I found myself staring up at the university building from a distance, the long straight road ahead of me cutting through the middle of the park where we walked. As I came to a stop in my walk, stunned by the sight of the school I would be attending, I felt Aki's fingers tighten in the tangle with mine. The green of the trees from where I stood framed the building, the street creating an obstacle free path like a signal. Despite the amount of people walking in and out of my field of vision, I was fixated on it in disbelief. I was in the middle of Tokyo, beside me a person I loved, and in front of me the beginning of my future.
"Are you okay?" I heard Aki's smooth voice in my ear before he leaned in swiftly to place a kiss on my cheek.
"There it is." I said, not moving from my place staring into the distance at the university. "This is all a lot. I can't believe I'm here. With you."
"Believe it." Aki spoke firmly, quickly leaning down in front of me, placing his shoulder at my waist and wrapping his arms around my thighs. He stood, picking me up over his shoulder, and I felt one hand smooth my skirt down as if he was making sure my underwear wasn't visible. He began to walk away from the spot I had been glued to. "Also believe I need coffee now."
"Aki! I can walk by myself!"
We spent the day visiting apartment after apartment in Ueno and the areas surrounding the university, walking the streets when we had the time to survey the neighbourhoods. Aki's choice of wearing a sleeveless shirt and thin linen pants was wise for the summer heat, but earned him questioning from each realtor about his profession, as most of his tattoos were easily visible. He was unafraid of reminding each one of them who he was, and using Guardian's fame to his advantage. We exited the last scheduled visit with four application papers in total from the day, and agreed it was finally time to return to the hotel for the night.
"Sometimes openly being a famous musician has perks." Aki said as he slapped the application papers down on the dresser in the hotel room, proud of his accomplishments. "We'll get something easily, it's just a matter of choosing."
I sat heavily into the chair by the door, reaching down to unbuckle my sandals. The small heel was enough to make my feet ache after walking most of the day. "You choose." I said. "I liked all the ones we saw today, and I think any of them will be convenient for me to get to school from."
"I will choose, but I will also ask you if you like my decision." He replied, holding out his hand to me.
I heard the soft sound of water running, realizing he had turned the shower on. The day was hot, we walked through the streets and perspired heavily with the humidity, in a new place wholly unfamiliar. I didn't protest as he stripped me, keeping his hands on me and his body close to mine as he lead me into the shower. Under the stream of water I complained was too cold, he pressed his body against mine to share his warmth, and backed me out of the water to the wall. One forearm rested against the wall, the other arm was holding me tightly against him, his forehead touching mine, his eyes downcast and I could feel them taking in what he could see of my body, any part of him touching me where he could. His contact was welcome, and I returned it in a languid, peaceful way, beginning to sweep my gaze over every inch of him as well.
"Believe it or not, I also can't believe I'm here." He said, his voice quiet. He didn't look at my face at all, keeping his eyes lowered. "I had given up. The rest of them noticed that I had changed, that I had to try harder to look at life as a gift. But they don't have any idea how deep it went."
I reached around his back and flatted my palms against his skin in an effort to symbolize my support. "What do you mean?"
His eyes flicked upward to meet mine finally. "I was so depressed. Every day I struggled to see some good in the world. I had lost the one person who gave me light, and I had to carry everyone else's grief so they wouldn't suffer, but no one realized how much I was suffering."
"Aki, I'm sorry." I started, but he silenced me with a swift kiss.
"Don't." He said. "You gave me hope. I told you that before. I can see the brightness in the world again, because you're in it. It's not because you're here with me. I would feel the same way if on the day we met we parted ways and never spoke to each other again. It's because people like you exist in this world, and you reminded me."
We didn't say much after. Friday night was closing, and Saturday morning was creeping in. I had trouble falling asleep in the hotel bed, unfamiliar with a bright city scape of Tokyo's lights in the large window. The city felt alive, and I could feel it breathing under me when I was still. Deep into the night, we lay awake just looking out the window into the neon lights, the traffic, and the high rises. Aki was propped up with the pillows sipping a drink from the small fridge, and I lay comfortably resting against his chest, listening to his heart beat. His body was heavy in his spot, relaxed, his arm draped around me and his hand resting atop the curve of my hip. I drifted in and out of sleep in the quiet, feeling secure in Aki's hold.
