The next day couldn't come earlier but well, it did. I took off my head phone and went to go shower, I couldn't wear my head phone so I took along my boom box.
Soon I was done, dried myself, made up and was ready to go. I picked up my laptop because that's what we made use of now a days, the teacher would type the entire year's lesson and send it to the students' laptops so that when the teacher got into the class, he or she would simply explain them bit by bit of course following the scheme of the term, and God help any one that would fail because now you didn't have an excuse not to read. And the teachers, because of the fact that they had to type all that which usually took weeks or months, they made bank from it but as usual it depended on ones' efficiency. That also meant all teachers had to go to computer school for months but it was all worth it because it was for the students' comfort and the teachers' pockets, though the criteria for a lot of things had to double or reduce and it took a lot of time, money and valuable work ethics, at the end it was all totally worth it.
I went out making sure I locked my room to secure my privacy, Jane can be a lil bit loco from time to time. I slided down the rails, when I did this in the past, wood or metal, it would burn my butt, right now I was a pro... Well this wasn't necessarily something to be proud of till I tell you I am doing a trick on my skate board.
"Harry, what did I tell you about skateboarding in the house?." Debra asked, this was one of the few things she had a problem with me doing in the house.
"C'mon mom, I thought you meant the old house."
"No darling, I mean every where." Debra said while dishing out the strawberry waffles, I still don't know how she makes those but I sure do eat them and her home made maple syrup?, hm, hm, hmm!!!. I sat down to gupple on the waffles, still as yummy as I can remember.
Debra is the house wife, she is such an amazing cook, seamstress, and lots more. She always told Nandy and I that she would have gone into the movie industry but because she loved Jane alot, she decided to give up that to fulfill Jane's wish of marrying a first class house wife. I may not be book smart but I was definitely smart enough to know that the story wasn't clear at all and Nandy agreed with me for the first time in five years at that period.
That was three years ago, now, Nandy just made lemonade when life throws lemons at her, while I squeeze them in people's eyes, maybe that's the only canny resemblance between Jane and I. But chill out, first class house wife?, that's as dumb as fuck, well I usually shrugged it off, who cares anyways?, Jesus got us."
Nandy and I were done eating by now and went to go dump the plate for Jane and her. Jane made the rule that on school mornings she and Debra would get to do the dishes. Nandy got out her phone as we headed to the door and my side view showed me that she was on her way to TikTok™, there was no coming out from that joint.
I quickly grabbed her phone shoved it in my pants, grabbed her hands and made for the door. I realized the first was a bad idea the moment I did but God forgive me tryna be macho.
"Ehww, dude, what was that for?."
"So we can get to school early." I replied.
"Did it have to be in your pants... The front?."
"Oh, I'm sorry, wanted it at the back?." Ego got me now, even though I actually wanted to, I wasn't proud of myself right now but... curse my egocentrism.
"Ehww, no, gross, that would be worse."
I smiled, "so we're cool."
"Not necessarily." She let go of my grip and said. "Mom, I need a new phone." She whined.
"Why sweety?, you got one last month." She said over her laptop.
"Which is also last week." Debra chipped in.
"Yeah, but Harry shoved mine into his pants... The front."
"Ewwwh." The three went. I suddenly remembered, when you live with ladies, the drama is never over.
"Ok sweety, you'll get your phone today, go learn ok?." Jane said with a smile. "And maybe Harry here would get some grounding for a while. My eyes shot at Debra whose view was on Jane, she scoffed and Jane smiled. "Perhaps, I said, perhaps." Debra smiled back.
God damn no, I wasn't gonna take this lying down. "Jane, I've been begging you for a new phone for months."
"She's the good kid. Plus, she calls me mom, which is giving me the proper respect."
"What the fuck?, I'm out, Nandy, you can have your stupid phone." I said throwing it to her. It kissed the ground and the screen shattered. I hissed and got on my way. "Mum, I'm out, see you at noon."
"I know you're not talking to me."
I didn't answer, I just left, I remember grandma had gotten her the one I just shattered last month as a birthday gift all the way from Nigeria and I wasn't proud of my self as I had ended it. Plus I had snubbed mom and I wasn't proud either.
"I haven't even backed up anything in two months." Nandy said.
"Are you crazy?, why?." Jane asked.
"I've been busy..."
