Just some minutes before getting on stage there was a frenzied activity with people coming and going. Shouts, explanations, arguments, runnings, more noise of broken glasses. I was at the far corner afraid of getting run over, I couldn't stop weeping and hiding my head between my knees.
Till there was only silence, nothing more could be heard. The boys had just got on the stage in fits and starts and the show started off. I wasn't long on my own, quickly appeared Mary's healing presence. She squatted in front of me and tried to take apart my hands from my face, failing.
The poor Mary had spent five minutes earlier the show trying to calm down Freddie as best as she could. Playing down what happened with his blouse and assure him that nothing could stop him from looking splendid to his audience in Birmingham. Her priority was Freddie and the latter didn't want to be with anybody else till he walked out self-confident and with energy to the stage.
- Don't cry anymore, darling. It's all over now. Don't make a fuss.
- I can't, Mary. I just can't... I'm a fucking disaster and I hate myself. And everybody hates me.
- Nobody hates you. They are a little disturbed. It's the last show of the british tour. They have played a lot of shows in a row and they can't see its profits despite they take the world by storm.
- It's not my fault.
- Of course not. It's nobody's fault but the thing is there's always a spark which serve them as revulsive to exploding. Today it's your turn.
Deaky had warned me rightly about the last show. Smart fox.
- Come with me. You will do your makeup and comb your hair and we're watching a show.
- No, I want to talk to Alan before. I gotta apologize him for all. Freddie will put the blame on him because of me.
- That's sure.
- Oh God, he'll dismiss him because of me and my clownings. I have to stop it...
- Eli, leave alone Mr. Larson. He's already got enough to deal with. Let it go.
What has Mary just said? Mr Larson? "Fred, you'd better shut up. Don't you think, Miss Larson?" Instantly it came to my mind Roger's ironic sentence and its meaning. Did Alan Larson turn Freddie into Miss Larson and Freddie in an absolute mess bashed against that armchair in the broom closet? God, Alan and Freddie were lovers.
- Are you ok? You've turned pale.
- No, I'm not ok. I'm infinitely worst than ok.
- I'm telling you what you're doing. I'm going to put colour at your lips and eyeline those beautiful eyes. With that it will be enough to look breathtaking again. We're grabbing a champagne bottle and going to see the last show of the tour. We're having a great time.
- I don't know, Mary...
- Come on, don't leave me alone. Don't turn this night into a drama.
- Alright.
- Good girl. While you're getting ready I'm waiting for Freddie because it sure will start the Brian's solo.
When Brian played his 3 minutes solo, Freddie always took the time to change his clothes and fixing his hair and makeup. Mary waited for him in his dressing room.
I couldn't help spy on them from a corner, unseen. Freddie stormed into the dressing room and started to get dressed fastly with the help of Alan who was also there. Afterwards he came up to the mirror and eyelined his eyes and put a little gloss in his lips. Mary combed slightly his dark and lion hair and caressed his arms while she whispered over his temple something they only knew. I watched it all fascinated with my mouth half open and I confirmed again that Mary was a special human being, no wonder Freddie didn't want to give her up. And to finish off the scene the man with whom Freddie was having an affair taking part on the scene. The show business world was filled with peculiarities.
Quickly I slipped away not to be seen and was busy with my makeup.
- Is Freddie ok? -I couldn't help asking Mary.
- Of course, darling. There is nothing can stop Freddie from give it all on stage. The whole audience is his medicine.
- The audience and you, don't you think?
- I try. Shall we go? We've missed 20 minutes. Don't lose anymore.
Mary was absolutely right, as usual. When something wrong happened to Freddie or he got on stage with some worry, tantrum or even injury (I'm thinking on Milton Keynes concert where he went out with his injured hand with his crazy boyfriend's bite), Freddie tended to be inflamed. The pain in any of its variants served him as spur to give instead 100%, 200%. It couldn't be in any other way in that last show of the tour.
This show had been scheduled originally to 17th march but it must postpone to this date. The reason was a riot in Stirling show. After getting on stage to do three encores and they didn't go out a fourth, it just went crazy among a part of the audience. Result: two roadies in hospital. As they were understaffed and they went through several procedures with police, they must delay that gig to today.
Birmingham audience had their show and it was even more electric than Rainbow concert. I was in a very different mood but they worked the miracle to make you unaware of your troubles and worries. Only they existed. Their wonderful music and the perfect way they had to drag you into their own universe.
After the show was called for as usual the little essential soirée with food, a lot of drinks and whatever. Queen had commitments the next day at Langham BBC studios to record some songs and they wouldn't last long with the celebrations. But it was the last show and they always had around them a lot of people they must to meet and with whom socialize.
