I woke to the sound of running water in the back of my mind, such a gentle way to wake up that I thought I was dreaming still. I blinked a few times and realized Aki wasn't in bed beside me anymore, and that the sound of the water I heard was the shower in the on suite. I checked the time on my phone, only 5:45am, and made sure the bedroom door was still closed before making my way to the bathroom. I didn't bother putting anything on, expecting to join Aki in the shower.
The bathroom attached to Aki's bedroom was a modern Japanese style, tiled from the floor to the ceiling, and designed so the entire room could become a shower. Bathrooms were usually made that way when a bathtub was present, so you could clean yourself before soaking, but Aki's house didn't have a bathtub. I found him standing under the stream of water with a cup of coffee in hand, and a content look on his face as he simply let the water run over his body, his eyes closed.
"Aki." I said gently, trying not to startle him. He had begun to take a sip of coffee as I said his name, and opened his eyes as he lowered it. His eyes went wide when he saw me, and he coughed out the mouthful of coffee he had, clapping his hand over his mouth. He turned around into the shower stream to wipe his face clean. I laughed. "Sorry, I was really trying not to sneak up on you."
He shook his head, holding his arm open to invite me to join him, and hugged me tightly against him. "I just wasn't expecting you to be standing there naked." He said. "You rarely do that."
"Are you feeling better?" I flattened my palms against his back, trying to feel as much of him as I could. "It's still really early."
"Perfectly fine. Just like I said, nothing a few hours of sleep and a good coffee couldn't fix."
Aki and Kota walked ahead of me side by side, and Aki reached back to hold my hand as we strolled. Fuji walked beside me holding my other hand as a brotherly protective gesture, and Hiro kept a few paces behind us as he looked around. Aki and Fuji's hands were warm, sharing it with me, and I kept my gloves in the pockets of my coat. As we moved through the crowd, no one seemed to notice us. No one looked particularly long or hard in our direction, and we let our guards down.
"Amazake!" Aki shouted and pointed, steering our little group into the line up at a food stall. Even though we had just eaten breakfast together, Aki continued to look for food and drinks. Arutabe, walking and eating or drinking, was his favourite pass-time.
"Fuji, I heard you stopped by to visit Hina-chan on your way through." I said, testing the topic of conversation. "How was she? She didn't return my invitation to join us for Christmas."
Fuji looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, it was probably my fault she didn't come to join you." He looked down at his feet, and I could tell he was shy about the subject. "I took her out to dinner, just to talk with her as friends. She was happy enough to come out with me, but she doesn't really want anything to do with me."
I nodded in understanding. "It would be hard to spend the holiday with us for her, if she wants to keep her distance."
"She doesn't want this life. She said so. We like each other just fine, but she wants to stay in Kamakura and live in a straightforward way. I can't provide that for her."
Aki reappeared at my side, pressing his body against me and holding out a cup of hot amaze with a stick of cinnamon leaning against the side of the cup. He reached his arm out around Fuji's shoulders. "I really appreciate you guys being so attentive to Natsu, especially in a place like this." He said quietly to Fuji. They nodded to each other in a way they both seemed to understand.
"I don't know why Hina-chan thinks the life she would have with you would be too chaotic." I said suddenly, surprising even myself. "I have to apologize for her. Each of you look the part of a rockstar but you're all actually so kind and caring, and I've been so happy since I met you." I began to bow to no one in particular, but Aki met my bow, pressing his body against me and his arm around my back. He pulled Fuji and I both against him, Fuji still holding my free hand, and I wrapped my arm around Aki's waist, being careful not to spill my drink. It was a long moment before we parted.
"It seems that your arrival in the Guardian family has calmed us down some though, Natsuko." Fuji said. "We used to be out drinking every night, trying to pick up girls, spending money in love hotels. Typical rockstar stuff. We haven't done any of that since we moved to Tokyo. We take things much more seriously now."
