Yeah, thank you Harry, now let's tell them how terrible and stupid you were back in Westside High.
*******
You better don't be crazy you motherfu...
******
Harry!, the kids are reading. I whispered.
*******
I rolled my eyes. Hey, you'd better not make me the bad guy in this part of yours.
******
Look Harry bro, I promise with our ever loving Jesus by my side to speak the truth and nothing but the truth at all points... no matter how embarrassing, now please brother, with all due respect, this intrusion in the change of POV is getting on my nerves, bye-bye.
*******
Ok fine, I trust Jesus and of course God, but you better be quick about it.
******
Love you bro. He turned to look at me and rolled his eyes, seriously, I loved that small guy... hope he didn't hear me. Anyways, it was on a Thursday morning, we just got to school and unfortunately Harry and I were at loggerheads... as usual.
"Hey babe." an average height, jolly looking girl called at me, with her long, flowing all-back hair making her look more pretty than Samantha Kerr smiling after scoring a worldie banger, she was running to hug me tightly from the back, she was my girlfriend but was a grade lower than me as in she was in the tenth grade.
"Hey Nadine, baaaabe, it's been a while." I said with a false smile and enthusiasm.
"I know right?, you made it a while... a real long while, I've missed you, why didn't you call me or answer my calls or text me or reply my texts at least." She whined like an African eleven year old the dad refused to buy snacks for. I put my hands round her waist and planted a kiss on her forehead and said.
"Sorry babe, I had school and homework, family and my friends all bugging me, I didn't even have time for you." She removed my hands and folded her hands all whilst squeezing her face.
"Like I don't have issues of mine but I still make out time for you." She seemed damn mad and I had to pick up a nice excuse or I could excalate matters. "Later you'ld be saying that you love me and other stuff." She, this time around, turned her back to me.
I thought for a while, grabbed her by the waist and planted a kiss on her neck then said. "I'll tell you what, how about I take you out tonight then later we'll crash over at your house for the night since tomorrow is a public holiday, how do you like that, cupcake?." She turned and I grasped her cheek with my left hand, my right hand holding both hands softly together. She was still frowning but had loosened up a bit, I really hope it works out.
"Will you buy me chocolate when picking me up?, my favorite KitKats."
"I'll be a fool not to." I smiled raising her face up towards me as I was a bit taller than her. I was almost three years older than her and l led the single class gap between us too. "Give me a smile cupcake." I said cupping her cheeks, She hesitated but then smiled and gave me a tight hug, I felt her inhaling me and her cheeks swelling with a smile as she rested her head below my chest...
"Fucked up lesbians, you know all lesbians, gays and other b's and t's and q's should be tied up, flogged mercilessly and burnt alive." That caught me off guard because the hallway wasn't crowded as usual and I didn't expect meddlers.
"Oh is that what happened to your mom and sister?." Nadine asked which halted laughter from everyone.
"Did you just call my mother?." He asked about to throw a punch but I shoved us a bit so he missed.
"Yes!, yes we did and I would like to know the shit that's gonna be done about that." I said cracking my knuckles. "Babe, head on to class, mama's about to pound some assholes for lunch.
"Be careful, I love you." She let go of me and said while running off.
"You know if I wasn't already in detention for three weeks, your head would've been begging for your body." Everyone laughed.
"I can finally see why you were in the eighth grade for four years."
"Whuuuh." went the crowd, the laughter and murmurs was wild and really motivated me.
"I'm in the same class as you." He said.
"Firstly, you had the principal move you from grade eight to eleven after you were about to repeat it the fifth time and was at the verge of expulsion and blacklisting. Seriously, it should be reduced to three instead of five. And next, it was also because you tried to threaten the principal with your gang and when it didn't work out, you made use of the fact that the nigga is a freaking womanizer and brought him lots of women, we all know Samuel."
"And who's enjoying the life now?. He asked with an annoying shade of pride, stretching his arms out.
"Seriously I don't know how Harry is friends with a psychopathic illiterate and immoral ingrate such as you."
"That's easy, Harry is smart whereas these people think you're their hero and some kind of Messiah Jesus Christ but if they know what goes on between Ananda Patricia Melon and half the ladies in this school ranging from the seventh to the tenth grade, y'all will be more shocked than Thomas after doubting that Jesus lived and saw him later on."