We departed from my beloved Birmingham late in the night. We had ahead a long journey to London, at least three hours. We arrived at dawn at Holland Park.
Roger was the first to leaving off at his address. He was so drunk that a roadie took charge to come with him to arrive safe and sound. It goes without saying that I had disappeared from his sight. First because he was angry and then because he was terribly drunk. That's better. So far it wasn't right we got near each other.
I think secretly that Freddie wished I stayed in Roger's flat and we finished off killing each other but Mary was the boss and Mary decided that I would sleep in their sofa tonight.
I lacked maybe a couple or three champagne glasses to get drunk too. I just got a little merry, enough to get away from everything and don't keeping spinning my head.
I landed on Mary and Freddie's comfortable sofa and I got no time even to take off my shoes. I didn't know anything else of the world till just a few hours later.
When I woke up, the quietness prevailed all over the flat. You didn't hear a sound. I stretched my arms to the air till almost dislocate myself and slowly but surely I came back to real world.
3rd april 1974. Wednesday. I had a report to write and must sending Fooling urgently. I took out my smartphone and with the most agile fingers that I could, recalled everything that it happened. My reports were loaded with bad perspectives, an uncertainty almost pressing and the terrible feeling of getting into Queen circle but everything was threated with my slightest impertinences. But I always finished with „Don't you worry. So far Blackqueen withstand".
- Oh, you've woken up. What are you doing?
I kept away fast my high technology device that didn't fit into 1974, shoving it into my bag. Freddie wore a very feminine colourful robe, surely it belonged to Mary. They shared clothes naturally. His hair was more unruly than ever and I had the strange need of raking my fingers into it.
- Nothing -I closed my bag. At least I had time to send the day before report.
- Nothing? Have you slept well on the sofa?
- Yes, I was exhausted.
- Mary has gone early to the store. Today she has a hard day. I'm in charge of you, mousy.
Mousy, there it came back his appellative. That only meant he had woken up in a good mood and we're starting over. It was normal. The show was a real success and now they had two whole weeks to rest before the american tour. They could be proud of the british tour. It was more than profitable.
- You don't have to be my nanny. Take it easy. I'm picking up my things and I'm going.
- I'm always do what Mary says. If I'm in charge of you, I take charge of you. And no more arguments, darling. Can you cook a good breakfast?
- Depends on how inspired I find myself.
- Well, go and find your inspiration. The kitchen is yours. I'll make the tea. Come on...
He clapped energetically waiting for me to get up the sofa. I didn't even take off my last night clothes. There it lingered my striped and low-cut jumpsuit and bell-bottomed pant legs.
- May I got into the bath to rub me off the cruddies from my eyes?
- I give you permission but don't be long. I'm starving.
- No problem.
I couldn't believe what happened to me with that man. One day he was an underworld monster and the next an innocent and playful little bear. I removed my makeup, something I must do last night and I saw my deep bags under my eyes. The thing is I had deep sleep since I landed in 1974. But the stress took its toll in my face.
- Do you think I could eat my breakfast before the day ends?
That Freddie's accent. Imperious, dominant, sarcastic and irresistible. All together.
- If they put pressure on me I'm a disaster, ok?
Freddie made the tea and looked at the window absent minded while I opened drawers taking stock of my situation. I was convinced that Freddie wouldn't help me in the kitchen, no matter it was his kitchen.
While I cracked eggs profusely for our omelettes, I thought we must talk. The turmoil which was my arrival and the events piled up one on another, didn't let us take a break. The situation was excellent.
- I would like to clear up what happened yesterday.
- Oh darling, yesterday was an eternity ago. Today it does matter to me.
- Yesterday it matters to me too.
- What's up with yesterday?
- What's up? Did you really ask me that?
- Do you want me to apologize for screaming at you?
- No, Freddie. I'm not apologizing you for wearing innocently your beautiful blouse. I didn't do anything wrong.
- And you stained it with Rog's blood while you fought like two street dogs.
- Alan removed the stain quite easily.
- Of course. It's his job, honey.
- What else is his job?
- What do you mean?
- Fred, don't play the fool with me. You didn't care I danced around with your stage clothes. What happened to you is you were jealous.
- Excuse me? Was I jealous when Alan wrapped your waist while you were clowning around?
- You rather be jealous of ME wrapping his waist, don't you think?
Freddie looked at me puzzled. Just that puzzling made my day.
- Are you having an affair with Alan, Freddie? Was he the boy with whom you were when we first met in broom closet?
- I guess it's our secret. Yours and mine, I mean.
