Beck
Life can't honestly get any better right now. I've managed to stay in a band, maintain my super sick best friend, and now, Penelope.
It would be a lie if I said that I wasn't utterly infatuated with her presence. She's sweet, funny, and gentle. The list goes on, but most of all, she's just different. Most girls try too hard for male validation. She doesn't have to lift a finger.
I don't think I've ever met someone who could make me laugh the way she does. At least not my ex.
Heather would always be complaining about how I dressed or did my hair. The image was everything to her. That also meant we could never have any fun. Everything was just so serious.
I think going to Lily's family cabin will help give me the step to ask her out. It'll be romantic, quiet and perfect for us to be alone. I'm just really hoping she reciprocates.
The only reason my ex and I ended things is that we both mutually cheated. Not to be a dick, but she cheated first. I felt so upset, I ended up doing something I should've never done.
I made out with Stella.
It happened really randomly, and I also happened to be extremely vulnerable and upset. It's not entirely her fault, I knew what I was doing.
The problem now is that she never let it go. She tried to get at me, all summer afterward. I tried to let her down easily, but she seems to not understand why. Apparently, she feels we had more. It just didn't click on my end. Stella's great. She's just not Penelope.
Regardless, I don't feel hurt or sorry anymore. I feel ready to move on. I just can't help but think about what someone might've told Penelope that made her ask me about Stella in the first place.
Olivia and Jack are also coming to stay at the cabin. Jack decided to go to NYU last year, after graduating to further pursue his music career. Olivia also ended up going to New York, but more or less to get out there and see what it could offer her. She ended up landing an internship for the New York Times.
Something about Penny that she even better is that she's from New York. The band all would like to move down there, once this school business is over. Just to try and finally start our music careers. Even Flow could be so much more if we applied ourselves. That's exactly what I'm doing this year.
I've been writing music, mapping out songs, and looking at schools like no tomorrow. I just don't know what I'm gonna do about money. My family doesn't have money for school, so most of my funds have to come from scholarships or some kind of honest miracle.
Since most of us have things we have to do, we could only chalk the stay up to one night. Which makes it a lot easier, considering it was only about a forty-minute drive away. Craig decided he would drive with Lily, Penn, and me. While Danielle and Stella will meet us, and the same for Olivia and Jack, seeing as they were coming together.
Craig was in charge of beer, while I had to bring weed for us to smoke. Lily decided she would handle our food and snacks and Penelope offered to help her. Everyone's job was secured.
At this time, my group was unpacking our things from Craig's dad's SUV. I was double-checking that I had all my items, for the fourth time in a row. I managed to make a list of the things I brought and started to go for another round of counting, pointing at all my belongings.
"Beck, they aren't going anywhere bro. Relax." Craig said, walking to the car to grab more things.
I sigh, "Yeah man, I know. I just need to make sure." I say, feeling rather annoyed.
He walked up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're here to have a good time. Do not let your mental health get in the way of this," he said, quietly, as if to not let everyone hear about my problems.
I stay quiet, looking at him, then down at my things, nodding. "Yeah. Sorry." I say, avoiding eye contact.
"Apologizing isn't necessary. I just worry about you sometimes. You need to get checked up on. Y'know obsessive-compulsive disorder isn't something to be ashamed of, Beck." he says, beginning to try to give me advice.
"Craig, stop. This isn't a good idea right now." I say, sternly.
Lily makes her way over, grabbing Craig by the forearm. "You guys okay?" she says, looking at us.
We nod. "Yeah. All good." I shoot a small smile.
Cool. Penn is getting sorted out and Stella said they're on the way." she smiled.
"Jack? Olivia?" I say, making a gesture.
"Should be here any second," Craig says.
A car begins to pull into the gravel parking area, making us all avert our attention to it. Then shot out, half a body outside the passenger's side window.
"We're back fuckers!" Jack yells, slapping the top of the car as Olivia honks.
We all laugh to ourselves. "Speak of the devil," Lily says.
