"There's no place like home "
We'll back to it now to 1993, my brother took me to the local theater, it's a simple 5 minute drive from home.Father passed down his 89' Ford Taurus SHO, it was a bit quiet on the car ride until he played the radio.It played "So What'cha Want " by Beasties Boys he kept the volume at a medium as he started to spark conversation.
"So you excited for high school ?" He said as I replied
"I mean I guess but is it easy ?" He was confused and asked
"What do you mean ?" We got to a red light as I said
"Well I know middle school for me was just having fun and being kids but I heard high school is hell…." Marc asked quickly
"From who, who's told these lies ?" I took a moment as I answered,
"From Roberts older brother ….".
Marc scoffed as he asked "which one, Jacob ? l I nodded as he added on
"Oh that ugly fuck, don't listen to em alright, you and Robert and your other little weird friends will be alright ….." it got silent as we nearly arrived, we were in the parking lot of the theater.Like I said before, we went and watched "What's Eating Gilbert Grape ".Father and Mother agreed on a Christmas with no festive fun.Just get gifts and no tree, we'd celebrate better during the " Alilo " parade.We plan on going back to celebrate when around January 3rd, to be prepared.
We entered the theater and got in line as there was only a couple people in front of us.
"Alright the usual man ?" He asked I nodded my head.We we're next in line as Marc did all the talking, i stood there like the innocent soul I was.
"Yea alright that'll be all, thanks …." Said Marc handed over a hundred dollar bill and added on
"Keep the change man…."
The worker handed over two buckets of popcorn, two soda cups, a box of chocolate and the tickets.I carried the a bucket of popcorn and soda cups as he carried the rest.We strolled right into the theater rooms as it was the only one in the place, it's what made it so unique.It felt as a first come, first serve type of thing.Not many people went here due to this and mainly due to only playing specific movies at specific times so we'd catch it in time.We sat down in our seats as the film was about to begin, I just enjoy the way cinema expands on to the world.The day Cinema dies, is the day mankind's lost creativity.
Let me skip past Christmas, and Valentines, and saint Patrick's day, and Easter, and my birthday, and let me get to graduation day.I finished middle school and was on my way to high school.Father and mother were in the crowd in happiness as they took pictures on their little camera.They called my name and smilingly approached, all this build up to see the fuss of high school.I walked down this aisle as I people cheered each student walking by on.I made it to the front entrance of the school as father and mother approached.I was quickly talking with my friend Robert,
"So You're really not going….." Robert replied disappointed
"No man, sorry; maybe I'll go junior year but I'm going to this private school…." I felt saddened as I asked
"But we'll still keep in contact ?" He looked at the ground in sheer dismay as he said
"Well I hope so, this schools out in Missouri…..but hey I swear man, we'll meet again someday….".
Mother and father approached as father asked
"Hey Robert, congrats buddy…. Hey where's your parents ?" Robert changed his demeanor and said
"They're over there, I'll have to go now, thank you again …." He walked away quickly towards his parents as father added on.
"What a weird kid huh…." Mother smacked his arm as he said
"Ow, I'm kidding …."
Father got my diploma and Carried it with him as he said
"Alright let's go …" we all started walking towards his other car, a 88' Ford Escort RS turbo.
We drove home as to my surprise was my whole family waiting.When I walked in with them I heard them yell
"Surprise !" I was excited.It was aunts and uncles and cousins and some nephews and nieces now.We didn't spend as much as we used too but we had a good time overall.Father's friends arrived as their kids arrived as well.Most of the kids played in the backyard as father had his same old poker table set up.Mother and my aunts set up the food as Marc was upstairs with his girlfriend, Veronica.
"We should probably head downstairs..." she said as my brother tried to lean closer.She backed away laughingly as he felt disappointed.
"I'm sorry….." she said as he sighed and replied
"No it's alright ...." they both got up and headed for the door, she stopped.
"You know, how does Vegas sound ?" She smilingly got back towards him as he chuckled.