I heard a phone begin to vibrate and lifted my head slightly to look for it. "It's mine." Aki's voice cut through the quiet in his familiar soothing tone. "It's Kota." He answered the phone. "Kota. It's nearly two am."
"You answered, didn't you?" I could hear Kota's voice through the phone faintly, being so close. "Is Natsuko with you?"
"Of course, she's right here in my arms. You think I'd come to Tokyo for the weekend without her?"
I heard a sign of relief. "Aki, it's being taken care of, but it looks like your place got broken into. Fuji is taking care of it so there's nothing to worry about. There was only damage to the lock on the door. Nothing was stolen."
"I'll call Fuji to thank him. We know exactly who it was, don't we." Aki's demeanour didn't change at all, and I could tell the news wasn't worrying him.
"Aki, where's your car? Fujji said it wasn't there."
"It's parked at Natsuko's apartment building, hidden around the back."
"How's Tokyo anyway? The rest of us are going to head out next weekend I think to start relocating. You're near Ueno, right?"
Aki's voice didn't change at all during the conversation from his low, smooth tone reserved for night. I wondered if it was just the way he sounded when he was tired. "It's something else. You guys are going to enjoy looking for a place here."
"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight Aki. Tell Natsuko goodnight for me. I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."
"If you were I wouldn't have answered the phone. Goodnight, Kota."
Aki hung up the phone with a satisfied sounding laugh under his breath. "Is everything okay?" I asked.
"I set a trap. And it worked. Just some extra insurance to make sure a certain someone didn't ever think about hurting you again."
I pushed myself up on my hands to show my interest. "You want to tell me about just how you did that? Am I about to experience the evil side of Aki?"
"You've already experienced the evil side of Aki." He said with a laugh. "He's selfish in bed."
I relaxed back into his arms, adjusting only slightly to close any distance between our skin. "I think I like evil Aki."
"I'm not going to tell you and ruin the surprise. Hina-san will probably be calling you soon to tell you the news."
I looked up at him in time to catch him unfurl his arm and drop his phone ungracefully beside him on the bed, take a deep breath, and let his head fall back into the top of the pillow. "Was she in on your plan?"
"No, but I know she's going to find out what happened before we even get back to Kamakura."
I decided to leave it at that. He seemed to be genuinely having fun with whatever his scheme was. I resolved to wait and see what surprise he had planned for me. "Aki, are you going to keep your house in Kamakura once we move here?"
He didn't take time to think over his answer, and I knew he must have taken time to think about it ahead of time. "Yes, just in case we want a weekend getaway out of the city. Also, it's paid for already, so having it sit there isn't costing me anything. Also," He hesitated for a beat. "I wonder if I should tell you." His gaze was steadfast at the ceiling. "I figure once you're finished school I can sell it and have a nice downpayment to buy a house in Tokyo."
I was surprised he put so much thought so far ahead into the future, and I was going to begin university without the slightest idea what I wanted to study. "Do you always think so far ahead?" Was all I asked.
Before I had time to comprehend his movements, I was laying flat on my back, and he was on his hands and knees above me. "Did you decide what you're going to study?"
We were satisfied not answering each other's questions, and fell silent. In his practiced way, he slipped a hand under my thigh and manipulated me easily, guiding my leg over his hip so he could rest his body closer to me. I reached for his shoulders, sliding my palms over the tops of them and onto his back to welcome him into my embrace. I watched my hands against his skin, the contrast of his tattoo against me intrigued me. As I absently ran my hands over his arms, his shoulders, and up to his neck, I noticed he was watching my face sleepily, his eyes half closed.
"I think I want one of these." I said.
"Well, they're on me, and I'm yours, so they're all yours." He smiled, intentionally twisting my words.
"I want one of my own." I corrected him, exaggerating my tone.