Penelope walks out to us, standing beside me. "More people to meet, I guess," she says, crossing her arms, and giving a slight smile.
"Yeah, but it's just my brother and Olivia," Lily says, walking to the car, happier than ever.
I watch as Jack hugs Lily, Olivia running over to us. I open my arms, accepting her hug, soon letting her go so she could hug Craig.
Lily brings Jack over to us, pointing over to Penn. "Guys, this is Penelope. She's new at Ashland, and we thought we would be her welcoming committee." she laughed.
Penelope gave a small wave. "Lily's told me a lot about you guys." she smiles.
"Yeah, but she didn't tell me you were this cute," Jack says, talking to Penelope.
I watch them both, feeling animosity fill my body. An awkward silence began before Lily stopped it.
"Penelope, Olivia, let's go inside. We can show Liv where she's staying," she says, grabbing them as she heads inside.
I turn my attention to Jack. "She's off limits. I noticed her first." I say.
Jack smiles. "Good to see you too, Beck. And for the record, a single woman equals fair game," he said, grabbing his and Olivia's bag, and following them in.
I look at Craig after watching him walk away. "Don't look at me, I'm just a witness." he laughs, walking inside.
Here goes the competition.
_____
It took some time, but Stella and Danielle finally got here, just in time for us to start drinking. Some of us had already drunk a few of the beers we had in the cabin already, so I decided to go out to the car and get the new case.
I found myself outside for some time, texting my mom back and checking on my younger brother, back home. I also decided I'd have a bit of a cigarette while I did so. Sooner than later, I found myself not alone anymore, a curious Stella, easing her way over to me.
I tried to pretend I didn't see her for a moment, really wanting to avoid the conversation that was about to happen.
She sat beside me in the trunk, as I had it open to get the beer. "So, what is it?" she says, sort of snapping.
"What is what?" I say, making a confused expression toward her.
"What is it about her? The minute she came, you dropped everything. You act like what happened between us, didn't happen, Beck." she says, being more direct.
"Oh my god, please stop. We're not doing this right now Stella." I stand up, drawing more smoke into my mouth as I finish my cigarette, grabbing the beers.
She grabs my arms. "What does she have that I don't have, Beck?" she said, getting louder.
"Be quiet, seriously," I say, bulking up my tone.
"Tell me." She let go of me, dropping her arms, and making dead eye contact.
I sigh, looking away, before looking at her again. "Well to start, she's not fighting for my attention constantly, even though I told her I wasn't interested," I say, keeping an even tone now.
"And even if she did, she's just different. She doesn't know my past, okay?" I finish, then walk inside with the case of beer.
"Finally!" Olivia says, letting me set it down before opening it to hand some around. "Now put the music on," she says, laughing.
Lily cued something up on the Bluetooth and before you knew it, everyone was starting to get comfy.
Everyone sort of gravitated towards someone to talk to, but mostly just mingled and danced amongst the small group.
Craig and Lily were the usual. All over each other, being cute. Sickening, but cute, I guess. Dani, Olivia, and Stella were singing, being silly and loud. Lastly, Jack was with Penelope.
He's right. She's single and it shouldn't bother me. Except it does. Badly. For a moment, I felt like I was making a connection with her. But I stand no chance with Jack.
He always swoops in. Exactly like he did Heather.
It's not that we have bad blood. They dated after we broke up, after all. I just don't feel like I can trust him. Ever since he got top surgery over the summer, he changed into this weird douchebag of a man. I mean, I understand confidence, but Jesus Christ.
He was making my blood boil more and more by the second. The way she was laughing at probably something stupid he said. So much so that she had to hold onto him like she wanted it.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, making me slightly jump. I look down to see a slightly buzzed Olivia.
"What's your deal? You've been acting like a weirdo, all night. Now I'm curious." she says, giggling.
"That." I nod my head toward Penelope and Jack.
She looks at them and then at me. "Them? I knew it, you do like her," she smirked. "Dani owes me ten bucks now," she stated.
