Shushin POV
The next day, this was our last day in the city of demons. It was 5 o'clock. This was my favorite time, an atmosphere that makes you feel nostalgic. Slowly, the sun disappears and the moon comes, and with it comes the night. Where I loved the world for a temporary time. Of course, if my world allowed me to... Being alone at night, even though my heart often broke at night, I went out for a walk, and along the way the streets played the saddest songs, lovers walking, friends parting, friends becoming lovers, I stood in front of a band playing on a small stage in the street, beautiful, beautiful playing, the violin, With the flute, with the other musical instruments, I wanted to be a melody in someone's ear... I looked around with my head, the street was crowded, I don't like crowds but I also like them, since no one cares about the lives of others in the middle of the crowd, and I'm alone, looking at them from the windows and in the middle of the streets. I look at them since I can't look at myself. Then, in the midst of my thoughts, a girl passed in front of me. Her red hair flew before my eyes as she passed. It was redder than blood. The color of her hair astonished me. She passed faster than light. Thus, when I turned to my side to look, I did not find her. I walked and walked behind steps that I assumed were hers. But this led to nothing, as it seemed as if she had evaporated into the air, or that she was nothing but a beautiful memory that my mind had created to console me. I still did not know right from wrong, but I wanted to touch her silky red hair, and to meet her again, even if by chance. Thus, because her beautiful hair robbed me of my thoughts that almost swallowed me up..
I returned to the Demon Palace ready to leave, but then I met Ha Shin standing in front of my room. I asked, "Do you want something from me?"
He hummed, "I wanted to take you... you know, to our place... do you want to? I think there will never be another opportunity like now."
I remained silent, looking at his face. Before, I could not because I was shy, and now I took what was enough for me, because I said goodbye to him yesterday, but he did not know about this. "Okay, let's go."
When we left the door of his private part of the palace, there was a wide garden in front of us. The ground was full of red tree leaves. I walked, and I walked without looking at him. I felt like I belonged to them more than him, as he linked me and likened me to them, but I no longer wanted to resemble the red ones. I was tired of the red. I crossed the black bridge. Underneath lay a red river flowing endlessly throughout the garden. I thought, death here must be special. The red swallows me up relentlessly. What a fitting end for me.
He stood next to me on the bridge, looking forward. We both could not bear the pain of separation, nor even meeting again. "So... do you remember?"
He asked a question that seemed random, since I did not understand what I was supposed to remember, and I do not know what he was thinking of me with this question, because obviously we cannot forget, but I smiled and put my hand on the mark on my neck, saying, "You know what? I believe that the true end will come when we free each other from this curse. If you want to leave, you must take your memories and pain with you," I said as I stood in front of him and looked into his eyes.
His question actually reminded me of something, and I'm sure he didn't mean that memory when he asked.
Four years ago, City of Demons:
We were sitting on the bed, talking, then I told him to give me proof of his sincerity in my love.
Suddenly he approached and put his lips on my neck. It was just touching, but I was surprised and quickly moved away from him, "What are you doing?"
He said: "Didn't you want evidence of our love? We will still be in pain, you and me, if we part."
His words surprised me. After all, this was the first time I had befriended a demon. "What do you mean? Your lips just touched my neck and suddenly you told me that I would feel pain?"
He pushed his hair away from his neck and motioned for me to come closer, "Do the same."
In fact, I thought it was just nonsense, I must have been so confident in him that I actually heard what he was saying. I approached, very close, putting my hand on his neck. I looked into his eyes, hesitating, but he smiled and nodded, so I approached. And I approached, and so began my curse
I blinked and asked, "I didn't cast any magic thing. How could this be evidence of our love? Or a path to pain?"
He was smiling like crazy without answering me. I grabbed him by his clothes and kept shaking him. "You're treating me like a fool, aren't you?"
Then, he took my hands and put them down gently, then he called the maid, and when she came he told her to come closer, and he put his hands on hers, and I felt fire erupting inside me from my feet to my neck, as if someone were stabbing me a thousand times in the neck. The pain was severe and unbearable, which made me... I lay on the floor
The maid stepped back in horror and almost approached me, but he just motioned for her to go.
He got off the bed, sat next to me, and lifted me up. I was placing my trembling hand on my neck. "It's okay. You're fine. Did you see? You succeeded. Whenever we touch someone from the opposite sex, we will suffer."
"Oh my God, this is really crazy! Why would we torture each other like this? How can we remove this curse?"
He rose from beside me to sit back on his bed, "This is not a curse, only you and I can break it, with our blood." I was resting my head on his bed. He approached my face, "But I have no intention as long as I live to break the spell, so you will have to suffer forever if You leave. You won't find a solution."
I didn't think much at the time about whether this was love or torment, and if this was love at all, he didn't trust my feelings 100%, thinking that I would leave, but in the end he was the one who left first.
I wanted to mess with him, to show that I had the upper hand too, so I raised my face from the bed and leaned closer to him. He must have been surprised because he didn't think I was going to do this, so he moved away.
"Well, then I can kill you only if I want to leave far, far away, but do not prolong if you want to touch a girl, you must take into account our past relationship."
He laughed, "You say that as if you were going to leave."
"You don't know what might happen."
...
That was a clear memory of mine, because enduring pain that I did not deserve and that he did not deserve, unjustified pain, love should not be painful, love should be safety and hope, whether love of family, marriage, lovers or friends, the goal of relationships is to be comfort and security. Like a warm home, not a relationship that brings nothing but pain. If we have to choose our relationships, we must make sure that those relationships are an escape from other harmful things. and not an addition to our pain and anxiety
He took out his knife, hit his hand with it, then put his hands on his lips, and approached, "Sorry." The man who said he would never free me, did not change his mind just because he had matured, but because he did not think about holding on to me anymore.
Just like the first time, he put his lips on my neck, and moved away, and just like the first pain, the pain was double, I grabbed his clothes tightly and fell to the ground. I moved my hands away from his clothes. Leaving him with my pain and everything, we remained like this until my pain went away.
I stood up, wiped the blood on my neck and left.. I left forever
I stood behind him, "You can now bury me in your memory."
That was not a lie this time, as we are no longer the same. And because if he forgets me, I will forget him too..
I returned to my room, my source of comfort. I went to sit at the table, after I took my diary out of the closet, "Shadows in My Heart," I opened it, and wrote:
"Your asking me about my memories
Memories
My memories with YOU
The Only Memory,
Is You Never Setting Me Free
Nevertheless Nevertheless
I Still Miss you, in Rainy days..
Say whatever, say whatever
We weren't meant to be, anyway
Then, I asked you, what was this for?
You said it's not a curse, it's not lasting no, it's only sign of adore
Only you and me can own it.
I was young and dumb. Lost in the color of your eyes,
thought this was the only color of love.
You are stuck in my memory's like gum
I still remember, under the red tree, you said it just looked like me
Say your words, may they be the last, I leave you behind, and I leave myself with the wind
hopefully the wind is more honest, brave, gentle than me
Who Doesn't say that love is in return, and that this return is pain
I hope it will take me to a better place, not to be dragged by the sea
My only memory, my only memory Is leaving you alone..
Goodbye. Goodbye."
And so, in this way, one chapter of my life ended, and the notebooks opened another chapter, another journey, I look out the window, I pray that the next journey will be painless..