"Have you ever heard of the Song of Achilles?"
••••
There was never a truly happy hero unless it were in fairytales, the heroes that we have always been told, something that we have rarely seen in life. Our heroes are always untouchable, the perfect superego of us, and we can only hope to be as good as them. Hoping to be as divine as them, yet how can we, mere humans, wish to rival divinity and those blessed by it?
How arrogant of us. But that is humanity, is it not?
That was what was going through Xianlan's head as she glared at him. "You have no right to ask that of me. If you want me in your life, you know what to do."
The shattered cup on the floor, something like a sick reminder for Alexander. He was the reason why some things are broken. Yet his heart burns—
Of course, Alexander knew what to do. He was more than clear about it, but his pride simply wouldn't let him, so he grit his teeth and pressed on. Talking of different ways of approaching the topic, and tried to persuade her, and just as many times as he tried, he was refuted just as often. It was grating on his nerves; he was the Crown Prince, perfect and poised, praised by many. They freely gave appreciative looks and respect anywhere he went.
"Why won't you forgive me? You know in the end you will still have to face me and we would have to interact! I have been more than lenient with—"
"And that is where you are wrong," he was interrupted by Xianlan who looked weary and much too bored, "I do not care if you are lenient with me. Threaten me all you want, but I truly do not care."
There was a pause in the room, then Alexander stood up. He left the room much more quietly than he had come.
The silence rang loudly in the room, the only sound was the crinkle of the glass that one of the maids swept up carefully. Xianlan gave her an apologetic look, and responded with a small smile.
Xianlan let out a breath, and decided to go out to the training grounds. She still had things to do and moves to practise, she had already wasted enough time on the pointless conversation.
Why did he even want to know the reason for the divorce? I gave back the freedom he so dearly wanted.
That was the only nagging question that Xianlan had wanted answered, but here she was, walking through the high arching halls. She was at a sense of loss, though not sure of what she was reaching out for; though not really sure what she was reaching out for she was not tethered to him anymore and the only thing that really seemed to keep her there was her sense of duty to the people who were in her life.
Many thoughts plagued the young heiress, thoughts flitting back and forth, darting around in her head like wild birds in a cage.
Emotions are so fickle.
••••
Xianlan landed on the ground with a heavy thump, Johnathan loomed over her. A disappointed frown on his face as he helped her up again.
He could not really deny the fondness he had for the younger brunette, and seeing her now there was a distinct change in her demeanour although not really that noticeable to the average person if they had not spent time with her. Of course, he could see it in the way she sparred, there was not much vigour, and she fought like how he had seen some enemy soldiers fight when they had laid siege to them. No hope, and just half-heartedly raising their swords before they were cut down. In addition to that there was the lack of focus that was tainting their spar.
Johnathan kicked her down again, "What is wrong?"
"Nothing. Just tired."
He gritted his teeth, "Stop lying."
"What is the point?"
"What do you mean?"
"He wanted to come back into my life again. Well that's what he says."
There was no need to question who 'he' was, it was common knowledge that the young lady in front of him had asked for the divorce, and the fact that the Crown Prince had agreed surprised them even more. Even if they seemed to not have any bad blood between them, both sides were gracious and polite to the other, the Imperial Family, only slightly more so because the WuZung Family was the reason why they had gained the upper hand in the previous civil war against the Runions; the Runions were a group that had deviated, and had ended up infiltrating the Imperial Court, and manipulated many of the Imperial decisions.
The original Imperial Family before the current Jaxx Family, the Imperial Family before them had become greedy and had become allies with eth Runions, and later causing rampant unrest within Eflua. Crime was rampant and the nobles that were affiliated had fed themselves well while the rest of the population had starved, inflation rates were high, and they had only a few allies, but even then the original family had bullied them and had them on a tight leash, all resources were given to them, and much of the tax money was put into the pockets of the corrupt nobles and the expansion of military. The military was monstrous, and it was ruthless, they were just as cruel as the people who were in charge.
But because there was a threat so imminent, and punishments so cruel. It was almost a daily thing to see a hanging, or an execution.
