Sensei, I'm back!"
Iwamoto finally comes home. Looking at the clock, he indeed keeps his words. Now is about 9 o'clock. I still haven't eaten anything because I have no appetite. I have been moping in my room ever since I got home. But Iwamoto sounds in a very good mood. The advice given to him must be very impactful. His boss' wife knows about MFUU. And now that he has learned to cope with the menstruation, there will be no need for Iwamoto to share his worries with me anymore.
"Welcome home."
Still, I'm glad his face is brighter now.
"Sensei, did you eat anything?"
"No, not yet. I just got home too."
I don't want to worry him, so I lie on the spur of the moment.
"Sensei, do you like stewed pork? I brought home some leftovers here..."
Iwamoto rummages through his bag and pulls out a Tupperware.
"Oh, thanks."
"What's the matter, you're not in good mood, sensei... Are you tired?"
Iwamoto tilts his head and peeks at me. There is a faint smell of cigarettes. He doesn't smoke, so this must be someone else's.
"Yes... A little tired."
"I see. Well, I've got a lot of stew here, just give me a minute. There should be some rice left over from yesterday."
Delightfully showing his shiny teeth and chuckling as he tells me about his day, Iwamoto begins to carefully prepare the stew. After tossing the frozen rice onto the stove, he sits down with me on the couch in front of the TV.
"I'm tired too."
Well, I'm sad.
Dying of sadness actually.
An old romantic movie is playing on TV. The scene shows the actress shedding tears while a famous song is on.
"Oh, I know this one."
Iwamoto lightly hums the melody of the song. His voice is quite good. It is a simple yet beautiful and gorgeous song. Iwamoto seems to be in a really good mood.
"Sensei, what's the name of this song again?"
I don't remember it either. It's a famous old song. The lyrics are in English, with a slow tempo that blends perfectly with the lines of the movie.
"Want me to search it up?"
"You can search it up?"
I ask Google on my phone and it gives me the title and lyrics right away.
"Wow, that was really fast."
Iwamoto is different from today's young'uns who never let go of their phones or laptops. I'm the one who looks more like a youngster. Kinda sad because this is the only thing I can be proud of compared to Iwamoto.
"It's a good song."
"It really is a good song."
I am glad to have gotten such a response from Iwamoto, then sing the chorus while looking at the lyrics. Unchained Melody... I know the melody well. It is a love song about a lonely man.
"Woah, my love, my darling... I've hungered, hungered for your touch."
Iwamoto is silent, so I look at him sideways. He is smiling. Smiling in the biggest way possible.
"Sing more, Sensei! You're doing great!"
"Huh?"
I am surprised. I don't expect to be praised on this as well.
"You have quite a nice voice."
Iwamoto puts his hand on my shoulder. His face draws closer to me, closer, and suddenly makes me feel embarrassed.
"No, I...I suck at singing..."
"What the hell are you saying, you're really good! I'm sure you'd be great at karaoke!"
Karaoke...
Singing in public is one of those things I hate with every part of my soul. Especially after what happened years ago in a certain karaoke shop. Why did I even start singing?
Right. I just sang.
And it feels good.
Tears suddenly trickle down from my eyes. I turn away in a hurry. Iwamoto notices and panics.
"Oh, what happened... It's just, that you really have a good voice so I thought I want to hear more. Sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!"
Iwamoto is puzzled. He apologizes many times, to the point of going to turn off the TV.
I shake my head.
"Oh, is that so? Then, do you want me to sing with you?"
Iwamoto begin to hums the melody in a small voice, staring at me amusingly as I suddenly start singing again. With a gentle face that shows no hint of mockery.
It's not that, Iwamoto-san.
I'm not really the kind of person who can sing in public.
I don't know what I would do if someone else forced me to sing, even jokingly.
I would be scared to death. My voice would probably shake and get stuck.
But I can sing in front of you, Iwamoto.
What does that mean? I am sure Iwamoto doesn't want to know. Even if he does, he will be troubled by it.
It has been less than six months since we met, but I can't hide in denial any more. All this time I've given my heart to Iwamoto. Whether he trusts me or not, it doesn't matter. My heart belonged to him at an irrevocable level.
How come I have been so arrogant to want him to depend on me? I am the one relying on him. Like worshipping the God of salvation. It is not beautiful. It is a meaner, more vile feeling. It is not something I can be proud of.
But why?
I know that what I'm offering is filth, but I'm sure I'd die if I were to jump off it.
I feel like that.
Contrary to the beautiful melody I am singing now while crying my heart out, this feeling I realize for the first time is too ugly.