As soon as Nandy and I got home, we saw Jane and Debra had already made the house preparations... And Jane was on top of Debra right on the couch ... Thank God they were still dressed or my childhood would've officially been over. Nandy scoffed and they separated, looking all guilty, I wanted to laugh so bad.
"Oh, you're back." Jane said, I had really caught her off guard and I couldn't unsee the shame she had on her face, I almost felt sorry for her and then I caught a glimpse of a long plastic object by their side.
"Mom, Mother, did you forget for one minute that you've got kids?." I asked.
"And you couldn't lock the door." Nandy said.
"Oh my God, and they couldn't lock the door." I slapped my forehead holding in my laughter.
"Harry remind me to never sit on that chair."
"Better still, sell it." I suggested.
"Right?, I mean it won't be bad for the buyer because what you don't know won't kill you." I shook my head sadly.
"Just exactly how the elites hide the truth from us."
"What?."
"Nothing." I said.
"So are we gonna sit right here as our kids insult us?." Debra asked Jane.
"No we ain't." Jane said, oh God, kill me, Jane had Debra's permission to ground me, she had wanted it for weeks. Curse you stupid emotion called Love. "Harry you're grounded as from tomorrow."
"Oh c'mon!." I protested, "Jane, Nandy spoke too."
"Well she wasn't as rude as you." That was lame but since Jane got mom now, it's over.
"Well, since I'm grounded right now, don't mind me saying, y'all should put on your bras, you're in the living room." I said approaching my room up the stairs.
"Better still, go finish your business in your room, you've got three for crying out loud and don't forget your plastic, because this is the dumbest thing you guys have ever done." Nandy said.
"Look, she literally called y'all dumb." I said.
"I didn't hear it." Jane said, I covered my upper face with my palm and shook my head. Average family from Ohio, sadly we're from Augusta, but Debra usually said her ex's family were actually from Ohio. Anyways, like things weren't far worse, Debra hopped on Jane from the front and they went up the stairs kissing, forgetting their bras on the couch, but not forgetting their plastic.
"How are these my parents?."
"Man I love my dear parents." Nandy said, she was three stairs away from me. Yup, average family from Ohio.
"How's my good parent the ever ready kinky one?." I murmured.
"Another grounding, that's funny." Nandy mocked.
I eyed her up and quickly went to my room, trying to ignore her ravenous laughter. She's a rather weird human if I must say so myself, she had both feminine and masculine features that came out without warning, she was smart, intelligent and really social, plus back in Westside high, they called her Becky Lynch because she was the only one that stood up to me and the boys, coupled with the fact that she was a girl and all, the shit people thought of her which I was absolutely and terribly not in accordance with.
Meanwhile I was the big bully, not so smart, at least funny younger brother that everyone seemed to hate, I personally thought so my self and I was cool with it though, at least I've got Debra, but at times like this, Jane wouldn't miss a second to ground me and grant me weeks of dish duty, It was rather funny the reason why Jane hated me was the same reason I hated her, yup, it was just sheer hatred, I felt it so I know she feels same too, ironically, we had almost the same things in common but yet hated each other. Where I come from I had always heard that the last borns got all they've ever wanted, well, not in this Melon house.
Nandy is always let off the hook because she is Jane's favorite, every family played favorites in the aspect of kids, parents and of course grandparents, yes they do but parents ain't ever gonna accept the fact and if they do, I would say that Parent is dang right brutally honest, What?, it's true. My dear darling mother Jane is totally ok playing favorites at the expense of the other kid's feelings, I'm the other kid, Nandy has always benefited but I didn't mind anymore because I was so used to it now, it was like an old Nigerian song would say in Nigerian Pidgin, "Nothing fit stop me again, nothing fit shake me again..." so I totally didn't mind.
As I had taken Gary's phone number back in school, when I got into my room I chatted him up on Telegram.
Bro you coming for my party?
Dude can't miss it for the world man
Don't forget to bring them ladies... and the gentlemens.
You know I won't, y'all ready?.
Boy Harry no dey waste time.
"Bro😳, you speak Nigerian Pidgin?.