Poverty was so rampant that if one were to look down alleyways, or walked anywhere without a good guide, or a small weapon on them then they were sure to be mugged that day. Prostitution was really the only way for women to get money and earn a living as the laws had turned women into nothing but the property of their father, and then when married their husbands. But if the father was to die before the daughter was to be wedded then they would be the next male heirs property. If she had no living male relatives then she would be sent into the nunnery. That was one of the only few survivable places, one of the places that actively persecuted the transgressors. Although, more often than not that was futile as nothing came of it.
Within the nobility a few families had banded together and had funded small charities with trusted people that were loyal to the new group and started helping those that were in need, which was the majority of the population. So, the few nobles that had started this in their own territory hailed them and pledged their loyalty to them, and willingly gave them their produce and sent gifts and people to those nobles. Of course, this was done in secret otherwise they would be charged with conspiracy and that, at the time, was punishable by a public flogging and hanging.
Then the current emperor, Archelaus Jaxx, though young at the time was one of the son of one of the numerous concubines had returned from war, a war which he had been sent of to die, but instead came back victorious, and had caught rumours of this cause and joined. Then the rest is history, the original family had been executed, a swift beheading and then that was that. But because of the abrupt revolution there were many of the noble families who did not like the young Emperor's views. They sought to destroy him, and completely ruin him, planning to exile him to a small distant island while some others outright wanted him dead.
The Wuzung Matriarch at the time had stepped in and gave him a powerful hand, she also had one of the charities that helped slaves to escape and had created a tight-knit underground railroad, allowing those that were in hopes of finding better lives to travel to neighbouring countries. The Wuzung Matriarch had never given him her name, and had chosen it to stay like that. Soon, most of the corrupt nobles were also exposed for their crimes and the children were spared, they were given a second chance to build up their families again by the Matriarch who had managed to give a helping hand and reach out to those that had been wronged by those noble families. Of course, this was not without extreme bitterness in some cases, but the majority of them understood the importance of this second chance and grabbed like a man without water in a desert being given a drop.
Although things are much better, the nobles now are always still looking for ways to improve the living conditions for some of the slums that were stubbornly remaining – although this was because of the communities that have already formed, but nonetheless there was the money being given to help make the buildings and infrastructure better – and there is also the willingness to improve their relations with the other countries that still have not fully forgiven the country.
"Why?"
"Because he feels bad. I believe."
Johnathan snorted, "The Crown Prince? Are we talking about the same one?"
"Yes, surprisingly."
"Did he accuse your ward?"
"How did you know?"
"Lola."
"Right."
"Take your frustrations out on me then."
"Oh~"
"Shut up!" came the mildly disgusted response.
••••
Wang Kai was already asleep when Xianlan came back from training and ate a very late dinner. By the looks of it when she came in he had tried to stay awake for a while, this was then confirmed by Lola who had come by to check on her friend. She had noticed the change to, there was a sag in her friends shoulders even as she had taken on some of the toughest swordsmen in the country. Xianlan would always walk with her shoulders set and straight, gaze forward and a small smile on her lips. While most had stayed the same, her friend's face was slightly paler than usual.
"Is everything alright?"
"Yes, I am well."
"I am always here if you need to talk."
The words hung in the air for a bit, then Xianlan decided to speak, "Thank you. Please, rest well. It's late."
She knew a dismissal when uttered and Lola was out of the room in moments; though she had suddenly felt a great loathing towards Alexander Jaxx, he was someone so plain and daft. Sure, he was attractive, but that was all there was to him. Lola was pretty sure if she worded her insult correctly and said something along the lines of him being a beautiful vessel he would preen. He was the reason why Xianlan looked so tired and weary now. Lola felt helpless, how she was not able to take some responsibilities off her friends shoulder.
Lola walked quietly back to her room.
There was only one more day left.
Back in the room, Xianlan stroked Wang Kai's head. He was a young kid, and it would probably be best to get him as educated as soon as she could when the competition was over. That would mean he would be more accustomed to the new life as his ward.