"Moving to Tokyo might have had more to do with that." Aki said, slapping Fuji's shoulder.
"Ready for games, boys?" Kota said with a swagger as he joined the group holding a small cup. "I got hot sake!"
"How you can be drinking sake again already?" Aki tapped his cup against Kota's in a cheer. "Game time!"
I made a gesture to the washrooms close to the entrance of the park. "You guys go ahead, I'm going to use the washroom first. Won't be long."
Aki nodded, pointing to a game stall only a few paces away. "We're going to be right there, not far."
I used the washroom as an excuse to be inside to warm up slightly, getting my mind ready to face the day outside. Kamakura was situated beside the water, and was much colder than Tokyo. In only a few short months, I had gotten used to the climate of Tokyo, the weather, and the pace. I was alone in the washroom, and I checked my makeup in the mirror and took a moment to hold my cup of hot amazake in both of my hands. I took a long sip to drain the rest of the drink, and wrapped the cinnamon stick in a paper towel to put in my purse, thinking I could use it for tea later. I gave my makeup one last check in the mirror before exiting the washroom, and pulled out my phone to text Aki that I was on my way over, even though the game stall the guys were at was only across the street.
"If it isn't Sugimori Natsuko." I heard a voice as I exited the washroom, walking back into the street with my eyes on my phone to see if Aki would reply. Immediately in front of me was a mass of a body, and I jumped in my skin as a hand slammed into the doorframe beside my head. "Sato said you might show up here."
The voice was male, and as I looked up to identify the face it came from, I was met with the sight of a complete stranger. A mean expression was on the face of a man leaning over me, trapping me against the closed door of the washroom. Two other men were behind him. They looked like any student in my university; ripped faded jeans, chains, winter coat left unzipped because they were too proud to admit that they were cold. The man in front of me had bleached hair like Aki, multiple ear piercings, and wore a bandana over his forehead.
"Sato-san and I don't have anything against each other." I said, trying to push past the man. "We settled it a long time ago."
He grabbed the front of my coat and pressed his knuckles into my chest, holding me against the door. He leaned his face in close. "You may have settled it, but I still have to hear her complain about you." His other hand grabbed my chin, turning my face one way, then the other, as if he was a predator getting my scent. "Every day, Guardian this and Aki that, and here I am standing right in front of her, no good for her. Completely invisible."
"Sato told you leave her alone if you saw her." One of the men behind him spoke up. "Come on, she's going to be back soon."
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her. But maybe I won't have to hear about you for a while if I take advantage of the situation."
All at once, he was on the ground at my feet, the hold he had on me wrenched away. I pressed myself against the door, searching for the handle to open it and hide inside the washroom, but I saw Aki standing over the man. He had come to my rescue with a swift punch to the man's jaw before he asked any questions, the rest of Guardian standing by to scare off the other two men. Aki kicked the man before he was able to scramble to his feet holding his ribs and face, and the three left quickly. Aki pulled me by my shoulders against his body and wrapped his arms around my back, leaning his head down. I had been holding my breath, I realized, and I inhaled his scent deeply, returning his tight hold around his waist. I held back my tears as hard as I could, just wanting the moment to pass, trying not to ruin my makeup for the rest of the day. I could cry later, I thought.
I pressed my forehead into Aki's shoulder. "Thank you, Aki. I don't know what they were going to do."
"They weren't going to do anything." Aki said into my ear. He started to walk, holding me close to his side with an arm around my shoulders. He addressed the rest of Guardian as we continued back in to the park. "Let's keep playing some games and win some food."
I stayed close to Aki for the rest of the day as Guardian played shooting games, darts, peach basket, and fishing at the various stalls in the festival. They divided themselves just like they had done at Obon and played competitively against each other, but they never stopped laughing, and they were never disappointed over who won or lost. It was Aki and Kota versus Fuji and Hiro, and both teams moved together in synch flawlessly. Whether it was because they collectively spent so much time together as a band, or whether they were so used to playing arcade games in that way, I couldn't tell. Aki let me take his turn sometimes, trying to quickly explain the objective of the game. Every time he won, he would chose the food or drink item for a prize to share with everyone.
