I was on my phone when Shin came in. I was sending texts to my boyfriend, I'm Korean so it's in me that clingy. If only I knew where he is right now I would land there.
"Why are you so busy on your phone? Do you ever care about it!" Shin said sitting next to me. I licked it and placed it on the table. It was time to talk to Shin now and I won't let my phone distract me.
"How are you?" I asked turning my face to look at him. He smiled ear to ear.
"I'm okay.." He said smiling and I know him too well to know that he was not. I'm sure he is hurt but he is trying not to show it.
"Seriously... Are you okay? You know what I mean" I asked and the smoke faded. The beautiful ear-to-ear smile was replaced by tears falling terribly. I hugged him and let him cry it out. I'm sure that he cried even more when I was not around.
"Thank you for letting him come to me... thank you for meeting him, I was so happy when he told me about it... he adores you so much... I was even jealous when he kept on talking about you" I said and he hit me on my back.
"Uh! Why are you guys hugging?" That was Kim Woojin's voice. He always sneaks inside someone's room unnoticed.
"Never mind... It's much better to join the hug" He said and joined in and after some seconds Minjae came over and joined too.
"Don't do group hugs again without me" He said and I burst out laughing. The guy always feels left out and he might even end up crying.
"Okay, y'all it's now over...." I said and pulled away. I looked at Shin and he had already dried his eyes. Funny how they made themselves comfortable on my bed immediately.
"Guys I wanna tell you something... Uhm... I don't know where to start but I have to tell you cause you guys are my family... I haven't told my parents either but I want you guys to know first.." I was scratching my head the entire time because I was shy about it. I've never been shy before but I don't know why I felt so. Shin already knew what I was going to say and he was just playing with a teddy bear doll on the bed while Woojin and Minjae were looking at me with eyes wide open, like those of a cat ready to hear whatever I was going to say.
"I have... I have a boyfriend... I have a boyfriend now..." I said it quickly and they didn't look surprised. Wait! Did Shin tell them? If he did then I'm happy he saved my ass.
"Oh... you've always had him, you guys always behave like a couple so I'm not surprised... Or are you Minjae?" Woojin asked Minjae looking at him.
"They have always been shipped together... Shin and Evel, it's even called Shivel... The fans will be so happy when they learn that you two are actually in a relationship... I'm so happy for you guys... but are you really going to reveal that? I'm not sure if it will be taken positively." They had said so many words and I'm taking my time to process them. Wait did they just say Shin and I? Okay this is insane.
"It's not Shin..." I said in a low tone and it was high time that they looked surprised. They looked at Shin and then looked at me.
"You are not serious guys, are you?.. I'm confused... You are joking, right?" Minjae asked looking at me and then back to Shin.
"Just so you know I'm a big fan of Shivel and I'm not gonna let this slide... I just hope you're playing with us" Woojin said utterly frustrated. It was time for Shin to speak up.
"He is serious guys, don't tease him..."All eyes were on him and I could feel the disaapoontedment that rented the air from Minjae and Woojin.
I expected them to be happy for me but no one seemed happy here. I even regretted telling them. Maybe it wasn't the right time yet.
"I'm really happy for you Evel, trust me I am... but... I think I need some time to process all these... don't worry I'm good... I just need some time k guess..." Woojin said and left the room immediately. I had looked at him in the eyes and they held tears.
"Are you happy? Are you sure you are happy Evel?..." Minjae asked and then stood and walked towards me. He pat my shoulder and then said something.
"Shin is hurt... he's been lifeless the whole week and I thought it was something else but right now I guess I know the answer..." he then left the room and it was just Shin and me. He was on the bed and in the same spot.
"They'll come through... don't worry... maybe they are just worried because it's always been just the four of us and no one knows Evel... I'm sure they will understand you..." he said and then stood to leave.
I wanted to stop him but this would only hurt him more right? It would feel like I'm using him and I don't want that. If I keep on holding him back like that he might never be able to move on right?
Honestly, right now I'm sad and I feel like I'm breaking down and I just want to cry. I've never hurt my bandmates like this before and it feels like I've fucked up totally.
I need to talk to someone right now and I can't think of anyone. I'm not sure if I call Axel he will pick up. Anyway, it doesn't harm to try right? But being disappointed hurts.
I called and he picked up after the second ring. I was planning to give up but fortunately, he picked up.
"Why did you video call me?..." He asked and I was still in awe that he had picked up. He was definitely in his room because I could see the bed but he was on a desk.
"Are you okay?... You don't look good" he said after zooming on me. I couldn't hold my tears no matter how hard I tried. I didn't even know what to say. I was lost of words.
"I made something for you, do you wanna see it?" He asked and I nodded drying my tears. In a second he showed me a drawing that actually looked so real. It looked so cute. Could he draw that well like a professional? It was me and him watching the sky together. It felt so real because it was exactly how we were the other day, how we were dressed, and how he was leaning on my shoulder.
"I drew this myself, you were flooding me with a lot of messages but I didn't reply because I was busy drawing this... but I guess I'll put it away because you are not saying anything" He didn't wait for me to say anything. After all, he kept it away and then focused on me.
"Tell me... I'm listening" He said looking at me. I pushed my hair back but the bangs fell on my forehead again and covered my eyes. I removed them carefully and then looked at the camera.
"They are upset... They are mad at me... I told them and they looked so disappointed... Is it wrong that I love someone else?" I couldn't look at the camera any longer so I looked down and my hand covered my entire face.