I received the message and immediately read it. I was still at the same spot where Park Shin had left me. The rain has become my close friend lately and it's like I can't feel it pouring on me good thing my phone is waterproof. I have been texting Evel since Shin left here and he isn't replying to any of my texts. I even tried calling him but he didn't pick up. Maybe I should just go to him, right? But what will I say? I need something to boost my confidence because like this I don't think I'll be able to talk to him.
"Hi, Felix? I need it right now... I'm at the park you dropped me off at earlier" I said and hung up. I just have to wait a little longer and ill be able to go to Jeon Evel. Within a few minutes, Felix came and handed it to me. He had come running when he spotted me and shaded me with his umbrella.
"Try and be careful, okay?...why are you being rained on? Should I take you home?" he asked concerned and I said no.
"Take me to Evel's house... you picked me there last time... I need to talk to him about something" I said and he agreed.
He dropped me at the gate of the house, some meters away and I told him I would be fine and then he left. I pressed on the doorbell but no one was coming to answer. Did Shin okay with my mind? I pressed on the bell for some more minutes and I heard footsteps coming towards the gate. He opened it and stood there like he wasn't going to let me in.
"Why are you here?" he asked and I realized that he wasn't even looking at me. Was he really that mad at me? I tried to have eye contact but he evaded it as much as he can.
" If you ain't going to speak I think it's best if you go back here... you might get sick from the rain.... and please stop showing up at my gate at miserable state always or when ifs raining," He said, and turned to close the gate.
" I want to apologize..." He turned back and face me with a sigh. He then looked at me. His eyes were swollen and I'm sure it was on me.
"Yeah, I'm sorry about what I said yesterday..." I said and he immediately pulled me in. For a moment I had thought that he had seen thieves by how he pulled me in and locked the gate. He then turned and looked at me again.
" I shouldn't have done that please fogrvjbe me..." I'm not good with talks and I'm crying right now. "Can you please hug me?.." I had to ask for a hug because I felt like I needed it the most right now.
I didn't let him say yes or no so I hugged him myself. Atfistt he just let me be but when my sobs increased he petted me. This felt way much better.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I said in between sobs but he didn't say anything. He then broke the hug and pulled me along with him to the house. He took me to his room and I took a shower and then put on the clothes he had left on his bed. I went downstairs and I found him with a cup.
"This is milk, hope it doesn't affect you..." he said and I nodded, he then handed the cup of milk to me. He had changed clothes too and dried his hair. This time I had dried mine well too, when he looked at it he didn't say anything.
"I'll take you home once the rain stop..".." this almost made me chock on the milk he had just handed to me.
"What?.... can't I just spend the night here? " I asked and he looked at me fiercely that at first I was shaken.
" No... I don't want you to wake up and push me away... I don't even know why you are here,... I know you said you are here to apologize but I don't think I can believe that... It's easier for you to push me away anytime from now so I'm just trying to be prepared. " he said in a sarcastic tone and it annoyed me.
I don't know how I got the courage to kiss him but I just did it. He seemed more confused and in shock than I was.
"What did you just do... It's not right you know? " he said after pulling away immediately.
"I'm sorry about that one too... I'm just trying to say that I like you too" I said and tears started to cascade down his eyes.
"Why are you doing this to me, Axel? Huh? Is it because I'm vulnerable? Is it because you know I like you so damn much and that's why you are doing this?... One minute you act like you feel the same way as I do and the next you push me away, you just kissed me right now and this is even more scarier because I don't know how you are going to push me away right now... . Are you going to shout at me? Will you push me away in front of other people this time round? Tell me huh? Please if you are here to you with my feelings you are free to leave... At least give me some time to get over you peacefully.. " he said rubbing off the tears that were falling.
"I was mad and jealous okay? I don't know how to behave in such kid if situation because I've never been there before... It's not like I don't like you... I like you too but I've been house through a lot of things that sometimes I can't even think straight... I didn't mean to push you away
.. I just felt hurt that you were dating Shin, he is perfect and I know that, I can't even compare him to me because I can never be him... I might be cute but I'm so dumb when it comes to you... I just felt like I had lost you, you know that hurt right? It hurt so much when you said that you are now dating him... " I said crying and I felt his warm hands cover me. At least this was comforting but I still was hurt and it hurt so much that I needed to let it out.
"Be my peace, please... I'm looking for peace Evel, help me... Please... I know you can... Help me... " I said and he hugged me tighter." You understand me right?... You understand me... " I said and he said yes. He needed to love me, he was the one I wanted to find my peace with.