Penny
I buckled my seatbelt, getting comfortable in my seat as Beck drove off. I began to look out the window, feeling my nerves begin to boil inside.
"So we're just gonna go to Craig's house, Lily's boyfriend. Hang out, maybe listen to some music. Something slight." he said, eyes configured onto the road.
I nodded, "Cool. Sounds like fun." I smile, speaking softly.
"So not to be all crazy, but uh.. we do smoke. Weed. Is that cool with you?" he stopped at a sign, quickly taking a look at me, concerned.
It's not like I haven't smoked before. I just never have been warned.
"Yeah, I don't mind. It's no big deal." I flash another small smile, crossing my legs, my hands clasped overtop.
"Nice. He doesn't live far from you actually." he smiled back, continuing to drive.
I admired the small views over the hills while heading to our destination. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't live far.
When we arrived, Beck pulled into a driveway that held a beautiful Toyota sports car, bright red. Followed by another car, an SUV. Equally as beautiful, if not better.
We let ourselves out of the car and I followed Beck into the house, close behind. Walking in, it felt like a museum. The ceilings were so high, I could've easily mistaken it for a castle.
"His room is just up the stairs," Beck says, beginning to hop up the staircase. I keep a steady pace behind him, looking at pictures going up the stairs. Most seeming like relatives of his, if not him.
The hallways were long. It felt like it took at least a minute to get to Craig's room. So big you could hear our footsteps echoing. I could walk beside Beck, how wide it was.
We entered the bedroom to find Lily on the bed, out of her uniform and into an outfit that showed more of who she was. Same for Craig. They both sat on the bed, talking to each other.
"Turns out, Penny here doesn't live too far, guys," Beck says, walking in and plopping on the big bed.
I wave, shyly, slowly following, sitting with them. As I sat, I noticed all the paraphernalia tools on a tray, next to Lily. She had been rolling something.
"Sweet. Now let's vibe." Lily smiled at me, beginning to light what was a joint.
"So, Pen. Can I call you that?" Craig says to me, beginning a question. I nod.
"How was the first day? You think you're gonna like it?" he says, fidgeting with the rings on his hands.
I shrug. "I mean it's fine, I guess. Not ideal, but you guys kinda made it a bit tolerable." I laugh softly.
Lily laughs with me. "I told Craig what Chase did. I couldn't keep it to myself," she says.
"Yeah, that was really foul, I'm sorry Penelope," Craig says, sounding more concerned.
I shake my head, quickly closing my eyes for a moment, "It's all good. I've been through much worse. Men kinda suck, no offense." I say.
He laughs, "Yeah, no doubt about that."
"Wait, what exactly did he do?" Beck says, furrowing his brows, Lily passes Craig the joint.
"What are you gonna do?" Lily laughs, teasing him.
Beck lightens up and chuckles, "I'm just curious, that's all. Not gonna do anything."
"He sat in my seat. So I would sit on his lap when I wasn't looking. So he basically just got to cop a feel, for free." I purse my lips together, looking down.
Beck's eyes slightly widened, looking taken aback as the join was now being passed to him, "He's such an ass."
Lily sighs, "Okay, subject change guys."
Beck hit it a couple of times before looking at me, holding it out for me. "Hm?" he gestured, holding a cloud of smoke in.
I slowly take it into my fingers and begin to hit it. I inhale, slowly, taking my time before exhaling.
"Let's play music," Lily says, beginning to connect her phone to a speaker that was nearby on a dresser.
'Affection' by the band 'Cigarettes After Sex' begins to play.
I sit back against the headboard, continuing to take little swigs of the joint before passing it back to Lily.
"Not sure about you three, but I'm gonna go put a pizza in the oven," Craig says, tapping a finger on Lily's hand, and giving her a nod to come along.
Lily looks at him more than me, "Yeah, I'm gonna also go." she smiles, friendly.
They both begin to get up. "Sounds good to me," Beck says, readjusting himself so that we're now facing each other as we sit on the bed. At a comfortable distance.
They leave us, joint, music and all, and I start to feel nervous.
"So, not to be weird, but.. you aren't actually interested in Chase, right?" Beck says in a soft tone.