Why not?, few years here won't make me forget my roots, even though I was born here, went back to Nigeria for five years and coming back here, man, how I wan take forget my roots na, anyi bu ndi Naija.
Calms bro, I ain't Igbo but I do recognize the language, I'm Kanuri but my aunt be Igbo so we together, we together.
The most important thing we must realize in life is that no matter where you at, half mile across the world, forced to change who you are, wanna learn another language or what not, bro, never forget your roots, never forget who you are, so as to be able to continue to teach our successors.
You couldn't have said it any better man.
Can you imagine that these evil people once came to our lands, conquered us because we were too kind and because they had better and more advanced weaponry, stole our good history, twisted it and gave it back to us Africans making us look like the bad guys and they the good guys and after all that shit, they ended some our great ancient leaders like Shaka the Zulu, Madam Yoko, Amina of Zaria and other greats who fought vigorously to save our lands, replaced them with dumb pieces of shit that called themselves tribal chiefs of whom they paid to sell some of our most hard working civilians to them, whom they took half mile across the world by sea to go work on their farmlands and enrich their pockets.
What the fuck bro, this was never taught to me at school, wait, it's true, Mr Anthony Gerrards had taught us but he told us it wasn't in our curriculum so the principal would be mad if she knew he was teaching this so we had better be mild with the knowledge.
Bro, that teacher be legit man.
Right?, wait I think I can recall this part, after many years, when the slave masters realized that most of the slaves had their freedom and intelligence now and that they would soon reckon that they were the ones that had made the lands that once held them what it was at that time, you know, pretty, awesome and stuff, they decided to chase most of the freed slaves away but they had to do it without looking like the bad guys, so they had to go claim a large chunk of land in the area they once conquered, gave the place a name that once interpreted was synonymous with the word freedom which was what the slave masters' land even till today still "stands for".
Wow, Mr. Gerrards really was smart to be teaching the kids something outside the curriculum, may God bless that dude and keep him happy.
Mr Anthony is really awesome and a super legend to have taught y'all these.
Seriously!
And can you imagine, like more than two centuries later, they invented black history month, a whole month to make people realize how important and powerful Blacks are... Like I didn't know!, Imagine the same freaks that murdered the blacks that tried to stand up against the evil and ill treatment against them engineered black history month to celebrate the same good guys they murder so that when the truth comes crawling out, no one would blame them or believe any "rando" speaking against them because they think that the people are so dumb that they would say "It can't be them, they invented black history month to celebrate blacks, why would they want to celebrate the same people they killed?." I have an answer, duh!, so you won't know that they're the perpetrators of the evil.
😂😂😂
And some freaks will actually fall for the tactics of the evil guys.
Sad isn't it? 😢, but guess what?, do you know that half of what was said right now is what I read in a history book.
So?
No, wait, guess what?.
What?
They told us that so that they can move our ideologies around, so you're trying to tell me that we Africans didn't create ships and explore the world?, so you're telling me that Africans were so underdeveloped that we couldn't have made boats and sail around the world exploring?.
Damn bro, this is deep...
Look, these people stole our traditions, ideas and everything that was ours, changed them by making it seem like they did and they gave their own fabricated stories to us making us feel insuperior and thereby making us forget how powerful we were and can still be.
Right, and it's even happening earlier where by they would take our resources, manufacture the end products and sell them back to us at a higher price and deceive us that we don't need the industries where we can produce the end products ourselves.
Thank God Africa is getting wiser.
Yeah thank God, Anyways, the party is in a couple of hours so I had better get ready, see you soon bro.
See you soon ma bro🫂
I replied and ended the text, I got out my boom box and put on my Bluetooth, I began to play one of my favorite songs as I went to go take a shower, They don't really care about us by Michael Jackson. He was a legend.
When I got out I went over to mom's room to borrow her perfume, she always had the best perfume collection but she never let me use it, so I just borrowed it. She was probably still rumpy pumping with Jane or sleeping after the session, any how it was, it was through to my advantage. Next I went over to the refrigerator and took out a can of Fanta, it was freezing... as usual, then I went over to Nandy's room and knocked on her door.