He was more direct than I expected. He didn't hesitate in accepting it with honesty and besides he included me in his farce with Mary.
- I thought you loved Mary...
- And I love her. It's just... sometimes...
- Sometimes you need masculine company.
- Don't tell Mary. I need her. She's the love of my life.
I stared at his tired eyes and its eternal glow in them. I placed the omelette in his plate.
- I'm not telling her anything, you should tell her.
- Oh, no. It was just twice.
- Taking into account that Alan is with you just four shows it's not that bad.
- What could I say? He appealed me instantly. If I feel like something, I use to try taking it.
- And your preys don't use to fight against you, do they?
It was quite unlikely that Freddie was infected in 1974 in England. The important focus would start in America and in 15 days time they would fly there to their american tour. My place was in that country and I had to get put on board at all costs.
- Do you want me to confess you something? I was jealous in both directions. It never happened to me before. It was like a slap on your cheek and with no recovering another one. I got crazy and turned into someone irrational, I know.
- But why? Alan doesn't like me as a woman. He probably at this stage is in love with you like a child.
- I'm not talking about Alan now, I'm talking about you.
- About me? Freddie, I was just playing...
- That's what you do. I see it. I can see it clearly.
- I want to know if Alan is dismissed.
- My conversation theme isn't about Alan since so long.
- Tell me you didn't dismiss him.
- I haven't yet made up my mind.
- You made him cry...
- So he did to me -his most dirty smile was a piece of art.
- Don't compare some tears with others.
- You saw it all that afternoon, didn't you? You saw my tears while he made me happy for some minutes.
- I didn't see anything -I lied-. I was stuck into the broom closet spoiling my dress.
- Did you get horny? -he smiled again and I focused on my omelette plate not to restart my blush.
- I didn't see anything.
- Then did you get horny what you heard? I want to know.
There's no need to make me look at his eyes. From where I was he could see my blushed face and I furiously colliding my fork on the plate. At this moment the phone rang and escaped a relieved sigh.
- We didn't finished yet -Freddie warned me rushing to pick up the phone.
The omelette turned around my stomach and wanted to get away from there. It was like a fire circle around me which tempted me to jump into and burn myself.
I took the opportunity to go upstairs and pick up my shopping. I had the irresistible impulse to running out. I didn't know why.
I watched so many bags carefully placed over a chest of drawers. I would have to call someone to take them my hotel to which I had to go. Then I would take care of finding a flat not very expensive. Anything but staying here inside this vulcano which I cared so much. So much...
I heard his jumping steps on the staircase calling me. I ran into the bathroom and locked me down without hesitation. It was an irrational impulse. My goal was keeping away from him. From his eyes, his hands, all his body.
- Elideth, what are you doing in there? Get out, we have an unfinished conversation.
- It's finished already, Freddie.
- Come downstairs to finish your breakfast right now.
- I don't want anymore.
- Won't you stop acting like an inmature and brainless girl?
- And won't you let me a little privacy in the bathroom?
- Rog has just called. He wanted to speak with you.
- And why didn't you put him on?
- I told him he leave you alone. Did I do it well?
He had got it. I'm getting out the bathroom like a shot wanting to kill him. I didn't want to finish with Roger yet. What did he do it?
- Since when do you matter with whom I am, Freddie? Are you telling me?
- Yesterday you told me you didn't have anything.
- Oh, Freddie. If you jump over the first one whom you look at and want to eat him up, doesn't mean everybody else doesn't act like you. I'm not sleeping around that fast...
- Well you should be. Sex is the best anti age and the best thing to a good skin -he said with gentle smile bordering with his fingers my bags.
- You don't have any right to get into our relationship...
- It's enough, Elideth. Cut off your stupid tantrum. Rog is my friend and I don't think you suits him.
- Oh...
- And he doesn't suit you either. It's just that simple. I saw clearly yesterday when you fought so fiercely. I don't want you to get hurt.
- What a heart of gold you have, Freddie.
- Are you sarcastic with me, mousy? Don't do it. Come and finish your breakfast.
- I don't.
- Fuck, you've wanted this way.
As bold as brass Freddie bent over and so easily as earlier he carried me to his back coming downstairs without the least difficulty.
- Put me the hell out down!
- When we get to the kitchen. Stop hitting my back, don't hurt me.
Oh, really? It's time someone hurts you just for a change. Without thinking further I pinched one of his buttocks and Freddie jumped screaming. I refrained my laugh. I landed at last on the chair while he pointed out with a finger and rubbed his ass with the other hand.
- That's not playing fair.
- Since when do you play fair, Fred?