Xianlan continued to think for another few minutes, the sound of the clock ticking quietly in the background, the sound of the crickets in the night that trickled in from the window and the distant chirping of cicadas. A stillness in the air as the moon slipped in through the window, like a gentle waterfall. Xianlan looked to the windows and into the night sky. The gentle heat, and the gentle breeze that brushed over her, calmed her frazzled nerves.
Tonight was exceptionally clear, and she could see many of the stars twinkling in the distance. Constellations dotted the sky, and it was in that moment that Xianlan felt an amazing sense of tranquillity. It was because she knew that in the end, the view would not change; the heavens were fair in this regard, all had the same view, and all were welcome to see the majestic view of the heavens. No bias, prejudice; there was no talk of ranks and material possessions once in front of the heavens.
All view was the same, even above far humbler walls.
••••
Alexander hurried through the long hallways, his footfalls loud and echoing in the barren hallways that were only slightly muffled by the rugs, reaching the throne room where his father had called for him and surprising as it was, it was something that Alexander was astonished about too.
It had been two days since the talk he had with Xianlan but the days had felt long and unbearable, akin to an itch under the skin that no matter how hard one scratched the itch would persist. It was nagging, something gnawing at the back of his mind and it did not make Alexander's temper better at all, having been irate for a long period now. Now, he was hearing talks of a potential war with one of their neighbours. They still held discontent from the previous transgressions of the prior scums.
The peace talks start early, it was a slight on the other's part. To disrupt another family at such an unruly hour was considered rude as it was an indicator that they were not fond of you. To talk of serious matters before the household was fully awake, had not rested completely before resuming their daily duties; was an insinuation that one had no regard for the household they were in attendance in.
Alexander had seated himself to the right of his father, and listened intently to the discontents from the mouths of the other foreign ministers in attendance. After minutes that slowly crawled into hours, it was blatantly obvious to those of the Jaxx Family that this group was heavily involved with the corruption of the previous family. It seemed that even with talks of peace, things were not going well as they were demanding a lot of compensation, military expansion, trading of weapons, and talks of taking more land for a 'growing population'. Alexander watched his father, his father's gaze was cold and not all that kind when he looked at the ministers, and Alexander himself relished in the feeling of having such a powerful father.
After another hour slogged by, their guests had finally left. And after leaving Alexander had talked to his father about what his next course of action and what he was to do regarding the delusional demands that were placed in front of them; Alexander watched his father sigh before motioning for Alexis, his trusted advisor, to go and do some digging about the country of Zera.
Alexander looked out of his window from his office, taking a momentary break from the files and mountain of letters that were in front of him. He looked down, and into the training ground, straining his neck he saw Xianlan sparring with Johnathan, Lola and Wang Kai watching from the side.
He never dealt with jealousy well, and it was even worse now. Because Alexander had the rude awakening of knowing that he had never been able to hold Xianlan's interest, even if he desperately tried. Maybe that's why he had chosen to flirt with Sophia, he had wanted to be noticed by her so desperately.
Yet that is not an excuse.
Turning away from the wind he settled himself back into his chair and started writing again. A knock sounded from the door.
"Come in."
"Your tea, Your Highness."
"Thank you."
"Is there anything else you need?"
"Uh… No. I do not believe so. But," there was a pause and Bastille was surprised by what was said next, "How does one repair a bond they broke themselves?"
Bastille, the elderly butler that had cared for the young Prince since young, a strong headed, emotional boy. Is, seemingly, finally maturing. Bastille gave a warm smile and then walked closer to Alexander, and they began to converse in hurried voices.
The competition had surprisingly went smoothly and Xianlan was not that injured, and she was soon granted knighthood.
But when she had got home both her parents had a grim look on their faces, yet they had refused to talk of the matter. Always changing the topic by cooing at Wang Kai and spoiling the little boy rotten, although Xianlan would also have to admit that it was quite endearing seeing the young boy flushing under the attention and praise. Xianlan would also tease the young boy, saying that he would soon surpass her in all aspects of life, to which had been vehemently denied by Wang Kai who had loudly proclaimed whilst grabbing hold of her sleeve at the dinner table that he would look after he for the rest of his days when he is older. Xianlan had laughed, a loud boisterous laugh before refusing the little one, who ended up sniffling. Wherein she had proceeded to get scolded by her mother, and her father hurried to comfort the little boy, but was rejected, her mother tried but was also rejected.
