I walked slowly, my ribs beginning to ache from the impact, my lip beginning to swell. I continued to dab the blood from my mouth with a tissue, but I could feel the skin broken in a scratch. As I neared the building, I saw a sign in front of the door advertising rental services for musicians and photographers. Aki came into view, leaning against the side of the building with a cigarette in hand, looking relaxed, waiting. The image of him melted the tension out of my shoulders, and I felt relieved.
"Natsuko!" He shouted when he saw me, beginning to throw his hand up in a wave, but stopped. His movements became full of haste as he tossed the cigarette to the side and walked toward me. "What happened to you?" He held my shoulders to search my face, then used one hand to smooth my hair at the back of my head, and he placed a gentle kiss against the scratches on my lip.
"Sato-san happened." I said. "It's nothing, I'm fine."
He took my hand and started walking toward the building, a side door in my sight. "It's not fine." He said, pulling me gently in his fast pace. "I'm going to make sure nothing like this happens again."
He lead me through a maze of hallways inside the recording studio to a small private washroom. I paid no attention to the twists and turns we took as we walked, just the pressure of his hand on mine as it seemed to make the pain in my face and ribs dissipate just being in contact with him. He sat me on the counter beside the sink, turned on the hot water to let it run, and steam began to rise from the sink while he stepped away to find a towel. I watched him closely as he put soap on the towel and ran it under the water. Something had clicked in him and he changed in an instant, taking on the role of caretaker effortlessly. I remembered the story he told me of his previous partner and how he had stepped in to take care of her in her last days, and I hoped the solemnness he exuded as he concentrated on the towel was not because he was comparing our situations.
"I'm so sorry this happened." He said, beginning to press the towel to the scratches on my face. I felt my lip and cheek were swollen under the pressure, but the warmth of the soap and water felt healing. "This is my fault, I should have talked to her."
"You couldn't have known she would come after me." I reached up to take the towel out of his hand, gave my lip a definitive final wipe, and put it down on the counter. I reached around him, leaning forward to rest my head on his shoulder, and he matched my hold around his back. I felt him lean his head down to press the side of his face to me in a way that I was coming to expect from him. "I'm sorry to make trouble for you."
He pushed my shoulders so he could look at my face, and I let my arms fall away from him to rest limply on my lap. "You think this is you making trouble for me? Or is this me making trouble for you?" His fingers began working the buttons on my uniform shirt, and my hand shot up to grab his, attempting to stop him. He stayed still where he was, but his eyes snapped upward toward mine. "Let me see." He said, and I realized he was assessing what made the smear of dirt across my shirt.
I closed my eyes as he unbuttoned my shirt all the way, his hands slipping inside and skimming their way across my skin. I looked down as his touch began to make me wince to see my ribs already bruising into shades of blue. "Can I take you to get this looked at?" He asked me. I shook my head. "Can you take a deep breath?" I straightened my back and did as he asked with little discomfort. He seemed satisfied, but studied my face with some expression of worry. "Will you stay with me tonight, just in case?" I nodded, the relief and tiredness in my entire body hiding the feeling of excitement the thought of spending another night together with him gave me. He placed the warm towel back on my lip, taking my hand and guiding me to hold it there as he reworked the buttons on my shirt to close them. "I'm done work for the day, I was just waiting for you here. Let's get something to eat and go to my place. You can meet the band another day when you don't have a swollen lip." He smiled as he halfway joked, looking proud of himself for making the best of the situation.
We drove for some time after gathering a few things at my apartment, and I let my eyes close as my head rested against the seat. I smelled the takeout in the back seat, felt Aki's hand rest atop my thigh now and then, and melted into the silence with a shallow hum of the car. When we came to a stop, I opened my eyes, wondering how far we had gone. The drive was enough to clear my head and I my body felt renewed.
"Welcome to my house." Aki said, getting out of the car quickly and opening the back door to retrieve the bag of food. "It's been in my family a long time, so I took it over. It's paid for, so it's fine when I'm on tour and away for long periods."
I stood beside the car looking at a traditional country house. It was one level, and reached far out to each side, covering the land it stood on. A few large trees covered the corners, and the grass and gardens were unkept but not wild. The sun was setting behind the shallow peak of the roof, and the sky was darkening but still golden. Inside, Aki flipped the lights on in the entryway and we kicked off our shoes before he lead me into the house. He dropped the bag of takeout onto the kitchen table, and I stood in the adjoined living room with my overnight bag in hand, simply looking around. There was nothing out of the ordinary to give away who lived there, as if the house was just somewhere to go when Aki wasn't travelling.
"It's kind of a maze in here." Aki said, walking toward me with a hand outstretched, waiting for me to take it. "I'll show you the most important rooms."