"You were saying something about me and lots of ladies, you're simply hurting because I associate with more girls than you've ever known in the last twenty two years of your life." He came forward and slapped me across the face hard, I staggered, grabbing my face.
"I'm fifteen, it's usually said that men shouldn't hit women but when one lady wants to act like the savior of the world, I think her fuck up should be treated accordingly, I respect women but women shouldn't throw that away because society said we shouldn't hit them... and so you know, lesbians disgust me, the LGBT community is the most..." before he could finish his statement, I speared him to the ground and kept on feeding him punches, most pro LGBT people in the school cheered me on but the rest tried to get me to chill out, trying to pull me off but I wanted to injure him bad for insulting almost a billion people of whom two point five million are still confused whether they are or out.
"Fuck you Cimino, I hope you rot in freaking hell and that God will forgive Satan before you, freak!, I personally saw one of your records in the principal's office and it showed you were twenty four soo, fuck you nigga."
"I'm white."
"Unlike you white guys, where I come from, only your main gees are referred to as niggas, but you'd have known that if your source of knowledge didn't come from your whoresome mother's pussy." Everyone was hyping me up loudly and he made to punch me but...
"Principal Higgins just finished the staff meeting and is heading this way." some one shouted and within seconds the halls were empty, Samuel struggled to get up but he too loved his butt and disappeared to the class too. I did hope I could get Harry to stop being friends with that jerk Samuel but for now, since first period Maths was over, it was second period Geography.
"Oh my God!, I think I'm on my monthlies and I forgot my help pack... oh God, how could I be so stupid" someone whined silently by my side, it was the new student Cleopatra Bowles who had just arrived yesterday and seemed too young for the class so I had her sit with me. She rested her head on the desk and folded her hands over her stomach tightly.
"I have a pack, but please return it." I said handing the fresh new one over.
"Sure, may God bless you, you're a lifesaver." she said running off so fast she almost fell.
"Amen." I said silently.
"What?, you've told her to go wait for you in the bathroom so you can plough her?." Samuel asked over my shoulder as he was seated right behind me, he never learns a thing, his saving grace was that Mrs Aaron just walked in for Geography or it would've been real messy.
At lunchtime, I went over to Harry. "Tobias." He snubbed me, but I was gonna continue calling him that till he answered, no matter how much he hated the name, next year he could go get a name change or whatever the law offered. "Tobias!."
"You know your problem Ananda, you think you're the boss of every one, everything should go your way, you know I hate that useless name that Jane sucked up the drainage pipe of hers she calls a brain and gave me, like who gives a child a middle name at the age of seven..." I laughed, that was pretty funny that time, Jane can be loco sometimes but that's why we love her. "And my ever loving sister is laughing it all up, anyways, I've got better things to do than bless losers in family form with my God honored time." He shook his head and as Samuel approached him, they turned and walked off.
"I was gonna give you an advice bro but you can just fuck off you bastard." I shouted and he without turning flashed me a hardened middle finger. A sport commentator group seated by my side suddenly began to cheer up. "Fight!, Fight!, Fight!..." I turned to them and said. "Life isn't all about fights SCB!." That's the abbreviation for their association called Student Commentatory Board or something, anyways, Harry may be stupid but I was sure not got gonna allow him be friends with Samuel fuckin Cimino, that freak is the devil's heir, he's the freaking devil personified, you know I always thought New Yorkers were smart but this guy just proved otherwise. How in Jesus freaking name does this dummy think that Africa has a capital, like if it were to have a capital, it would be Libya in memory of the great Muammar Gaddafi and his memorable ideologies but no it doesn't have. Plus this sociopaths is so dumb his IQ is basically twelve but he brags from time to time about how smart he is and how he can "unLGBT" every body associated and I'm beginning to sound like my dumb brother Harry with his silly history what not, Both are sooo dumb, it's funny how I always try to avoid Harry but yet I know more about his history facts than the sociopath he loved hanging out with.
Anyways I was sent to the principal's office because apparently, news had gotten to him that I was involved in a brawl.
