We arrived home in Kamakura late Sunday afternoon. Aki carried my bags to my apartment for me, but stopped in the doorway. "I have to go to my place and deal with that surprise situation." He said. "Call Hina-san, I bet she'll tell you about it." I nodded, and he leaned his head down to kiss me quickly. "I'll be back soon."
He closed the door behind him, and I was left standing in the entryway. Without moving, I reached into my pocket for my phone, and called Hina.
"Natsu-chan! Welcome home, how was Tokyo?"
I grabbed the handle of my bag and lifted it into the bedroom, tossing it on the floor to open and empty it. "It was magical. Aki took me to a private onsen. We looked at so many apartments. I think we're going to be living in Ueno."
Hina made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a wistful sigh. "You're so lucky, Natsu-chan. I don't think my parents are going to let me move the first year. I'll have to commute."
"Maybe some nights you can stay with us to make things easier."
"Maybe. Listen, Natsu-chan, did Aki tell you what happened?"
I laughed, having anticipated the conversation. "No, he was so excited about it, but he kept telling me to wait for you to tell me."
"He was excited about his house getting broken into? It was all over the news, so I guess his house got revealed to the public. He can't be too happy about that."
I continued to toss clothes onto the bed to sort them into laundry, finding a few items of Aki's in the pile as well. "What happened? Will someone tell me?" I held a t-shirt of Aki's to my face and took a deep breath.
Hina laughed on the other end of the phone. "Aya Sato and a few of her crew broke into Aki's house." He paused for emphasis as I listened. "It sounds like they knew he wasn't going to be there, but also it sounds like she was looking for something specific. I'm not sure about that part of the story, but she wasn't breaking in just to be malicious. Fuji-san happened to go check on the house while she was inside and caught her. He called the police."
I had shed my clothes that I had travelled home in, full of sweat and stale train air, and slipped into Aki's shirt as I listened to Hina's story. "Aki said he set a trap, and it worked. But that was all he would say. He said he was ensuring my safety."
"I guess the rest of the story will unfold. You can see the news highlight online still, if you want to watch it." Hina seemed to lose interest in the story. "Is Aki there now?"
"He went to his house to check on what happened. He'll be back soon, I guess he'll tell me the rest." I heard a quiet but intentional knock on the front door, as if the person on the other side was nervous. "Hina-chan, someone is at my door, I'll call you back."
I opened the door to a familiar done up face. Fake eyelashes, too much lip gloss, pink blush, wearing a cropped t-shirt and tights jeans. "Sato-san." I said, surprised and apprehensive. I felt my heart sink.
She stood with no confidence, her hands hooked in her pockets, a dejected expression on her face. While there was nothing genuine about her made up appearance, there was something genuine in how she stood before me. "Is Aki here?"
"No, he's on his way though." I couldn't think of anything better to tell her than the truth, partly in case she got the idea to try something stupid, at least she would know a witness was on the way.
"I came to apologize to you." She said. "I guess you heard by now what happened while you were in Tokyo with Aki."
"How did you know that's where we were?" I was curious to see if she had more to add to the story of the break-in.
She leaned against the doorframe, half acting like she didn't have time for me, but I sensed how embarrassed she was to be speaking to me. "Sugimori-san, I don't want this to be hard for me. Just listen."
I stepped back from the door a few paces. "Do you want to come in? I'll make tea, we can talk." I wasn't sure if the gesture automatically accepted her apology, but I was too curious about what she had to say. I wanted to extract all the information from her, and I knew if I made an effort to listen, she would want to tell me who she really was and what her motives were.
We sat at my small kitchen table, a pot of tea between us. "Since Guardian started, basically, my friends and I were fans. We were too young at that point to really understand anything about the band, but as we got older and learned more, we realized we were closer than we thought to the members. It was easy to get in at that point." Sato-san began to tell her story loosely. "I always had a huge crush on Aki. But he was never interested in any of us, which made the chase more fun. I made it my goal to get him alone, but I never succeeded. I thought I was getting close, but then I found out about you. I wanted to scare you away from Aki. I was feeling threatened. I never meant for it to go as far as it did."
