"I have always been left alone, now you come out and help me. I can't help but be fond."
••••
Wang Kai woke up in the middle of the night. It had been a while since he felt so clean and comfortable, yet he was still wary of the kind lady that had helped him. He had seen how dangerous she was. Even if she had protected him from those mean old men. Wang Kai hoped she would never be mad at him, he hoped she would stay with him.
But everyone had left him previously. They all died.
The very thought of the kind lady in front of him dying because of him, or because of protecting him, made his heart crumple in pain and Wang Kai curled up into a foetal position as the tears streamed down his face. Hurriedly wiping away at his face, scared that he was going to get in trouble for dirtying the clothes that he had been so graciously given.
Wang Kai let out a startled yelp when arms hugged him tight, and suddenly he was being rocked back and forth.
He buried his face in the lady's chest and sobbed his little heart out. Before scrambling backwards and trying to put space between them as apologies started pouring out of his mouth even as she tried shushing him.
"Why are you sorry?"
Wang Kai looked down at his lap in shame.
Xianlan heard the young boy mumble something.
"What was that?"
"I didn't want to get your sh-shirt dirty."
Wang Kai flinched slightly when he heard the other, chuckling, and in the room's quietness, the little peal of laughter seemed louder in his ears. Slowly, he looked up at the lady that held him so tenderly in her embrace. It made him feel like he was being coddled by a mother he wished he had before they were so cruelly separated.
"I don't mind at all. I can always wash these shirts," Xianlan gently patted his head, "I care more about you. Would you tell me why you were crying?"
Wang Kai bit his lip as he felt his eyes burning again, "... People that were close to me – they're all gone! Dead – I-I don't want you to a-also–"
"Shh... it's alright. I will not be dying soon."
I promise to protect you and always keep you safe.
The moon was their only witness; of a tender and affectionate bond. Whether this bond would stand the test of time is solely up to the individuals themselves.
••••
"...name is Wang Kai. Skittish, so be careful and do not push it. If he seeks me, you can take him to the training field. I will be there. I only have 6 matches today, and they are to be scheduled in the evening."
Wang Kai blearily opened his eyes, rubbing them. He felt for the lady. But only grasped endless covers and silken sheets. He shot up and looked around frantically, trying to find the lady that saved him. When Wang Kai finally caught sight of her, he bolted out of the bed and wrapped himself around her leg, holding on tight, startling the two adults.
"Good morning, Wang Kai. Did you sleep well?"
"M-morning, mother."
"..."
"..."
Lola took one look at her friend and let out a small 'pft-' noise, to which was responded with a murderous glare from Xianlan.
A small sob stopped the both of them from glaring at each other and Xianlan looked down and was dumbfounded to see the little boy crying again.
"Hey, hey– Darling, why are you crying again?"
"Does m-mother not want me?"
"No, no. Mother wants you, but she has some things that she needs to do during the evening and in the morning. It will be dangerous so Lola," here she pointed at her friend who was still chuckling, "Will look after you, alright?"
"Can I come with mummy?"
"It's dangerous."
"But, can I come?"
"Wang Kai–"
"WAHHHH– Mother doesn't want me anymore!!"
Xianlan's eyes twitched, then sighed and relented, "Of course, you can. But Lola is to look after you for the whole day. You are not to touch anything without Lola's or my consent. Is that understood, Wang Kai?"
He nodded his head eagerly, "Yes! I understand mummy perfectly!"
••••
The evening came quicker than Xianlan would have liked. But she steeled her nerves as she entered the arena, and the roar of the crowd seemed thunderous. Distantly, there was some muffled introduction of the Imperial Family in attendance too.
That's why it's so crowded today.
My first opponent was a gruff-looking man, ripped with strong muscle around his arms and possessing a long sword; even if it was tattered and clipped in certain parts, it was still a formidable weapon. He looked like a titan. I changed my grip a little as we circled each other, trying to see any weak points of our opponent.
There was nothing so far, and I knew I had given nothing away either.
His brow crinkled, and his grip on his sword shook for a moment.
And I struck out.
The screeching sound of metal on metal. I glared into his eyes as he did mine.
There was something so much more intimate about this fight.
Maybe it was the fact that we knew that if we lost this fight there would be no face left for us if we were to go back. We had come too far with everything to lose.
Jabbing him in the stomach with my fist, and then parrying his blow that came from the left, a feign to the left and a slice at the neck, another kick to the chest. One more swipe at his weapon near the hilt, and then his sword was hurled far away. It clattered on the field, and he stood up and raised his fists.
I can't beat him just like this–
"MUMMY! GO, MUMMY!"
