- No! No! Stop it! Stop it now! Samantha leave your brother alone! Samantha don't make me come over there... - With a loud sigh, I threw myself on the couch. Here I was thinking babysitting would be interesting. What a fool. Not that I don't love them, but it's pretty tiring. Also, I didn't sleep well, but this time the subject of my dreams was a certain guy with long hair and greenish eyes.
I shuddered remembering my dream. I'm used to having my usual nightmares but having Damien in my dreams made them somehow even more uncomfortable. The thing about dreaming about things that have passed is just that, they passed. And dreams that involve Damien I can interpret as some insinuation of the future...
A touch on my shoulder made me flinch and get away from my thoughts. As I turned around I met Samantha's wide-open eyes. I smiled at her trying to reassure her that I'm fine.
- Sam, you scared me. What's the matter, honey? - The girl smiled broadly and jumped in my lap.
- Nothing, I just don't want to play with Sandor! He just wants to fight, and he's constantly destroying my toys. I want to sit with you. What are you doing? - She asked softly and looked me in the eyes.
- I'm thinking. Did Sandor make you mad, you seem sad, honey? - I asked wanting to change the subject. When Samantha decides to know something she doesn't give up.
- It's nothing... Actually... There is something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone... - She said with a worried look on her face and I giggled at it. I held out my pinky and she accepted it smiling.
- I promise. Now, what is it? You know you can tell your godmother anything... - I told her the truth stroking her hair. Samantha has long blond. She's like a princess from some child's book. She's so kind and she's not spoiled at all. She likes to talk to people and she listens when you tell her "no". For a ten-year-old child, I find her to be really mature. On the other hand, her twin brother is a different story, he is the opposite of her.
- Well... There's a boy. Lucas. He goes to school with me. He always teases me but my friend said that he's in love with me...So I want to... This... I mean... - She started to nervously interlace her fingers and I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. Ah, if my problems were as simple as hers. But in fact, there is no simple problem. She has never been aware of the real problems and this is the worst problem she ever had. And it's best to keep it that way as long as possible.
- Oh you like that boy. - I said it with a smile, knowing that I am right. Samantha looked at me dumbfounded and began to stutter.
- Well... No... Am... This... How do you know? -She finally gave up and just put her head down, hiding from me. How did I know? These tiny pink cheeks say it all.
- I guessed.- I shrugged and winked at her. She blushed even more and I kissed her cheek.
- I don't want to talk about it, I just wanted to know why is he so mean to me. - Now I have laughed out loud and Samantha sends me a warning look. Whoo... I better not anger her.
- Well... I can't explain why boys are like that, but they don't know how to express emotions like girls. So you should go easy on that boy, just tell him next time that he's hurting you and maybe he won't do mean things anymore. - She nodded but I can still see that she's thinking about it and I'm sure she didn't understand everything I said. It's okay, she will one day. Now I just figured out a way to cheer her up.
-I know, let's go to the mall. I need some new clothes and I'll buy some toys for you and your brother. We can get ice cream and play some games. What do you think, would you like that? - I asked cheerfully, trying to find a way to make it fun for them. I love spending time with children. They are so positive, unspoiled, blind to the pain of this world.
Not that all children have the privilege of a happy home and happy childhood. My parents made sure a happy childhood wasn't for me. My biological father was a selfish man, often drunk and he was always fighting with my mother. Not that she was any better. She was either drunk or drugged... I shook my head trying to get unwanted memories out of my head, I needed to focus on the kids.
- Yes, yes, yes! I want to go! But if Sandor's going you need to get him to behave, alright? - I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. She is so cute. I love Sandor all the same but she is like a mini adult, it's amusing.
- Don't be so harsh on him, honey. I'm sure he'll behave... Now let's go get your brother and go to the mall. Okay? A big smile spread over Samantha's face and she just nodded.
What's going on, is that I'm currently babysitting Samantha and Sandor. It's been three days since Zachary's party and since then I haven't been to work. I took some free days because I am a coward. The truth is that I'm trying to avoid Damien. After that night at the party, I don't know how I'll ever be able to face him. Nothing happened between us but the problem is that I let things go that far.
I don't know how it happened, but I felt a strong need to be with him. For the first time, I wanted to feel what is it like. I thought how would it be to have him in me, to feel his hands on me, his kisses... But I came to my senses and stopped that nonsense. I won't let him use me, and I'm not ready for such an intimate act. So I just got up and ran away from the party. Now I have a new mission in life: avoiding Damien Moore. For now, it's not going too bad, but I didn't go to work so that will be the hard part. There is no way I won't see him at work, however, a girl can hope.