"Coming." Once she had said this particular word, but I thought I heard "come in" and unfortunately since she hadn't clicked the keys, long story short, I couldn't unsee what I saw but hey, she's my blood sister right?. God forbid any disgusting strings would be attached to such a sight but I girded myself, reminding myself that no matter the matter how bloodly related, no sibling of opposite gender was allowed to see each other commando after age 10, the devil is more sneaky than a palm that has been in a bowl of oil but yet wants to grab a bar of soap that has touched water, if you know what I'm saying. "Whatcha want you psychopath?, why you just gonna barge in my room like that you freak?!." I had shut the door but she was still screaming.
"Would you please come help me move the two small portable refrigerators down to the basement." She gave a long hiss, and came to open the door this time covering herself with her long white towel.
"Oh ok, be down in two snaps." she replied, I then snapped my finger twice and after a few moments of silence, we laughed. This was the only joke from our childhood that hadn't gotten old.
I waited in my room which was adjacent to hers and when she came to knock wearing a tee shirt and jean shorts or jhorts as they were called and flip-flops, we were on our way. When we got there, we realized that the two refrigerators were loaded with food and snacks, normally it was easy for me to carry but right now it was of great difficulty that Nandy and I moved one down there, we connected it to a socket and went to do same for the other.
Next, we made sure that we had good songs in our phones, calm, quiet and soothing songs for the adults and rough, wild, motivational and crazy songs for us teens. I wanted to make sure this was a hit so I took Jane's credit card and with four hours to spare called a handy man who came and placed some objects around the house, in this way the music could be as loud as we wanted down in the basement but upstairs, they wouldn't hear a pip, and it only cost me four thousand dollars, totally worth it because it won't be the last party I was gonna throw, but I made sure Jane didn't know because I immediately went over to her phone, used her picture on the wall as a face unlock and deleted the message alert from her phone.
"Four thousand dollars?, do you pity Jane at all?." Nandy asked over my shoulder.
"For what?."
"She feeds us." Nandy said, I rolled my eyes.
"Mom feeds me, Jane, she's just a random human in our lives."
"Speak for yourself man."
"I do hope that you are aware that if this party works out well, our social lives in school is lit."
"Once again, speak for yourself, mine's more lit than the Hollywood sign at night time."
"Ok then, but I just hope you're not a snitch."
"I don't know but would a snitch remind you to also delete the same message from mother's phone?." Nandy asked over her phone.
"You mean mom?." I was getting a little confused.
"I'm talking about Debra, who are you talking about?."
"I'm talking about Debra too." I said.
"I call her mother."
"I call her mom." I said
"You call mom by her name."
"You mean Jane?." I asked.
"See this is exactly what I'm talking about..."
"Ok see, from today onwards, you and I are gonna be referring to Debra as mother to be on the safe side ok?."
"Fine." Nandy said.
"While you refer to Jane as mom, I'll refer to her as Jane, you know... as usual, Jane, agreed?."
"Why?, you know what?, I don't even care, quick, delete the message, Debra is coming." Nandy whispered, I quickly did that and dropped her phone back.
"What is the problem with both of you?." Debra asked as she came forward.
"What do you mean mother?." I asked.
"Why the heck has the goddamn bell been going off for the past ten minutes?."
"Oh my gosh." Nandy quickly ran to get the door while I put on the television and connected the Bluetooth speakers, the soothing music soon took control of the atmosphere.
"Good evening Mrs Woodman." Mother was greeting Mrs sassy pants, I saw they'd gotten along so well in a scale of a day... Mrs Woodman?, that would only mean... Mildred was right behind her, she is her daughter?. that changes a lot, but why was I feeling nervous, wow she looked super lovely tonight and why was my heart pounding?, was it because she looked extra pretty today and now she's looking at me, she's waving, so now I have to wave back. I did that and quickly ran to the kitchen to go and rinse my face. Oh God, that was some rollercoaster of mental stupidity if I must say so myself.
"There you are." Nandy said as she found me. "what's wrong Harry?."
"Nothing, I saw an angel..."
"What was that?." she queried immediately
"I said nothing." and immediately also to follow suit.
"Ok, mom and mother are looking for you and Mildred also wants to see you."