I smile, "I'm not." I ash my favor, looking at him. "Why is this of your concern again?" I teasingly say.
He smiles back, "Just wondering." he shakes his head.
"What exactly do his parents do for a living?" I say, passing him the joint as his eyes stay connected to me.
"His dad is in the film industry. Screenwriting." he takes a small swig, "His mom is on that show, 'The Bold and the Beautiful'" he says.
I let my eyes grow wide, looking at him. "Holy. Shit. That's so cool." I say, excited, but containing myself.
Beck laughed.
"Yeah, it's pretty cool. They just aren't home often. So we come over here a lot of our time." he takes one more hit, before sending the joint back to me to finish.
I nod then pause for a second before speaking again.
"What about you? What do your parents do?" I say, slowly going to take a hit.
He shakes his head, looking down, "Nothing quite as special. You're parents?" he said, looking at me again.
I decided not to push. "Well, my dad is a traveling lawyer. My mom passed away when I was seven. Ever since then, I've just had to go wherever he goes." I say, taking one last hit before putting the joint out.
"Well that sounds kinda fun," he says. I knew he was trying to enlighten my situation.
I let out an exhale, "Yeah. In theory, it sounds pretty nice." I sit back again, "It's kind of lonely though. Finally, I guess he had enough of deciding if he was leaving me or taking me. Decided to leave me with my aunt instead." I look down, thinking about it all.
"If it helps, my dad left when I was a kid. I get it," he says, making me look at him. "It's just my mom, my kid brother, and me." he continued.
I half smile, "I bet your brother makes it pretty fun though." I say, sitting forward to lean my elbows on my legs, making us just a bit closer.
We both smile at each other for a moment.
The song begins to transition into another. 'girl in new york' by 'ROLE MODEL'.
"I love this song," I say, softly, breaking eye contact, and zoning out.
"Are you from there?" Beck says, raising a brow.
"Huh?" I say, coming back.
"Huh?" he teased. "Smoke less next time, loser," he says, laughing quietly as he gently rubs my arm before standing up.
I become red with embarrassment, as I smile, realizing what he said. "Actually I am," I say.
He walks to a close by mini fridge, opens it, and grabs out what was two Gatorade. He closed it and made his way back over, holding one out for me.
I take it, going to open it. "From New York? I knew something was different about you," he said, smiling before taking a sip of his drink.
"You ever been to a cabin?" he said, suggestively.
I shake my head. "No. At least not for more than fifteen minutes at most." I laugh softly.
He smiles, "This Saturday. Come with us to Lily's parent's cabin. You won't regret it."
I bite my lip before speaking softly, looking at him, "Maybe I will."
Silence filled the room for a moment, music still playing.
Craig popped his head in the door, causing us to both be startled. "Food's almost done," he says, staring at both of us. "Did I interrupt something?" he laughs.
Beck stands up, playfully shoving Craig, "Shut up man."
I smile to myself. I liked feeling a part of something. It feels like a first. Everywhere I've gone, I never really kept friends. I never stayed long enough. For once, that might not be the case. I don't have to just up and leave for the first time.
I just don't really know how to maintain relationships because of that. The only commitment I've ever had is with myself. I don't even know if I could open up to Beck.
There's so much more than what he sees, I don't think he'd like me if he really knew me.
I have only dated one other guy. I was sixteen. I actually just had a birthday. Colton. It was short-lived. About seven months.
Colton and I both attended a performing arts school back in NYC. My dad had a job there that lasted almost a year, and for once we got to be home. It was great until Colton decided I just wasn't good enough one day. He picked another girl and told me all about it. Didn't matter since I left soon after.
All of this had aided in a side of me that I never thought I would see. I found ways to cope like developing an eating disorder. Finding all of my mother's books helped a lot with that.
Sometimes I wonder if one of the reasons my dad wanted to drop me off was because of my bulimia. He doesn't exactly know how to help me except for buying me things that mean nothing.
Now I'm here.
I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to doubt it. Lily seems happy with Craig. Maybe Beck isn't that different.
_____
As the week went on, I definitely felt it was a good idea to go to the beach.