"I don't know about that, mother always says Vegas is for sinners and degenerates…." She put her arms around him as she added on,
"Come on, just for the month, we'll be back by September....it could be fun ….." he just gave a dead smile as he responded in a calm demeanor
"Now I'm sorry, I can't darling …..one day ...okay ?" He got free of her arms as he headed out the door and went downstairs.She was disappointed as she followed him.
We all gathered around the kitchen as one of our aunts took a picture of us on a polaroid picture.
"Alright, smile !" She said as in the moment, father shoved my face in the cake they had planted on the kitchen table.The flash went as they all laughed, mother seemed a bit furious but I was happy.I threw a little bit at father as he said
"Aye, whoa calm down, hehe…."
Mother got me cleaned up as father went back to gambling with his friends.
Mother finished cleaning my face of cake as she said
"Alright, you're all good now baby, go play ….." I got up and headed for the living room.I laid on the couch as I looked around and saw a piece of my family I never really maintain to understand.My brother is arguing with Veronica, father looks angered as he plays, mother looked out the kitchen window as if she's lost in life.You'd never notice these small details if you just looked for a moment, still; this is a damn good day.
August 22, 1994, First day of high school.
I attended Calvin Coolidge high school, was a hostile place from the start.It's seven in the morning and kids are already fighting.I got shoved on accident from the altercation, one of the boys had the other pinned down.
He started hitting him repeatedly in his head, it's an awful sight.Other kids got him off him as security was lurking around, kids dispersed as a teacher yelled "alright get to class ! Go !"
I walked away slowly as I have a look at the boy on the floor, try to imagine this; he landed on a concrete flooring and you could hear the thud.He started to twitch and jitter around, the other boy got escorted away by security he yelled in confidence "yes bitch, that's what happens !" Some people cheered him on as I went away.It's such a horror what some people do to feed their ego.
I got to my 2nd period which was my English class, the teacher was old and very blunt lady when it comes to confrontation.
"Put your name down and add your date of birth please …." She said as she handed me a pen.I signed mine as I saw another name already on the roster.It was still early as school did start at 8:00 am so I still had roughly an hour but I got early due to the fact my parents forced me.
I saw in the classroom, it felt like a fever dream; the lights were dim and the aesthetic felt as if I was in a morgue.I sat across this other girl that was early as well.She was pale white with blue eyes and a flipped Bob haircut you'd see in the 60s, that blonde hair had me struck.The teacher approached me and hanged me a syllabus and said
"Try to have it returned by this Friday, today just sit around and wait for your next class….I'll explain more in depth details tomorrow….."
She walked to her desk as I just tried to my mind of this girl.I just impatiently tapped my foot and even tapped my pencil in the desk until I accidentally broke it, it was a cheap pencil.She reading this book, I didn't really see what it was but she was committed to reading it.The pencil snapped as the noise took away the silence in the room as they both looked at me, I ducked my head as the teacher gave an annoyed look and got back to organizing papers.The girl kept a little stare on me as we locked eyes, I felt alive.
Seems very mangenue to feel this sort of way in the first day of school.
The hour went on as I kept a creepy stare towards her, I think she felt burdened by this.She kept her head lower as she still read her book, the bell rang.Suddenly students poured in by the dozens as they sat down quickly as some chatted amongst themselves.The teacher walked up to the front of the class as she yelled out
"Alright !, Class…..I understand you're excited and all but please listen up …."
Everyone got quiet as she continued on,
"I'm Mrs.Moss, this class you will get a touch of literature and hopefully fall in love with it …..,I will be passing around the syllabus and I hope to get it back by Friday- any questions ?"
She looked around as no one said anything,
"Okay …." She walked towards her office to get the syllabus papers as kids got back talking to each other.
The kid next to me tried to start conversation with me.
"Hey, I like your shoes man, they look clean ?"
My shoes were a pair of Asics sneakers, not the best but they managed.I looked at his shoes to be a pair of converse all-stars,
Thanks man, I like yours too, I wanted to get those my parents wouldn't let me …."
