"Tsukishima, I'm thankful that you're always visiting my cousin but you should get some rest too." Motoya-san said when he saw me outside Kiyoomi-san's room and handed me a canned coffee.
It's been a week since the accident. I couldn't even remember what happened after I saw him throw off the ground when he was hit by a car. He was on a critical condition and needed to get a surgery right away so he was moved to Tokyo Hospital to get the best medical care that he needs. But he didn't wake up even after the surgery was successfully done.
I couldn't recall what I've been even doing for the past week. I just go home to sleep a little and go to work then go back to Tokyo to take a look at him from the outside of his room. I haven't entered his room since then coz I have no rights to. He became like that because of me, because I lied.
I couldn't step in because I still vividly recall his body lying on the bloody ground and the last conversation that we had.
Why do you have to lie?
Those words keep on giving me nightmares. It's my fault that he ends up in coma. If I didn't lie that day he wouldn't be here. We would've been happy in his or my apartment, talking about random things or making love. But because of me...
"It's not your fault. If that's what you're thinking." Motoya-san said that stop my mind from wandering to self-loathing.
"It is my fault. If I didn't lie, he wouldn't be here." I said still lacking with emotion because of numbness.
Since the accident, I feel like all my senses numbed, all my emotions faded aside from pain and loathing myself. I couldn't cry even when I'm hurting so much whenever I look at his state.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. He just happened to be there at the wrong time. You didn't push him, you're not the one who hit him. You just happened to be the person who stole his heart." Motoya-san said before handing me a ring box and a letter with my name and has a little blood stain on it.
"You were so out of it after the accident and a lot happened so I couldn't give it to you right away. It was on his pocket when the accident happened. The nurse gave it to me coz I'm the only calm person that time. I'm sorry I read the letter coz I've been wondering what he was doing there in the first place." He continued while staring at Kiyoomi-san's hospital room.
I opened the ring box and saw a silver ring on it. I took it out and felt the pain even more unbearable when I saw the words engraved on it.
My beloved moon/Tsuki
"Read it and when you're ready, give him your answer. He's unconscious but I know he can hear you. So, stop punishing yourself." He said before he left me to give me some time alone.
I slowly opened his letter and read it silently.
Hey Kei, I know you're wondering what's this letter all about. I'm sorry I couldn't tell this in person but let me tell you what I've been hiding from you before looking inside the box.
I'm guessing that he's planning to leave these things when he's about to go home if things between us worked out properly.
I fell in love with you at first sight because of your lonely eyes. Seeing your teary expression remained in my memory for years after I saw you got confessed to. I'm wondering myself that time, why this beautiful face stained with sorrow when he was the one who rejected the confession? Then I realized, ah! He lied. That's why I made it to be my first rule. I don't like you lying.
I clutched the paper I'm holding when I learned what's behind that rule of his.
I thought I will forget about you, but then I saw you again and you still have the same lonely expression, like a waning moon in a starless sky. Every time I see you with those lonely eyes of yours, your light is decreasing gradually and I don't like it. I don't want to see you completely covered with misery because of your lies.
Back then, all I want is to erase the loneliness in your eyes but when I saw your wasted state, cursing that diapered-asshole for playing with your heart, I decided to take you away from whatever it is that is hurting you. That's why I took a gamble and make you exclusively mine without those labels. I made sure that you're mine. That's why I made a rule for you not to sleep with anyone else aside from me.
I smiled sadly when I realized that he is not only the jealous type but also so damn possessive.
Hey Kei... You probably didn't remember the first time we made love but I have it all in my memory. You were so beautiful while keep on asking me if I want to keep you and those sweet smiles you gave me every time, I answered that I'll keep you. That's why I got mad when I saw you messaging with someone with the same smile like that night. I only want you to smile like that because of me. Coz Kei, I'm the one who loves to see you shining brightly even you're in a starless sky.
It's so painful. I regret even more that I lied to him. Hating myself even more because now, I don't know if he will wake up or if he does, will he still remember me?
Meeting you is probably the best thing that happened in my life.
Me too so please wake up now.
Hey Kei... If I say I love you, I know you'll just run away. But I know words better than those three words that Yamaguchi said to you before.
After all four is greater than three...
So, Kei...
Can I keep You?
I want to hear your answer when I get back.
I cried for the first time after the accident. My tears keep on streaming down my face. And just right after reading his letter, an alarming sound came into the room where he is, alerting everyone. Motoyo-san rushed to me when he saw me standing outside Kiyoomi-san's room watching the doctors and nurses to maintain his vitals but it's just getting worse.
"N-no! You can't leave!" I shouted and tried to enter the room but Motoyo-san grabbed my arm to stop me.
I keep on struggling so I could hold his hand. I've been letting him go when he's going away before but not now. Just this once, I'll stop him from going.
"Don't you want to hear my answer, you perverted germaphobe?!" I shouted when I finally escaped from Motoyo-san's grasp.
But just when I finally entered his room for the first time, All I heard from him is only a long flat piercing sound.
"I'm sorry." The doctor who tried to revive him said to me when I slowly got to his side but I ignore him.
"Tsuki..." Motoyo-san's called me with a cracked voice but I ignore him too.
"I know you can hear me." I said when I finally hold his hand.
"Tsuki... He's gone." Motoyo-san said with tears on his eyes too but I ignore him and sit down on Kiyoomi-san's bed.
With tears and snots mixed in my face, I kissed his lips, didn't even bothered that we're surrounded by people. Didn't even bothered about our gender.
"I won't lie or run away anymore, so just come back Kiyoomi." I murmured his name for the first time without honorifics, - his third rule.
"Time of death."
"You can keep me." I finally said.
Beep... Beep... Beep...
That is his answer.