- You have to hide. - I said quickly, already up from my seat and trying to get Damien to move.
- Why? - He asked me, and I just rolled my eyes.
- Because! I have a guest coming. Go to my room and don't go out! -
- Hmm. It's just Zachary from what I heard. - He smiled maliciously and I wanted to strangle him.
-You are the one who is in hiding or whatever. Do you really want Zachary to see you? He will also get the wrong idea. I don't want that. - I pulled him to his feet so that he was now standing in front of me.
-Yeah, yeah. You don't want me ruining your chances with Zachary. I noticed your little flirting. - He has a smile on his face but I can see malice on it. He is mocking me.
-Damien stop it! First, we are not flirting. Secondly, I'm not interested in Zachary, I just don't want him to have a bad opinion of me. Now please go to the other room. - I said, now obviously losing my patience.
- Yeah right. Okay, I'll go to the other room.- He said with a pout and left. I sighed with relief and made sure to put away some stuff that was around before Zach arrived. Just as I was about to finish I heard a doorbell. I opened the door and Zachary's smiling face greeted me. With a quick greeting, we proceeded to the living room.
- Well, Zachary. Can I get you something? Do you want coffee or juice? - I asked him and he just shrugged his shoulders.
- Coffee is okay, but only if it's not a bother. - He said with a jesting smile and I rolled my eyes.
- Of course not. It will take a second.- Honestly, I am a bit jumpy from having Damien in the house and from Zachary showing up on such short notice. I need to calm myself and this is a good opportunity.
- You know, I miss you at work. Somehow it's not as lively when you're not there.- I blushed at that compliment and walked into the kitchen but continued to talk to him from a different room as I made his coffee.
- Thanks, I guess. I kind of miss it too. Although I had a good time while I was away, I needed it.-
-I'm glad. You made me worry. I'm glad you are better...-I just finished the coffee so when I handed him the cup our eyes met. He's looking at me strangely so I adjusted my eyes, but I can't help but feel my cheeks heat up a bit.
-I must say... Not that I don't appreciate your visit, but... Why are you here?- It is strange. I can't believe anything with our work would be so urgent. Zachary now chuckled at that and shrugged.
-For work obviously. I need your opinion. And I wanted to see if you are okay with getting back. Will you be okay with Damien?- My heart began to beat rapidly and I felt uneasy. Why did Damien have to be a topic today?
- Hmm... As I have said already. I'm fine. We don't need to mention Damien. - I want him to stop talking about it and I hope he gets the hint.
- I know. You seem fine but then again... I'm worried about you and Damien can be so immature. I can barely stand his tantrums lately.-
- Zachary! Please stop talking about it. I do not want to talk about him. I'll manage to be around him, it's okay. - He looked at me with compassion and nodded obviously not satisfied with my outburst.
- Okay. You know best. - I just smiled at him and he took a sip of the coffee.
- This is really good, good job.- I couldn't help but burst out laughing at this pathetic excuse of a subject change.
-Well... I do know how to press a button on a machine. Thank you for the praise, I do need it since for the rest of the household obligations I suck at.- He returned my laugh, but I can see a faint blush on his cheeks and he's nervously going through his hair with his fingers.
-Oh, come on. I doubt it's that bad, and besides. It won't ruin your chances of marriage, trust me.- The awkward atmosphere returned and Zachary realized what he said so he blushed even deeper. It makes me want to tease him.
-Nah, who would marry me? I can't cook, I can sort of clean but nothing worth bragging about, and I come with a lot of baggage.- I said jokingly and shrugged at the end of my speech so Zach relaxed a bit. His eyes met mine and he suddenly turned a bit serious.
-I don't know who would be crazy enough not to want to marry you...- He said it with such a soft voice that I immediately blushed, realizing what he meant. I didn't hear such an honest statement for a while. I can see the admiration in his eyes and it makes my heart warm.