I roll my eyes, "Whatever. What do I do? You get girls all the time. You're good at this." I say, switching my beer to my other hand.
She sighs, playfully, "Look, if you really want her. Go get her, Beck. The only thing stopping you is you." she says, poking my chest.
I look at her blankly. "I'm serious," I say.
She groans, "Watch."
I watched as she walked over to Penelope. "You know how to a shotgun?" she asks her.
"Sure, who doesn't?" Penn responds. Olivia grabs two new beers and snags a hole in each one, busting them open.
We all watch as they both shove the beers up to their lips, inhaling them down, beer dripping down their clothes. I watch Penelope, as she finishes first. Another reason I should so be with her.
"Where did you learn that? Teach me, now." Lily says, giving Penelope a light shove.
Penn wipes her mouth with her hand, laughing. She was visibly tipsy now but holding her own.
"Hot tub?" Lily says, looking at Craig. He nods and she looks at Penelope. "Let's change," she says.
They begin to head upstairs and Craig walks over to me.
"This is your chance. Go change, and meet her at that hot tub, dude. It's literally now or never." he says, placing a hand on my shoulder, and walking me to the stairs.
"I'm gonna go in there, make out sesh ready. You do the same. She wants you." he says, patting my back.
"Craig, she's not like that. I don't think." I chuckle, shaking my head. "I'm just gonna play it cool. Take it easy." I say.
He raises his hand, "Whatever you do, do it fast. Jack is right under your nose, brody." he says before jogging up the stairs.
I take it in for a moment, before following him.
I changed as fast as I could and made my way back downstairs to go out the back. I noticed on my way through the cabin, everyone seemed to be calmer, talking amongst themselves.
When I arrived outside, I saw a glistening Penelope in the hot tub. Her skin was golden, damp, and soft looking. Her hair was the perfect mix of damp and wavy, falling down her shoulders to drape over her.
I walk over and carefully step into the water, moving closer to Penelope.
"Hi," she says, hovering her hands over the water.
"Hey." I say, looking at her "Are you having a good time?" I add.
She smiles, nodding, "Yeah. I'm really glad you invited me. I needed this." she says, slightly fumbling her words.
"You're not drunk, are you?" I asked, scooting a bit closer to her.
"Hardly. I just haven't drunk alcohol in a long time. I actually don't drink often, now that I think about it." she says.
"Good. I wouldn't want to be enabling an alchie." I laugh softly.
A phone started ringing, making us all look over at it.
"It's me," Lily says, getting out of the tub, grabbing a towel, and walking over.
Craig lightly punches my arm and gets out as well, going inside with her.
I turn to face Penelope, "So where'd you learn to shotgun like that? I was super impressed." I say.
"Well, you learn something from watching your dad and his friends all the time," she said proudly.
She paused and turned to me, "Beck, why are you so nice to me? What's your motive?" she says seriously.
"Penelope.." my voice softens.
I started to chuckle, "Is it not obvious? I like you, airhead. I've been trying to hint at it all week." I say.
Looking away, her voice becomes softer, "I don't like to assume that kind of stuff." she looks at me, continuing, "I also noticed how Stella has been acting and.." she kept talking, but I blocked it out, looking at her lips.
I take a moment to look at her, carefully. As I watch, I'm imprisoned by her beauty. Lifting my hands, I place them on her cheeks, cupping her face as I lean forward, closing my eyes.
I kiss her. With every ounce of me, I fall in deep. It felt like an out-of-body experience. She allowed her body to melt into mine, our bare skin pressing together as I slowly pull away.
I open my eyes to see hers, still closed, her hands over mine.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, pulling my hands away, gently. "I couldn't hold it in anymore." I shake my head, "That was stupid. I'm stupid." I begin to babble.
"Beck, stop," Penn says, grabbing my arm.
"I like you too. I just don't know how to say those kinds of things. It's hard for me." she says.
I let out a deep sigh of relief, sitting back into the water again and looking at her, "Beer?" I gushed, letting out a laugh.
She nods, laughing back.