"Ananda, this is so unexpected from you, no one would've ever imagined a straight A student that is always so respectful and helpful to all including the cooks and janitors would stoop so low as to get involved in a fight."
"With all due respect Mr. Higgins, I'm sincerely sorry for my behavior sir but he had insulted a group of people and my anger got out of hand and here we are but I do hope it won't repeat itself again."
"I do wish so for you too, you've been our brightest student so far, this is real hard for me and will also be for the teachers when they eventually find out but you know as the rules go, I have to let you off with a warning streak and not most likely but if it were to repeat itself again... which I dare do state again, I would really, really be disappointed with you, I would have to let you go. And a word of advice, take it from me even after all you've done, they may not really appreciate your help but it's best we all have that and the realization that life's not fair at the back of our minds so we won't be hurt or shocked when people don't appreciate our efforts, hope I'm understood?."
"Yes sir, I understand." I replied
"Curse you Samuel!." I murmured under my breath.
"What was that?." He asked looking real sad yet strict as fuck.
"I understand sir, I promise to do my best to the will of my strength."
"I do hope so too now please go to your class as the lunch break is so over."
I took a curtsy, "Thank you sir." I left the office, I was gonna avoid brainless he-goats like Harry and his clique.
When we got home, I told myself I wasn't gonna avoid him because of his poor taste in friends because he's my lovely brother after all but I was gonna tell Jane and Debra the new development.
"Hey mom, hey mom." I said coming to meet my two moms.
"Hey babies, how was school today?." Debra asked coming to give us both hugs, we appreciated. "It was fine mom." Harry said, I simply smiled. Jane still seated just waved and said, "Hey Nandy how was school."
"It was fine mom, how was y'all's day?."
"Lovely." Debra said, "We just sat around..."
"It was lovely!." Jane chipped in, wrapped her hands round Debra's waist who had just sat down again and then they both placed her focus back on the show on television. We both headed to our rooms but after changing up, I came down to address them both. Debra was cuddled up, her head rested on Jane's chest, they were both being warmed up by the huge duvet that was usually in their room.
"Guys, I hate to break this to you but I've been put on a warning streak at school which means any more fuck up from me will result in expulsion." Jane pressed a button on the remote and turned to me while Debra sat upright with a worried look.
"What did you do?, What happened?, what's going on, What in the freaking what...? who...?"
"Chill out mom, it's just a warning..."
"That could get you expelled, Ananda Patricia Melon, now what happened?." She asked with the deepest, sternest voice I have ever heard her make use of.
"I... I... I got into a fight with someone, got reported to the principal, got given a warning and hallelujah, here we are."
"Why you gonna have a fight with someone?." Debra asked.
"Mom." I called out to Jane. "Please tell Mom to chill out." Debra gave her a cold stare and she looked away surrendering.
"Don't look at me, your mom is talking to you." Jane said.
Typical!.
Debra still had the most worried face but Jane took a deep breath, turned on the television and kept on stuffing popcorn into her mouth.
"Janette Victoria Melon!."
"That's my name." She responded with a sneaky smile.
"How can you be comfortable relaxing knowing our only daughter is at the verge of expulsion and literally throwing her life away?."
"Oh God, not our Nandy, I wish it was Harry instead." Then she turned to Debra. "See I cared, please watch the freaking movie."
"Janette!."
"Look Deborah, first, you hadn't given me a chance to speak but if you have, I would've still said, hey!, this is Nandy we're talking about, she's the female version of Albert freaking Einstein, what do I mean?, come sit here Nandy." She gestured I sit between her and Debra. "Look Debra, it's just a warning, I'll bet my investments that Nandy would know how to coordinate herself and do something spectacular that would make the school board favor her and thus refresh her record in the school books." She kissed my forehead as I was seated so close to her. I smiled and calmed down, I really thought I would get a scolding, whooping or worse grounding.
I begged to be excused and went off to my room, I was gonna make them proud as usual but as for Harry... Harry, I was gonna take care of that kid.
I got out my phone and texted Nadine my girlfriend on Telegram.
Hey babe
She replied a few minutes later.
So excited for tonight
Me too
You're still gonna get me chocolates right?
Definitely.