"You mean class president Mildred?." I asked realizing that was dumb as soon as it landed.
"No, I mean the Mildred from the other side of town... of course I mean class president Mildred." She made to walk out.
"Harry, our parents are totally waiting for you down stairs.
"Not my fault you're genuinely dumb."
"What warranted to that you jerk?, check your grades since kindergarten till now and then come talk to me if they're higher than mine." She was grabbing a drink from the refrigerator, I just realized how many refrigerators we had and the number of sockets too.
"Well count the number of times I saved you from online scammers and also potential hackers, I'll lick your goddamn shoes if you can pull that off the same number of times I did before you clock forty-five." She stopped as she approached the door, stood a while obviously backing me and then kept on moving. I always got her there, I went over to the refrigerator, got out another can of Fanta and went to go answer my seekers.
"Harry dear, your mates has been standing right there increasing in number and waiting for you." Jane said with a sweet smile, she was such a great pretender but I guess no one, absolutely no one should be washing their dirty linens outside, one of the most important laws of nature.
"I went over and gave the boys each slappy handshakes and gave the ladies some "heya ladies." of which some replied but most snubbed, I led the way as we headed to the garage which was a little big from the outside, the lights functioned properly at every corner, as we all got in, I making sure no one was slacking, Nandy opened a door revealing another secret passage to the basement.
"Harry, won't Jane suspect that we didn't use the regular entrance to the basement?."
"Oh my ever parent friendly big sister Nandy, did you forget that once Jane begins to sip on alcohol, she's useless, Debra may find out but Debra is no trouble, forget that one sis."
"I hope you're right, I hope you're right." She slapped the back of my head and went inside.
"Wow, when I heard party, I didn't figure we would leave the actual party and come to some empty shack, hope you didn't call us to clean up your house because you can't." Tom said right behind me.
"All my life I have never seen a small minded fool like you, how do you even relate with this incompetent rando?." I asked all present.
"Do you see us relate with the creep?." A girl asked. "He's picking on you because he wants to be your friend."
"Picking on me?, I could literally pick him up and toss him in some trash can somewhere... the weak slim piece of scrap. I shook my head. "But wait, who bullies another to be their friend?, it doesn't add up." They all laughed. I shook my head in confusion.
"Hey come on!." Some guy shouted, "did we come to party or what?."
"Seriously!., no kidding!, facts!." People choruses. Nandy quickly opened the wide square door camouflaged with the floorboards revealing a stairway which led down to the basemen.
"Let's get this party started." I shouted.
"Yeah boy, yeah, woohoo!." everyone rejoiced as we'll got inside.
"I'll keep it shut, anybody that would wanna get in would ring one of their friends who will in turn ask me and amma then go let them in." Nandy said.
"That's smart." I said.
"I am smart, I am a Melon."
"Yeah, we're smart." she went over to chit chat with her friends and make sure everyone was entertained while I put on some music, prior to the party I had downloaded this cool DJ app on my phone which meant I didn't have to pay for a DJ and the app was totally excellent, it started off with some cool Hotel lobby, a song everybody vibed to, oh gosh, I miss Takeoff, may he rest in Jesus' power ✊.
"What are you waiting for?." A guy approached me, he looked familiar, he was from the art class, the one I wanted to get into, I think he was the class representative, in as much as that, he seemed lonely, as he approached me I had a feeling he would be fun to converse with.
"My guy, he would soon be here." I said.
"Nice, you're the new guy." He said
"Yup." I replied.
"I wasn't asking a question." I stood staring and he smiled, I didn't get it but I smiled back. He then began to laugh and I followed suit.
"You get it don't you?." He said over his laughter. No I don't but let's keep laughing like I do so you don't feel left out and weird. He soon stopped, calming down a bit and began to laugh again. Ok this time it was funny, he thinking it was genuinely funny made it totally funny right now.
"What's funny guys?."
"Gaaary, what's going ma bro?." I asked as we exchanged slappy handshakes.
"Cool, cool, sorry I'm late but I was waiting for my boyfriend."
"What?."
"Yeah, my boyfriend, I'm a gay bro, I told you na."
