Once Roger was gone I finished to dress me up and put on my shoes to walking out of the room. I must be quick and effective, just for a change.
I asked in reception desk where was the nearest all night's chemist's and from there I called a taxi. It was the faster and more sensible idea. I bought the pregnancy test and five condoms boxes. I think the chemist employee contained her giggles struggling. Better too much than too little, I thought.
The taxi waited for me outside as I did it all in just thirty minutes. I felt in any time Roger could return and he must not catch me redhanded.
The coast was clear. Everything had worked out fine so far. I put out the test pregnancy from its packet with trembling hands and waited.
I started to think if it might be positive. I couldn't think about it without starting to cry. What would become of my mission? Everything would be ruined. And what would happen with that amazingly good looking baby? Would I get rid of it or I'd be forced to be a 25 year old single mother without finishing my degree?
Suddenly it came to my mind my mother, the woman who gave me birth. With barely 18 years old she put me into this world and had run away searching more drugs to her slow destruction. Would I repeat the same pattern? Would I give birth an unwanted child? A child conceived in 1974 and born in 2020? My head was in a whirl with too many nonsense and threatened to exploding.
I've thought also about the morning after pill. It would be easy. I would took it and my period got in earlier finishing this nightmare. But there was something which stood out strongly agains this. I didn't know why. A stubborn feeling of "if you are a thoughtless and you've conceived a life. Who are you to manipulate this?" If my natural mother would decided make an abortion, and she was cannon-fodder, I wouldn't be in this world. So I had to deal with it.
I squeezed my eyes shut with the test in my hand. I didn't want to watch and at the same time I couldn't wait for it. What would happen? Which was my destiny?
I opened only one eye but with my sickness and tiredness I didn't see anything. So I decided to agree with whatever it might be and opened both eyes.
Just one line. NEGATIVE. The first pitfall is saved. It might be a false negative but so far I was relaxed. There were still four days to my period date and I couldn't get obsessed so much because I would drive crazy. I must to be optimistic. The test was negative and that's all I cared about.
A deal was a deal. I ordered a romantic dinner for two to the room service and when my wild beast return I was going to thank him as best as I could, his great favour leaving me alone with all this madness.
Roger was highly anticipated. The dinner just got cold, I drank all the chilly champagne and my headache vanished instantly. So after a little while watching tv and trying not to close my eyes, the intensity of the day took its toll.
- My love, wake up. You said you'd wait for me.
- Rog? Fuck, what time is it?
- Time doesn't matter.
- What do you mean, doesn't matter? I've ordered a romantic dinner for two.
- I've seen it. The wax candles has melted down on the tablecloth.
- Really?
- No, I was joking.
- Tell me Mary is not angry with me, please.
- Who could be angry with you? She was just worried about you. She thought something bad happened to you.
Roger didn't stop kissing me where his lips landed to and easily he took off my underwear. Sleepy and relaxed after my little nightly nap, I was barely able to trying to follow his choreography of kisses and touches.
- Have you missed me? -he slipped in my bra over the pillow with a smile watching my breasts as though they were actually his dinner.
- All the time -I lied letting him running with his lips over the patch of my skin on my right hip, totally naked.
- Fine, get ready for the ride, babe.
His husky whisper made me lose my own control but I kept wide open my eyes pushing him away with resolve. Roger's eyes were quite a sight, watching me dumbfounded.
- What's up now?
- Go to the bathroom and take the condoms box. Now.
After a few seconds staring at me with a wrinkle crossing his forehead, he laughed real hard.
- Don't tell me such an innocent girl carries a prophylactic stock as her usual luggage.
- And if I would, what's the problem? -I lifted my chin challenging with my eyes.
- It's alright to me. You are a safe girl and all that.
- I have to be. We've been already enough unconscious today.
- Are you worried?
- No -I lied-. Go and find them, please.
Roger chuckled again and with his pants half lowered, he ran to the bathroom and returned smiling with the five boxes of preservatives.
- Where are you going with all that? -I couldn't help laughing.
- Are you asking me? From what I can see you've had emptied out the chemist.
- I wanted to make up for the earlier lack of common sense.
Roger let fall heavily his boots and slid with energy his pants and underpants to the floor. He didn't take care of his shirt again while he attacked fiercely the patch of my neck less reddened.
- I don't want you have one fear in your brain, baby. Just let me make you happy.
- Alright.
🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀
I took my chance when Roger at last got tired of me to getting up from bed and swing in action. I dragged my feet to the bathroom and looked at me at the mirror still panting. I have had sex for the rest of my life, I thought with tired and naughty smile.
Despite my simple wish was getting sunk into his blonde hair and getting pulled in by a good sleep, I must setting off.
I wasn't sure having appeased that good looking drummer's desire. If we went on together to the american tour, he would already get tired of me and I couldn't put my mission in danger. He was the key to my next step but I must again measure time. Letting him sleep with me a while instead of having me at his disposal as though I was his sex toy.
I took a shower, I got dressed, I was perfumed and arranged a little travel case. I didn't have a specific plan but I must leave London a few days. Get away as quickly as possible. The lack of control was very good. But I said to myself over and over again I hadn't landed in 1974 to rediscover my body and concluding animal and uninhibited sex was a wonderful way to pass the time.