Where's it gonna be at?
Shoot, we didn't even bother to discuss the location
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
๐คฃ
Exquisite Burgers?
Sure, Exquisite Burgers sounds nice.
That's nice ๐
See you soon
I Love you
Right back atcha
๐คจ๐๐
I love you too babe
โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
I dropped my phone, Nadine Logan, she is something. Anyways I better get ready. She was my best girlfriend so far, I sometimes think I don't deserve her, she does too much you know, I hope she doesn't get hurt... No, no, nooo, I wasn't gonna break her heart but what if I moved and she never saw me again, I could get new girls but she's this kinda dedicated person, If I must do say so my self, kinda like Harry, another reason the guy is single, he tries too much for an unappreciative bitch and later gets hurt, look, I appreciate my babe but my libido is way too high, I sleep around, Nadine doesn't, she's a real partner for life, like a potential wife but like I said, my libido is higher than the gas price, I really love her but... God help me!.
I went into my cupboard and got out a black sleeveless top and a white cargo short, pulled out my favorite black slides and my perfume, I got my towel and got it wrapped around my body and headed to the bathroom.
"That girl didn't give me back my pack of pads did she?, this is why I don't always help people, anyways, no wahala." I said to my self and shrugged, then stopped on my tracks, Wow, never thought I could remember that word few years later, too long since I've been back home.
An Hour Later...
I got out and was soon dressed in my boxers and singlet, I looked at the mirror to make sure I looked good and went to keep it face down in the parlor because when a mirror, television or any other related stuff is in your room or worse still faced up, bro, you're fucking not alone. Anyways, I wore my clothes and slippers, got my wallet already loaded with cash and I headed off, locking my room because Harry can be crazy at times.
"Bye mom, bye mom, don't wait up, see you tomorrow by noon." I said passing them and blessing them with kisses on their foreheads and moved away quickly before any questions would be distributed.
"Are you going out without telling our lovely parent where?."
Harry!, now they're gonna be all in my business, I turned and everyone faced me acting like the TV didn't exist.
"Em, I'm going on a date with my girlfriend, don't wait up."
"Do you have rubber?." Jane asked.
"Mom!." I said as she was slightly embarrassing me. "Yes I do."
Jane then turned to Harry. "When are you gonna get someone to be with, you're almost eighteen."
"Maybe when he knows how to calculate simple subtractions." I said and everyone laughed.
"That's not true, I know how to suktract... Abstract... Contrast... Fuck all of you." He gave us all the middle finger and went to his room.
"Now he can't speak English?." Jane asked laughing ravenously.
"Harry!." Debra tried to caution but Harry was long gone, I laughed but in as much as teasing my silly twin brother was fun and all, I was kinda running late.
I stopped the nearest cab about to pass me by at top speed and it was a lady in the driver's seat of the cab.
"Exquisite Burgers, ninth street, ASAP."
"Udo dแป." She replied in my native language indicating that "there's peace".
"You're Igbo?."
"I swear my sister, I comot Naija last month illegally through the sea, fifty eight died, I join those wey survive, come still find job as taxi driver, all na God o."
"I swear, na God o my sister, no wonder your accent hasn't changed much, anyway, how long till the next Exquisite Burgers joint?."
"According to my GPS system, two more turns sis, anyway, back to my story, we ship which we entered illegal had a capsize and lots died, I made friends from Kenya, Uganda, CAR..."
"Car?." I asked a bit confused.
"You know, Central African Republic, the country in central Africa?."
"Oh right, so what happened?." Amma not lie, her story was kinda interesting.
"Burundi, Zimbabwe, cos you know, sanctions from the United States and Europe who are also under the command of the US... yeah, their sanctions has made Burundi and Zimbabwe one of the poorest countries in Africa and the world.
"And Europe is meant to be a strong continent, can't believe it's still under the country of the US, just like the US controls whole of North and South America and even Australia as a continent is leaving in bondage because if they all together with North Korea and BRICS which is a new entity coming out of the shadows consisting of Brazil, Russia, India, Cameroon and Singapore come together with Africa, America and NATO will be powerless, wake up Europe, UK boasts of better everything than Singapore but Singapore woke up first, UK is under the US in the peoples' eye but they'll never admit it, either way, it may help to know that all the US presidents since Gen Washington except Martin Van Buren are all descendants of King John of England."