With this little spark, we talked the time until the bell rang.
"Oh damn, what you got next ?" He asked as I said
"I gotta go to A23….." he laughed and said
"Oh alright, maybe we'll catch up during break-also what's your name again ?"
We got up and started walking the halls as I said
"Dolton, and yours was ?" He added on and said
"Mines Jackson-well I see ya around man !" He waved goodbye as he went wit another group of friends waiting for him.
"Alright …..bye-" I stood there for a moment as I got back to my schedule.I look around as I walk the campus to see many types of students, no diversity is left behind.You get the idiots, the morons, the ones who've gotten sick of this everyday cycle and are ready to be done with it all; that'll be me 4 years from now.I just can't seem to understand how such groups can hate one another and have such disgusting jokes towards another, no one's very friendly now a days.You could blame it on anything, music, films, art, reality tv; etc….but you never go back to the source of the hate.
October 31, 1994, It was the last Monday to end this misery.It's moderately simple in life but I have this senseless urge for that girl from English class, I don't think she's knows I exist.Forget that, I have to forget these feelings and focus on my education; I can't fight this urge.I met up with Jackson and his other friends, some real cool guys.There's Leonard, Jim, Ryan, Paul and Tyler; some colorful characters.We're all insufferable freshman and have gotten our reputation for being erratic.In this small hierarchy that high school gives, we're low tier and not very well known.
We were sitting together during lunch like usual as we waited for Paul and Tyler to arrive.They we're still in line, me and the rest ate as Ryan was talking about Mike Tyson.
"I think I can beat mike Tyson in a fight….." he said as we all started laughing.
"No no- hear me out !!" He said as he laughed a bit as well.
"Bro thinks he's will smith and shit…." Said Leonard as we laughed even more.Tyler and Paul approached as they asked
"What's so funny ?" They sat down as I said
"This bozo thinks he can beat Tyson in a fight …."
Ryan tried to defend himself as he said
"Hey I'm just saying gimme a couple weeks and I'll beat his ass man …." You can think why is he so confident about this ? Well Ryan's about 6'0 and weighs about 190 pounds in pure muscle, he'd have reason to talk but come on; it's Mike fucking Tyson.We continued our little argument as in the distance I could see that girl from my English class again, she's sitting alone.A part of me wants to go over there and talk to her hit another part of me is telling me to let it go.I got so stuck in my little fantasies that I didn't notice Ryan and Paul fighting it out playfully as they had a crowd form.They we're laughing their asses off as they did hit each other.She turned her eyes towards us, was this a sign ? Of course not.She noticed the fighting as I looked to see them on the ground, wrestling like worms.
"Alright knock it off now …." Said a security guard as he detached the two from fighting as they both smiled as Ryan said
"You got off easy fucker !" They laughed as security dragged them away.It was such an idiotic thing just to prove the million dollar question no one asked for.Well I saw her get back to her eating as Jackson said
"Fucking idiots man, they never learn ….hehe…."
The day went on as we all got ready, I was dressed as a ghost, a simple sheet and two holes.Jackson and the rest were all power rangers, I never saw the appeal of it so I didn't join in.We walked around the neighborhoods for hours as we stocked our candy up to the brim of our bags.We finished the night by going back to my home and seeing our huge haul.I forget to mention but Leonard went straight home with this candy so he's out of this equation.The guys traded candy like they're life's depended on it.My whole living room felt like the New York stock exchange.Paul was arguing with Tyler for some chocolate, Tylers trying to convince Jackson to trade him some skittles for some lollipops, Jackson's just stealing candy away from Ryan's bag and Ryan doesn't give a shit.
"Alright fellas ! Let's watch this shit already !" I say I as I pulled out a dvd copy of KIDS (1995).You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to get my hands on this but I did it.
"Alright…..let's get it going …." Said Ryan as I put the disc in the DVD player, it loaded in as we all sat in the living room couch in comfort.We devoured the candy slowly as the film started.I don't know shit about it but I only got it because Leonard recommend it, guess he's missing out.