My eyes widened as I saw Wang Kai with Lola and Johnathan next to him. Cheering alongside him.
Sidestepping the first punch launched by the other man, I grabbed his wrist and spun him around before planting my feet firmly into the ground and pulling a hammer throw. Not that we were far from the edge of the ring, anyway.
It surprised me at my ruthlessness in the last moments of this fight; looking up to where Wang Kai was seated... well, not sat, jumping about wildly before getting close to the edge as the announcer announced me as the winner of the first fight of the evening.
I only saw Wang Kai, and I beamed at him. Smiling up at him until my cheeks ached slightly, jogging towards them, I held out my arms and before Lola and Johnathan could react, he leapt over the railing, flinging himself as if he knew I was going to catch him.
And I did. I always will.
••••
Time passed quickly and soon I was entering the last arena, the one that is near the Imperial Palace. All the other competitors seemed like seasoned veterans; for the first time, I felt fear. Such palpable and genuine fear, fear that I wouldn't do well enough, that somehow I'd slip up and ruin my chances of winning.
I still remember my mother's last few words before I had left in the carriage.
"No matter what you do. Do well enough so that you will not regret it later. You can always come back to us. You are our daughter, regardless, of what the other people will say."
Huffing in frustration, I closed my eyes and opened them again. It was not about winning this time. Looking down, Wang Kai is in my arms.
I promised to protect him.
Holding him tighter as I sat in the carriage's silence, the sound of my things being taken off the back of the carriage. I looked out of the carriage and up into the sky. The leaves were such a soft yet vibrant green, and spring was in full swing.
I look back down, seeing how the servants were scurrying around, Lola and Johnathan among them. Shaking my head after a slightly longer pause, I gently wake Wang Kai up. Smiling slightly as he wipes at his eyes and yawns; resisting the urge to coo at him.
"Wang Kai. Wake up," Xianlan gently brushed away some hair, "Did you sleep well?"
"Mn!"
"We're here now. It is time for us to go now."
"Okay."
Such a well-behaved kid, I thought as I opened the carriage door and got out first. There was a slight chill in the air, I picked Wang Kai up and bundled him tightly within my cloak.
Xianlan smiled again as Wang Kai burrowed further into her embrace, seeking warmth from the sharp chill of the northern wind.
••••
There was something off about the way he had approached me. I didn't know that he could have sported such a forlorn expression.
The Crown Prince was now standing in front of me again. Something new. It wasn't an everyday occurrence to have one of the most desired bachelors. I rolled my eyes so hard they nearly fell out—, come knocking on your door in the late evening. If I was part of the majority of the ladies, I may have swooned and invited him in to partake in some nightly activities. Yet the only things that I seem to feel were annoyance and fatigue. Although this is not me saying that Alexander isn't attractive, he is; but, I do not consider him so.
Why did he choose now of all times to have a conversation?
I sighed as he tried to invite himself into my room, but I kept the door firmly in place, glaring at him.
"Why now? Your Majesty," I grit out, "You understand it is highly inappropriate to enter a lady's chamber at the night."
"Xianlan," a warning tone, the same tone that made my hackles rise in defiance.
"What." I snarled out.
"Please. I just want to talk — I—please—"
"No."
"Please! Just a moment of your—"
"... Mummy? Wh-where are you?"
My eyes widened in shock, and I hurriedly slammed the door shut and rushed over to Wang Kai.
"Sorry, darling. Did mummy wake you?"
I watched Wang Kai snuggle into my arms. "It's okay!"
"But what was mummy doing? And who is that strange man peeking at us?"
I whirled around. The horror felt so vividly in my bones as a levelled the most poisonous glare I could muster in Alexander's direction. I could feel the pressure in my jaw building, if the slight grinding noise of teeth was anything to go by, my grip around Wang Kai unconsciously tightening.
"Get out, Alexander. Or I will scream—"
"Whose child is that?" The accusation was clear in his voice, I had never felt my blood boil at such an insinuation.
"Mine," I responded with just as much venom, "What of it?"
Alexander walked toward us, and I started backing away, feeling something akin to mild terror at him stalking me and Wang Kai. I quickly put myself between Wang Kai and him, pushing him back.
"What do you want? We can talk another time—"
"Is he the reason you broke off the engagement with me?!" he hissed.
I sucked in a breath. "Talk later. Not now."
"Please—"
"I have heard enough. Stop it and leave."
With my back to him, I did not see him off at the door, thoughts consumed by the little, slightly frightened child in front of me. Although there was a little fire in his gaze as he gently reached out to me, grabbing my hand so gently too. I, myself, was astounded; smiling at him, I laid Wang Kai down and stroked the little boy's head until he was asleep again.