My classes were really all over the place and I spent a good deal missing a lot of things because I couldn't find anything. The cabin would be a nice reward for a disaster of a week.
On the other hand, Lily and I have a lot of classes together. As do I and Beck. Not so much Craig though. That's okay though because we all eat lunch together.
I've been hanging with Lily a lot, throughout the day and again after school, twice more this week. I found out that she has a brother named Jack. He's attending NYU but is coming to town this weekend to visit everyone at the cabin.
I tried to hang out with Beck, but he said he had something he had to do with Craig. I later found out it was something about being in the band. Lily says it's something they've been doing for almost a year now.
Beck is the bass player. It can't get any better.
Craig plays drums. The other member? I've yet to find out. They seemed to graduate last year though, I guess. Beck said I can meet her this weekend. Olivia is her name.
Regardless, I'm excited. I finally feel a sense of accomplishment. Belonging. I just really want it to stay that way.
Today being Friday, my schedule has some study hall. Lily said she also has it, but she wants me to meet some of her friends. Thrilling.
I made my way to the class, arriving to find Lily sitting with two other girls. She immediately saw me and waved me over.
Walking over, I examined the other girls. One had long wavy-ish hair and bright olive skin. She was noticeably not enthusiastic about me being here. The other had more pale, brown skin. Long dark, curly locs, and a little curly bang to match. She seemed more welcoming.
I sat down beside Lily, waving to everyone. "Guys, this is Penelope. Penny, meet Dani and Stella." Lily said, smiling.
Dani happened to be the girl with dark hair. The more welcoming one. She smiled, "Hi. Danielle."
"Hey," I say, nodding. Stella stared at me, saying nothing. I looked down, feeling intimidated.
"Penelope is the girl I was telling you guys about," Lily says, seemingly trying to start a conversation.
"So how'd you meet?" Stella says, interjecting.
I look at her, "Ah, we met in Earth Science." I say.
"Yeah, thanks to Chase," Lily says.
"I guess he's flirting with you now?" Stella says, nonchalantly. I look at all of them, now nervous. "Not exactly.. he just kind of did something stupid," I say.
Oh my god, is this some kind of interrogation?
"So you guys talk?" Danielle says, resting her chin in her hand.
I think for a second. "No, I like, just moved here." I rest my hands on the desk, fiddling with my fingers, looking at Lily for reassurance.
"Okay, c'mon that's enough," Lily says, stopping them.
I look at her, then think about Craig. "I'm assuming they know Craig and Beck too?" I look at Lily.
She responds, "Yep."
Danielle sighs and laughs quietly, "Lily thinks you're so cool, she introduced you to everyone."
I look at all of them. "Well, I guess I am," I respond, confidently, looking at Lily again, smiling.
She nodded, laughing softly.
"You know Beck?" Stella says, crossing her legs as she sits back.
"Yeah, we just have kinda been talking and hanging out since I got here," I say, looking at her.
Guess I have some competition.
"They're super cute. Beck is like, all over her." Lily says, smirking at me.
I laugh softly and shake my head, "It's not like that." I look down, crossing my arms, "He's cute though." I say.
I cave in a start laughing with Lily, "I guess I would definitely say yes if he asked me out."
"Aw," Danielle says, endearingly. "So you're not into hookups, I'm assuming. You'd wanna date him?" she continued.
I smile, responding, "Well yeah he's kinda corny. Maybe a bit nerdy, but it's sweet."
"Sweet." Stella scoffs. "He's exactly what you want if your into hookups," she says. She laughs, in a bitchy tone, "He probably won't stick around long if you're a virgin."
My smile fell, and I got silent.
"Give it a rest Stella. Beckett is far from that kind of guy. Just because he didn't want you, doesn't mean anything for Pen." Lily says, snapping across to the table to Stella.
I then felt a hand from Lilly, squeeze mine under the table. She looked at me and smiled, whispering, "It's cool, don't worry."
I nod, smiling hesitantly.
When the bell rang, Lily stayed beside me on the way out. I barely made it out the door before running right into Beck.
He grabbed my arm, stopping me, laughing, "Who are you running from?" he says.