I sipped my tea absently while I listened, engrossed in her explanation. "So what happened at Aki's house while we were away?"
Her body language changed again, while she wanted to help me understand where her apology was coming from, she didn't want to keep apologizing. "I heard that you were going to Tokyo for the weekend, so I knew no one would be around. I know that Guardian has these sweaters, and there's an unspoken rule in the community that you have to be sleeping with a band member to have one. So it's like proof of initiation. I knew that Aki had his own plus one extra, because he had never given it to anyone, so I was going to take it as a souvenir of the time I put in trying to make him like me. And then give up on him. I just didn't anticipate Fuji being around checking on the house."
I wasn't sure how much time had passed since we sat drinking tea, as Sato-san's apology became nothing more than small talk. The front door opened, and Aki stepped inside, already shouting as he entered. "Natsu, let's get in the shower, I am so sweaty. Oh." He stopped halfway through the door, still holding the handle, as he looked through the entryway into the kitchen to see Sato-san and I still at the table together.
"Aki, Sato-san came to apologize to me for the inconveniences." I began to explain, giving her as much dignity as I could.
She stood up abruptly. "Sugimori-san, I still don't want to be your friend, but I know you'll make Aki happy."
She pushed past Aki through the front door without saying anything to him or acknowledging him. "What did I just witness?" Aki asked, pulling the door closed. "And I was looking for that shirt."
"How can you tell what this shirt this is, you're wearing one just like it right now." I said, trying my hand at being playful, satisfied that somehow Aki's trap had worked, and I had defeated an enemy. I stripped the shirt off and tossed it to him. "I'll get the shower started."
The summer passed in a haze. I was content to float through most of it at Aki's side, enjoying my last stretch of freedom before I would be submerged into the world of neon and noise in Tokyo. It was the first time I enjoyed living in Kamakura, the first time I enjoyed the mundane every day activities. It had taken meeting and falling in love with a person from far outside of my experience to realize everything I needed to be happy had been under my nose. Life at Aki's side, sitting in on recordings and photoshoots, press conferences and meetings getting ready for the upcoming signing, all made me feel like an exclusive part of Guardian's world. I had a front row seat to watch the growing success of the person most important to me, and I was merely drifting, taking in everything around me, experiencing every moment just like Aki emphasized.
The air was continuously hot and humid, coming in from the sea, well into the beginning of August. Friday afternoon, we had already gotten approval on our first choice of our Tokyo apartment in Ueno, and the five of us retreated to the beach on a whim to find some relief from the heat. We had dropped our bags in the sand, marking our rest spot, and ran into the water together, the five of us at once. We spent a while of laughing, splashing, easily recalling how to have a good time with very little as if we were children again. Growing tired and needing a break from the sun, Aki and I retreated back to the spot we had claimed, set up the shade umbrella, and lay together side by side on towels.
Aki opened a drink he had fished out of a cooler. "You're not going to tell me that you're still shy around me in your underwear at home, and you're not shy in a swimsuit out here?"
"Out here is a lot less intimate, and a lot less just you and I alone." I tried to explain myself. "Anyone who sees me in a swimsuit out here doesn't care what I look like. But when you see my body, I want it look perfect."
He laughed just one syllable. "Natsu." He paused, waiting for me to look at his face. "You always look perfect to me."
I looked away, hugging my knees in to my chest, knowing he was telling the absolute truth from his heart. I felt a flutter of emotion in the pit of my stomach. "You don't have to say that." I said, even knowing his words were genuine.
"I'm out here with all these tattoos." He began, as if he was justifying what he said to me. "I haven't been on a beach in a long time, I don't know if they get me recognized or avoided." He waved an open palm in the direction of the water where Hiro, Kota, and Fuji were still waist deep tossing a ball back and forth. "And those three don't care who recognizes them at any time."