Blearily, he opened his eyes again and mumbled something.
"What was that, darling?" I whispered.
"Was... was that man a bad man?"
I chuckled, but the little grip on my hand tightened, looking back and meeting his little fierce gaze head-on, "I wouldn't say he's a bad man. But he is someone that Mummy doesn't really like currently. Now hush, sleep well, my little one."
••••
Xianlan held Wang Kai in her arms as they descended the stairs, idle chatter between Xianlan and Lola, Johnathan was leading them to the canteen where they were to get their food and mark themselves down as being present before they were granted free rein to do what they want with their time before the finals.
The most common answer one would receive if they were to ask what they would do is read up on more ways to improve oneself in the little time they have left now or spar with others.
Xianlan was planning on doing the latter, and then maybe letting Johnathan beat her to a pulp in front of the other contestants. It was something that made people more confident in their skills, a toxic trait of sorts to think when another fails, you can rise in their place as if their place wasn't that difficult to rise from. Until one feels the true brunt of it, then you will feel flush with shame.
The two stepped into one of the vacant rings and fought. It was fast and brutal, the thunk of the wooden swords provided if connected with the physical body would cause severe bruising or a broken bone sometimes.
Some of the other contestants ended up watching, seeing how long this young girl could hold herself against one of the best swordsmen in the kingdom; this was something new to them because they had seldom seen someone so young before, there were a few. But that's all it was, a few that have ever attended. However, they had made it to 'Purgatory', a colloquial term for an intermediate stage of contestants before the finals.
Wang Kai watched with abject horror, and fascination rolled into one. Although the boy was young, he still knew it was very dangerous. Something that made his heart rate increase substantially, and he was worried.
Johnathan whacked the sword from Xianlan's hand.
"We are to continue. I want to see how you hold yourself if you have lost your sword."
Xianlan barely had time to move out of the way as Johnathan lunged at her, the sword thumping heavily into her right arm. A brutal move and agony shot up her arm, but she had to ignore it, otherwise, she was going to be turned into a pulp!
Jumping out of the way, she ran around the ring, clutching at his arm, and it came back warm. Seemed there was a mild cut on her arm, raising her fists, she blocked the heavy thwack of the sword and punched Johnathan in his stomach before launching another kick into his chest, and as she kicked him she wrenched the sword out of his hand and rushed to get her own and with a final punch and kick combo, launching Johnathan out of the ring.
A satisfied huff left her lips.
Although when she looked over to where Wang Kai and Lola stood, she nearly fainted; why was the boy crying again?!
Wincing as she rushed over, she brushed away his tears gently and inquired why he was crying. After a while of trying to console the boy but to no avail; still fully and wholly unconsolable. Xianlan looked at Lola, a question in her gaze.
"What happened?"
"He saw you getting hurt," was the simple heart-warming answer.
Xianlan looked down at Wang Kai, mildly surprised to see that he was already looking at her.
••••
Alexander walked through the halls. The halls were not familiar to him and as he neared the door; it surprised him, surprised that he felt such apprehension just to talk to someone that he had known for so long.
The word 'had' rung loudly in his mind, pausing him in his step—
Gripping the doorknob, he twisted it and entered the room, and he was astonished to see a tender smile on Xianlan's face, and something bitter and ugly rose in his heart as he saw it was aimed at the little child that she had picked up off the street.
As the door clicked shut, Xianlan looked up calmly, and it wiped the smile off her face in an instant. Alexander himself gave a smile, but it came out more of as a grimace, something that he felt was unfair. A slightly vindictive thought entered his head, and he hoped Xianlan would feel some type of discomfort.
Alexander glared at the kid, a street rat, his mind supplied, but he immediately pushed it down; who was he to judge someone, let alone a child, on their background?
"Are you just going to stand there?"
"No," he waved a maid over, "Grab some tea for us—"
"Some milk tea would be nice, some plain scones if you have any?"
"Right away, my lady."
"Hey Wang Kai, will you follow Lola into the playroom? I have to talk about some matters that may bore you."
Wang Kai was quite sharp at picking up the tone when Xianlan spoke to him. It held no room for argument, presented as a suggestion, but was just ordered in disguise. He nodded quietly and had made to leave until he saw the disdainful glare on the Crown Prince's face. Something in him burned with indignation and he wanted to turn back to his mum and plead to stay; instead, he opted to openly glare at the Crown Prince, surprising Alexander, and it made him look down and sneer at the child.
"What have you told the child for him to look at me with such contempt?"
"Your Majesty. You have come here today to talk to me, not about my child."
"Your child?"
