I was seated on the floor and my phone was on the sofa set, and I was leaning on it. I was wearing a black t-shirt and my tattoed hand wasn't hidden.
"I'm not fun to talk with... I'm not sure what I can do to make you smile..." Axel said and I could tell that he was looking for someone to make me smile but he couldn't. I didn't want to disturb him but I just needed his presence there. I needed someone I could talk to. If not then id end up drinking beer.
"You don't have to talk to me... Just be there... Means a lot.... I'll talk to you instead" I said and he nodded.
"You are not going to hang up on me right?" I asked and he nodded again. Sometimes I feel like he is a little baby like how he is looking at me right now with those puppy eyes showing concern but yet saying nothing. He is twenty, five years younger than me maybe that's why I feel so. Maybe it's also because I'm used to being the youngest member of the group that's why.
I'm a grown-up man and I shouldn't be crying especially in front of my younger boyfriend. I wiped the tears and then focussed on him. The more I looked at him the more I wanted him closer.
"What happened exactly... you have told me yet" he said and I realized I had told him just a few details.
"I... I... I told them about us... they didn't take it so well because they thought that I love Shin. I just feel bad because I've never fought with them and it's never been this serious... It's hurting you know? It hurts so much because I don't know how to fix this, because they mean a lot to me and you mean the world to me... I can't choose because it's like I'll... It's like choosing between myself and it'll mean tearing myself to pieces.
I don't want that to happen..." I said and the tears fell even more. I rubbed them off with my hands. Why wasn't he saying anything?
"Are you not going to say anything bout it? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked and he looked away for some minutes. I hate it when he gives me the silent treatment. I don't need that, especially now.
"I love you..." he said looking at me and I could tell he meant it. I can't believe that I had heard him say that, especially in that tone. He said as if he didn't need to say anything else and that what he meant was simple but true. I ended up smiling and I looked down due to shyness. We had spent just a week together but it had turned us into something else. I felt like I could hug him right now and hug him so tight that he would never think about anyone else.
"I'm still mad that you didn't text me back even though you were drawing... It hurt so much" I said and he made a blurry face.
"You ain't crying anymore... I need to do something... I'm not leaving the call but ill just concentrate on it... If you wanna say or ask something just say it... I'm placing the phone here" he said placing the phone on a study table. At least he is not hanging up. I'll just watch him do whatever he is doing. Who knows it might be interesting.
I watched him for ten minutes. He was still seated there and I didn't know what he was doing because the camera didn't show it. I'm a little disappointed.
"Baby! Are you studying? Or doing assignments?" I asked and he said no. He didn't even look at me and I was disappointed. Why was he so busy then?
"Baby!... Do you wanna go out with me tonight? I miss you... I want a hug" I said hoping to see him look at the camera, at me.
"Your boyfriend has a lot of things to do, and he has to study hard too," he said and he wasn't looking at me again. Okay, I'm jealous of whatever he is doing right now. How can it have my bunny's full attention whilst I had almost none?
"Will you come and live with me once you graduate?" I asked and there was a long pause. For a minute I thought that he hadn't heard my question.
"I don't know... If I fail my exams my dad is planning on making me repeat a whole semester in Australia... I'm not good in class and I hate studying so maybe ill end up in Australia." He can't be serious, can he?
"What? Why are you not studying then? Hey, you need to pass the exams because I don't want you to leave... Should I come and help you study?" I asked immediately and this time I got his attention.
" You don't need my attention anymore? Are you telling me to hang up?" He asked looking at me with his usual non-smiling face.
"I can sacrifice that if you are going to study..." I said and he got back to his work kdwigich I'm still curious about what he is doing.
"You called me so ill be the one hanging up... you need to stay there until I'm done so that we go to sleep together..." he said and I felt happiness shivers inside me though I didn't want to show it.
"I'm still curious about what you are doing... Baby, you'll have to promise that you will pass the exams... you don't wanna leave me here" I said and he said nothing.
"What's the point of me being here if I'm only talking to myself.." I said and didn't expect him to hear it because I had said it in a super low tone.
"Here do you like it?" he asked and I looked at the drawing he was holding for me to see. How does he draw that fast? It was my picture. It was my favorite one when I was in Qatar. He had drawn it so well and on the sides were the touching beautiful words. I could hold you tighter, I'll make it right, you got me, I'll never let you down, I love you. Smile. I read them more than three times. He might not be good at speaking but you can't convince me there's a much better way to express what you feel inside when you can't say other than this.
"Okay, you've smiled... goodnight..." he said and hung up. He didn't even let me say anything. I tried to call him but he didn't say anything. Do I have to get used to this? At least he said he loved me right?