(beginning of a dream)
The blow fell on my face and I squealed in pain. Narrowing my eyes I put my hand on my cheek and looked at him in surprise. He's not like this. He never treated me like this. He defended me, took care of me... With him, I felt like I had a family for the first time. When my parents were home, he would always be on his best behavior. He would talk to me gently, tease me, ruffle my hair, try to cheer me up... I didn't expect this.
His eyes glared at me and I felt trapped in my own body. I'm shaking from the pain and betrayal. My tears are clouding my vision and I didn't notice another blow that fell on my face until I felt it. I fell on the floor under the weight of his hand and put my head down, trying to hide my tears. His words are floating in my mind but I don't understand them. I don't hear them anymore. All I hear is a constant humming and my own sobs.
-Did you think you could do whatever you wanted? You were such a good girl... Why did you change? Do you think I like seeing you as a whore you are? I can't even stomach all the disgusting priks going around you, probably fantasizing about you... You know... I heard you are a drug addict like your mommy. You are definitely your mother's daughter. Or maybe it's that you're more similar to your father... Never mind, I'm sure you'll show it to me soon enough.- With disgust, I looked at him, not believing my ears. That cute boy who provided me with all the support I needed, is now saying such cruel words. He looks like a completely different person. I want to wake up from this nightmare, I want to open my eyes and smile at my gentle brother. Not this... Monster. Roughly, he grabbed my hair and pulled me up to him. I cried out harder in pain and looked at him pleadingly.
- When I ask you a question Desiree I expect an answer. – He said while pinching my jaw. I know he's not kidding. He wants me to answer him. But what should I say? I can't find the words for the pain I feel in my jaw and heart. The only person that I have trusted and given my heart to has failed me more than anyone else. More than my parents. More than Caroline and Robert. I expected betrayal from all of them. I knew it wouldn't last. But Alexander was different, he was different. At least I thought so.
- Desiree doesn't tempt me... You don't know what I'm capable of...-He roughly whispered in my ear and grabbed my hair again drawing me to himself. I started to shake harder. I'm so afraid and I put my arms around me hoping it will protect me. Please, God, make our parents come home! Please, let anyone come and help me. I'm so afraid... I'm afraid of what he'll do. Oliver has always been predictable. I knew what to expect. I realized that he wanted to hurt me... I can see it in his eyes, the expression on his face.
His whole being is distorted while looking at me with a teasing smile and evil eyes. I gripped my hands around me harder trying to comfort myself. Oh my God... When will this be over? When will I finally be able to say that I am truly happy? I closed my eyes, hiding from his penetrating gaze trying to block out the pain and all the hurt that I felt. Suddenly a sharp pain cut me in the stomach and I fell to the floor, screaming and writhing in pain. I sobbed and screamed afraid to open my eyes.
- P... P... Ple... Please... - I managed to say, sobbing in the hope that he would stop. Maybe my brother is still there and this is an ugly dream I will wake up from at any second. But I know this isn't a dream. Another blow to my body proved to me that I'm not dreaming. I started coughing and choking spitting blood. I tried to get on my feet but pain cut me and fell to my knees vomiting. Everything hurts. I have the impression that someone is breaking my stomach. My breathing is difficult, my legs hurt, my face, my stomach... I just want to turn into dust and disappear. Stay away from this pain and this freak that I thought was my brother.
- I see that you are determined to do this the hard way... Well, Desiree, from now on we shall play. And don't even think about crying to mommy and daddy, they can't help you. Trust me, dear sister, I am doing this for you. You will be a different person once we're done...-
(dream ends)
The scream erupted from my throat, waking me up from yet another nightmare. I can feel my heart beating abnormally fast and the sweat is clinging to my skin. It took me a while to realize that it was just a dream and I was safe. With a loud sigh of relief, I threw myself back on the bed and closed my eyes, feeling the throbbing in my head. I haven't had this exact dream in a while, at least I'm not dreaming about Damien again.
I learned how to harden my heart, to escape everything that's bothering me and that's exactly what I did now. It's just a dream anyway, it passed. However, my mind went back to Alexander. After all, he was my biggest heartbreak... I was young when he first hit me. Afterward, it happened occasionally but he always had some excuse. It was because I didn't behave a certain way, or he didn't like the way I dressed or the way I talked... After a while, I even started to question myself. Maybe he was right, maybe I was doing things wrong.
The worst part was when I gathered the courage to talk to our parents. They didn't believe me.