"They're permanent, you know." He said. "Once it's on you, it's on you forever." He reached one hand to cradle the back of my head and neck and rolled to his side, bringing me with him. My leg was still draped over his hip, my hands on his shoulders and chest. "Try to get some sleep, we'll have some fun tomorrow."
"It's hard to sleep in a hotel room with a giant window looking out over Tokyo. No wonder you don't sleep well if this is what it's like for you on tour." I said. "It's so unfamiliar."
He smiled, letting out a sigh. "Am I familiar? Do you feel safe with me?" I nodded, captive in his eyes and by the sound of his voice. "Then I won't let you go all night."
I awoke to the smell of coffee as some distant reminder of life deep in my unconsciousness. My eyes fluttered open to see Aki's sleeping face, and I realized as feeling came back to my body that we were still tangled together in the same position I last remembered. The sun was coming through the sheer curtains, and the room was comforting despite being completely decorated with white. I reached to run my fingers lightly through Aki's hair, beginning at his temple and working my way back gently in case it was tangled. I took advantage of the slow moment to really feel what the texture was, how easily it became untamed, and how his black roots were showing slightly. As naturally as I had experienced him, I let my mind wander to what he might look like with black hair.
I slid out of his embrace slowly, retrieving his t-shirt from the floor and putting it on to cover myself, the air conditioning in the room a surprise outside of the warmth of the bed. As I poured coffee into a mug, I heard the sound of rustling behind me from the bed, and smiled to myself as I heard Aki. "My shirt looks good on you."
I poured another mug and turned to hand it to him. His eyes were still half closed in a peaceful way, and he seemed completely content as he took the coffee from me. "It was the first thing I found."
"You'll yell at me later for leaving my clothes on the floor, I guarantee it." He smiled into the mug as he pretended he didn't say anything and took a long sip. "I forgot, I brought something for you. Grab that bag for me." He pointed at a small bag in the corner, separate from his overnight bag. I brought it to him, and climbed back onto the bed while he rifled through what looked to be underwear, hair products, and toiletries. He finally pulled out a black hooded sweater and held it up, Guardian's dragon and phoenix logo in heavy embroidery covering the back. He turned it around as a demonstration to show me the front, plain, but with a tiny embroidered kanji for Aki, like Autumn, over the chest. "These are pretty exclusive. If you have one you're either in the band or sleeping with one of us. If you decide to wear it out, people will definitely know."
I took it from him, holding it up for myself to inspect the details. It was a gesture from him with more meaning to me than he could have anticipated. It was the first gift he had given me, and it was a gift that was a tangible expression of the connection between us. I hugged it to my chest. "Thank you, I love it." I said, not quite saying all the words I had wanted to say.
"I love you." He said in return without missing a beat, absently drinking from his coffee mug without putting emphasis on his words. "So let's get going." He reached to the bedside table to put his mug down and retrieve his phone. "No, wait. " He said.
He pulled me with an arm around my waist close to him, between his bent knees covered by the blanket so I my back rest against his chest. He held out his phone in front of us to take a picture, draping his free arm over my shoulder with a soft smile.
"Aki, I -" I started to speak the rest of the words I had wanted to say, but he stopped me, gently wrapping his fingers under my chin. He tilted my head up slightly so I had to cast my gaze down to look at his eyes. They were hungry, a look I recognized on him during the nights.
"If you say that, we won't leave this bed today." He leaned in to kiss me, his hold on me steadfast. "I'm going to get dressed."
The morning was taken up by apartment visits, Aki proudly explaining his job, and we came away with three more applications as the reward. We sat down at a small cafe for a break, down a concrete side street in Omotesando, the little shop hidden away by a fake ivy canopy and only identifiable by a chalkboard sandwich board placed a few paces from the entrance. I waited at one of the two outdoor tables while Aki ordered, setting my phone background to the picture he took of us in the hotel room that morning. I had sent it to Hina with a message, "Having a great weekend in Tokyo", and received her reply, "You two are beautiful together." I smiled as I read it over.