"You know what?, just head to school, we'll chat along when..." That's all I heard, at least school will be forgiving, I hope.
As I eventually skated into the school premises, I picked up my skateboard and went in, every body was about their normal businesses, like no one gave two fucks who you were, it was like your average high school, well, it seemed like it. No one seemed to pay attention to me, it was kinda weird for me, till I remembered, this was how life in Westside high was till I had to up my game. This school seemed like a monk seminary...
I was all caught up in my thoughts admiring everything and everyone when the microphone jolted me back to reality. "Gary Timothy Cimino, please kindly lead Harry Tobias Melon to my office, ASAP!, and Mildred Hermione Woodman please do same for Handyyyy... sorry, Nandy Tricia Melon, thank you."
"Gosh, creepy middle name calling lady gotta scream my name like that over the damn speakers." A guy said coming closer to me. "You're Tobias right?." He asked.
"Please don't call me that." He laughed. "You're Timothy right?."
"Yup, hall monitor and class vice president extraordinaire."
"Crazy!, you seem full of yourself."
"Oh don't mind me, just like bragging once in a while." He said with a thin smile. "Besides, what's not to brag?."
"Oh wow, changes the whole situation." I said with a smug smile, I was tryna be sarcastic but it wasn't going well.
"So where are you coming from?."
"Westside High, Augusta."
"Nice school, were you expelled?."
"You figured that out?."
"That's easy, an average nine year old knows that no one's ever gonna wanna leave such an awesome school, unless they're expelled." I nodded in agreement. "Whatcha do?, bullying?."
"You guessed that too?." I asked.
"Yeah."
"You guessed right bro."
"I would know cos so did my cousin Samuel, he was expelled recently, then he dropped outta school."
I came to a certain realization, "Samuel Lennon Cimino?."
"You know him?." Gary asked with a little shock.
"He was a brother, he was a brother, infact we bullied the same dude, he broke his arm but I guess my dumb family has put the blame of the whole incident on me."
"You can't blame them." By now we had gotten to the principal's office and he knocked.
"It was about time Master Gary, quite unlike you, gisting perhaps?." She asked with an expressionless face."
"I'm sincerely sorry mam, I promise it won't happen again."
"I do hope so too." She said adjusting her glasses. "You may leave us now master Gary." And with a bow he left. "Take a seat Master Harry."
I looked at her and showed my appreciation, reading the name tag on the table, I said, "Thanks Ms Stacy Hunts but I think I would rather just stand."
She gave me a long stare and with a thin smile said "I can finally see why you were expelled off your former school, but no problem, we can groom you to be better, we are the best and we can make you the best and with that being said, we both need to exercise patience."
"We?." I asked.
"Yes, you and the School, Breecherville high." I rolled my eyes . I decided to sit down. "Good." She said with such authority that I felt she didn't merit.
"Wow, feeling way too big when you hardly own the school." I murmured.
"What?." She asked as she lifted her eyes off her jottings.
"Nothing!." I replied quickly, I didn't wanna lose everything when I haven't even known anyone or socialized yet.
"So where's your older sibling?." As she said, at the sound, Nandy barged in with the most pretty girl I had ever seen and with a curtsy greeted the principal.
"Good morning Mrs." She quickly read the name tag. "Ms Hunt, pleased to meet your acquaintance." She displayed a bold smile. I think Nandy just won her over."
"Such a lovely girl, she's amazing, and quite well mannered, sad she couldn't be a better influence on you. I hope she's as amazing as this in her studies." As she said that, she eyed me up. "Lady Mildred thanks for your help."
"Yes ma'am." she left.
Thank gosh Nandy was only being people pleaser Nandy and this wasn't a school where I had to display goody two shoes manners because I had none of those.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't go all looking up on me like that. Modern day education is a big big scam, don't go expecting me to top the class and graduate with a first class degree, I wanna be a self made billionaire at thirty five max and not some guy with a traditionally modest job praying for a raise of fifty thousand dollars every month at age fifty or sixty after earning twenty thousand dollars since I began working at a very young age after five to six years in college." I took a deep breath. "Look miss, all I'm saying is I'm gonna try my best to pass cos I obviously don't have another house to go to if I fail school which is the one of the reasons half the world population go to college other than the fact that they were told that lack of college/university education is a pathway to poverty, economic dependence and lack of class in the society, but I, personally, not because I wanna make my mama, Debra proud that I'm gonna get three degrees and be a pauper all the way till death, while some one with one or no degree is out there racking up nine figures a day at age thirty or thirty five paving a road for his grandkids to be successful and in turn creating generational wealth. I ain't sick mam. Amma just try to be above average so I can have time for other skills that gonna help my life be better incase educationally acquired jobs don't work for me, don't even expect third class but amma try real good that's what I know."
