Shushin POV
As I step into the hidden room, I was met by a striking spectacle. Before me is a handsome man dressed in a gorgeous black hanfu. His sharp looks pierce through my soul, captivating my attention and drawing you me. His strong, broad shoulders and narrow waist are accentuated by the dark color of the attire, adding to his edgy yet refined appearance. His jet-black hair flows gracefully around his face, framing his sharp features and bringing out his striking black eyes. As he turns to meet my gaze, I was taken aback by his intense presence and confident demeanor. He was sitting up on his bed, looking as stoic and composed. Yet, my entry seemed to have caught him off guard, causing him to let slip the slightest hint of a smirk. This brief glimpse of emotion quickly faded, however, as he composed himself again and resumed his serious demeanor
Often, when a strange girl you don't know enters your room, you might automatically take out your sword, but after he looked at me, he went back to contemplating, closing his eyes. I didn't know if he meant this to insult me or if he was blind or uninterested, but I also wasn't in a state that allowed me to care at all. As I looked at my wet clothes and hair, he definitely thought again when he saw my appearance. I looked like a woman whose husband had abandoned her...
I threw away my thoughts with the drops of water falling from me, and walked slowly, waiting for him to throw his weapon at me, but he did not. This made me wary, as he seemed like a scary and distant man, but he was silent, calm, and uninterested. This comforted me somewhat. He suddenly spoke, his voice was deep and had a beautiful rhythm, "Do you regret it?"
"No, I don't regret it." He was sitting on a bed while I sat on the floor with my back on his bed, and I was amazed at myself, as I suddenly found a man's room and went to sit without asking permission, and now I respond calmly? As if I had known him for a lifetime, as if he had opened his door on purpose
Suddenly I felt something warm on my head, and I couldn't see anymore. It turned out that he had put a towel on my head. He spoke calmly as before, "Don't misunderstand, I don't want you to catch a cold and continue sneezing in my room."
I smiled, "Don't worry, thank you very much, but where am I?"
"In fact, I was waiting for you to ask, are you accustomed to entering other people's rooms comfortably?"
"Excuse me, but I found the door open in front of me. It's not like I broke into the place? Also, it seems that you are used to people entering your room?"
"No one has ever entered before you."
"Oh why?"
His eyes were still closed, "So, I just don't like to be disturbed, outside they are all fools and I have lived a long life so I am tired of fools...but you came yourself.."
"I was really enjoying what you said until you said the last part, you completely ruined the atmosphere."
"I'm not here to make you feel better, go to someone else and don't bother me."
I looked at him, "Tell me your name?"
"Why would I?"
"I think you are the most handsome man I have met so far. I should know your name."
He finally opened his eyes and looked at me, I felt butterflies in my heart and it was so funny, even despite my current state I was still in the mood to admire handsome men...
"Feng Yu zhu"
I can't describe the way my jaw dropped... I knew every "real" member of our family, that is, my relatives, their wives, their husbands, and their children. Suddenly butterflies exploded in my heart and stomach. I said slowly, resting my hand on the bed next to him, "Grandpa?... "
The hand resting on his foot lost balance and he almost fell to the ground, but he quickly remedied the situation and straightened his position, but he forgot to straighten his face as well. He looked as if he was about to shed my blood, but I wanted to believe that he was a nice man. "I will kill you if you say that word again."
Oh no, that was obvious but I'm a silly woman, "There aren't many in the Feng family, I'm sure my grandfather had the same name." He gave me some hope despite his obvious threat.
He spoke indifferently, and he was in a state of contemplation that made me want to gouge out his eyes. He made me feel so damn nervous, "My brother's name is a little similar to mine."
"So, this means that your brother is my grandfather?..."
"Yes"
I put my hand on my neck, I felt that my blood pressure had risen, so without realizing it, I hit the mattress on the bed so hard that it made him stop talking nonsense, "Are you playing with me or what? If my grandfather is your brother, then you are my grandfather!"
He grabbed my jaw with his hands, "I told you I'm not like that, that means I'm not like that, don't compare those old men to me."
I whispered, "Fk that fking bragging bastard!"