I wish I had the courage to do something more, if I did I wouldn't be so fucked up now. Even Gabriel doesn't know the extent of what Alexander did to me. It feels... shameful. I know it shouldn't but it feels that way, and I don't want Gabriel to look at me differently. Although I'm pretty sure he can guess. Gabriel saw me at some of the worst periods of my life and he knows Alexander has something to do with that, he just never knew the extent of it.
The ringing of my phone startled me when I looked at it I noticed it was already well past six in the morning. Why is Aylen calling me so early, that's not like her.
- Yes. - I cleared my throat since it sounded hoarse and I Aylen giggled on the other end.
-I knew you were awake. What are you doing now? I need to see you soon.- She blurted out everything and I couldn't help but chuckle. Even tho I'm in a bad mood she did brighten it a bit.
-Easy Aylen, easy. Just because I'm awake doesn't mean my brain is. Also, I'm not working today so we can meet whenever. Why are you awake anyway?- I asked her skeptically since I know she is not a morning person. She could sleep the whole day if you let her.
- I haven't had much time to sleep. I hung out with Peter If you know what I mean ... - She said with humor in her voice and I smiled at that.
- I know what you mean. So you and Peter are officially together now? - I am hoping she finally decided to settle down with someone.
- You could say that. But it's not why I called. Peter and I were talking, I told him about you and he wants to meet you. I told him that you are my best friend, and what kind of person you are, and he's thrilled to meet you. So I was wondering if you could come to my house? - I can hear a slight concern in her voice and I fell silent for a moment to think. Why not? At least I can see what kind of person is this Peter. I will feel calmer after I meet him. I do care about Aylen and I want her to be happy and with a nice guy.
- Of course, I'll come. When do you want me to be there? -
- Whenever you're free. You can come right now if you want, I'm not sleeping. - I smiled at it and responded.
- Okay. I'll come as soon as I get ready. -
- Okay, see you then... - I hung up and started getting ready. Gabriel actually came over last night and he is still sleeping but I don't want to disturb him. He'll probably be asleep until late so I will go to Aylen alone.
Half an hour ago I parked my car in front of Aylen's building and she buzzed me in. I wonder about this Peter. I just hope he's not like her previous guys. From her description, he seemed like a normal guy, but who knows? all the other guys were seemingly normal but it ended badly a couple of times. The door opened and I found myself face to face with a smiling Aylen. She jumped on me and hugged me tightly. I panicked from the contact but I just remained motionless, and I uncomfortably pat her on the back. Fortunately, Aylen hadn't noticed it, she just progressed and broadly smiled at me, looking as if she was shining with joy. I smiled honestly. It seems that things are going well with Peter.
- Hello, Desiree. Please come in. You've got to meet Peter. He's everything a woman dreams about. He cooks me breakfast, makes my bed, he is so romantic, every day when he comes he brings me flowers or some candy. He's perfect. Oh, come in, come in, I need you to meet him.- I laughed out loud at her enthusiasm and entered. As soon as I entered the apartment I came face to face with a tall guy, probably in his late twenties with his hand held out for me to shake.
- Hi, I'm Peter Lambert. You are Desiree Diamond, aren't you? I am familiar with your work in "King Enterprises". From what I hear your company is now partnered with Damien Moore. - I carefully watched the blond guy and started to check him out. Not in a perverse way I'm just trying to find out more about him. He has a watch on his arm, and it's quite an expensive one. Then there are proper and expensive clothes, no rings on his hand and I can't see the tracks that he ever had one. He seems like a nice young man and a rich one. But we'll see... I took his hand for a moment and shook it.
- Hi. Yes, I'm Desiree. I'm honored that you're familiar with my work. I don't hear that often. - I said with a polite smile and Peter smiled back.
- Oh, I only heard the best about you. Are you working with Damien Moore right now?- Again with the question. I heard him the first time but I didn't think it was important but now... I find it a bit weird that he's so insistent.
- Yeah... I work with Damien. Why do you ask? - I don't see why would he be interested in Damien. I mean, you could find articles about him but he is mostly described as a player, an extremist, and so on... Nothing really interesting. But it seems that not everyone shares my opinion. Peter just chuckled and shrugged.
- I had the opportunity to meet him several times. The guy is... Different. He was a sensation a while ago. You know... There was this home movie of his. I was there when it first aired.- I made a face suddenly remembering what I read about Damien. That's right, there is a homemade video of Damien and his stepmother in a very compromising position, or positions. Even worse was that it was aired on the company's anniversary. I honestly don't know what to say about it. I find it grotesque. How could he do that to his father? I think afterward his father divorced his stepmother, of course, but I don't know what kind of a relationship all of them are right now.