She looked at me long and hard. "Are you done being stupid?."
"I'm done talking for now but I definitely wasn't being stupid with all due respect mam."
"Your lackadaisical attitude towards education is gonna lead you no where young master!." I nodded carefully. "Who told you that someone that went to school and has two or more degrees isn't gonna a billionaire?."
"Firstly, what are doing?."
"I'm busy working for money."She said with a smile. "So I can make money."
"Exactly I want money to be working for me, I want to fall asleep knowing that as I'm sleeping and if I choose not to go to work tomorrow, I'll still get my million dollars. But you know quite well that if you skip work tomorrow, hundreds from your thousand dollars will be deducted, that's me having money work mindlessly for me and you working mindlessly for money." She rolled her eyes, I continued.
"Now for an answer to your question, show me one who has two or more degrees and is a multibillionaire and I'll show you a modern day celebrity that is using his or her God given talent to help their country or environment without showing it off on social media." Nandy quickly tapped my shoulders and whispered.
"Bro, I know you're stupid but this is next level dumb, what if she actually provides evidence?... what am I saying, she's definitely gonna prove it, that's if she knows Senegal's Sadio Mane."
"She obviously doesn't know, look, I know what I'm up to, answer to both gonna be negative coming from her, girl."
"You better." She said with folded hands.
"Besides." I continued to the principal. "I only have a lackadaisical attitude towards school and not towards education, because there are various types of education, health education, money education and of course, mental education and of course vital, honest parts of history of which none is taught in school but can be taught and learnt in any other place most identifiably on the social media app TikTok."
"So since you believe that, would you mind informing me the sort that's taught in school?."
"With pleasure, the sort taught here in school is the one that has been fabricated off the original source, the fact that the slave trade was a major coverup from the original fact that blacks were already in the Americas is of course not being taught."
"What?, we all know that blacks were very underdeveloped since the beginning of time."
"They've fed you that lie since the beginning of your birth, blacks were the most developed people in the world, a little example is this question, who invented the first streetlights in the world?."
"Thomas Edison?."
"So wrong ma, the ancient Benin people of present day southern Nigeria, where's that fact?, deleted from history but Jesus never fucks up because nothing is hidden under the sun for long. Now school won't teach you that, vital history books with real facts has been replaced with book of lies and we sit and eat and forget how great we black people were and still are. They come and they steal our resources, they see our leaders being evil but don't care unless they're gonna benefit from helping us yet they claim to be great people.
"Next, the ancient Egyptians, were they blacks, Arabs, or Jews?."
"Easy, Arabs!."
"Wrong mam, they were majorly Jews and blacks, the Arabs you see today are as a result of the emergence of Islam, the pyramids there were made by Jews oppressed by Egyptians who like I said we're blacks and we all know the technological significance of the pyramids, no one in the modern era can replicate the pyramids built in the ancient times.
"I'm actually white as you mmasy well have guessed based on my skin but I do have a black mom, fact is black people are actually amazing, sometimes I sit and ponder what happened to y'all's greatness?." Ms Stacy asked.
"Simple, modern imperialism happened, but not y'all are bad, most of you are actually good people, most!."
"So all these are responsible for your lackadaisical attitude towards school?."
"Ms Stacy how are you entertaining all this?."
"Be quiet Lady Nandy, a student has every right to voice his or her views no matter how nonsensical they may sound, when they're done, you then correct them, that's how to be a teacher, parent and most especially a leader in the world." She said.
"You seem to be enjoying his word vomit..." She murmured, hands crossed by the side of the door, I smiled and continued.