_____
Somehow I found myself on the couch, in the dark. Faint music was playing and I felt nausea coming over me. My throat began to burn, tasting of beer and Titos.
I hesitate to open my eyes, only to see that it's dim in the room. Thank god.
I slightly turn my head over to see a sleeping Penelope, curled in a blanket. Sitting forward, I groan, realizing that it was the couch we had fallen asleep on.
My stomach begins to cramp, making me exhale. I tale a chance at standing up, quickly realizing that I wasn't any soberer than before. In fact, I felt drunker.
Feeling more nauseous, I grasp my stomach and cover my mouth with a fist, standing up as I rush to the stairs to get to the bathroom.
Barely making it, I barge through the door, falling to my knees, clutching the toilet as I heaved into it.
I grabbed the toilet paper quickly, ripping a piece off to wipe my mouth, tossing it into the bowl, and shutting it. I let out a sigh, slowly standing up, flushing the toilet now.
I go to lean on the sink, looking in the mirror, the purple night light in the corner, shining brightly in my face.
You've never looked so shitty.
I turn the faucet on, filling my hands with water before splashing it on my face, not making much of a difference in how intoxicated I felt.
I take the towel and dry my face off and go to look in the mirror.
I quickly noticed I had company. Stella.
"Stella.." I say, turning around. She shuts the door, backing against it for a moment.
"You good?" I furrow my eyebrows, looking down at her, examining her for a second before looking at her face again.
"Before you make any decisions, I wanna show you who's really better," she says, then pressing a hand against my chest, her other hand gripping my crotch.
I gasp softly, as we back into the sink. She begins to lean up, kissing my neck. Her other hand begins to unzip my jeans, pulling them down slightly to reveal my boxers.
"Stella," I say, but she covers my mouth and reaches into my boxers, groping my length.
"Just be quiet. Don't worry," she says, then drops to her knees.
I look up at the ceiling, letting out a deep breath before looking down again, feeling myself grow hard.
I slightly stumble against the sink as she pulls out my shaft, gently rubbing the tip with her thumb. I bite my lip, watching as she looks up at me, engulfing it in her mouth.
Feeling the wet heat, I rasp, "Fuck," covering my mouth with the inner corner of my elbow.
She begins to take me deeper, gripping my jeans as she continues to look at me, her head moving quickly. I let out a desperate grunt, trying to hold in my moans. I look away again, beginning to feel guilty, but unable to stop myself.
I realize I can't be silent anymore, and whimper, "Fuck, Stella.."
An aggressive pound on the door, jolts us out of our trance, making me knock some things into the sink.
"Shit, shit shit," I scramble to dress as the banging continues. "Open the door, or I will!" a feminine voice comes from the other side.
Olivia.
The door bursts open, exposing me and Stella. She quickly wipes her mouth as I struggle to finish zipping up my pants, and buttoning them.
"You can't be serious right now," Olivia says, now looking heated.
Stella quickly pushes past her, fleeing the scene. I look at Olivia, immediately panicking, "Please don't say anything, it was a mistake, nothing happened!" I rush to get my words out.
"Was it a mistake, or did nothing happen, Beck?" she snaps.
I start to feel my heart beat faster. My stomach began turning again, making me let out a soft gag, covering my mouth.
"Oh my god, you're a pig," she says, shaking her head as she walks out. I gag once more, this time turning to the toilet, hurling once again.
The door swings open again, this time Craig coming in. "What are you doing right now?" he says, closing the door, yelling but whispering at the same time.
I wiped my mouth, "I just felt sick, I came in here.." I say.
"You wasted no time, Beck. You were literally just kissing another girl. Are you an idiot?" he continued, not holding back.
I bring my knees to my chest, resting my arms on them, letting my head fall back as I sigh. I mean, what even just happened? I just ruined everything in a matter of minutes.
I don't even know what I'll do if Stella tells Penelope. She would never even talk to me again, let alone look my way. Now I'm once again, cleaning up my mess.
I'm unbelievable at this point.