-Ah, yes. I heard about that. I don't know what to tell you, for now, Mister Moore is... He's alright.- I wouldn't say Damien is on his best behavior, but at least no new movies were made, as far as I know. -Peter just smiled and there was an awkward silence before Aylen interrupted and made us go into the living room.
- Well, Desiree... What is new in your life? I haven't seen you in so long, how are you?- Oh Aylen, if only I could tell you everything. There is nothing and a lot going on, it feels like that. So I opted for the shorter answer.
- Nothing in particular. You know everything that's going on with me. My job is the same as before, my boss is the same as before. I had a fight with Travis actually and we are done for good. But it's you with the big news. Tell me more about you guys. - I said with a fake smile wanting to change the subject.
- Well, let's see. We are planning a vacation. We may go to France, it was Peter's idea. I was wondering if you'd come with us? And you can call Gabriel, I'm sure he will agree to come with you. - She winked at me and I just smiled sarcastically. She can be so annoying with her ideas.
- I don't think so. I have a lot of work, as does Gabriel. Besides, I'm sure the two of you will have a better time alone, you won't need us there. – Aylen rolled her eyes and sat next to Peter playing with his hand.
- This Gabriel guy, is he your boyfriend?-Peter asked me and I couldn't help but look at him skeptically. It's so strange of someone to be so straightforward. He just says and asks whatever is on his mind.
- No... - That's all I said and then I turned my head towards the window.
- Oh, I think he is. They are probably secretly dating each other. They are always together, he even has a room at her house, and he is strangely protective of her... Now tell me that doesn't sound like a boyfriend to you?- I shook my head at her nonsense but it amused me a bit. There is almost no point in explaining myself, she is set on this story about Gabriel. I sneaked a glance at Peter only to find him already watching me. When he noticed my gaze he smiled but it made me a bit uncomfortable.
- Aylen, he's not my boyfriend. He is more like a brother to me. Also, committing to relationships is just not for me.- I said in a joking manner but it's half true. Honestly, I don't look at Gabriel as a brother, and that term is soiled for me after Alexander. I much prefer him in the role of my best friend.
Before Aylen could say anything more, my phone rang and I excused myself to answer since it was the help, William.
- Miss Diamond... Sorry to bother you but you have visitors. They say it's an emergency. - I've thought about it and asked some questions. Who comes to my house at eight o'clock in the morning?
-Who came, William? -
-Some gentlemen. They didn't want to say anything to me. They just said that it's private and that they can only speak with you about it. - I sighed and looked at Peter and Aylen who were watching me curiously.
-Okay. Tell them that I'll be there soon. - I hung up and turned towards Aylen and Peter.
-I'm so sorry but I have to go. However, you should visit me next time. Peter... I'm glad I met you. I also feel it's my duty to tell you to take care of Aylen, or else...- I winked at him and spoke with a slight smile but meant every word. He better not hurt Aylen. Peter looked at me also with a slight smile and nodded.
- I get it, don't worry. Aylen is safe with me. I would never hurt her. – He possessively put his arm around her waist and Aylen smiled widely, obviously enjoying his words. I sincerely hope that Peter is telling the truth. For his own good.
- All right, then. Goodbye... - I said goodbye to both of them, left the apartment, and went to my car. About fifteen minutes later I'm at the front door of my house and I'm thinking about the people in my house. I'm a bit anxious about who it is... As soon as I entered the familiar room I dropped my purse and keys in shock, looking at the face in front of me. I turned pale and looked at him with wide-open eyes.
- What are you doing here? - I don't want him in my house. Not now. Not ever. My heart began to beat a hundred miles an hour and I felt uncomfortable standing in front of him. I don't know why I don't like people coming to my house. Other than Gabriel, I rarely have anyone over. It feels like this house has many of my secrets, it feels as if anyone who comes here will get a glimpse at something I'm trying to hide. I don't want people to find out.
Damien viciously smiled and started to walk towards me with an arrogant expression. I started pacing back without taking my eyes off him. Is it much to ask for him to just leave me alone?
- Desiree, Desiree... I think you owe me some explanation for your behavior last week. You left me, in that room... That wasn't nice of you.- I couldn't help but panic a bit at his presence here. I was doing my best to avoid him but it seems everything comes back to bite you in the ass... And where the hell is everyone? Where is William, Gabriel? Unconsciously I started looking over the room wondering which way to go.
-No! Don't look for the way out because there is none. I want an explanation. Why did you got me all hooked up only to leave me dry? Is that some game you're playing? I don't get you... One second you are pulling me in and the next you are pushing me.- Damien is standing in front of me, his body preventing me from going anywhere since I'm trapped between him and a wall. I know Damien can get pretty angry and I don't want to witness that again.