"Now then." Aki returned to the table, placing a cup and plate in front of me and taking the seat across the table. "The next thing I have for you today, if you were serious, is a visit with my friend. He happens to be working nearby today."
We walked twisting and turning down the small streets slowly. Aki seemed to be taking in the atmosphere of Tokyo, closed in and built upward, unlike Kamakura. The buildings and structures were tall, towering, made of glass and concrete, in contrast to where we had come from made of wood and paper. Shops lined the small streets, tucked away, feeling exclusive like if you found them, you were meant to.
As we approached a small shop with a clean concrete entrance and small square sign, Aki held his hand out. "Here it is." He said. "This shop has been open since tattooing was illegal in Japan, and it's been family run ever since."
"Wait, are you using the time when tattooing was illegal as a reference point?" I asked, apprehensive as to why we were at the shop and what was inside. "Or is this a tattoo shop?"
He looked at me to read my expression. "It's a tattoo shop. I got a lot of my work done here. My friend runs this shop now." He paused, reading me again. I could feel his eyes trying to extract information from me. "Were you serious about wanting one of your own?"
Aki lead me inside, and was greeted by a stylish man looking like he was from the 1950s when Western style fashion had just been introduced to Japan. They shook hands and bowed deeply to each other, saying it had been a while. Aki turned to find me a few steps behind him, as I had held back to let the men have room for their greeting in the small shop. "This is Daichi-san." Aki said. "Daichi-san, this is Natsuko, my girlfriend."
He nodded a bow to me, holding out his hand to take mine, and lowering his head further once he had it. "Pleasure to meet you, Natsuko-san." He was a gentle sounding man with a calm demeanour, and I instantly felt like I could give him my trust.
"We're in Tokyo this weekend looking at apartments. Guardian is signing with a major label in the fall." Aki explained. Daichi-san clapped his hands lightly and nodded as a show of congratulations. "Natsuko was saying she might be interested in getting a tattoo, so I wanted to bring her to see you while we were here."
Surprised that my passing comment was taken seriously, I grabbed Aki's arm. He laughed at my reaction and put the other arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him as if offering some comfort from my nervousness. "Have a look around, Natsuko-san. If you see something you like, I can help. If you don't, I hope you at least appreciate the art." Daichi-san clasped his hands together and bowed.
I walked slowly around the small shop, leaving Aki to catch up with his friend. Spanning the size of a large bedroom, the walls were covered with framed art pieces large and small, and some pencil drawings on papers taped up with no apparent pattern. It was dark with red and blue soft coloured lights running along the ceiling and floor, but a bright white light in a corner with a black leather chair. The artwork on the walls were traditional Japanese style large designs with some collections of smaller designs. One of the frames was familiar, and I stopped to study it, wondering where I had seen the piece before. It was a line drawing outline of a human figure, there to show the placement of a dragon design on one arm and a phoenix on the other. Around the shoulders and neck were matching flowers. I scanned the piece all the way to the bottom and noticed a signature. Assuming it was the artist's, I focused on it, a single kanji. It read "Aki". I gasped at my ignorance, snapping my gaze back to Aki and Daichi-can still talking.
Aki noticed my sudden movement and looked over as he finished what he was saying to Daichi-san. "Did you find something you like?" He sauntered through the shop to me, gathering me in his arms and casting his gaze to the frame I was looking at. "Oh, you found me." He said. "Daichi-san put a lot of work into me. I wish I could say I'm a better man because of him."
Daichi-san laughed from across the space. "You're a fine man, Aki."
We left the shop, shaking Daichi-san's hand again. "Come to see me again soon." He said to me. I walked a few paces out of the shop as Aki said goodbye, and as I turned to let him catch up, I heard, "I'm glad to see you've finally decided to move forward." I wondered what Daichi-san was referring to, but Aki took my hand with a smile, and I wasn't supposed to hear it anyway.
"If you think about it more and you want to come back, I'll bring you to see Daichi-san any time." He said as we walked. "He's a brilliant artist, and a good person."