He walked me through the house to show me the essential places I would need to be during the time I would spend there. The bedroom was the final room on the tour, comprised of a tatami room and raised platform for a futon to be rolled out on. The futon was large, more than enough room for two people, and was arranged with a bedside table and reading lamp as if it were a more permanent solution like a regular bed.
I set my bag at the end of the bed. My phone chimed in the pocket of my blazer, and I flipped it open quickly. The message was from Hina. "Natsu-chan, I heard Sato-san bragging to her group that she threatened you, are you okay?"
I pressed reply, knowing if I didn't answer her soon that she would be calling to ensure my safety. "I'm fine, I'm with Aki."
Almost instantly her reply came. "I'm glad." I knew she was relieved to hear that I was responsive to her messages, not badly injured from the run-in with my enemy, and with someone who could be trusted. Another message chimed. "I'll keep spying and let you know if there's any gossip."
I looked up from my phone as Aki was tossing a blanket onto the end of the bed. "The good bathroom is there, around the corner. It's attached to the room. The shower is in there." He paused a moment, looking at me standing there awkwardly with my phone poised in my hand, my school uniform with a smear of dirt, my swollen and scratched lip. I was suddenly self conscious all over, as if I had forgotten for a moment that I was somewhere else other than home, and had begun to get comfortable.
"What are you looking at?" I asked cautiously, meeting his smile. "I'm really a mess right now, I know. I'm not making a very good impression as a first time house guest." I made a charade of smoothing down the front of my skirt.
Aki shook his head, laughing with his breath. "I was honestly just thinking that I'm really happy to get to spend another night with you already." He exuded sincerity.
"I wouldn't mind using the shower, if that's okay." I said to Aki, closing my phone and pocketing it again.
"I wouldn't mind joining you, if that's okay." Aki said, unexpectedly. My eyes snapped to him, more surprised than I had intended on letting show, and he held up his hands as an offering of his innocence as if my gaze was more accusatory than I meant it to be. "I won't do anything. Unless you want me to. But I didn't invite you to spend the night with me with that in mind." His smile was genuine, used in that way he had to appeal to my sense of familiarity. I wasn't sure if that type of smile was reserved for me alone, but I had a feeling when I saw it on his face that it was a look with a hint of hunger in it. "You've had a long day, I'll leave you to it. I'll put tea on and wait for you."
I followed him back into the shower room where he opened a small linen cupboard and pulled a towel out. He held it out to me, but I grabbed his hand instead. "I wouldn't mind if you joined me." I said, feeling out of place with my words.
He smiled simply, with a look of peace spread over his face. He placed the towel on top of the closed toilet seat, fetching another one from the cupboard, and turned the water in the shower on. He placed a hand under the stream of water to test the temperature, and pulled his t-shirt over his head. I was still standing in the doorway watching how at home he was in his actions, how comfortable he was in his own skin. When he turned to me, he paused, as if suddenly thrown into deep thought.
"Natsuko, I'm sorry." He said. "I get the feeling I might be forcing you to move too fast. This kind of thing isn't new for me, but it is for you. I didn't really think about how fast this all was since we already ended up in bed together."
I felt I had to react quickly, but my mind was blank. "No, you're not forcing me to do anything." I said without thinking. "This is all really new for me, that's true, but I've been enjoying experiencing it with you." Under my breath, hoping he wouldn't hear me I added, "I just can't believe it's with you."
He waved a hand dismissively. He had heard my comment. "I'm just a regular guy." He said, as if to explain himself. "So what, I'm in a band, I perform sometimes, it's my job. It's all pretty regular."
He closed the distance between us and reached for the hem of my shirt. Without bothering with the buttons, he began to lift it over my head, and I raised my arms to make it easier for him. "I can undress myself, you know." I tried a joke.
"I can undress you better."
I walked into the shower before him, testing how the warm water felt hitting my fragile skin. Over the hours we had been together during the evening, the bruise on my ribs had grown in size and deepened in colour, but the swelling in my lip was causing more pain. As Aki stepped into the shower behind me, I turned my back to the water as if to greet him, but I could feel my expression slowly turning to apprehension. I wasn't sure what to expect, or think. My eyes took in his face, how his hair fell, the contrast of the ink in his skin, but they refused to wander lower than his chest. Without the desperation, the fury, the fervour, I had time to think about him and recognize the entirety of his body for what it was. Showing myself entirely to anyone was still a thought that scared me, and I felt it was something I would come to get used to.
As if he could read my thoughts he took my hands in his own, stepping in closer to me and placing them around his neck and onto his back. His fingertips skimmed their way back down my arms, down my sides, and came to rest in the small of my back. There was no space left between us where we stood, and feeling the heat his skin gave off was exciting, familiar, and terrifying all at once. I could barely feel the water hitting my back anymore. "You don't have to be afraid to touch me." He said, reading my mind still. "In a situation like this or any other situation."