- Desiree... Are you listening to me? - I turned to Samantha only now realizing that she's there. I guess I got a little carried away in my thoughts, again.
- Yes, yes... Of course love, I was listening to you. I totally agree with you. - She looked at me like I had grown a second head and put her hands on her hips.
- I said that my brother looks like a hyena. Do you agree with that? - I looked at her with wide eyes.
- Of course not! Don't talk about your brother like that Samantha! - I told her with a stern voice, a little angry and Samantha started to laugh.
- I knew you didn't listen. Let's go!- We entered the large room with a TV and a variety of games. Alexander arranged this room and I never changed it. I didn't change anything in the house after the death of my parents. Not that I had some memories with them, but still... Even the bad things in this house remind me that I have to fight. I have to move on. Maybe it's not the best solution. I know it would be better if I sold the house and just started from the beginning. What drives me forward actually is the desire to show them I managed on my own.
- Desiree! Come on! You didn't listen to me again... - I looked at Samantha with my most innocent look and smiled.
- Of course, I listened to you, let's call your brother. - Samantha rolled her eyes but she went after me.
- Sandor... What are you doing, baby? - I asked him gently and sat next to him. I kissed his head and looked at his game. I frowned and bit my lip. I'm not old-fashioned, and I don't believe that modern games and stuff are a bad influence on children, but when I see this...
- I'm killing aliens, don't bother me or I'll die because of you! - I looked at Samantha and she just rolled her eyes and shrugged. It seems that this is nothing strange.
- Okay, but Samantha and I thought we'd go to the mall. Do you like that idea? - Sandor didn't even cast a brief glance at me, he just continued to play his game.
- Sandor! - I yelled and he quickly looked at me but then went back to the game.
- Yeah ... Yes, I like that idea, just wait for me to win. Wait... - I looked at Samantha who sighed again and walked to Sandor. She hit him on the head and took the joystick out of his hands.
- Enough! Let's go to the mall. - Sandor turned to me, ready to protest but I just frowned at him. He pursed his lips and crossed his arms.
- Okay, you will play it later, now get up, and let's get going. - I made sure to get the kids ready and we made our way to the mall. What I didn't expect was how overbearing they can be. As soon as we walked into the mall Sandor and Samantha began to bombard me with questions.
- Can we buy this, please? -
- Please can we just go to buy some games... -
- I want ice cream! -
- Let's go there... -
- I want that beautiful dress... -
- Take it easy! Let's make a deal. First, let's go buy you a dress and then we can all play games, how about that? - they nodded and we went to the store Samantha wanted. Sandor was actually very well-behaved while Samantha tried and got at least five dresses. I must admit I needed this after everything hectic that was going on in my life.
- Is that all baby? Moving on? -
- Yes! Thank you... - I bent down to Samantha, and she hugged me tightly. I love this girl. Once I dreamed about having a child like this, a family... Now, I'm not so sure that is for me. I have given up on the fantasy about my own family and children.
- You're welcome, sweetie. Is that all you wanted? -
- Mmmm... Let's look at the dresses for you. But I'm going to pick, okay? - She asked, holding a finger in front of me and I chuckled at how cute she is.
- Sure... But let's first stop at the store to buy a game for your brother. I know that he probably has too many games but I have to buy him something. - Samantha rolled her eyes, but we went to get Sandor something as well and he was overjoyed.
Samantha pointed to the window of one store so I got in to try the dress. The dress is beautiful, red in color, satine, but it's really short, not my style. However, I couldn't disappoint her so I did go into the changing room. Insecure, I left the dressing rooms and stood in front of Samantha. As soon as she saw me, she squealed and started jumping up and down.
- Beautiful, beautiful... You look beautiful! You have to wear it. - I looked at her making a face. I don't feel comfortable in such clothes.
-It's beautiful, but I think it's a bit too small on me, honey. Something else would be better suited. - I looked in the mirror and felt very uncomfortable in the red dress that clung to my skin. I could never go out in something like this. I nervously put my hand over my chest hiding my cleavage. Then I nervously pulled the dress down but it didn't help. In fact, it only revealed more cleavage.
-No, it looks amazing. You look like someone from the TV, it's so nice!- She is a bit pushy and maybe just for her sake I will buy it.
- I think your dress is gorgeous. You should listen to the kid and buy it. - With wide eyes, I turned toward the voice and found myself face-to-face with Travis. His nose is swollen and has a huge patch over it and I wondered what happened. Well, whatever happened to him he deserved it.