When dusk was beginning to settle in, the lights in the festival grounds began to come on. The street lamps were complimented by the neon glows from the stalls trying to gain attention. It was getting colder. "Time for a hot meal indoors." Kota suggested. "The grill house where we always used to go?"
"You guys go ahead, Natsu and I will join you in a minute. We're going to ride the ferris wheel once." Aki said, guiding me with his arm still around my shoulders. "I'll text Kota our order. We'll be there before the food gets to the table." He said to me.
I laughed at his urgency. "I'm not worried about dinner, Aki. I'm more excited to ride the ferris wheel with you."
We sat side by side in the ferris wheel car, our hips touching, Aki's arm resting on the back of the seat, and I pressed my way into his side and rested my head on his shoulder. We sat in silence for a while, Aki's body relaxed under me, and I watched the city as we slowly climbed higher into the sky.
"What happened this morning." Aki started to give me his explanation, but I stopped him.
"You did not bring me in here to talk about that. And we're almost at the top."
I grabbed the front of his shirt as he so often liked to do to me, looking up at him and coaxing him to lean down into my kiss. He reached for my face, his fingers tracing the contour of my jawline to rest at the back of my neck. I had initiated a serious kiss without meaning to, letting myself get carried away in the moment, feeling Aki's body all around me, just like being together under the cover of the night. When we parted, his face remained close as he looked at my eyes for a moment.
"Now you can talk about this morning." I said quietly, making him smile. "It was pretty hot when you punched that guy."
He kissed me quickly again before letting me go and relaxing back into the seat. The ferris wheel was making its way down. "We've never had trouble with our fans before." He began. "I'm sorry this has all been directed at you, and I wish there was some other way I could protect you better. I don't really know how to keep you safe when I'm not with you."
"It's not really your responsibility." I sat back against him to illustrate that I was serious in what I said. "You've always had trouble with your fans, it's just never hit you so close to home before. If I was with Kota or Fuji or Hiro, do you think it would be the same?"
He seemed embarrassed as I made my point. "No, it wouldn't. It's because you're with me."
I nodded. "Your fans have never seen you in this light. And you weren't exactly discreet about how you introduced me." I tried to keep my tone calm. I wasn't trying to insult him, but I was passionate about what I was trying to convey. "Most of Guardian's fans are going to be happy for you. But there's always a few people in a group who just want to try to ruin things for the rest."
His hand on the backrest of the seat moved to grip my shoulder, drawing me in closer to his side. His gaze was downcast, and I looked at his face out of the corner of my eye, curious to what he was thinking. "You sound like you're not even angry about any of these things that happened to you." He said. "Like you're just accepting them and moving on. This morning, those guys scared me. They could have really hurt you."
I placed my hand on his thigh and held tightly, giving him an anchor to feel. "I guess the only thing you can really do is keep teaching me how to fight."
"Kota was right." He grabbed my jaw to kiss me one more time before the ferris wheel got to the bottom. "My girlfriend is tough."
We met the rest of Guardian in the grill house just in time to sit down as the food was brought to the table. The corner of the grill house where we sat was cozy, the light low and cast in warm orange. It reminded me of sitting all together at the kotatsu in Aki's living room. We shared light conversation, making plans for the next few days of things we wanted to do and see in Kamakura before the new year. Nothing we talked about was concrete, and I liked that about how they planned things, leaving room in their daily lives for whatever they wanted to be inserted, but they didn't hold on to any one idea. In the time that I had become Guardian's family member, I sometimes found it strange that I was always the only one outside the four of them to be present in times like sharing a meal or an experience. The four of them were important to each other, I realized, and very few other people could match what they had found in each other. At those times, I felt lucky to have been given a place with them.