I take a breath, smiling as I tuck some hair behind my ear, glancing up at him, "I uh, just trying to be quick." I nod.
"Let me walk you to the gym?" he suggests.
I nod, "Sure. The most exciting part of the day." I say, sarcastically. We begin to walk, Lily heading somewhere to find Craig.
I notice an envious Stella, lingering her eyes on us, as I glance behind me, seeing her and Danielle, walking at a far. I look forward, clutching my books close to me.
"Everything good?" Beck says, snapping me out of it.
I look up at him before looking forward again, watching my path. "You know Lily's friend, Stella?" I say.
"Yeah. What about her?" he said, putting a hand in his pocket.
I sighed, "Not to be invasive, but did you guys, like.. date?" I look at him with my statement.
He starts to laugh, "Did someone tell you that?"
I kind of cracked a smile, shaking my head, "No. She mentioned you in a way. I just was wondering." I say.
He smiles, "She used to flirt with me. She asked me out. I said no. She's not my type." he says, looking at me. He smirks, "Are you jealous, Penelope?" he starts to chuckle.
I smack his arm, trying to laugh it off, "No." I say as we stop in front of the gym. "I can't be jealous over a guy I just met, right?" I smile up at him.
He turns himself toward me and I do the same. "Well that's too bad." he says, "I don't entirely see us that way anymore." he smiles,
I return the smile, looking down as we turn to walk in, hearing the bells ring.
Gym is probably one of the worst parts of the day. Seeing as though I don't believe in any of the things they make us do, I don't see the point. I can definitely go without playing kickball for the rest of my life. It's one of those things I just kind of zone out during. My family argues that it's a good school, curriculum-wise. At least I'm a senior.
Beck makes it pretty easy to deal with, though. Walking me today was something new. I'm trying to decide if he's flirting or not. But after what Stella said, I'm not feeling so sure.
Something tells me I shouldn't worry about her. I've met a lot of girls like her. The jealous type. She ogled us all through the halls. I don't think she stopped looking for a second.
Beck likes to pick with me. Make me laugh. She hated it. I could feel it. And this next class? I'm gonna feel it even more. We exchanged schedules in the previous study hall and I knew she was going to meet me in this next class.
Beck hasn't walked me to this class so I had to stick up for myself this time. Great.
I made my way to a desk in the back. Stella wasn't far behind, as she caught the seat next to me at the table I sat at. I deeply, inhaled, prepared for the worst.
"Hey," she says, setting her things down. I wave.
"You like him, huh?" she continued. I painfully dreaded responding. But I did.
"I don't know," I say, sternly. Now I was annoyed.
"I'm just curious. Don't be so stuck up," she says, sitting back in her seat, the bell ringing.
I could wring her neck right now.
_____
After classes, Lily and I met up and went to her house. We did the usual, smoke, snack, and gossip, but this time, we had something to gossip about.
"So, I know you're still new, but I already love you," Lily laughs, eating a sour candy from a bag we were sharing, "Are you going to homecoming?" she said.
I stopped and looked at her. "I hadn't even thought about that," I said, starting to feel a bit discouraged.
"Girl, don't worry. I'm going out soon to shop. You can come!" she said, excitedly.
I smile, "Lily, that's sweet. But I don't have a date or anything. It's not ideal to third wheel either." I laugh, poking her.
She giggles, "You won't. Beck will take you. He's super into you." she says.
I roll my eyes, "We don't know that. Besides, after what Stella said, I don't think I feel as confident." I say, sighing.
"Who gives a shit about Stella. She's jealous and honestly, I'm getting sick of her. I can't believe she's coming to my parent's cabin this weekend." Lily says, standing up to pace around. "It's the only time they would let me, without them," she added.
I groan, laying back on the bed. "Really? More of her?" I say.
"I'm sorry. I invited her weeks ago. Before she was being a pain in the ass." she says, crossing her arms.
She looks at me before coming and sitting beside me again. "Look. This weekend will be so much fun. Just ignore her." she says.
I sit up, looking at her. She opens her arms for a hug, smiling.
I start to laugh, leaning in to hug her. "Thanks, Lily," I say, smiling.