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, "I think I heard some rat noises.."
"Hahaha, your room needs cleaning, mister."
"Don't call me that"
"Are you sick or what? Damn you're making me sick." It was clear that I had already run out of morals
He kept staring at me, "Where did your morals and kindness go that were here a while ago??"
"Didn't you say that you are not a grandfather ? Then don't talk much because I am afraid that I will pull out my sword."
"But I'm still older than you."
"Just shut up please, let me keep that picture of you in my heart."
He said as he moved away a little, "I must have let a dangerous, perverted criminal into my room.
I was already feeling angry so I ignored him, but he spoke again, "Don't you want to be queen?"
"No, I don't want to," I said, looking at him.
She continued, "This is because I feel like I am just a ball under the feet of children, a ball that they play with in order to be freed from things they cannot be, and some of them watch because they have fun. No one listens to the call of that poor ball. She cannot get a puncture or a scratch and she cannot dream. In a place softer than the streets, I must reach dreams that are not my own."
He looked at me silently. I was used to this, because people always underestimated my injuries. "Don't others want to have a family that takes care of them?"
"You must love others in a way that they understand. Love is not just an act that you do out of your desire. It must be a mutual desire. My grandfather, my grandmother, and everyone treated my mother harshly. This era has ended, but at that time the hatred and racism were unbearable, and it was useless in their eyes, and my uncle could not do Nothing but watching his family being destroyed, he was their only son and he got all the love, he loved her but he knew that he shouldn't expect her to love him too, since he got something he assumed she should get too, so he's trying to make up for me, he sees me as My mom , trying to make up for what... He didn't do it to her, but I'm not my mother and I'm not anything. They hold on to me because they love me, but I love the distant moon. I seek freedom."
"I don't know if you're different or like you used to be."
I looked at him questioningly. He said, "But I will advise you. It seems that you need guidance."
"I'm not the type to take advice."
"I know, but you can choose to implement it or not. I'm helping you get through the first step,"
How would he even know.. Funny
"My advice is...to become a queen! No one can become a queen except you. Become a temporary one. They will do all the work anyway, while you travel and experience the taste of life. Perhaps you will decide to die as a queen and stop wanting the vast world. Perhaps you will be overwhelmed with hatred and choose to continue as a queen. Harsh one, or just withdraw and leave for the spring. You want to die, right? Then walk your way confidently until death finds you."
He spoke for the first time for a long time. I liked his voice and the way he spoke. He convinced me and I liked his words. Action seemed more difficult than words. Me, my love for freedom is a forbidden love, and any of those choices is a tragic choice. At that exact moment I realized that the future in front of me would destroy me, but I had decided. Indeed, I will become a queen, and make friends and relationships and fall in love with places, times, and people, and then I will find my end and accept it. I prayed that I would accept the end, whatever it may be, and that fate would not make me choose between my loved ones..
I asked, "Can I come anytime?"
"I don't know, but maybe if you're so desperate to find me, the door will open for you from where you least expect it."
I finally stood up, then smiled at him, "Then, let's meet again, and get to know each other well next time. I'll tell you my adventures, and in return you tell me about your life. We won't judge each other, and we won't hurt each other. This is like friends. You said I'm the first here. This means that fate brought us together!...You know? I fear the future day after day and this terrifies me. I fear that this is a sign telling me, "Your life will be ruined." And this terrifies me. I fear what will happen, because in my heart, I know, it will happen..." I smiled again. Then I walked towards the door and left.
With those cold features of his, he spoke to the door, "It seems that your past and your future are full of pain. In the end, you will have to rip out your heart again. It is a little sad that you are changing, but you will still smile while your blood comes out of your mouth. I hope that you will win over life and over fate this time. Shushin..."
As the Shushin travels the road of life, she finds herself burdened with a growing weight of secrets that accumulate with each step on the path. With each new journey, she faces the difficulty of her growing feelings, as well as the responsibility of her fate. Will she be able to fight against her destiny and not spoil her soul and heart, while being pushed along the relentless road of life? While new people step into her life, will she ever find her safe haven, where her heart will no longer break the hearts of those she cares for?