- Start talking Desiree... - He said with a mocking tone but I could feel the order and seriousness in the way he said it. In general, he's not joking. I need to snap out of this, I can't let him control me like this. I have to show him that he can't order me around and he's not scaring me. I clenched my jaw and looked up at his face.
-I don't know, I felt like it.- His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed as he moved one step closer to me.
-You felt like it?- I swallow a lump in my throat, my mouth feeling very dry with how close he is to me.
-Yes, I felt like it.- It's like he's battling with himself as he narrows his eyes, but a smirk is plastered on his face nevertheless.
-You felt like it... You felt like playing with me, didn't you? Was that some power move? Did you want to see how turned on you could get me before you could just get up and leave, feeling all superior and mighty?
-So what if it was? You fell for it...- Honestly, I know I'm walking on the dangerous ground right now but I can't help it. It's better for him to know my weaknesses and use them against me. I would rather he consider me selfish and pathetic.
-Oh, but we both know you got too invested in your own game, Desiree... If we can judge based on the way you were moaning my name. I bet that if I give you a glimpse of what you missed, you would beg me to take you.- He whispered sensually in my ear and then kissed my neck which made me shiver from the contact. That night was different. I wanted to try, I wanted to give him a chance, and for a bit I did, but now... I feel too vulnerable from my dream, it's like everything is happening all over again. I tried to get my head away from him, but he put his hands on the wall on either side of my head not allowing me to move. Panic gripped me a little but anger prevailed. I raised my fist ready to punch him.
- You self-centered moron! You arrogant fool! You dare say I would beg you to take me? Me? I can't stand breathing the same air as a player like you. I would rather become a nun then go for a jerk like you.- Okay, okay... I know my words are harsh but I want him to get the point. I want him to get away from me and leave me alone. As if that wasn't enough his gaze on me made me sweat and I continued to talk.
-What happened was a small moment of weakness but it won't happen again. Never again Damien! Never, not ever in a million years, I won't let you touch me! Mark my words. Better engrave what happened at a party deep in your mind because it will never happen again. That was as far as you and I will ever go! - Looking at his face, I noticed that he is struggling with his emotions. Anger, betrayal, lust, sadness... I'm not sure what that means but I know that for now, anger wins. He approached my face and now our lips are separated only by inches. I can feel his soft breath tickling my lips. My breathing became even deeper now that I am this close to him.
I want to say I meant every word I said but besides my fear and anger, there is another picture currently repeating in my mind. A picture of the two of us on the huge bed in Zachary's home. Pictures of all the things that he promised to do to me at a party... I shook that image out of my mind and looked into his eyes. Snap out of it Desiree! Push him away! I came to my senses and I firmly clenched my jaw looking him in the eyes. This is the end, Damien. I won't let anyone control me.
- You think that you're that special kitty? You wanted things to happen between us just as much as I wanted it. I won't deny my attraction. You are a very, very good-looking woman. But that's all there is to you. Don't mistake yourself as a girlfriend material. You would be just a good fuck, maybe. There is nothing worthy about you.- With angry words, he connected his lips with mine in a hard kiss and I didn't hesitate to push him away with all the strength I could master.
- I said you'll never touch me again. - I slapped him as a warning not wanting to hurt him too much. He deserves to be hurt a lot more than this but for now, it's enough. This was just a warning for him to take my words seriously. His head turned to the side because of my hit and in a second he looked at me with anger and hatred. I am now for the first time really scared of him.
I suddenly regretted my actions. Frightened and shocked I waited for Damien's next move. His lips came together into a thin line and his hands moved from the wall and now he pushed my shoulders into a wall, caging me with his body.
-I don't like to be played a fool, Desirree... I will make you eat your words, even if it's the last thing I have to do.- My heart is beating violently and the picture is becoming distorted. I can feel myself slipping into panic and numbness. The feeling of his hands on me is making me nervous, I want to throw up, I want to get away. His lips are moving, he's saying something but my mind is not registering it, all I can hear is a buzz in my ears.
Suddenly his face changed into a familiar one. Alexander is looking at me from above, his eyes holding such hatred and disgust. It all makes me sick...No... I don't want this. I can't let it happen again, I won't, I won't handle it.
My mind was disoriented, I didn't notice when he let me go but the next thing I knew, in my panic I tried to get away and everything around me became hazy. I heard the sound of glass breaking and it's like hundreds of thin needles pierced my skin, a scream escaping me before everything became black...