I pressed my fingertips to his skin where he had placed them, like I had been waiting for an invitation. I concentrated on how he felt under my hands for a split second, too afraid to get lost in it. "That is not what I'm afraid of." I said, but offered nothing else for an explanation.
"Then what?" He searched my face in a relaxed sort of way, interested in what I had to say and not rushing it. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, and I'm yours."
Just standing under the stream of warm water felt unreal, like I was dreaming in a comfortable spot resting in the sunshine. I felt like I could wake up at any moment completely alone, and became a better story teller. I decided I would use the grace of the moment together to express my worries. "You can keep telling me that, but I will have to keep asking, who am I? How did I come to deserve this life you're so prepared to give me?"
He reached up to run his fingers through my hair, beginning at my temples and working gently down the length. His hand were wet, and he was careful not to stick and tangle in my hair. He leaned into me, a gesture that told me he wanted me to move, and I let him back me up to the wall. As we travelled, he dipped his head into the stream of water from the shower to protect my face from getting wet, and his hair became a curtain pushed by the water. I recognized his calculated movements, as he placed himself exactly where he needed to be at exactly the right time, but he was relying on instinct alone, not any calculations. "You were just yourself, and I came to adore you." He said. "So stop thinking you are nothing special, because I think you're a catch."
Somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear voices. I became aware of my body resting comfortably upon a plush surface, covered and surrounded with warmth. I let my eyes flutter open to the dim light of the room, taking it in as my vision cleared from lingering sleep. A light was on in the hallway outside the room, casting a warm coloured glow like a nightlight. I remembered I was in Aki's room, and we had retreated to bed together straight from the shower. I heard a voice again, and focused to listen.
"I'm sorry, Aki-san, how could I have known?" The voice was female, putting on a dramatic show of being innocent of a crime. "I was only trying to protect you from unwanted attention."
"It's your attention that I don't want, Sato-san. I don't want to tell you again." I heard Aki's familiar voice in a tone that he had never used around me. He was clearly angry, his patience running out. "Stay away from me, stay away from my house, stay away from the studio, and stay away from Natsuko. This is the last time I'm going to say it."
"Is she here now? Is that why you won't invite me in to apologize?"
"Yes, she is. But I have never invited you into my house, or any hotel room, and I'll remind you that you and I have never been in a room alone together. Quit your delusions."
I heard the door close forcefully followed by soft footsteps and an exasperated sigh. I lifted my eyes to the bedroom door as Aki slowly entered and slid the door closed, attempting not to make any noise. He peered over his shoulder and caught my gaze. Without saying anything, he stripped himself, leaving his clothes discarded on the floor, and climbed into the bed, rolling over me intentionally. "I'm very glad to see you in my bed." He said with a shy smile on his face. "How much of that did you hear?"
"Just the end." I reached for him, skimming my fingertips over him to rest my palm flat against his skin. He was the lingering warmth I felt and I tried to gather all I could from him. "Thank you, for defending me."
He reached back to match my touch on him, his palm flattening over the skin of my side. "What kind of boyfriend would I make if I couldn't defend you?"
That one word caught me by surprise, as we had established our desires to remain a presence in each other's lives, we had not established a label. I didn't have time to think about what his presence in my life would come to mean. "Boyfriend?"
He made a show of lifting the covers, accentuating a recognition of the way we lay together. "Did I miss something here?" He laughed, letting go of the covers and instead reaching to hold the back of my head, moving closer still to kiss me. "Or did you miss something?" In the warm coloured cast of the hallway light through the paper screen doors, his eyes were completely transparent. I could look into them and see the happiness he felt, see the peace, the hunger. "Do you have school tomorrow?"
"No, I have a free study day. I'm only going to entrance exam practices now for the next two weeks."
"Perfect, spend the day with me, then. I have a quick shoot with the band, but then we can do whatever we want."
I nodded against his hand and the pillow, reaching up to grab his wrist, feeling the need to hold him there. "When Sato-san attacked me, she told me to stay away from you because you belong to her. But I heard you say you've never even been alone with her. What's up with her?"
He let out a long breath as if he was unsure if he would answer my question at all or where to begin. "Her and her group have been Guardian groupies since the beginning, I mentioned that." He said. I don't know where she came from, I was always occupied taking care of my girl when she was still with us, and I was the only one in the band she couldn't seduce. She didn't know what I was busy doing all the time, and she still doesn't know a thing about me. But she got obsessed with me, and made it her mission to get me eventually. She is actually truly delusional about her connection with me."
"You sound more worried about her now than you did the last time you talked about her."
He looked at me for a long time, so long that I thought the conversation was over. "She was really irritating. But I didn't have any reason to worry about her until now." He said finally. "You're safe with me."
He was firm in his statement, as if he was expecting me to have doubts about the life I was being introduced to. "If she is the only thing I have to worry about being part of your life, then I'm not worried."
He smiled a sly, knowing smile without breaking his gaze. "You'll see."