times I have done it this cold evening, as much as I know with infuriating clarity that it was my fault. The reflex urge to blame it on someone else is the natural urge that comes to me. The circumstances I had been caught up in caused all the following problems.
Though even that is too harsh on me, he was the one who left and cheated. I was just the fool that believed the lies and trying not to blame myself for his disgusting actions. Or maybe I am. I will admit I feel a lasting bitterness.
Getting up from the marble steps, I stop and think for a long moment. My body protests, numb with the cold. But what else can I do? I am the one that will have to pick up the pieces. Even as I stand here, most things are under his ownership. Powerless am I to the Crown Prince and his new soon-to-be fiancée. I can only watch, with a smile, a man who has made me redundant.
What a fool I am.
Suddenly my world topples. I crumple onto the floor, the carpet ever so soft under my hands, my hands scratched slightly, and a throbbing sensation fills them; it is only then that I notice the tears streaming down my face. I make no noise as I weep silently.
I need this reprieve, a moment of silence, a moment of understanding, a moment of peace.