I hate germs. I don't like crowded places. I hate the noise. And my interest only lies within umeboshi, volleyball and any opponent who looked like a threat to me.
I never once thought that I would engage into something I'm not used to. Or get involve with someone I never interacted with. I want my life to be as normal as possible and I hate troublesome things. That's why until now, I keep asking myself...
Why do I find his warmth, comforting? Why I am so mesmerized with his smile? Why do I hate to see him cry? And of all why's, just why do I want to keep him?
I ask myself as I gaze at Kei's sleeping face. We're lying together in one bed as if it's so natural when in fact, I hate sleeping with anyone in one bed. But with Kei, it's comforting that scares and soothes me at the same time. I can't give this name a feeling yet. Or rather say I don't want to give name to this because I'm afraid that if I do, I'll lose him.
I gently caress his face and my heart flutter when he huddled in my arms in his sleep just like the first night that I saw him wasted that lead us to making love all night until he passed out.
Damn... I shouldn't have answered that phone call. Then I wouldn't be troubled now because of this strange feeling whenever I'm with you.
I rant to myself but my body move on its own to enfold him more in my arms, not even wanting any spaces between our bodies. I gently press my lips on his forehead while remembering how this troublesome feeling started.
"I like you, Tsuki." I was stopped by that sudden confession when I was about to turn towards the comfort room to wash my hands.
Seriously? Here of all places? How unromantic!
"I don't see you that way. I'll forget that we have this kind of conversation." That Tsuki guy said coldly and I thought that he really meant it until he walked pass me with eyes that's about to cry.
That was the first time that I met the man who managed to block Wakatoshi-kun's spike. He looked normal but nothing special. Yet, his teary-eyed expression remained in my mind.
Years passed and I thought I forgot about him already, - the tall, slim build volleyball player from Karasuno with a short blonde hair, pale skin, thin eyebrows and golden-brown eyes that was about to cry.
I thought I did, not until I saw him again in our match with Schweiden Adlers, together with the same freckled guy who confessed to him years ago. But the difference this time, that freckled guy doesn't look at him the same way he did, and yet, why...
Just why do you still looked like you're about to cry?
Those were my thoughts when I'm silently watching them talk from afar while waiting for their other friends. I thought that at that time, I wanted to take him away from there. But he was taken by someone else instead. The former middle blocker of Nekoma.
It was silly of me to think that I could comfort him when we never interacted even once. For him, I am only his high school friend's team mate. But why?
Why I can't forget those miserable eyes of yours?
I thought that I won't be seeing him when he left with Kuroo-san but I was wrong. I accidentally answered Akaashi's call when I mistake his to mine since we have the same phone unit. Surprisingly, it was him who called ranting how envious he is because of his decisions. How painful to know that Yamaguchi, - the freckled guy - is now happy with Yachi, - the petite blonde girl. And how he loathed himself for being a coward.
He even curse cupid for shooting him with his arrow and didn't take it back when Yamaguchi's love faded. He cussed cupid for not making him fall in love normally so he wouldn't be scared to take the risk of falling in love and getting into relationships.
When I heard his agonies, my heart felt his pain. It was unbearable that it makes me want to make him mine at all cost.
You won't or rather say you can't. Because he will run away. My mind warned so I stopped thinking of ways to make him mine.
I managed to convince him to give the phone to the bartender after he run out of things to say. After talking to the bartender, I quickly put Akaashi's phone back to the table and took mine. I didn't tell Akaashi about the phone call since he was busy caring to the already drunk Koutarou and immediately left and went to the bar where Kei is.
I wonder why, I feel like my heart is being pricked when I saw how wasted he is. I Immediately paid for his bills, brought him to the nearest hotel and cleaned him up. I planned to leave right away cause my only plan is to keep him safe.
Not until he woke up in the middle of dressing him after I cleaned him. I feel like I'm sweating buckets when he opened his eyes because I'm doing something not me. But he just looked at me with sadness filled his eyes and smiled wearily.
"Hey, how come love is this painful?" He asked that made me thought that he's sober.
"I don't know. I never fell in love before." I answered that made him laugh dryly.
"Lucky you! You wouldn't feel like shit. Fuck that diapered asshole! I never asked for this! I never wanted this! But why?" He cried while hiding his face with his arms that made me feel heartbroken.
"Why does he need to shoot me with his useless arrow just to make me run away?" He continued that also made me somehow hate that diapered-asshole he's talking about.
And before I could even stop myself, I already have him weeping in my arms. With thoughts in my head that I want to keep him.
"Hey..."
"Kiyoomi. That's my name not 'Hey'." I scowled that somehow made him smile a bit. I took my mask off earlier already but how come he still couldn't recognize me?
He still isn't sober, is he?
"I'm in love with him and he was in love with me." He started telling the story behind his rants through the call I accidentally answered.
"I was scared. We're both guys. This relationship is fruitless and it will only break sooner or later. I thought I do the right thing. But why is it painful to see him happy with somebody else?" He asked that I find it hard to answer right away.
"If you love him this much. Why did you send him away? You should have been honest when he said that he loves you." I said after a short pause that made him scowled at me.
"You're not listening! I already told you this type of relationship is fruitless! We will only left scarred if things didn't work out between us! It's better not to start anything than ends it with us hurting." I flicked my fingers to his forehead because of his reasons that made him bawled like a kid so I once again embraced him tightly.
"If it was me. I won't tell you those three words cause you will only run away. I know words better than those that will surely make you stay." I whispered while tapping gently his shoulders to calm him.
He looked up with tears and snots mixed on his face. The things that I find disgusting but surprisingly, I don't feel the same way while looking at him. What I feel is something I couldn't give a name to.
"What is it?"
I locked gazes with him and smiled warmly.
"Can I keep You?"