"What?, you're gay dude?, oh yeah, right, you did."
"Haven't you noticed?." He gasped. "Don't you like gay people?." He gasped. "Aren't you happy for me?." He gasped. "Are you homophobic?." He gasped. "Are you anti-LGBTQ?."
"No, no, yes, no, no, I dunno know man, calm down, I'm happy for you, I totally respect people's choices in life, it's the Melon way."
He smiled and gave me a hug, he grabbed the hand of his partner and I looked and saw a somewhat familiar face but I couldn't place my finger on it, all I knew was that I had seen them today.
"What's up my man?." I asked extending my hands for a handshake, he shook it with a really firm grip. "Really firm grip man."
"I work out... especially for my baby." He said gripping Gary tighter by the waist, he was really muscular at least for his age. I looked at the art class guy and he looked at me too, then we both looked at them. They were kissing now?, I really could not unsee that.
"Ok." I said not feeling too good about the whole scenerio, man, that was not totally ok but what ever, Jesus wins. "That rollercoaster moment was betraying my principles for a friend but Jesus wins."
Soon all our focus was on the party, How are you (my friend) by Nigerian superstar Johnny Drille was on, every body was vibing to the jam. "How do you do, my frieeeend?
I know sometimes e be like say, no body send you that's whhhyyy I dey for you my frieeeend x2..."
I really enjoyed the fact that people around the world enjoyed African music just like we enjoyed various from around the world, it gave me lots of joy. Next was Who's your guy by another Nigerian superstar Spyro stole the show and we all went wild. "See as we dey like beans and rice, I will never leave your side, I'll never ever go, I dedicate my time, to you my guy, even if the road e rough I no mind cos you be my gee for life..."
"Oh c'mon!." a guy shouted.
"What's wrong man?." I ran to check.
"We're out of food and drinks." He said and everybody agreed with him, I had to order some pizza and drinks, also having to go grab Jane's credit card and both their phones.
"Nandy hold on the party, amma go upstairs and get Jane's credit card and do other stuff, I'll be right back."
"Kk." She replied. I went out and she shut the doors, I got into the house through the back door, Jane had left their room not clicked shut, she's so dumb, I got in and bingo!, her credit card and both their phones, I heard the door bell and figured it was the pizza delivery person. I quickly ran down stairs and soon caught up on the lady at the door and coaxed her to follow me to the back quickly. She agreed and almost immediately some one opened the door.
"Who's there?." The person whose voice sounded like Jane's said. "Fuck you dirty pranksters." It sounded like she was drunk, wow, I was really catching these oldies off guard today.
I quickly paid the lady and deleted the messages from their phones few minutes later, it was seven boxes, I kept a box for myself and Nandy, then I went to go hand the remaining six to Nandy for the party. The lady got the crate of drinks and I also delivered. Next I went back to their room to keep their properties.
Few hours later the party comes to a halt successfully and we woke those sleeping, we are quite aware that Debra wouldn't let us sleep if we didn't clean up. When the house was rid of non members of the family, we began to clean up, we weren't worried though with the amount of alcohol Jane must've had, she would be awake approximately by three o'clock in the afternoon, that gives us enough time to clean up and act like nothin's happened..
"So what are you guys gonna do when Jane realizes what you've done?."
"Mother." I said.
"Mother." Nandy said. She smiled boldly approaching us in the dinning room.
"Now kids, let's not make a racket. You and I know what you did with Jane's credit card, I saw all your movements but we are all gonna pretend like nothing of such happened, ok?."
Nandy and I looked at each other with a confused look. "Ooook?." we both replied. She nodded with a smile and left, her walking posture was not giving, her attitude was giving lackadaisical, that was so weird coming from Debra because even when they argued, she would never let us do anything bad against Jane, this wasn't being kind or in a good mood, it was something else but I guess Jesus got lots of ways to save us all. Yes Jane did love Nandy more than I, obviously but her love for money was next level, and we don't wanna find out what happens if she finds we took nearly ten thousand dollars from her. I got back to cleaning with Nandy, I further clearing the thought from my mind, why was with Debra today, why was she acting sus?.