"Hey Tobio-kun... Have you ever wondered why that diapered-asshole shoots people randomly with his cruel arrow?" I asked that made the guy stretching beside me after we finished several laps running in circle in this uncrowded park that we're in.
Since I couldn't get Kei out of my head and my heart won't stop wanting to take him away from Yamaguchi, I decided to go to the pub without telling them that I'll come but I end up meeting Tobio-kun outside the pub that was about to leave without even going in. It seems that he was also invited for Kei's pre-graduation celebration but chicken out the last minute because of Hinata and Atsumu.
I guess you can say that we both chickened out because of the same thing just with different person. So, we decided to go at the park close by the pub where our friends are celebrating.
He sighed. "I don't know who you're talking about Kiyoomi-san but whoever he is, did you manage to remember his face? We can report him if you want to?"
My head hurts on his response. Why did I forget that this person is just like those three idiots in my team?
"But I wonder..." Tobio-kun continued and stands straight. "When will he take his arrow back from us? Cause it's too painful. The wound is just getting deeper each passing day. And it's more unbearable every single time that I see him in a bliss because of somebody else." He said before looking at me.
I sighed and looked up to the starless sky to suppress my tears. Why did I end up meeting a more heartbroken person than me?
"I want to know... If I should give up without putting up a fight or try different ways to keep him by my side." I said that made him sigh and sits on the bench beside me.
"What I want to know more is how to give up after putting up a fight but still got defeated? What I've left is nothing but our memories together while he's making more with a different person now." Tobio-kun said while staring at his phone with Hinata's picture as his lock screen wallpaper.
I let out a depressive laugh. This guy is in a more complicated situation than I am but I can still relate somehow since we're talking about the same diapered-bastard who made us like this.
"Exactly! Why give us memories to look back to, when all it will make you feel is nothing but hell?" I agreed that made us silent for a moment.
Tobio sighed. "It was hell alright. Pure hell." He started.
"But you know what Sakusa-san? I realize that the one who put me in this hellish state is not that dumbass shooter, diapered-bastard. It's not Hinata either but me. It was all me. The me who got scared when Hinata is learning how to fight on his own. The selfish bastard me who wouldn't want him to learn how to fly alone. The coward me who never once told him what I truly feel until it was too late. It was the old version of me who puts me in this state, that made me miserable."
Tobio-kun looked at me with the same lonely expression as I after telling me his regrets.
"If I could travel back in time, I want to go back to the time when he confessed. So, I could tell him that I loved him first. And I'll be the last one to stay in love. What about you? Where do you want to go back to?" He asked that made me silent and lost in thoughts until he left.
When is it? The time I wanted to go back to? Is it the time that I first saw his teary-eyed expression? Or is it when I saw him again after MSBY and Schweiden's match with the same expression? When is it? When do I want to go back to so I could tell him this uncontrollable feeling of mine?
I've been thinking about it while walking towards the station when I finally decided to go home. I keep on thinking when in our vivid memories do, I want to go back to but I can't decide when and why that time?
Kei's cold expression during our last time together popped in my mind as well as the question he threw at me.
"Exactly. Whoever I text doesn't concern you at all. So, don't act like you own me. Or are you falling in love with me so you're acting like a jealous boyfriend now?"
"Why? Do you think I will fall in love with a fucked-up person like you?"
I sighed upon remembering the question I asked him before I left. The question that I kept the answer to myself.
Ah. That time for sure. If I can only go back to that time. I'll tell you for sure... the next set of words that I kept from telling you.
With those thoughts in mind, I stopped in my tracks when I saw Kei across me, sitting at the bench near the train station to Sendai. I walked to him but stopped before I could even call his name when I saw Yamaguchi handed him a canned coffee. They didn't notice me because they seemed to be having a serious conversation.
My heart felt like it's being pricked by hundred sharp needles when Kei smiled at him a genuine smile paired with a now serene eye of his.
I smiled faintly. "I guess I couldn't go back now." I whispered.
Hey Tsukishima Kei... If you think that I will fall in love with a fucked-up person like you... You're right. Because....
"I'm in love with you." Kei finished the sentence that I wanted to tell him with a serene look on his face. But it wasn't for me to hear. It's for Yamaguchi. The only man he loved and stayed in love with.
I didn't stay long to hear more of their conversation because it's excruciating. I thought that it hurts to see him with those lonely eyes of his before. But now, I guess Tobio-kun was right.
His happiness with somebody else after you missed your chance to tell what you really feel is like a venom that slowly kills you...
It's more painful to see his eyes beaming with happiness while he's with the person he truly wanted to be with.
With these thoughts... I left.
And...
Planned for my next move to fully capture the moon.
After all Kei... I'm the only one who can keep you right?
I said in mind after reading the message Kei sent earlier that I read just now.
From: my salty Kei
Are you still mad?
I'm sorry.
Can I stay the night?
Never mind. I brought your keys.
I'm coming over.