- I'm serious Desiree, you are something else, you know. Once anyone gets to know you, I get why they would be infatuated with The look he's giving me is making me nervous and I swallowed a lump in my throat, feeling all tingly and hot.
- Oh stop it, you are making me blush! - I said jokingly, wanting this conversation to go in a different direction. If he harbors some feelings towards me, I'm afraid I can't return them. I don't want things to be weird between us, we just became friends. To my relief, he smiled and the tension in the air disappeared.
-Fine, fine. We can change the topic since I don't want you to blush even harder. I'm afraid you will look like paprika.- Now I tsked at that and crossed my hands. Is this what Damien meant by flirting? Because right now it looks a lot like flirting what I'm doing. Actually what Zach is doing.
-Enough Zach. Do you have some actual work for me, or was your whole purpose just to tease me while you're here?- He chuckled and brought out some papers from his briefcase.
-I just wanted your opinion on some contracts. I don't know if it would be in our best interest to get into business with them. They are on a kind of a bad reputation, and maybe we could help with it, or maybe it will bring us to ruin too. - Okay, so he doesn't have a good work-related reason. This could have been dealt with over the phone.
- What? - I asked him without a trace of humor in my voice.
- I asked if you could help me make a decision... -
- I heard you, Zachary. I'm just thinking if this is for real... -
- Why do you say that? - He asked me, with wide-open eyes, realizing that I was serious.
- Zachary! Anyone could help you with that. And we could have done that over the phone, you know. -
- Well, I could have asked anybody. But I wanted to ask you because I value your opinion, and I want to make my decision as soon as possible. -
- Okay, since you already admitted to your purpose of visiting, I will let this one slide. But I don't appreciate that you don't take the work seriously.- I looked at him with raised eyebrows and crossed arms.
- Ah... Fine. This whole "work thing" is just an excuse to see you. The truth is that I'm in a kind of bad mood, and I wanted to see you. Believe it or not, I like spending time with you. Whether we're talking about work, private stuff, or some nonsense, you always amuse me and make me feel happier.- I looked at him sadly, knowing that whatever he was feeling I wouldn't be able to return. It's just easier to let him down now, and not later when he gets attached...
-Zach...- I started, not knowing how to tell him that what he's feeling isn't real. he just thinks I'm that great, but If he spends some time with me he would realize that I will just drown him into my abyss.
- Don't say anything, Desiree, I'm not saying this because I expect anything in return. You asked me and I'm answering you honestly... - He rose from the chair and I don't know why but I got up, too. He walked towards me and I instinctively began to walk backwards. It made him stop in his tracks and look at me with hurt in his eyes. I know Zach is not like that but this situation feels like the one with Travis. I don't want to lose him or hurt him but I can't be anything more than a friend. His next move can change everything. I do not want things to change between us.
- Desiree... -He's gently looking at and I see tenderness and love on his face. But no. I don't want it.
- Zachary, don't. - I said pleadingly, hoping that he won't continue, or try to do anything.
- I must admit something... Desiree, I'm in l... -
- Is this what you do with your time, Zachary? Harass your employees? I didn't know personal visits were part of your job description.- The sound of Damien's husky voice made me flinch and I turned to look at him in surprise. Zachary looks even more taken aback than me as he looks at Damien in astonishment and disappointment. If looks could kill, Damien would already be dead. Zachary's whole face changed. There is no love, no tenderness. If he felt anything towards me, I'm sure it's gone now. For some reason it made me feel guilty and I put my head down, not wanting to look at this scenario going on in front of me.
- What... What are you doing here? Desiree... Him? Seriously?- Zachary now moved closer to me, and he's now looking at us like we are the most disgusting things in the world.
- Zachary it's not what you think... -
- Don't! Just months ago he molested you and you were scared to death of him. Now I find him half-naked in your house? I know I have no right and I don't even know If I'm your friend... But you didn't need to lie to me. I was a fool for trusting you, I saw you as much more innocent than you really are. I don't understand what's going on. - His words cut me deeply and I feel really bad that I hurt him.