I recalled the first time I had witnessed Aki, on stage. His ripped t-shirt revealed some skin, and I noticed that skin had patterns of ink, but I couldn't identify any specific imagery. I hardly ever saw people brandishing tattoos proudly, that fact alone made him stand out. "You always look perfect to me, too." From his place laying on his back on the towel, he looked at me, that hunger in his eyes that I recognized.
My thoughts were interrupted as a ball flying through the air blocked out the sunlight for just a second, and I raised my hands up by instinct to either catch it or shield myself from it. "Heads up!" I heard a shout just as my fingers made contact with the ball and I held on tightly. "Nice catch!" Kota was running toward us through the sand, dripping with water. He squeezed between Aki and I on our towels, sitting down into the sand.
"We can't have a moment of peace, can we, Kota?" Aki said, faking annoyance.
"You guys are going to live together, so you can have all the moments you like." He threw an arm around my shoulders, more playful than the way that Aki used the gesture. "Sorry to bring up work on the beach, but did you decide what you want to study, Natsuko-san?"
"Actually I did." I said, raising my shoulders in an attempt to hide my embarrassment at being called out. "I'm going to study music."
Aki propped himself up on his elbows, surprised and interested in my response. "You want to study music?" He said, sounding both proud and apprehensive.
Kota shook my shoulders gently in a show of excitement. "That's amazing!" He said, in his way that made him sound childlike and overly excited about everything. It was a quality in him that I admired. "That means you can secure a future with Guardian in more ways than one." He nudged Aki.
I leaned down to look at Aki past Kota. "Are you surprised?"
"Yes! Pleasantly." He sat up fully, turning on his towel to face us. "When did you decide?"
"When we were in Tokyo for the weekend. I saw a glimpse of how life is going to be for you guys when we're in the big city, when you have the major label contract, and I decided I want to learn everything I can about the business to help you." I felt as though I had gotten caught up in explaining my fantasy life. "And also, I want to sing."
Kota suddenly let go of my shoulders, leaning over to peer at my face, his eyes wide in his overdramatic way. "Can you sing?" He asked.
I looked at Aki to judge how he felt about what I was telling them. He was fixed on me, hooked on every word I spoke, and looked eager to know the rest of the story. "Well, I don't know if I'm any good. But I've always liked to sing. When my parents left, I just started singing by myself more and more to fill the silence."
"I've heard you singing, come to think of it." Aki stated. "When you're in the kitchen preparing dinner and I'm on the balcony smoking and being no help at all."
Kota's gaze snapped to Aki from his position still leaning over. "And what did you think?"
Aki let his eyes drift shut, a smile crossing his face, as if he was recalling a moment when he had heard me. "Actually, beautiful." He passed his judgement. "A few lessons on refinement, and she could be a pro."
"Right, and how many lessons in refinement have you had, Aki?" Kota joked.
Aki shook his head, crossing his arms across his chest. "I sing metal. It's different." He turned his attention back to me. "Do you want to sing something with me? I just wrote a ballad I wanted to record."
I was elated at the offer, because a man who sang for a living was giving it to me, but also for the chance to sing with the person I loved. In the next moment, however, I was terrified to sing in front of people who would actually listen to me more than passively, and even more terrified of singing alongside the frontman of Guardian. "I don't know how to read music or anything." I said. "I'm not sure if I could do it."
Aki shook his head slightly, waving his hand in dismissal. "I can teach you the song. You don't need to be able to read it. How many other songs do you sing just by memory?" He presented a fair point. "I have a recording I did on my phone, I'll send it to you so you can listen to it for a couple days. And also the lyrics."
He produced his phone from his backpack and began the task. "Hey, isn't it Obon next week?" Kota changed the subject, filling in the silence created by Aki's sudden attention to his phone. "We should all wear yukata and go to the festival. We can see the fireworks."
"I would love to, I haven't worn yukata since I was a child." I said. "I should ask Hina-chan to come with us."
