True, negativity stays within oneself but sometimes it also travels from one person to another or from one generation to another. We hate or dislike something, we told others about it too or sometimes ask them to not to follow or accept or like it just because we don't do so. But have you ever give it a second thought on your this behaviour? For once have you thought about it that may be your are not letting others to learn or experience those things just because you had something bad to relate with it.
Some you may say that we are just sharing our experiences so, one could learn from it or may be the mistakes that we had made they won't make it in their life. Honestly, nothing is wrong in this but you never know how others will take it, because every person is different in thinking and behaving. I guess from such situations only the term "healthy communication" come out.
....
Hearing aunt voice, I walk towards granny's room because the voice comes from this room only. However, even though I am walking there but inside my head I can practically see my mind screaming and dancing...
Mind: you got in a big trouble.. now it will be fun...
Me: (Internally, scowling at him) Are you mad? Shut up.
Mind: Whatever (Keep dancing and screaming).
Just like this I reach in front of the granny's door, there I found her room gate is open so, ignoring my mind I step inside the room. After a few seconds I hear Aunt's voice..
Aunt: close the door and then come here and sit.
Me: (While following her instructions) Okay
Soon I got settled inside the room on the chair which I kept near the room door because as usual I am feeling uncomfortable. I don't know why but here in this room, in presence of these two ladies, I feel my heart beating quite fast, hand sweating and all I want to do is to just want to run away from them. However, my trance break hearing aunt voice, which sounded to me like as if she is suffering from scratchy throat...
Aunt: You know what happened today?
Me: No I don't know (Even though I know what happened, I choose to better remain unknown to it)
Aunt: (The moment she start speaking, her voice keep raising and breaking in between as if at any moment she will start crying) I hear her making fun of my brother so, like a good sister I come in between their conversation and I scolded her. And in return she told me that not to come in between then because they are husband and wife, she can say anything to him.
Me: Ohh she stated a valid point.
Granny: Hey, live in peace, why fight unnecessarily? This is no way to talk, there is no respect for relationships.
Aunt: Yeah I agree she has no respect for relationships and especially for me, I mean look at it, who say shut your mouth, I will talk to my husband in a way which I like. I am elder to her but she is not considering that fact and she insulted me.
Mind: Thank god she doesn't paid her attention to what you have said, otherwise she must have buried you somewhere.
Me: (Internally chuckled) Yeah.
Aunt: And you know what mother her talking to me like this, is something which is not first time. She has spoken to me just like this in different situations many times. Well, I was forced to come to this house because I couldn't live there, but she is married here, she should have accepted the people of this house and this house too by now. But till this date she has not been able to do this. Okay, I can tolerate it Siya, but she talks to your grandparents also like this. I don't know how these two have endured all this till now.
Granny: Don't even ask what have we gone through.
Mind: The way they talk makes it seem as if someone has died or their honour has been robbed.
Me: Exactly this is what I am thinking.
Mind: By the way, they two can never learn that respect can only be earned. It can never be found in charity but just because they are big they want respect. Same goes for acceptance too, it comes from both side. Look at this, they have never accepted mother as a member of house so, why she will accept them.
Me: I guess some people just want to have any to everything in their life in charity but don't want to earn or do hard work to have it.
Mind: I am getting bored bro.
Me: Same here.
Aunt: Siya I am telling once you get married don't behave like your mother, always try to respect your elder and just accept them as yours even that house too.
Me: Yeah sure I am well mature enough to handle all of the things on my own, no need of others to teach me.
Aunt: (Glaring me) It's not right to be proud of yourself so much.
Me: I....
Aunt: (Cutting me off) Don't argue with me. Got it.
Me: (Bending my eyes in defeat) Okay.
Mind: (Angry) What the hell, speak up something and if you can't speak then break her head or mouth. O common just do it or otherwise let me do it,
After this, all of their voices (aunt, granny and mind) got jumbled up, I can hear all of them faintly so, unable to understand what they are actually saying. But one thing that I am clearly able to hear is to hit or break something, all I want to do is to run away in my room to relax myself or I would go mad.
However, my trance break hearing loud voice of my mother calling me for dinner..
Mother: Siya!!! Come for dinner now.
Me: (Yelling) Coming.
Without thinking about anything else I get up from the chair and before leaving the room, I just say a sentence..
Me: Mother is calling me for dinner, we will talk later.
Though, they were speaking something but I choose to ignore it, walk towards my room to so I could just relax a bit because the voices in my head forcing me to hurt myself and I don't know what and how should I stop them. However, as soon as I reach inside my room, I lock it from inside and then I directly walk towards my wardrobe. I open it, take out my hanky then close the wardrobe again. After this I come and sit on my bed then I shove the hanky in my mouth, put both of my hands on my ear and then I shout as loud as possible, just to stop hearing those voices.
After five minutes or so, voice got fainted. I got relaxed a bit but this act of mine make my eyes numb, I am feeling water in them. I take out hanky from my mouth, wipe wet eyes with the back of my right hand. I walk directly in the washroom, start cleaning my face as I don't want them to know what happened. With a bright fake smile on my face, I walk outside the room to have my dinner with my parents.
As I reached there like as usual I found my plate kept, waiting for me to serve food in it and start having it. Once I got settled down on my chair, mother father both looked at me and I passed them a smile then they both start eating their dinner and I do the same thing too. Fortunately, dinner got completed without having any conversation, moreover I was at peace because they doesn't speak up. As soon as the dinner got over, I cleaned my plate first then I walk back towards my room with a water bottle in my hand.
After reaching inside my room, I lock the door they walk towards my study table. I sit there on the chair then open my diary.. with a pen in my hand I start writing my thoughts that were running continuously in my mind.....
i got that aunt and granny doesn't like my mother but why they have to say that in front of me, I don't like it. I don't think its okay to share ones hatred and negative feeling in front of others, I mean look at it seeing them like this or behaving like this, I am getting this feeling that if after marriage life will be this then I don't want to do it. And if by any chance I want to do it then I would prefer to get married in a house where there is no sister in law or the boy is living separately and not with his family.
if they don't like my mother then keep it to themselves, why they are letting me know about it. I don't like it but I don't know how to told them.
After this I start rotating pen on my fingers while thinking what to write next but before I could write anything else, my phone alarm start ringing. I turned it off, closed my diary and keep it back on the table with my pen then with a water bottle in my hand, phone in my pocket and earphones in my other hand, leave the room and start walking towards the granny's room as duty time just got started.
Once I got settled down on the bed, like as usual I read a mafia dark romantic story, around two thirty in the morning fall asleep and ended my day.