The sky was darkening quickly, the sun setting, and the neon began to light up the small streets of Harajuku. "I didn't think much about it after I said it, really. I wasn't prepared."
Aki seemed to walk closer to me as the sun set. "I wanted you to meet Daichi-san anyway, and see the shop. I've spent so many hours there, it's a part of me. A little look into my life before we met."
"I wish I had life before we met." I said. "All I've ever done is study."
He stopped walking, holding tighter to my hand so I had to stop as well. "Have you been happy since we met?"
"Aki, of course I have, why are you asking?" I searched his face, but his expression was one I hadn't seen on him before.
"Everything you've done in your life so far has brought you here." He said. "If this is where you want to be, living with me and going to Tokyo University, then be proud of yourself. You made this path. You're more powerful than you think you are."
In the dark, the streets came alive, and the crowds were growing thicker around us by the second. The food vendors lining the streets were turning their lights on, opening their shutters. "That's what I want." I said. "I want a life with you, and Guardian, and I want to go to university and make a future for myself." Aki nodded, seeming satisfied that I understood his message. "And I want a tattoo that says 'power' so I never forget."
Aki put an arm around my shoulders, holding me close, and I matched him with an arm around his back as we continued to walk. "Sleep on that tattoo. But I'm happy to hear you say that."
"Should we take the train back?" I asked. Ueno where we were staying was a long walk from Harajuku where we were. "It's getting really late."
Aki didn't slow his pace. "Actually, I have other plans." He said simply, looking as if he didn't need to offer any other explanation.
"Do those other plans involve me still?"
He stopped walking only long enough to move his hand to the side of my head, pulling me in to place a kiss on my forehead. He returned his hand to my shoulder and initiated the walk again. "I'm not letting you out of my sight."
We walked another short distance quickly, rain beginning to fall, and our walk turned into a jog as we closed the remaining distance to Aki's surprise end game. Aki ducked under the blue noren curtain at the shop's entryway, keeping me close with a tight grip around my shoulders still. We stopped to catch our breaths inside, and I looked around at the space. Aki made his way to a reception desk not far from the entryway. The space was completely the colour of a warm bamboo wood, the floor lacquered to a high gloss that I could almost see myself in, a red runner carpet lead the way to the reception desk. All around green whips of plants were placed, making the space seem connected to nature, and it was a comforting sort of warm, even in the heat of the summer.
I walked slowly to meet Aki as the receptionist behind the desk handed him a flat disk of wood with a delicate looking key attached. She was a plain sort of woman, sleek black hair in a low bun and little natural makeup. She was wearing a simple black uniform with the shop's logo, a tiny detail. Aki thanked her and held out his hand for me to take. "This is a private onsen." He said. "It's a place where tattooed people are welcome, so you have to know about it to find it."
"You seem to know a lot of places like that."
He shrugged. "We tour a lot, and I don't want to be somewhere I'm going to get recognized. Plus, it's hard to be in public sometimes with these." He lifted his sleeve slightly, just enough for a stripe of tattoo at his wrist to show.
Arriving at the room, Aki opened the door to let me walk inside first. The entryway stepped up into the room, a lounge area with two plush chairs greeting us, between them a small table with a tea set. A blue yukata was folded sitting in each of the chairs. Across from them, a glass and black tile shower was tucked into the corner. I walked a few paces into the small room to a frosted glass door and pushed it open to peer inside, the onsen bath tub on the other side. The wall opposite the door was comprised of a large window that opened to the outside, a lush garden in the middle of the building structure. The onsen was plenty big enough for two people to comfortably stretch out together, the tap and spout running, steam lifting from the water.
I joined Aki in the lounge area as he peeled his shirt off, tossing it over the back of one of the chairs. "Aki, this is so beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here."
He worked to pour water from the heater into the tea pot, grabbing two small cups. Almost instantly I could smell the sweet and bitter aroma of the tea. "Well, don't thank me yet." He said, walking to the onsen to set the tea on the side of the tub. "There's no bed in here."