"Back to what I was saying, school is an environment, institution or place where you're taught dishonest and irrelevant hullabaloo like save your money in the banks, don't question anything, do as your told, the government knows best, don't fight or stand up for yourself which also means that we should come and report to our teachers because in the real world there will always be someone higher than you so don't bother fighting or standing up for yourself and lots, but the one thing that pains me as it is never taught and I don't think it ever will is the fact that states that our parents shouldn't do as they like simply because they're our parents, why in God's name does my parent have every right to rain insults on me, barge in my room as they like and other shitty stuff but we the kids can't do back?, I mean I love my mas' at least one of them but they mess up at times, no offense to you that is a mother... And again what in Jesus' holy name is the quadratic formula, the circumferences of a circle and lots gonna do for me in the real world?. Why bother learning what's not gonna make me bucks in the real world?, and the very worst, I have a whole motherfucking month that shows how great I am, I don't need a month or nothing at all to tell me how great I am, black history month, what the fuck is that?, am black, I'm powerful and I know that, fuck BHM, no offense if you're a huge fan..."
Principal Hunts scoffed. "I'm not a mother yet but I understand, firstly, the one about parents is not the school's jobs to teach but I must admit, you're a little bit right in all facts..." Nandy scoffed and Principal Hunts changed her view. "Why the fuck am I paying heed to the shitty facts... sorry shitty stuff you've been spitting." Nandy made the sound again and she shook her head. "Sorry for my language."
"You know I'm right..." I coaxed with a smile.
"You know you're late for your classes Master Harry and I don't wanna be holding y'all down, so bye."
"But miss..."
"Bye!." She said sternly.
"Told you I knew what I'm doing, both are impossible to prove and I be spitting good, hard facts in there." I said to Nandy as we headed out.
"Whatever stupid, stay outta trouble, I don't wanna come changing your soiled diapers."
"You too." She eyed me up as we parted ways, soon, a few girls joined her, in less than twenty minutes she's made new friends, lucky."
"Daaaammmn!, Your sister be looking hot man, look at that booty go like I love it, ok, make that booty clap, clap, clap." I turned to find Gary standing next to me, I stared at him so long and hard I felt my eyes about to pop.
"Dude!." I called a bit annoyed.
"That wasn't me, it's Tom right here, stupid and of course boring af."
"It's me." the boy next to Gary replied. "hey, hello. But look, I ain't wrong."
"Well you ain't." They both said laughing it all up giving each other up tops.
"Guys, myself, her brother is literally standing right in front of you."
"Well, you won't be here when I'm pounding her sexy ass into next week." They both laughed but Gary stopped midway.
"What?." He asked, Gary looked at him, "Bruh, run away, like fucking run away from here you dog." He walked out rubbing his hands and still smiling. My fists were still clenched waiting to just disfigure his face but Gary pulled up on time.
"Sorry man but for sure for sure your sister is hot, ain't kidding about nothing."
"Look man, I have no opinion on that and besides, you may just not be her type..."
"Bruh, bitches be looking for money and a six inch pipe not some fresh face and an empty bank account.
"I don't do banks, the banking system is rigged, school won't teach you that because they don't know and by the way, your biased thinking is also rigged, it ain't gonna take you no where. Some bitches are really there for you, like they love, they see you and be like whoa, this guy is way poor but I do love this guy with all my heart, we'll build a life together and other cute stuff they say. Some are like you said, after your muller and six inch pipe and stuff."
"See?." He said with zeal. "Anyways, I don't give two fucks about your sister just yet."
"You got someone in your life?." I asked intrigued.
"Yup."
"Well who's she, I know I probably don't know her but do tell."
"You mean him?, I'm gay bro."
"Oh, brief coincidence, my sis is a lesbian, welcome to the club dude, I'm straight.
"Wow, up top." we had the gesture and he continued. "But shouldn't we probably be heading to class now, don't you think?." he said checking his phone for the time before dropping it off in the locker, jamming it shut as we left.
"Yup, I got an announcement to make anyways."
"Hmm, is it for the class or for general knowledge?." He asked leaning on the locker.
"Bruh, class?." I said bringing him to reality seeing he was already getting distracted.
"Chill out and tell me all about it, what's the rush?."
"The laws of first impression?... the first impression will stick to you like gum in your hair... forever."
"Right, but I'm famous so it gonna rub off on you."
"Christ forbid amma ride on your success to be the best. That's not Melon nature bruh, we'll talk as we move." Soon we got to class... and just in time too, we sat down and a sad looking guy followed suit, the arena was cold silent, he waved his hands and the noise continued a bit.
