"I came here often. Sorry, it's not a pretty place..."
We are in a noisy Chinese restaurant with sounds of jug here and frying pan there. The floor is covered in grease so we have to be careful not to slip. Behind the counter, the kitchen looks quite organized, full of steam and noise. Earlier, when Iwamoto asked me what I wanted to eat, nothing popped out of my mouth. Just by simply going to eat with Iwamoto, my chest had become so full that I forgot my appetite.
So I asked him to introduce me to his favorite restaurants, and he immediately brought me here. I have to admit, it smells good.
"It's cheap here and they make quite delicious meat fried rice."
Iwamoto looks very happy, and so do I.
The restaurant is full of men who seem to work in construction areas, women, sports club members, and families. A high school girl is seen bringing some cold milkshakes to share with her friends, but in the end, one of the clerks helps her carry the tray. The atmosphere is clearly not bad.
"You sure this is a good place for a private story?"
"Yes, it's loud here. Haha."
We sit down, making ourselves comfortable. Then, Iwamoto finally starts talking.
"Well, it's a simple story. We sleep together, all of us who work in the company I mean. We have a shared bathroom too."
"I see."
But I understand right away.
Iwamoto is an MFUU, so it must be quite uncomfortable. During his menstruation, he will surely be stared at weirdly. He can only bathe after everyone gets in and must limit himself not to get in the bathtub. He changes his clothes in the same room as everyone else, so they will see that his boxer is bulging.
"You didn't tell anyone, any friends or coworkers at work?"
"...I told the president and his wife too."
According to Iwamoto, the president's wife knew about the MFUU. She even told Iwamoto that she would love to help despite already in menopause. She will provide sanitary pads or some other type of personal hygiene product. She said that whenever she goes shopping, she will bring a small package for him.
"But I don't know what to tell my colleagues...I guess I'm not going to tell them."
Iwamoto speaks quickly and quietly, stirring the fried rice with his wooden chopsticks. I nod, devoting myself to tasting the miso-flavored bean paste he had recommended before we came in.
"When I heard my diagnosis, I thought it was a lie. A menstruating man, with a uterus and everything. It would be a pain in the ass to tell other men and, somewhat embarrassing."
Sure, the world where I live and the world where Iwamoto usually is, are very different. But still, an MFUU is not a condition that many people know about. When I first heard it myself, I thought it was a weird joke.
"I am a grown-up adult now. And I thought, this is a good opportunity to live on my own."
So that's why he was in a real estate agency...
"He fired me, Sensei. He told me I could stay there as long as I needed to... The boss, since his wife understands my condition, just complies. But I'm sure he thinks that I'm useless. A freak neither a woman nor a man."
"...Excuse me?"
My appetite suddenly disappears. I swallow a mouthful of spit and stiffen.
No way, what did his boss think...? I am flooded with an unpleasant feeling. He, Iwamoto, is a strong man. I don't think just anyone can do what he does. No, wait. He lives and works in a construction company for quite a long time! Doesn't that mean he's as good as everyone else? F*cking son of a bit*h. Stay as long as he wants, he said. He has to leave that company for real!
Iwamoto stops eating and suddenly turns his eyes away from mine. No matter how strong or blessed you are, it doesn't mean you can't feel sad and cry.
"I have a sister...We don't have a parent. We lived in the area that was affected by the 2011 earthquake."
Then suddenly it turns into a more serious and painful story. I feel guilty for having some strange thoughts about Iwamoto. I feel really embarrassed.
"My sister and I were spared because we were in school, but my parents were at home when the Tsunami hit... All my relatives lived nearby, so quite of them died."
He smiles, maybe noticing my darkened face.
"The boss I worked for was my neighbor. He created a program and let me work as soon as I graduated from high school. I'm grateful for that."
"I'm sorry..."
"My boss has worked in construction all his life and showed me how much fun it was to build a house. I'm a carpenter because of him... Unlike me, my sister is smarter. In the future she will be a wonderful doctor, go to medical school and leave for Okayama University."
Iwamoto looks proud.
So he works to pay for his sister's college, living off aid in a community dormitory while working part-time. But then suddenly he was sent to an OB/GYN department and told that he has a uterus.
"I told my sister about my condition on the phone. I told her not to worry because I've found an excellent doctor."
"No, I'm not..."
I'm embarrassed. I'm praised and that frustrates me. No, never mind that. This is not about me. What will happen to this poor boy? A carpenter's salary certainly isn't that bad. However, I don't think it will be enough knowing all the ambitious plans he has. That's probably why he was so worried about medical expenses.