Nonetheless, they were all happy, until there was a momentary flash of the grim look that had become something familiar.
Xianlan spoke.
"What is wrong? You're pulling faces as if we've been told of a potential war."
The silence that answered her made Xianlan's stomach coil; Wang Kai did not know the change of tone. But he had finished eating, and Xianlan did not wish to talk about morbid things in front of her son. So she smiled and urged him to go play with Lola, promising that she would find him after talking to his grandparents.
"Don't tell me it's true."
"It is," came the quiet answer from her mother.
"Don't be reckless."
Her father's tone was unusually cold, something that was different from the usual playful tone he sported.
"Why am I being only told of this now?"
"Because me and your mother don't want you to go. We know you too well, you'd go and volunteer."
"We can't afford to lose you."
Xianlan looked at her mother, who now looked much older as the normal strength and vigour of her person seemed to have left her, leaving only a silhouette of a tired and worn-out mother, "I know that mother, but do not worry. I will have Johnathan and a small group of trusted nights with me too."
"This is why we should have just never told you," came the exasperated answer from her mother.
"Wait. Have the talks already been closed?"
Her father nodded, "Yes, the Emperor and his ministers had tried to reason. But it was null. They wanted blood and had officially declared war this morning."
"Oh, so that's why there were no papers this morning."
A wry chuckle sounded from her parents, and she continued to slowly eat, digesting her food as well as the information that had just been, unceremoniously dumped on her. Her country was going to war, over past discontent. She looked at her soup, Xianlan had always known that peace would not last, and it would not hold; peace was an ideal, an expensive one. One that had claimed the lives of so many for but a moment's reprieve in the grand scheme of things. Or maybe, she was just being cynical.
Zera and Eflua were officially at war now.
Even if she did end up dying she would name Wang Kai her heir, it was something that wasn't official as of yet. But she would have to hurry, before her departure, although not sure exactly when, although she would know that it'd been in a few weeks time at most. If the war has been officially declared then things would be progressing at a rapid pace, and by the end of the day after there would be posters up urging men to join the army.
Time flew by quickly. Over the past week there had been many actions and orders that had changed the way of their subjects' lives quickly, almost as if they were thrown head first into water, they had no choice but to swim if they didn't want to drown. But it was not as difficult as some ministers had hoped, the common people were happy with their way of life, and that had been subject to cruelty before, and now they were willing to fight and guard their peace. Morale was high in the offices where young adults signed up and enlisted into the ranks, their intentions pure. Most just wanted to protect their homeland or die trying.
Xianlan was much busier with training too and planning with the Emperor's strategist, Hyde Yule, a cold calculating man with his reputation of being a prized scholar preceding him. The two had no problems working with each other, and had managed to develop a little fondness for one another over time; he was ultimately also the person that managed to have Wang Kai named as her heir, with his name now changed to Wuzung Kai. However, she still called him A-Wang from time to time.
Through the processions of such things and preparation, it would not be long before she was to be sent to the front lines with others that were also highly skilled. Xianlan was the front of the cavalry charge from the left and they were to lobster pinch their opponent, she was to meet Alexander at the midpoint before filling into the middle and slaughtering those.
They were encouraged to save and protect the wives and children, farmers and all those that had no connections to the war and to help them set themselves up again whilst helping with resources. This was an Imperial Decree; also sparking the first set of legislation for War Crimes, and if anyone was to violate this new statute they would be facing Capital Punishment, with three generations of their family gone as well.
••••
Kai did not see Xianlan off on the day she left. It was something of a surprise for the household staff, something that they were not only astonished by, but upon further dwelling it was deemed something natural. They all knew of the poor boy's tragic past, well, it was only the little that they had been told and now that was something that was at the forefront of everyone's minds.