I wrote down the report to Fooling. The report wasn't my personal diary although sometimes I felt the temptation it was. The report must confine itself to objective facts and the only objective fact which Fooling must know was so far the test was doubly negative. With the first urine of morning I used the other test which I bought, I was always strong advocate of three for one sale, to do it again. Seemingly in the early morning the pregnant hormone could be more active. Again negative.
I had all arranged but it left for me to write a little clarifying note to Roger. I couldn't go away leaving him behind after how happy he made me. Lollipopping my pen, I thought over which tone putting on that letter. I didn't want him to feel abandoned, I didn't want him to feel himself indispensable in my life either. It was very tricky and I was to blame of that complexity with my weakness and that brutal and marked decrease of my defenses.
- Eli... -he mumbled with his beautiful husky voice moving on bed.
No, Roger, no. Go back to fucking sleep.
I laid down bed beside him, as he pulled me into a big hug and I tried to sort of lull him to sleep, caressing his back. It was useless for me when my mother did it to me.
- Why did you dress? -he asked with his face snuggling in my chest.
- I was cold. Shhhh... sleep.
- Don't leave me alone... -he mumbled almost asleep, probably.
- Ok, Rog. Never -I whispered kissing his hair.
Before catching the train to somewhere, I must find some flat with a good price. That would take me much of the morning. I had the advantage with my 2020 budget and the pound revaluation from 1974. So I could afford paying a small loft rent in Shoreditch, a district northeast London. Far enough to feel myself save and at the same time available.
Friday, 5th April 1974. I don't know yet if I'm pregnant of Roger Taylor. I never thought I would tell that sentence. But I told it, I'm repeating like a mantra in my brain while I jumped into the train getting away the capital.
I had decided randomly my destiny would be south of England. I conquered the strong temptation to travel in the contrary direction, bound to north. More precisely Birmingham, my hometown. At the end I thought instead of being healing wandering around again my beloved streets, it only would serve to get worse. Wishing with all my heart returning my time period, my old life.
That would only hurt me because my life now only belonged to Freddie Mercury. It was his and he didn't even suspect.
I thought about him again. It's been a long time since I did it, an eternity to my habit. I imagined he would think about me once in a while. When his troubling life would allow it. When his overwhelming and definite love for Mary let him. I trusted Mary wouldn't hate me a lot yesterday, I thought biting my finger, while I watched the english landscape passing through my eyes swiftly.
The train lasted five hours to get to Eastbourne, the quiet sea town which I chose like my temporary shelter. I arrived at dusk and searched a simple hotel by the beach. Before getting into bed to try sleep the hours which my body needed, I read again the letter which I left to Roger.
"Hi Roger. The first thing I want to tell you is you made me very happy yesterday. You have pressed the buttom of my inhibitions and Elideth won't be the same anymore. All for you, my crazy blonde. I'm not in the room because I'm gone. I haven't left you, I've just said to you see you later while you slept like a tired angel. I will be away from London a few days visiting some friends but I'll be back and I'll bring you sure a gift, or two, or a dozen. You've driven me a little crazy, I admit it. I still want to be your friend, won't you let me be your friend? Yours, Elideth".
It was already done. I don't know if I reached the right tone. I don't know if that letter would get him worse, would calm him down, would annoy him. Maybe a little bit of everything. That man was an impressive vulcano. I've never thought I would have to give him so much prominence in the mission. But what's done cannot be undone. I must manage myself with the snowball that I've made.
Eastbourne was my particular rehab clinic. Recovering from London, Queen, Roger and Freddie. Everything was part of my life but deep inside I knew I didn't belong to them, I've got into their lives like a crazy squatter. Changing their habits, conditioning their moods, disturbing them, in short.
Fooling agreed with my decision. He used to agree with my choices to get out of my own blunders. I made gordian knots to getting untie them without hurting my fingers so much in the end.
I slept so long and so fine that not one of the huge seagulls flying around the hotel could wake me up with their hysterical croaks.
The rain that flourished wasn't persistent enough to stopping me from take a walk along the beach every day. The sea breeze did me good, it filled me with energy. But the treacherous showers did it too. The loneliness and reflection so needed to me, made me look at myself and my task with different eyes. When I opened my arms outstretched and let the cold sea wind get through my body, I thought firmly being able to get a succesful mission.
"Dear Freddie and Mary: I guess Roger would tell you I was away some days. I needed running away the swinging London although I miss you like crazy. Mary, I owe you some pints and a million apologies. I hope don't hate me so much to want to see me again. I think you are one of the niciest and smartest women I've had the pleasure to meet and I would like you are one of my friends. I thank you so much your hospitality and I'll always keep you at the bottom of my heart. From the distance I'm still adore you and I miss you. Yours, Elideth".
I was so glad with this primitive habit of comunication that at my time period was almost extinct. The epistolary relationships. It was so beautiful writing letters. My letter was very sentimental, I admit it. But I changed nothing, not a coma, not a point. I just wanted keep in touch with them so they don't forget me. I've been through a lot of things to get here and I wasn't to stay in London when they would depart to their great american tour.
"I love you, Freddie. I trust you don't ever forget that".