"That's why I don't want to spend too much. My sister is already in second-grade high school. I only have one year left to earn money and then, I'll be able to pay for her school and..."
Second grade, the national exam is near then. But despite his difficulties, Iwamoto still smiles. I'm sure his sister is also a good girl. A straight and strong person.
"I still have savings but..." Iwamoto drops his head forward. "But...I don't have a job anymore..."
There is still some fried rice left on Iwamoto's plate. He clenches his fist on his knee, sniffles his nose, and says, "First, I have to find a place to stay, then I'll see."
But the options are certainly slim. He said it earlier. He and his relatives used to live in the quake-affected area.
"Now is the time to gamble on anything. You should go and look for your relatives no matter the distance. You call them and ask for help. It's hard to think of since your boss has taken care of you for years. But you need to let go and depend on others."
Iwamoto smiles again. A gloomy smile.
"Do you hear me, you have to rely on others to keep living when you can't do it alone anymore!"
He is still smiling, so painfully that I think he may cry again.
"You're right, I always did it on my own. I worked harder and harder each day, waiting for my sister to graduate and become a doctor. But look at me now! My body has become weird and I have to accept it. It's...it's horrible because I feel like it's taking away everything I strived for. It's my own body, but I don't feel it is. I think I've become completely different than I was before... Well, I know, I can't blame anyone. I know, but I still do anyway." Iwamoto lowers his face. He wipes his eyes with his fist again and again. "I'm sorry, Sensei...I'm sorry to show you this pathetic side of mine."
You're not pathetic. You are strong. Yes, your body has changed. Your direction of dreams changed too. Suddenly losing your parents, was forced to graduate high school, got a job while raising your sister alone. I guess there was no time for you to cry. You didn't have time to accept so much pain.
Iwamoto has forcefully swallowed too many things too hard to digest. Iwamoto always said, "No big deal" too much. But then everything shattered.
"Sensei, sorry, you're not eating? You should eat more. I also recommend the fried chicken, try it."
Iwamoto's eyes are horribly red, but he still put the fried rice on his plate and mix it with some large shrimp.
"By the way, I did a lot of research on MFUU menstruation. It said, they sometimes feel terrible emotional instability. Maybe that's why, isn't it? I've been crying in public several times now. Sorry."
Iwamoto also says "Sorry" a lot.
"You don't need to apologize."
"Huh?"
"It's strange, but I've been waiting for you to come to the hospital since that day."
Iwamoto is a boy, with cute, big-man expressions.
"You know, for these few weeks, I've been thinking that I need to be more appropriate, to be a better person the next time I meet you...so I'm glad to hear your story and see that you trust me. You are much stronger and more mature than I am. Braver than I will ever be. I wouldn't be so strong if I were in the same situation... I guess I'd be dead by now."
Iwamoto is so strong that he would feel embarrassed to ask others for help.
"And well..."
Iwamoto laughs, "What are you saying, Sensei?" Shaking his shoulders, he leans forward. "Not at all! Even now, I'm convinced that you've already realized that I'm too dependent on you."
With his big, heavy hand, then Iwamoto taps my shoulder. Finally, his full smile is back. Oh, it's too dazzling! I can't look straight ahead with that smile!
"You talk so sweetly, but did you forget that I hurt you?" Iwamoto leans back on his chair. "Anyway, I'm slowly looking for a room. I haven't been told that something might come up soon but, I'm trying to be patient."
Iwamoto is living with many men as strong as he is, if not stronger. Each time he comes home, they would bathe together and wake up in the same room... I remember Iwamoto's body odor when we were in my office. I love his smell. But the men in his dorm know Iwamoto's scent best. Surely they have seen his sleeping face and seen when he woke up.
Somehow, that fact bothers me too much.
I'm debating whether I should tell Iwamoto what I am thinking right now or not. Our relationship is not sacred. We are just a doctor and a patient. Besides, I think he might be surprised if he also knows the things I thought about him lately...
I have no idea why or how these feelings come, but there they are. And I know what they mean, I understand it from the very core of my heart.
"Iwamoto!"
I call him.
"Yes?"
Inside my backpack, I fish out a real estate agency's brochure and shows it to him.
"What is this, an apartment?"
"I have the money to buy it.
What am I even trying to say now? Oh, shoot, I'm hyperventilating. A cold voice in my head tells me to stop... But its voice is small. A much louder, louder, noisier, non-human roar―the roar of a beast inside me says the opposite.
"Do you want to live with me?"
I say it.