"What a freaking plot twist, are you fucking serious girl?."
"I ain't kidding bitch, it's common knowledge that's about to be hidden because they think they can deceive us like they deceived our parents, this information explains a lot, the new generation begins from 1995 and them uncover the hidden truths but the bad eggs amongst us work for the elite and try to paint us all bad but we know Jesus and so we know peace."
"Wow, you would think it's except Barack Obama since you know he's an American African and stuff from Kenya." she said.
"Right?, but you trust an African that killed the only African that could help Africa to be great again, people should put off the dang TVs and read a book and gain knowledge and it's definitely not from main stream media, May the soul of general Gaddafi and all the faithful departed murdered for trying to make the world a better place rest in peace.
"Amen." We chorosed.
"So what are the chances England is still ruling the US through these people because the people's vote don't actually really count, at the end of the day, the people really in charge choose the candidate with the stronger bloodline to the King." I continued.
"That's actually sensible enough, coupled with the fact that we all know that USA have a lot of pride but they still somehow respect the Kings and Queens of the United Kingdom under the pretense that the two nations relationship go way back, we all know that even if a nation lay down their ass for the United States to plough, they gonna still fuck up that nation when given a chance and they most definitely don't give two fucks about no King or Queen, so this explains why the States still respectful to the UK but codedly I must say."
"I'm really fucked with all these people jare."
"Right?, anyways Singapore is credited for being the inventor of the world's greatest social media app TikTok while BRICS is actually made up of Brazil, yes, Russia, yes, India, yes, China, and South Africa one of the big dogs in the African continent. Anyways, I'm mad that you interrupted my story and we're almost at your location, just a curve and here you are." She said as we stopped in front of the burger king restaurant where Nadine was almost red with anger as I'd left her waiting.
I turned to the cab lady. "Give me your phone." She unlocked it and handed it to me, grabbing my hand, so as I wouldn't run I guess, I love my motherland, she's probably from the streets of Lagos, Main markets of Onitsha or busy parks of Kano, all in all, her level of security even stepping out the cab trademarked her Nigerian by blood. I got to her phone app, typed in my number and saved it as Nandy Bangy with a rainbow flag emoji ๐ณ๏ธโ๐ by the side. "Call me." I made the universal hand gesture for calls and smiled. She took one look at her phone, back at me, squinted her eyes a bit and shook her head.
"I don't think I will cos I don't wanna scissors." she said getting into the car.
"So you do other styles?." I said with a wink.
"The only reason I will leave your number in my phone which also means I'll call you is because you're such a great listener and a possibly a great conversationist but if you ever try to seduce me which I will know because nowadays one can't watch a decent Hollywood movie without having to learn how to hookup with girls as you're a girl or how boys hookup with boys... sooo, don't try anything funny, k' odi." She got in the car and drove away, I took a glance and Nadine was long gone, I caught sight of her walking down the sidewalk about to catch a cab and I ran as fast as I could and caught her right as she was about to get in.
"Look babe, wait up." she snubbed me and got in which I followed suit. She made to get out the other way but I grabbed her hand tightly "Babe, wait, I'm super sorry."
"Oh you know what you did huh?." She asked almost about to cry.
"Duuuh!, you think this is some television series where the characters don't know what they did wrong, anyways, the girl is the cab driver, and she arrived from Nigeria illegally last month and she was running down her story which was kinda nice and interesting then I took her number but all in all, I'm really sorry, I wasted your lovely time." I cupped her jaw with my hand then proceeded to place my hand on her cheek trying to kiss her, she shoved my hands away and turned to me.
"Not that I believe your story, but Amma let it go, I'm just really glad I got to see you outside school and that's what counts." She kissed me passionately for a while.
"Don't go having orgasms in the cab car." The cab driver said with a slight laughter, anyway we've been driving around since forever and you both has failed to inform me of your various destinations but I'm willing to take my time since you're both gonna pay double."
