"Which is the true nightmare, the horrific dream that you have in your sleep or the dissatisfied reality that awaits you when you awake?"
- Justin Alcala
After we left his forest, he had walked me to my chambers, it actually was really nice to walk there together.
I stood in front of my room and he awkwardly motioned for me to go in.
"It's okay, Cian. Let me see you go"
He awkwardly rubbed his neck and looked around
"Please, I insist, my queen. You go in first"
I tried to not let a smile show on my lips but in return I couldn't hold it in so I looked down and made my way in silently.
For a while I didn't hear anything but then I heard a few steps away from my door. But not more than that.
I guess he is a silent walker.
after the shower, I had gotten ready to go to bed. But then I remembered that I didn't have dinner. So I decided to get out in my pastel purple hoodie and black basketball shorts into the dark night for a midnight snack.
Once I opened my door I felt something heavy leaning against it and fall.
What the fuck?
I jumped back instantly getting my twin blades on the table. But when I looked down I saw Cian.
What is he doing here?
He squinted his eyes looking as confused as I did.
"Cian"
He looked at me and smiled dashingly.
"If it isn't my beautiful mate, this is exactly what my imaginations picked out for you to wear"
I looked at him even more confused
"I want you so bad, we want you so bad that we look forward to sleeping nowadays just to dream about you".
His eyes softened "and we used to rarely sleep"
He stood up without caring about how close he had gotten to me.
"Cian what are you-"
And he just closed in even more, held my cheeks in his palms and kissed me so passionately that my vision started spinning.
God, I love it when he kisses me.
His lips moved against my own battling for his tongue to get into my mouth.
He tasted so fucking delicious.
It got more heated so quickly that I didn't expect his next actions.
He pushed me on the bed while kissing and cupped my breast.
It fit so perfectly in his hands.
And I wasn't wearing a bra.
My nipples instantly hardened at his touch, yearning for his mouth and teeth.
I wanted him so fucking badly.
Then something snapped me out of the daze, I felt his manhood on my thigh over our clothes.
I quickly pushed him away with force, that seemed to awaken him.
His eyes opened so wide upon realizing what was going on.
The horror washed over his face as his eyes fired with guilt.
"I-I am so sorry, my queen. I swear on my crown that I thought I was dreaming"
He looked down.
However when I looked closely, it wasn't just guilt on his face, he looked ashamed as well.
I felt bad. I know he isn't supposed to be doing this without my permission, but I have already accepted him as my mate, and I really don't mind for him to touch me. I at least don't think he forced himself on me. But I still think that this is going way too quickly.
This whole mate thing, I don't know how to go about it, I don't know whats normal and what's not normal, and to be honest, I don't know anything about love. And what I'm feeling right now, scares me.
I kneeled next to him.
"Cian, why are you here?"
He looked up avoiding my gaze
"It was Helios, ever since he had seen you and felt you, he has not stopped talking about you. He kept asking for you. He wanted to sleep next to you and have you in our arms, but I know that you would not want that so we came to an agreement to sleep outside your room"
My eyes widened. He could've just asked. But then again if I had said no he would've still slept outside.
Fuck it.
"You can stay"
His head instantly whipped up with shock and happiness lightening in his brown eyes.
"Besides I need to tell you something, but first would you like some midnight snacks, your majesty?"
I was teasing him at this point.
I sleepily smiled at him and made my way out to the kitchen,
Cian had awkwardly followed me, his eyes roaming around every where we were going.
It seemed like his guard radar has been set on high right now and I didn't like that because this is his castle, there is no one in this kingdom that would try anything funny with him. I mean our people knew he was kind to his own, but he really was fearless otherwise.
So why is he so cautious?
I tried to quickly open the fridge and get anything chocolatey out.
My periods start tomorrow, so I'll get anything that's sweet to help me through it, and of course, we have sick days we can take off as well depending on how sick you are. That's gotta be tomorrow and the day after.
I looked around and got more snacks remembering Cian is going to stay too.
I started quickly making my way back to my room as Cian followed me sneakily checking everything around us.
As we went into my room, I closed my door and locked it. I set the snacks down, grabbed a couple of cute cups that my mother had given me back when she was nicer, and set them down.
Pouring some hot milk into each cup, I sat down nibbling on a piece of heavenly chocolate while hugging my legs to my body. The cramps were already killing me.
I suffer from something that I didn't even bother remembering the name of, but it's that I get cramps before, during and after my periods. I don't have any way to fix it or make it feel better other than sex, according to the doctors. And I've never had sex.
And I sure as hell am not getting any.
Cian may already be aware of it once I get my periods, and honestly that makes me feel a bit uneasy because I don't want him to smell that.
I laid my head back holding my tears back, God I hate getting so emotional over nothing. Last time I had my periods I cried over a piece of tomato that fell. I bawled my eyes out.
It is crazy when even through tough times like this if I was on a battlefield I could cover it all up, I just blank out and fight, but normally I felt like a normal girl, yet I suffered from feeling numb and feeling too much.
Cian sat close to me, his shoulders were slightly grazing mine, it felt like electricity and euphoria mixed together going up my body.
"Signy"
His voice called over to me and I opened one eye to look at him.
He opened his arms
"C-Can we c-cuddle?"
His cheeks tinted slightly,
I really could use some cuddling. And he was way too adorable to give in to right away.
I scooted closer and laid my head on his shoulder, but he instead decided to pick me up, making me gasp as he put me down on his lap. His arms sneaked around my waist as he pushed my head on his chest.
His heart was beating fast, possibly faster than mine.
The king is cuddling his mate who happens to be a leader of the warriors of Asmodemia.
That's one hell of a sight to stumble upon
Without realizing it, I had slowly drifted into a comfortable sleep deciding to tell him everything some other time,
I'm not ready,
I'm not ready to leave,