- What are you doing here? - I asked hiding my disgust. I never want to see him. If there's anything I hate then it's when men force themselves on women. It's a pathetic, miserable way to show how powerful they are. If they are really so powerful, they wouldn't have to force anyone. Travis ruined any feelings I had for him. The only thing I want from him is to never see him again.
- I was walking through the mall and I thought I heard your voice. That's why I went into this shop and saw that it really is you. You haven't answered my calls, Desiree? - I bit my lip, not taking my eyes off him.
- And you know why I didn't answer... - I said it in a low voice looking him in the eyes. I saw the guilt in his eyes but I won't back down. His action hurt me.
- I was wrong Desiree. I know I shouldn't behave like that but I wanted to prove something. I crossed the line, I know that. But I'm not lying when I say I love you. I chose the wrong way and I regret it so much. I was convinced that you'll respond to me, that you'll give US a chance. I'm so sorry, I really am. Please forgive me, I'll get on my knees If that's what takes for you to forgive me. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. - I looked at Travis with suspicion. I can't believe this. Those words mean nothing to me. I think it's action that shows true intentions and he already showed me his.
- Is he your boyfriend? - With wide eyes, I turned to Samantha. I completely forgot about the kids for a second.
- Am... No ... Sam, baby... This is just an acquaintance. - I was not able to find the exact word that would describe Travis, and I finally said the first thing that crossed my mind. Just an acquaintance. I looked into his eyes and saw the hurt on his face. It seems that my words hurt him but it's true. It isn't my fault that I can't trust him anymore. He shouldn't have kissed me like that.
- I know that now you think of me only as an acquaintance but please Desiree. Just let me try to be your friend again. Please... - I looked into his eyes on the verge of tears and I softened. What can I say, I'm weak. I can't look at him like this. I sighed and answered him.
- Well... No promises but we can talk. - He nodded eagerly and smiled widely. I looked back at Samantha only to catch her smiling at me. This kid will drive me mad... She is way too smart for her age.
- Samantha, Sandor, how about we go to the playground now?- I told them in a soft voice and they agreed to it but I noticed how they were looking at me and Travis in curiosity. Travis also agreed to this so I changed out of the dress, bought it in the end, and we took a seat at one of the cafes with the playground.
-I'm just giving you a chance to convince me to forgive you. Come on. - Travis is awkwardly playing with his drink, not really saying much and I must admit it annoys me a bit.
- So Travis... Talk... - I looked at him seriously, giving him my utter attention.
- Okay, here I go. First, I want to say I'm sorry Desiree. I shouldn't have reacted like that and I want to apologize. I realize it's not enough to just say I'm sorry and I would do anything to take it all back. I was blinded by desire, and I let it lead me. I wanted to prove to you that we can be something more than friends. I guess I was wrong. - I feel sorry for him, I really do. I would forgive him, I mean, you could also say I led him on. But I can't. If I do, I would be encouraging such a behavior and I don't want to do that. I can't do that to myself, not after everything I've been through. I shook my head, feeling guilty and ashamed but also determined.
-I'm sorry too, but I don't think it would be smart to remain friends, not when I know that's not what you really want from me. I don't want to give you false hope. It would only end badly for both of us.- Travis made a face and it's like suddenly he transformed in front of me. Honestly, it frightens me a bit.
-And what about Damien? You can be friends with him and I doubt his attentions with you are pure.- His voice was bitter and I swallowed a lump in my throat.
-I don't know what gave you the idea that Damien is my friend, because we are far from it.- At this, he laughed but the laugh was sarcastic, mocking...
-Oh yeah? Is that why he came to your rescue? You see my face, it was his doing, because of you... Now, I doubt he would do that if he's not at least somehow involved with you.- Wait? Damien did that? Damien hit him, because of me? Now that is the information I don't know what to do with...
-Frankly, I don't owe you an explanation, Travis. I made my peace with you so I think we should part ways now. I wish you all the best, goodbye.- I just want to get away from him. Somehow the picture of a good guy I had is crumbling and I hate to see it become even more distorted. The other thing that scares me is that I am such a poor judge of character. Am I so blind to people's personalities? I don't even know what to make of Damien. Is he a good guy, or a bad guy? Is there something beneath his poisonous behavior? Agh... My head hurts from all of this and I want someone to talk to. I want my best friend.
Travis looked mad but I just left to pick up Samantha and Sandor. I could feel his gaze on me but I made sure to ignore him before I left with the kids. Their mother also called so I dropped them off and afterward I called Gabriel, needing some reassurance that there are selfless people without ulterior motives.
- Gaby... Will you please come visit me? -