"The world outside had its own rules and those rules were not human"
- Michel Houellebecq
This is hard.
I didn't know how to open my eyes with Cian around.
I had went through a horrible panic attack,
I had shown my vulnerability,
It was unbecoming of a leader of more than thousands of warriors.
I need to do this, I need to open my eyes and act normal,
As I pried my eyes open, I saw Cian next to me with a small frown on his godly face. His features soft yet manly had started forming wrinkles, he looked like he had aged ten years more in a few hours. He seemed like he was in deep thoughts, I couldn't tell what he thought of but it looked like it was serious.
I tried snapping him back to reality
"I'm sorry for what happened, it wasn't appropriate of me"
The hardness and confusion in his eyes had melted into the beautiful brown pool of chocolate with golden streaks that I've started to adore,
His arms had reached out towards me, wide open for me to throw myself in them,
I slowly started getting into his embrace, once I was in arms reach he softly locked me in his strong and comforting arms,
"My little angel, you have nothing to apologize for. If anyone should apologize, it's us. We did not take care of you properly, we did not know how to react, we apologize, I apologize for my incompetence, Helios also has been very restless it is almost breaking my mind pushing him back, but we both want to protect our godsent angel, I need you to talk to us, my love. We want to be of help."
His soft and warm lips pressed against my forehead as he played with my curls,
"However, if my love is not ready to talk, you could at least tell us what to do in these situations, please guide us to aid you, my love. I know it is too much to ask when you are not doing well, but all we want to do is take care of our little mate"
My eyes trailed over his beautiful face, searching his eyes to give myself the courage to speak,
"I am struggling, Cian. You are a king, I don't see any self worth in myself, and I can't see why you would if I can't love myself. How will I be capable of being enough as a mate? It is okay if you want to end it, to reject me. Whatever it is, I am not letting it get in the way of my job, I promise you that-"
Before I finished what I was saying, Cian had crashed his plump lips against mine, my eyes had fluttered shut without my consent, and my lips had started moving against his, savoring every last bit of his taste like it's my last, he had me hooked to him already, it was really hard to not kiss him every time we lock eyes,
His kisses slowed down to a few small pecks then his lips hovered against mine as his forehead was pressed against my own.
"Our angel, whatever you bring with yourself, whatever you have done, whatever has happened to you, we accept you for everything you have, do not even think about us rejecting you for a second"
His arms sneaked around my waist as he pulled me closer,
"Do you have any idea how much we desire to have you by our side? Do you have any idea how much we want the whole Mother Earth to know we have such a beautiful mate, do you have any idea how badly you have us at your fingertips, as a king, we should put our people before anything and anyone else, but we would give everything away, even my royal blood, to have you stay by my side forever"
My palms had rested against his strong and muscular chest, my eyes had unwillingly teared up with how intimate his words have felt for me, how much I had appreciated him for wanting me as his,
I appreciate him for wanting me as a mate while I barely even wanted myself alive.
Both Cian and I started changing into our duty attires, we both made our way down to the fields.
While we walked, I started thinking that he didn't know that I was personally wanted for recruitment by every royalty in every continent to be a leader without any tests,
He didn't know I had went by many more names,
Worse names,
He didn't know I was known as the reaper of souls,
No one knew how I looked and who I was, but in every war, I had killed countless that were wanted for the similar crimes as my father had done,
These types of people would suddenly go missing,
It was my work,
But everyone called it the work of the reaper of souls,
Hence my most known nickname,
There was something that I left as a warning to those that were next if they hadn't changed their ways within a given time, and even after they changed their ways, I still had people checking on them from time to time and eventually stop if no more requests came in for the criminal,
The symbols were words that strongly resembled what the criminals did, for example, my father's corpse had "The royal culprit" written on it in case royalty found his body, in all fairness, I did so to justify why I killed him. As for other criminals there were examples like "Child Trafficker", "Manhandler", "The Snake" who was a woman that would lure innocent men into her bed as a sex worker, and then she would torture and kill them.
He didn't know any of this, and I wanted to keep it a secret just for a little while longer,
I suddenly felt Cian's body against my own as I came out of my daze, I had no idea why I was being suddenly embraced but I didn't complain,
Until I remembered where we were,
My eyes widened when I saw a few men with widened eyes in the field,
We had been in the training field this whole time, by the look of it they looked like they would pass out any minute,
"Cian"
He tightened his grip around me,
"Cian, the warriors are watching"
He grumbled as he still held tightly onto me,
"Let them watch, let them know that you have us and we have you"
I smiled at his response but quickly composed myself,
"I don't want them to get the wrong idea and start not taking me seriously."
He growled lowly as the warriors filled in with lowered heads into the field, then he had reluctantly let me go,
He held his hands behind his back as he stood straight with what everyone calls an intimidating expression but in reality it was an attempt to scare them for looking our way,
He cleared his throat as he got ready to announce that everyone should take their places, at that minute, Evander had strolled in as well as he politely bowed to Cian,
I took a look at Cian one last time,
His eyes locked with mine, and I secretly winked at him with a mischievous smile,
His innocent eyes had slightly widened as he tried to not let it show on his face, and before he caught me to take me back to my room, I had quickly strolled towards Evander to start the training.