"I don't get your question but I want to invite lots of people to my house warming party this Saturday, which is on... today's what again?." I checked my phone. "Oh my Jesus, it's Friday, that's funny, I thought it was Thursday.
"Funny, I thought it was Tuesday, and you fuckin brought your phone to class brother?."
"What's wrong?."
"God gave us frickin lockers for something you fool, if you're caught, you won't see that phone no more brother." He said with a funny looking sort of zeal, he looked mad though.
"Oh well, fuck it, amma be careful I guess and I was definitely never gonna do this tomorrow. Plus who's that weirdly dressed lady y'all running from back there?."
"That's Francine Meyers, the school's Head of the mathematics department and the "Empress of Detention."
"Who the fuck gives them selves such a boring nickname?."
"We gave it to her."
"Nice, what a cool nickname." I said still checking out the name. And who's this guy?."
"Anthony Gerrards, history teacher."
"Why he gonna be putting his face like world war three is tomorrow?
"No offense bruh, but don't ever insult Mr Anthony, he's the lowest paid teacher in this school but makes sure we enjoy his lessons, making us laugh at every turn. He's bottled down his anger towards the world and life and is jolly always and that's why on every birthday of his, each student from this school and neighbouring sends him two thousand bucks each and the latest copy of every history book available, he's the very opposite of Meyers and my God will bless his endurance, no matter what happens, wear a huge smile them gonna love you."
"Wow, so inspiring."
"Did I forget to mention he owns the famous YouTube channel R55?.'
"Wait he's the famous cartoonist?." I asked in awe. Gary nodded zealously.
"Sorry kids, I've got some issues, gotta cut the lessons today." He said with a disappointed smile.
"Oh c'mon!, fuck!, damn!." The class chorused. wow, they loved that guy.
"Ok guys, as compensation, on Monday, I'm gonna treat y'all to lunch, payments solely on me... till then, bye." He walked out. I had never seen such zeal and love for a teacher before.
"Wow, y'all sure like that dude." It had slipped off my mouth and there was dead silence.
"Like?." a girl stood up asking, she looked like she was gonna knock my teeth out. "We love that sweet guy, in a world where teachers with zero intelligence feel too high of themselves, he's ready to learn from us too, he teaches us money education and explains to us why basic economics taught in school is hopeless hullabaloo, he's taught us the value of money when well spent and the power of investing not saving in stupid silly banks enriching their pockets and impoverishing the masses... and lots more." She sat down, I noticed she sat next to Mildred who was right infront of Nandy. I then realized something about Mildred, she was that girl I had waved at from my window, wow, she was pretty in person.
"He taught me how to handle boys cos you know, he's a boy, man rather." Another chubby girl stated.
"He taught me how to handle girls ever since I broke up with my ex." a guy said. Gary then added.
"And lots more... but with all due respect, as class vice president I beg our class president to come over and welcome our newest mates Nandy Tricia Melon and Harry Tobias Melon, a round of applause please." as the rounds went high, Mildred shook her head with a smile and a slight twist of her lips, so he continued. "Well then, in the light of all this my boy Harry here wishes to convey a message to y'all present." And the rounds went high again as I came out to address the class. wow, so Mildred is the class president, that meant she is book smart, potentially funny, a good conversationist, a very vocal and social person and from the look of things, Nandy's friend, boom jackpot!.
"Good students of Breecherville high." I began, "As you're already quite aware my family and I arrived Breecherville from Augusta just yesterday and we'll like to host a house warming party which my neighborhood has advised my oldies would be a proper introduction. My family has been on the move for quite a while all thanks to me but we have reasons to believe that we are really here to stay and without further ado, y'all are cordially invited to my house warming party this evening, feel free to bring your dates and yes your parents are totally invited too but don't be worried because we the kids are gonna be down in the basement while our oldies are chilling upstairs, Thanks for your audience and God bless you all as you grace us with your presence."
"I don't understand a heck you just said but I hope there's gonna be food and drinks?." Tom asked.
"Yes Tom, there will be." He yelped for joy and I quickly ran to sit down as Meyers was approaching looking all grumpy, goddamn it was second period mathematics. I definitely wasn't down for any form of punishments because maths teacher be crazy about their subjects, like if I was that zealous about heaven, hell no, amma just be Jesus' second in command.