For months and months, I was in a rage about how he could not trust me and assumed I was cheating on him. But as they say, time heals everything.
Time healed me too, but the scars didn't disappear.
My rage was gone and only sadness was present. Thinking that god may have some other plans for me I just kept looking forward. The reason for not coming to Italy back was that I didn't want to bring back the memories. I dont want to live those memories again which in the end we're going to hurt me.
But now that I am here, it is impossible for me to not go there. So, I called a taxi and went off the road. I walked slowly to the cliff mesmerizing the site which brought me back.
"Wow, it's beautiful!" I said as I saw the beautiful scene in front of me from the cliff. The sky is full of stars, the city glowing in the night. It was perfect.
"You liked it?" Liam asked me to make myself comfortable by sitting on the ground. Copying his actions, I replied, "I loved it."
"How do you know this place?" I asked
"My father used to bring me here. We used to spend a lot of time together. After my mom left us, he started spending more time with me and vice versa."
The pain was evident in his voice as he talked about his mother. His mom left him and Uncle Michael when Liam was 10 years old and never came back.
I took his hand in mine and kissed him on his cheek.
"For what?" he asked me with a smile.
"To let you know that I am here with you and I am not going to leave you, ever. I promise." I said and his grin melted my heart.
That was my first promise to him which I broke when I left him four years ago. I sat down where we used to sit as tears started running down my eyes.
When you love someone too much, you get hurt too much. When we fought here for the last time, that was it for me. It was the end for me, but maybe because I didn't expect that from him. Maybe because I was too angry and maybe because I loved him too much.
For months and months, I was battling in my head. One part said 'Maybe I overreacted' and another said 'My reaction was right.'
I regret leaving him. I regret breaking my promise. I regret not handling our fight more patiently and calmly. I regret giving up on him. I regret giving up on our love. I regret choosing myself over us.
But
I don't regret standing up for myself. I don't regret slapping him because he accused me of cheating on him. I don't regret choosing my self-respect over our relationship. I don't regret thinking about my future more than my relationships in the past four years.
It's amazing how our minds and hearts always want different things. And it's dangerous how we have to always choose between them.
Back then in school, I always chose to listen to my heart more than my mind. For the past four years, I have been choosing my mind over my heart. But from the minute I saw Liam, I started choosing my heart again.
I have to learn the balance between my mind and heart. I don't want any of this to overpower another. Again.