"Richard Muller street and she's headed for Anne Boleyn street, I'm paying." I said shoving him a couple of dollar notes and I could see his cheeks swelling with smiles. I knew I had given him more than agreed but who cares?... I'm with my girl Nadine Logan.
When I got home, I asked not to be disturbed but the slim motherfucker that God sent to come outta either Jane or Debra twenty minutes after I had come outta either of them wouldn't just lemme be.
"Hey sis, how was your psycho date?."
"The way God allowed the devil to leave your destiny." He nodded and I was going to literally run to my room so I may go take a lil rest cos tomorrow we had a practical test in physics, I knew cos tomorrow was the second Friday of the month and our physics teacher Mrs. Clovers loved doing practical tests on the second Fridays of the month so I've gotta rest up.
The next day we got to school, I realized that Harry had gotten there earlier than usual... and with Samuel too, anyways I went about my business baffled because they were the usual perpetual late comers of Westside high, I went away because we had the physics practical first period and I couldn't miss it for the world, I'm not gonna lie but Mrs. Clovers usually gave five marks for attendance if you didn't do quite well so I could hope for seven marks over ten, and if you were a science student in Westside high, Mrs. Clovers would definitely be your best teacher.
A few minutes later, we were done with the practical, I could brag my lowest would be that five and highest would be seven but God almighty knew better, anyways I got out hoping on God and Jesus and went to go chill with the girls.
"So I asked you to give me your lunch money and you decided to act smart, but my boy here Harry got ahead of you."
"Yeah, now give us all you got you punk." I heard Harry say, I didn't fancy bullies especially ones that were related to me.
"Sorry Samuel, I'm very sorry watermelon but it won't happen again." Harry gave him a deafening slap and I was bewildered beyond my knowledge, so whatever Harry couldn't do at home he exhibited it right here in school, such a loser.
"You've got some nerve dude, his name sounds like watermelon to you now?" Samuel asked in anger, He grabbed the kids arm and as the kid made to run, Samuel got it twisted and he screamed so loud and soon the back yard was crowded from the midst of everyone was Mr. Kuami Geraldine, our Bolgatangan teacher from, as the name implies, Bolgatanga in the upper eastern region of Ghana, he was our disciplinary teacher and was also the grade one Arts and crafts teacher, he sent them troth to the principal's office and... me too.
"What the hell did I do?." I asked in defense.
"Aren't you supposed to be the elder sister?."
"So?, besides, I'm older than him with just twenty minutes." I said as we were being pushed forward whilst the whole school made jest behind us.
"Well Ananda, that makes you twenty minutes wiser, sooo, next time, you'd know better to advise him." He smirked because when a teacher caught sight of offenses like this, less often than not they usually always got raises.
When we got to the principal's office, he was on with mixed feelings, if I was reading it correctly, I knew he was sad he would have to let me go on suspension but he was happy Harry and Samuel would have to go too.
"I know that if I begin to talk now, y'all wouldn't even listen so I'll save we all's time right now, go and pack y'all's things quickly and go down to the secretary's office where you'll be handed your expulsion letter immediately, thank you for all the experiences y'all have made us all witness so, it wasn't partially ok having you guys around but I think it's time for you guys to go, once again, thank you for your time.
As I exited his office, I was bewildered that he didn't even look into my case but I guess if earlier we had given him ears so we could hear what he had to say then maybe he would have considered listening to us, we didn't listen to him back then, so it's only fair he won't listen to us, either way, the most important thing was what the reaction of Jane and Debra would be, Harry was remorseful, Samuel was uninterested and I wondered what was next for the Melon family.
*******
"And there you have, you've heard about our Augustan life from the horse's mouth, They both grounded me for a week when they heard what happened from the principal and the next week we were on our way to another state to start out a new life with the same identity but a new strategy. Oh my God Nandy, initially, you were like, mind your language, the kids are reading but here you are being the first person narrator and using more slangs that Cardi and Megan on the WAP song... at least they improvised with some innuendos, you didn't, anyway, it wasn't nice being with you but the creator of worlds knows best.
******
Right?, on the innuendos' issue, nothing the kids won't learn in a few days or don't already even know, our predecessor generation, the millennials or gen Y has actually failed everyone but no!, blame it all on the whole gen Z, anyways cheers mate!.