Before taking a step, I tidied my dress, straightened my back, and took a deep breath.
“I can do this,” I said to myself. “I’m not alone, God is always with me, and I will survive this frigging meal.”
I walked to the door, and out of my bed-chamber. Outside the door, I met a guard who was ready to escort me to the dining room.
Unfortunately, it was impossible to avoid having breakfast with the Emperor.
When we almost reached the dining room, I wondered if Prince Alucard would be joining us, but when we got there, it was only Fenrir that I saw at the head of the table.
“Sire,” the guard said while bowing his head, and I wondered if I must do the same.
“You certainly decided to take your sweet precious time. And wasted mine in the process,” he said, focusing his gaze on me, making me nearly jump. “You may be excused,” he said to the guard, who left quietly.
So, it was just the Emperor and me, then?
“I’m sorry…” I said, without moving a muscle, “for keeping you waiting.” I finished my sentence while bowing, not daring to swallow my saliva.
I could rant endlessly about him inside of my head. I could state all the reasons why he made me want to pull at his hair, but when facing him directly like that, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” he said, somewhat calmer than before. “Have a seat. You must be hungry from that walk.”
Only then did I look up and finally look at his face.
I walked to him and sat on his left side.
“Is there any particular dish you want to eat?”
I looked up at him blankly, and he stared back at me nonchalantly.
How could I even think about food while he was watching me like that? As if I were a nuisance that he didn’t need. But if he could have a meal without me, could he not invite me at all?
“I-I guess whatever it is you will be having,” I stuttered and hated myself for saying that, but what was I supposed to do?
This man never stopped making me scared, and I sensed some amusement in his tone. I asked myself, how could he be amused by such things when I felt like my heart would jump out of my chest?
I shrugged, trying to get my feelings in order.
“I just think that it would be appropriate to have what you’re having. I mean, we're gonna get married soon,” I smiled from ear to ear at the end of that statement. It felt like I was playing with the devil in that manner.
He did not say anything for a long time, just watching me as I stayed still in my seat. I silently chastised myself for being chatty at times.
“We’re gonna get married, aren’t we?” he asked as he turned away from me and began opening up platters of food.
I didn’t say anything and just watched him quietly. He grabbed mwatchedled it with freshly baked bread and some beef.
“I presume you can eat meat?” he asked, placing the food on my plate, and I could not help but see his gesture as kind.
I nodded and thanked him when he placed my filled plate back in front of me. He picked his own plate and filled it as well. Once he was done, he turned to look at me.
“Are you going to just watch me then?” he asked quietly, snapping me out of my thoughts. I had been simply observing him for a while, wondering what kind of meal this beast had given to me. Believing that if indeed I were actually his woman, he would choose the best dish. Or so I expected.
“You make me think a lot of things,” I dared to say and tore my bread. He did not reply, but I felt his gaze on me and wished the earth would swallow me alive. For a woman who feared him, I had become somewhat outspoken around him.
“All that curiosity can be a bad thing, milady,” he said, and my head snapped up when he talked.
And all he did was smile , his lips slightly upturned before he reached for his bread.
I didn’t know what made him act that way, but I found it charming in a strange way.
“How are your living conditions? Your bed chamber, do you like it?” he asked, filling the silence that had once only been filled with the sound of our chewing and the collision of our cutleries against our plate.
There was still food in my mouth, and I struggled to swallow it all and took some milk before finally responding, “Yes, yes, I actually do. And the maidens who come to help me are absolutely delightful.”
He nodded, “I saw you with of them today. She seemed particularly fond of you. And you, I think, of her.” His features were emotionless, but there was no malice in his voice, so I did my best to relax.
“Her name is Claire. She isn’t hard to like, really. She showed me around and promised to have a picnic together. So, I suppose I’ve made a friend.”
The Emperor made no comment, simply nodded, and reached for his wine.
He didn’t ask another question till we finished our meal, and when we did, he dragged a bowl of fruit to me.
“Don’t brand me as a healthy nut, but a bowl of fruits never hurt anyone,” he said while I stared at him blankly. He opened up the transparent lid and waited for me.
“And don’t brand me as an indulgent woman, but maybe you wouldn’t mind sharing this bowl with me. As I doubt I could finish it all by myself.”
Later, in the times to come, I would question myself on where I found the courage to say what I had, asking the Emperor to join me in a bowl of fruits.
But at that moment, I could only smile as he picked up an Apple and accepted my request, his eyes never leaving from the beginning.
And if someone asked my opinion about having a meal with Emperor Fenrir, I would say that for a moment, I forgot how terrified I had been. Yes, no doubt about that.