- What is there to not understand? What do you think I'm doing in her house? Not that we owe you any explanation. So I am kindly asking you to get the fuck out of here, thank you!-Damien is saying with a smile but his voice is murderous and his eyes are holding such hate I don't know what to do. This will turn ugly, should I intervene? What do I say? Before I could jump in, Damien had to add more.
- Oh, I almost forgot. Stay away from Desiree. Maybe she's too polite to tell you to fuck off with your advances but I'm not. We would really appreciate it stood there stunned, looking at Damien with anger because of his behavior. How dare he? Every time I think he's better he goes and does something like this. What the fuck?!
- Don't worry Damien. I won't come anywhere near Desiree. - Zachary's words shot me like a bullet. I didn't want anything with him in a romantic sense but he was my support at times. I do have some sentiment towards him. He's one of a few men with whom I would even consider a relationship. I'm not saying I want it now, but maybe someday when I'm ready and better, he could be nice to me. But now that option is taken away from me and I have one person to blame for that. I turned to look at Damien, now plainly aware that Zachary had stormed out of the room without me even having time to say anything.
- You're welcome, and I will do it again if he comes close to you. - He added with an irritating smile but I just frowned at him.
- What are you talking about, you moron? - I asked him loudly, clenching my teeth.
- I'm saying that there's no need for you to thank me for saving you from that fool. - He has a smug smile on his face like he's actually proud of what he did.
- Who said that I wanted to be saved? Who are you to decide for me?-
- Well, I know you don't want someone making advances towards you, and you assure me you don't want anything with Zachary so... Not to mention you were very much against anything I tried with you so I know you don't want him to do the same.-
- You and him are not the same Damien! - My voice rose an octave higher than normal and I'm feeling such rage and frustration. He is such a child. Zachary was right. He is so immature. This is just another one of his tantrums.
- Yeah... Are you saying that I am not as good as him? That I am unworthy and Mr Zachary is perfect Prince Charming? -
-I didn't say that Damien. Prince Charming doesn't exist. Zachary's not a prince charming. And certainly, you're not one too. That's what I wanted to say! - I told him angrily and walked towards the exit of the room. He stopped in front of me, not letting me go.
- MOVE DAMIEN! -
- No! -
- Damien for the last time. MOVE! -
- Desiree, for the last time. NO! -
- Damien, Get out! I want you out of my house! Get out! Get out! Get out! OUT! I want you OUT! - I don't even know what started to happen, but in my head, everything is in slow motion, and I'm breathless and on the verge of tears. I feel vulnerable. I feel scared, and like a piece of hope has been ripped away from me. A picture of my brother, my father, my old guardian, and everyone who ever hit me came to my mind and I felt hopeless. Everything, everything is going through my head, one after another.
- Damien Out! OUT! -
- Stop crying, Desiree. - He said quietly and I realized that my cheeks were wet and that tears were running down my face.
- I'm not crying! Get out! - I said, barely audible, furiously wiping tears while my memories were still going through my head.
- You are crying. Calm down... -
- I'm not crying... I don't cry. I'm Desiree Diamond. - I repeated that mantra more to myself than to him. Now I am becoming less aware of his presence. He's not important.
-Stop being so fucking scared of everything. You are in control. You can be anything you set your mind to. So be in charge!- His words are the reason I came back to reality and my breathing slowly started to come back to normal. I am the creator of my own destiny. I can determine what will happen to me. I need to get rid of all these emotions. I need to get this sorrow, rage, anger, and passion out. I have been collecting these emotions and memories for a long time. Now I need to create a new one. I need to start living. It's like this realization overpowered me and I just want to let out all the negativity, all the frustration. It all comes in the form of Damien. He is everything that frustrates me, so he should take responsibility. And so should I.
I don't know what came over me, and what I did next didn't come from love, it came from the adventurous part of me that wants to take charge. I felt helpless long enough. It's enough with being used, now it's time for me to use what I have. I brought my head closer to Damien's and in the next second our lips collided.