Lina
Driving my green Ford Fiesta through the Mylari traffic, I feel nothing but peace: this is my first chance to relax. The past few weeks have been kind of crazy for me-I have an approaching deadline with my editor and have holed up in my office at home, working non-stop. Besides that, I was also a victim of a bank robbery a few days ago. Boy, was that scary-I was traumatized. And to make things worse some reporter cornered me right after and asked a bunch of questions. The memory of that makes me groan-I hope I didn't mumble like an idiot. Worst experience ever.
All those thoughts fly out of my mind when I pull my car into the café parking lot. I then slide out of my seat and made my way inside the building.
I start feeling uneasy the moment I step out of my car. My palms start sweating and my legs feel wobbly. I cast nervous glances in every direction. Why do I feel like someone's watching me, Intensely?
I breathed a sigh of relief when I enter the café. As soon as I'm inside, I spot Miles and made my way to him. He smiles when he sees me, gets up and we share a kiss.
"How have you been, Sweetheart?'' he asks after we both order coffee.
"Good," I say sitting down. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it for dinner yesterday. Again."
"Baby, You're a busy woman and I'm okay with that. I actually love that you're such a hard worker," he says reaching for my hand.
I swallow hard as I recall my conversation with my Dad. Miles doesn't realize it but I don't deserve him. He's perfect and I'm fucked up in the head. Sometimes I wonder how he hasn't seen that yet. Maybe it's because I'm too much of a good actress. I've gotten good at hiding how fucked up I am. During the day It's easy to pretend that I'm normal inside. It's only at night that It registers how seriously messed up I am.
"Babe?'' Miles says and I look at him, startled.
"Uh, Sorry I didn't get that. What did you say?''
" I asked how the book was coming along. Lina, are you okay? You seem a little out of sorts.'' Miles says with a concerned expression.
I smile to hide the turmoil inside of me." I'm fine, Miles. The book just has me a little distracted. And to answer your question it's going great. I'm actually really close to finishing it.''
At that, his face breaks into a large grin. ''I'm so glad. I want you all to myself again.''
"I want that too. I've missed you so much,'' I say honestly.
"Me too. Before I forget to ask you, I know you're on a deadline but would you accompany me to my cousin's wedding next week?"
"I'd love to," I tell him.
"Great. It's a date then," he says as the waitress arrives with our coffees.
Dreading his answer, I ask, "So, what was the important thing you had to discuss?"
He looks at me for a long time with undisguised adoration before squeezing my hands affectionately. " Lina, I love you and I know you love me. I want to spend my whole life with you. When I asked you to marry me a year ago, you told me you weren't ready. Are you ready now?''
Okay, the question wasn't unexpected. What I didn't expect is the heavy guilty those other words cause me. I bite my lips and think,' I'm a monster'. This man loves me deeply and I've been selfish enough to make him think that I feel the same when I truly don't. What kind of horrible person does that? Forget telling him that I'm not ready. I should end this.
Pain in my chest, I squeeze Mile's hands, trying to figure out how I'm going to say this. When I'm about to open my mouth, Miles's phone chooses that moment to ring.
Miles hurriedly takes out the phone from his suit and answers. "Miles, here," he says with an annoyed and angry expression. He was clearly interested in what I was going to say.
While he talks I discreetly brush the tears that were filling my eyes. Curse his secretary. This was my chance to bare my soul to Miles and now it was ruined. I could hear tell through his conversation that he had to go.
"Alright, I'll be right there," he says and ends the call.
He then looks at me with an apologetic expression. "Lina, I'm sorry but I have to go. Something came up at work."
"It's okay, I understand," I say with a hoarse voice, avoiding his eyes.
He gets up and kisses me on the cheek. " I love you and we'll finish this conversation soon. Goodbye."
With that, he leaves our coffee and me, his messed up fiancée. I don't leave immediately because I'm still recovering from that emotional roller coaster. After about five minutes, I ask for the check and pay for it. Tears start springing to my eyes again so I put on my sunglasses, not wanting to embarrass myself in front of the world. I then make my way out of the café and go straight to my car.
Suddenly, the hairs at the back of my head rise and I start to feel uneasy. I pause and take off my sunglasses.
'Could someone be watching me?' I wonder.