A snort of derision came from Alexander. In response, he was only met with a cool gaze from Xianlan.
"Wang Kai, please go into the next room."
Wang Kai hurried over and hugged her once more before he left with a stormy-faced Lola. And just before they reached the door and were about to leave, Alexander spoke up whilst glaring into his teacup.
"If I wanted to, I would have his eyes gouged out for glaring at the member of the Imperial Family."
"And when had the Imperial Family been so sensitive to gouge out their subject's eyes? Are you here to talk to me or threaten the one who is under my ward, Alexander?"
He looked up from his teacup, and she stared back at him, looking like a porcelain doll, a terrifying one. Something unnerving about her blank face and the icy undertone of her voice, even though there was the always infuriating, amicable smile on her face.
"Lola. Take Wang Kai and. Leave."
She bowed and said nothing, a firm grip on Wang Kai's wrist as she nearly had to drag the reluctant boy out.
Xianlan takes a sip of her tea. "Take the scones and milk tea to Lola and Wang Kai. Leave some water for me."
"Understood, my lady."
She drank from her cup filled with spring water and a little amount of honey. "What did you want to talk about, Your Majesty?"
"Why did you ask for a divorce?"
Xianlan could feel the onset of an upcoming headache. "Because I don't like you."
"Marriage is a bargaining chip. It is not a matter of like or dislike—"
"What is the bargain? What is the deal?" Xianlan continued sipping slowly. She had no fear in her body, "So you can have the Wuzung Dukedom under your foot? Our complete and utter devotion and loyalty?"
"That's not what I meant—"
"Your Highness, with all due respect, you are a fickle being," Xianlan wrinkled her nose, almost as if she smelt something unpleasant, "Where is your new lover?"
Images of Sophia flashed through his mind, but it had been a wonder because, for the past few months, he did not think of her often. It was not like before. Where he had thought of her constantly, always sending her gifts and letters, and taking her on random trips. There was just silence and had been for a while, but Alexander could not find it in himself to feel guilty.
A myriad of emotions flitted across his face. Even if they were mild reactions, they were still obvious reactions. It was something that made a sneer more permanent on Xianlan's face. Because she had a good idea of what he was thinking and that was what made this needless conversation so much more unbearable. Not only was Alexander daft with communication, but he also had a one-track mind.
How is he so daft?!
"My — my new lover?! You dare to ask me when you adopt a street urchin?"
"And how is that any of your business?"
"Be-because it's—"
"I can see you still cannot form a coherent argument," Xianlan takes a deep breath. "Please, refrain from hanging out with me or even coming into contact with me. I am sure you have a reputation that you must keep. I am your divorcee. It is not appropriate for me and you to meet like this—"
"Damn my reputation! It is not of any importance to me," he took a deep breath, steadying himself, "It is because — I think imaystillhavefeelingsfor you!"
"Sorry, what was the last bit?"
Alexander looked down, the tips of his ears bright red, something that went unnoticed by Xianlan who only looked at him with annoyance and exasperation. Xianlan only saw him glaring at the ground.
"Go find someone else. I am not interested in you, you cannot give me or my family anything we want because we already have what we want and that is stability. We desire nothing more, and I too desire nothing more."
"What about our memories together?"
"I will regard them as just that. Memories and I will always look at them fondly. They are memories, after all. But, I will ignore our interactions from now on, and there should be nothing more than civil politeness between us. We should be like water and oil, and go our paths."
"And what if I don't want to? What if I want to be involved in your life?"
Xianlan peered at him over her teacup before downing the last of her water and set it back onto the table. And she stared at him. For a moment, contemplating. Contemplating on how to answer the Crown Prince, someone who she has never regarded as an individual to plead with someone; in Xianlan's mind, he was always a steadfast, stubborn and brave boy, that's all he was. A one-track mind, filled with sometimes misplaced determination. Even if he is quite spoiled, hence the misplaced determination.
Alexander watched the other, with the afternoon sun and cerulean sky, almost pouring into the room from outside, it made an ethereal sight, with the other's brown hair tied in a half-up-half-down hairstyle, an ornament with a hairpin in the top, securing the fair and the few strands that framed her face, with brown eyes, eyes that turned dark when angered and brightened in the most beautiful way when lit up with the simple pleasures of life. Brown eyes that held clarity and a pearl of certain wisdom to them that rivalled the Oracles.
What am I thinking?!—
"You," the word was uttered thick with derision, the very tone made Alexander's throat clog up as his mind pleaded, "back in my life again?"
Another moment of silence before the sound of porcelain shattering against the wall and the splintering of it onto the floor startled Alexander.
"Why would you ever think I would want you, of all people, back in my life?"