The servants did their best to console the young master even if it was to no avail; he only continued his studies in silence and holed himself up in the library.
They watched him grow and the war dragged on in the distance. Like a terrible nightmare, constantly plaguing him if not for the weekly letters that were from his mother, the lady that was so kind to have taken him in after no one else would. The one who fearlessly held him and protected him from the scorn and suspicion of the other nobles and even spoke against the Crown Prince. He was so protected by her, yet she had gone now. To the front lines, where the danger was present everyday, and for every hour of the day; if one was not vigilant and even let their guard go for even a moment, they could die. Kai was scared that everything would crumble around him; the only consolation he could find was in the box of letters.
Kai watched as the summer's passed, and before he knew it four summers had passed. He knew that the main war had ended but the ceaseless rebellions would not quell, the situation was akin to those that were putting oil onto a fire. People at their homeland were not too worried as they had gained a lot of land and prisoners, who were then integrated into their society seamlessly; it was astonishing really, how the people were not all that judgmental, nor were they that opposed to helping those 'prisoners'.
The understanding came from their knowledge of pain.
Of losing a loved one.
But that was not to say that all people were that understanding, and as much as the punishments were severe for discrimination on any grounds it was still something that people expressed. Due to no laws stating that any establishment had to serve those of a different country there was an increase in racism towards the Zeranian's, and people were told not to go into certain places.
Then came the segregation. Because there was the independence of property there was a difficulty in passing laws that came before the Emperor, but the enforcing of these possible laws was where the difficulty lay. Instead they had agreed to give every citizen an identity pass, this meant that if they were to go anywhere within the country it would be allowed as they were citizens of Eflua. Although, this had done to quell the brunt of those people's ire, it had gradually become the norm as some people of the religious community that have worshipped the God of Chix, and they had expressed their displeasure. The displeasure expressed so ignorant and so daft it was clear to anyone that had a brain it was nonsense, yet many tolerated it, because although the opinion was unsatisfactory it was allowed as they had not harmed anyone. What was punished was their protests; and their protests were loud and their behaviour was atrocious. Such as the trashing of certain properties and threatening behaviour towards some of the owners were all punished.
These kinds of people were put into jail for a night or a week, some of the more serious ones gaining a month before they were released. This had been an effective deterrence, but it was not to say that people on the other side were also innocent, some were being too tolerant and preached a narrative that when also argued with were starting to threaten the livelihoods of other people.
Overall, the country had started becoming a new mess.
So, it was lucky that the soldiers had come back when another summer had passed, just as it was about to get worse.
••••
War changes people.
It always does, leaving scars. Deep throbbing scars for the rest of one's life, on their psyche or on their body. The participants would be cursed and plagued by the demons of the battlefields, by the screams, the scent of blood, and the tearing of flesh, screeching of metal, and the scared, terrified screams and whinnying of the horses. The sounds and smell were all seared into Xianlan's memory, and even sometimes she could feel the strong ache of her muscles; anytime she were to close her eyes she would have the vivid flashbacks to when she was charging into the battle head first, leading her cavalry, and it was not something she was regretful towards. The consequences she knew, and the effects it had on her health, many of these things she had already informed herself about before heading off, but here she was feeling the effects of it and still reeling.
On her horse, riding through the town and the people were cheering, distant rumbling like thunder. She knew they were, their gleeful faces, but within the roaring crowd she could see a few tearful faces. Xianlan focused on them with startling focus to herself, and the guilt unfurled in her gut, creeping, slow and deliberate until it twists in her heart.
All is fair in war.
Yet it was something that she now had to bear the consequences with, her body bearing those scars, the remnants of war.
Even if there was not much wrong with her outwardly, there was an innocence and a spark that had now completely disappeared. A dullness that had seeped into her being.
When she got home in the evening after the long ceremony that the Emperor had prepared she had dinner in her room and then proceeded to hole herself up in her room too. Sleeping, for she had been tired. Too fatigued, and even if she were plagued with such memories it was something she was willing to risk so that she could rest; and she did rest. Even if it was something that was restless and dreamless.