We settled into the onsen, the hot water instantly melting away any tension in my body. I watched as Aki relaxed into the side of the tub, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back with a deep sigh. I sensed his entire body let go in a way I had never seen from him, and I took advantage of the moment with his eyes closed to study the details of him. Some of his hair was tied up in a small bun, and he effortlessly looked beautiful even in his state of disarray.
"I can feel you staring at me." He said, a smile coming to his lips as he opened one eye.
"I've never seen you so relaxed."
He reached up to place a hand on his neck, turning his head in one direction then the other. I moved behind him and began to massage as best as I knew how, beginning at his hairline and moving my hands down his neck to shoulders, then down his back. I felt his body melt under my hands, becoming completely pliable.
"I know I make a good show of having everything under control." He said. "But I've been stressed about recording, and this signing deal. I just want to make sure everything is perfect."
I smoothed my hands over his neck, down his back, into the water, watching the trail I made over his skin. "You're so talented. When I saw you on stage, and in the recording studio, you were so in control. You made everything you did look so natural, like you weren't even trying."
He laughed with his breath, turning his head to look over his shoulder at me. "It's funny to me to think the first time you saw me was on stage." He said. "Now look, we're in a bath together." I smiled, slightly embarrassed, and leaned my forehead down to rest on his back. "Thank you, though. For recognizing how much work I put in."
We sat together for two hours, drinking tea, laughing, chatting, being quiet. The atmosphere in the bath room was tranquil, comfortable, and I was at peace fully. The rain fell heavily at first outside the window, but slowed and stopped during our stay. As we talked, I observed Aki in a way I hadn't yet had the chance to see him, taking in the details of his tattoos, where they met his bare skin, the broadness of his shoulders, the tone of his muscle, the way he made it all look effortless. I could feel in his eyes that he was experiencing me much the same way, looking closely at the little details of me that he didn't have the chance to see before.
When our fingertips became wrinkled and waterlogged, we got dressed and checked out of the room, making our way to the station. It was late, and we were catching one of the last trains for the night. Where we walked in the streets, Aki kept an arm around my shoulders, or a hold on my hand, making sure to keep me close. Harajuku station was empty, the streets clearing.
"Lately I feel like you trust me a little more." Aki said to me as we waited on the platform. He still held me close to his body around my shoulders, even though the station was empty. I held him around his back in return. Despite the summer heat, the nights were slightly cooler, and we had gotten used to easily breaking a sweat.
"I have always trusted you."
"From the minute you invited me into your apartment that night?" He asked, his tone challenging.
I thought for a moment before I answered. "I admit I thought if we did end up sleeping together that night, there was a chance I would have been a one night stand." I said. He looked at me, surprised by my response. "But, I also thought that I could trust you enough to know you would have left before that happened, if that was going to be the case. I trusted you when you told me you weren't into that, so I also trusted that if it happened, it meant something."
He smiled, looking down as if he was embarrassed about being analyzed, or embarrassed that I was able to read him as well as I did, I wasn't sure. "So why did I have the feeling you didn't fully trust me?"
I shrugged in his hold, smiling to myself. "I think you were making that up."
"No way." He said. "You were holding back. Were you just being shy?"
I laughed at his confusion, finding his concern endearing. "Yes, of course I was! I still am a little." It was my turn to look down at our feet in embarrassment. "I never had an experience like that before. Even now, when I think about getting undressed around you, it still makes me nervous."
I saw him bite his lip out of the corner of my eye, briefly, and looked up to meet his gaze. "Well. I made sure we didn't miss the last train, even though it wouldn't take us a long time to walk back to the hotel from here." He said. I got the feeling he was explaining himself. "I wanted to show you another part of my life, but I also wanted to give you a different experience of being in Tokyo with a guy from the one you had before. If we're going to live here, I don't want that experience to put a black mark on how you think of it."
I felt my heart beat faster, fuelled by his words, and given energy by what they meant. "How did I get so lucky to have you ask to take my picture that day we met?"
"How did I get so lucky that it was you I asked to take a picture of?"