I heard my phone chime inside Aki's backpack, and he fished for it to hand it to me. I opened the message from him, an mp3 file called 'Midnight With You'. I smiled to myself at how quickly Aki had acted on his offer. He was such a powerful presence in my life, and my thoughts settled on it. Just a few days ago we had spent a weekend in Tokyo and secured a place to live together after only one conversation. One word had been spoken about a song and suddenly it was downloading to my phone. Aki was a man of his word, and he made the earth move to his will.
We stayed at the beach until it was dark. The rest of Guardian had long since grown tired of the summer heat. Aki and I walked slowly down the beach together, close to the water, so the waves breaking on the shore wet our feet. The night was still hot, and beside the water it was humid. Aki played the song on his phone for me to hear as we walked, mixed with the sound of the shoreline. His voice coming from the phone was familiar, yet as he walked beside me, somehow I didn't believe the voice came from the same person.
"What do you think?" He asked me after the song had played. It was his voice alone, just a single melody. "It'll sound really different when there's music with it."
"It's really beautiful, and emotional." I thought about the lyrics and his voice. "I don't know if I can sing it as well as you."
"It's kind of about you." He said. "It's actually really fitting that you sing it with me. I wrote it the day after our first night together."
We were quiet for a while as we walked after his comment. He tucked his phone into his pocket and took my hand, lacing our fingers and holding me in a relaxed grip. The beach was deserted after dark, but the moon over the water created a spotlight that followed us along the shoreline. I was relaxed in his light hold, and I enjoyed watching him as I could clearly see on his face that he was playing the song over and over in his head, thinking about every detail. Aki became engulfed in music easily, it was always in his head, and came as naturally to him as breathing.
"Where do you want to go tonight?" I asked softly, allowing my voice to simply creep into the silence.
"My place?" He asked. I nodded in confirmation. "Do you have everything you need with you?"
I nodded again, feeling at peace. "I have one of everything at your place already." I said. I enjoyed the realization. "I can't wait to move to our Tokyo apartment."
He was looking forward, as our shoreline stroll became our walk to the car. "I'm excited for us." He said. "I know we moved really quickly to get here, but every step we've taken has felt right to me."
I smiled to myself, looking down at our feet in the sand. "Any girl my age is definitely not even thinking about sleeping with her boyfriend." I said. "But that's how we began all this. It was a big step, but every other big step we've taken together has been really easy."
"I still feel a little bad that I didn't know it was your first time, I was really selfish." He sounded embarrassed, but turned his gaze to me. "I will give you a real 'first time' night though, I promise."
I laughed with my breath. "Don't feel bad, I'm just glad it was you." I thought for a moment, running over the memory of sitting in Aki's car outside of my apartment, inviting him in on a whim, not fully knowing what would happen if he accepted my invitation. "If you had have known and tried to plan something special, it still wouldn't have happened. I was really scared, but you took control of the situation and we were suddenly naked together before I could back out."
"I could tell you were nervous, so I took control to take the pressure off of you. It's kind of the man's job to take control anyway, isn't it?" He sounded half defensive, pleading his case.
"I was glad you did." I reassured him. "You were an absolute gentleman about it."
Aki turned his attention to me as we reached the car, talking to me over the roof as I waited at the passenger door while he tossed his backpack into the back seat. "What were you scared of?"
I shrugged, trying to be dismissive. "A lot of things. A guy seeing my body, if there would be repercussions, I didn't know you that well still, if it was safe, if it would hurt."
We got into the car, exchanging looks. "I'm always safe, no matter how impromptu the situation." I could tell we were both feeling awkward talking about it, but he wanted to know about my version of the experience so he could learn from it. "Did it hurt?"
I didn't break the eye contact we shared. We were both on the edge of laughter, enjoying the chance to recall the experience. "It did, but not for long. I felt cared for with you, and you made it easy for me to relax."
He made a face. I couldn't tell if it was out of deep thought or if I had insulted him. "I feel like I'm getting a performance review."
I laughed. "You asked!" I said. "But if it is a performance review, it sounds like you're getting a good one, don't you think? Besides, I have nothing to compare you to."
He reached to grab the front of my shirt in his fist, pulling me to meet his kiss. "Let's keep it that way."