This had then continued for months, and it had continued until Xianlan's mother finally had enough, forcefully dragging her daughter out and then ordering the servants to put her in her best clothes and off they went to a party hosted by a Viscount Michael's family, his daughter having her debunté. The family was surprised, as were many of the guests as they had thought that the reason why the heiress of the Wuzung Family didn't come out was due to some injury she had acquired in the war, but it was not.
Xianlan had a coldness to her, something that kept most people away from her. Maybe it was the constant scrutinising gaze that the other had, the lack of softness in her cheeks and the permanent line of her lips. Something that made those exceptionally close to her concerned about Xianlan, they too have noticed the change in her behaviours and mannerisms; gone was the carefree girl who did not dwell on her actions too much and took on elegance like a second skin. Now, there was something more rougher and calloused in place, although the elegance was there still, but now there was a warning to those that were to get too close; tight-lipped she had become, of many things, not just her feelings. Lacking the openness from before the war, Xianlan had also distanced herself from her heir, Wuzung Kai, who had also done everything that he could to try and get his mother to open up but to no avail.
The light was too bright, the music too loud, and the people were crowding around her. The atmosphere and air was heavy, tight and heavy like a bow being pulled with the intoxicating smell of perfume even if Xianlan can usually admire all the effort of the scents. Xianlan gently excused herself from the other ladies that were surrounding her, talking to her in their soft lilting voices, words of comfort and praise; small pleads and wishes for her health and to send a letter to them if she had any particular difficulties. Xianlan had smiled at these kind offers, yet only nodded and walked out onto the terrace, where there were no other occupants.
The moon was high and full in the sky, nighttime was quiet, peaceful. Something that held many secrets itself; Xianlan smiled to herself and wondered quietly how many letters she had burnt when she had addressed them to herself. Her thoughts spilled onto the papers, so truthful and vulnerable with no witnesses apart from the moon herself. Crickets and rustling of the wind between the blades of grass, her skin rippled with goosebumps now that the evening chill had crept up on her like an awful fog. And with this awful fog, those cold rain-drenched evenings on the front, those memories came back. The ones that haunted her with a vigour are now in the forefront of her mind; next thing she knew Xianlan's hands were ungloved and the nails scraped and bloody, leaving smears of blood on the balustrade rail. Distantly, she could smell her blood, soft and metallic.
Wind was cold and biting on her skin, and one could tell the seasons were changing.
She knew she couldn't continue like this. There were simply too many things in life that she had yet to experience. She knew this. But her mind had her in a vice—
Suffocating it was… so suffocating. She can't—
Distantly Xianlan knew she was having a panic attack, no threat, no triggers. It was happening. It normally went away after a few long minutes, but it never lasted—
Red skies, blood, screaming—
"God… someone," she started whispering, a raspy voice as she slowly slid to the ground cradling her head, "Get me away…"
There was nothing else, and no other presence apart from Xianlan's. Gripping her shirt tight, forcing herself to breathe in deeply and then out. Repeating this process for a few times before shakily standing up. Stumbling slightly, Xianlan sighed for the umpteenth time this evening. Walking into the room and heading straight to the Viscount and his wife, before personally talking to his daughter and wished her a happy birthday. Telling them to inform her parents and her heir that she had left early due to being extremely tired. Before she had left, the Viscount's daughter ran out after her, handing her a sealed letter and then springing back into the home.
Shrugging, Xianlan put the letter into her breast pocket and thought of reading it when she got back home if she were not too tired.
The gentle rocking of the carriage lulled Xianlan into a relaxed trance; soon enough Xianlan was taken away by sleep.
Late into the night, the single carriage trundled along, the horse and the coachman with his big coat and low-sitting cap, keeping at bay the chill of the night. Nothing to accompany them on the roads apart from the stars in the heavens, and the songs of the nocturnal animals. The stars were twinkling, brightly and seemed to move across the grande expanse of sky like there were dancing and twirling.
Redemption lies plainly in truth.