September 20, 1995, it was a slow Wednesday as it's my sophomore year, it's been a month now.I did try my luck at that girl from my English class but it ended idiotically, it was my fault.Now because of that my friends make fun of me for it, it so far where I had to reestablish myself.I went from a gullible little bastard to an asshole, me and Jackson do dumb things now.We skipped school that day and went to go buy us some weed.
"You sure we're not gonna get fucked here ?" I asked as we approached this run down home.Jackson knocked as he replied
"Don't worry, if we do Imma take care of it …" he showed me his Glock 30 tucked in his waist.All I could hear is "NY State Of Mind " by Nas as the door opened.It was this huge guy with tattoos all over his chest and arms, none on his face.
"Hey I'm Martins friend, here to get some weed …." Said Jackson as the man closed the door.We thought he was signaling us to fuck off but he was just unlocking the door.He let us in as we entered the living room.The big guy looked around as he locked the door behind him.I looked around to see it looking like a tornados been through it.The living room couch was flipped over, two lawn chairs are in its place.The window behind us as we sat down was broken.The walls have a deteriorating blue color and the floor has a dirty carpet.There's about two girls who look high out of their minds sitting side from us on another couch.This friend of Jackson's started walking downstairs as the big guy who let us in is staring us down as he just stands there, menacingly.
"Oh is that Jackson I smell ?" He yelled out as he approached the living room.Jackson got up as they both hugged,
"Oh Martin you never disappoint me, hey so how's your mom been ?" Asked Jackson as Martin replied
"Good- good, she thankfully recovered….fuck cancer ! You know ….hehe …." They both cheered a bit as the two girls cheered as well, it felt awkward, I didn't feel I belonged here.It was a moment of silence as Martin kept the flow going,
"So let's just get to it right, you want weed, I have weed, you obviously have money- so come on….pass it over- let's get this done alright ? Hahaha…" he was in a golly mood as Jackson laughingly handed over a wad of cash.
"Alright, you guys still in high school ?" He asked as he counted the money.
"Yea we are …." Said Jackson as Martin handed the money to the big guy and signaled him to get the weed.
"Well good ….look at these two idiots right here, they don't do shit in life, so let that be a PSA alright ? Hehe…" said Martin as he pointed at the two girls who are drugged out of their minds.Jackson and Martin laughed as one of the girls said
"Fuck you martin….." she was saying it jokingly but Martin looked a bit furious.
"The fuck you say ?" He said with a chuckle as the girl said "nothing man I'm just messing around…."
He got a bit angry as he got up and close towards her as she covered her face.
"You don't talk to me like that in front of guest okay darling ?" she was frantic as she kept repeating
"Yes I understand- I understand- understand, I understand ….." he was about smack her but held back.Jackson and I sat there in fear as if we were next,
"Sorry about that fellas, oh there he is, alright …." Martin said as he turned back to us.The big guy returned with a lunch bag full of it and some money back.
"Alright…." Said Jackson as he took the bag and got up, I followed.Martin started to walk us to the door as he told Jackson
"Hey remember though, stay in school and really try ….okay ?" Jackson nodded as he said
"Yea I will ….".
Martin turned his head towards me and said
"And you, I don't know you well kid but I know you mean good, so hey same thing for you; try okay ?" It took me a moment but I replied
"I will…." We we're outside as Martin was about to close the door,
"Well you enjoy it, have a good one !" He said as Jackson replied "you too man …" We walked down the streets, on our way home as I could just imagine what'll happen to that girl, Martin still looked angered when he closed that door.
January 22, 1996, A new year and a more reasons to keep hating life.It's only me, Jackson and Ryan left; the rest of those idiots have transferred schools or dropped out.I would've been one of them if my parents didn't care so much for me, or I think they do.I still can't explain the thoughts that run through my head but they're not so nice.I gave up all that smoking and stuff and I only focus on myself, I keep my friends close still but I keep my mind clear.I wanna explain to you a moronic society that you're not shown much, the boys locker rooms.During gym time, you'd see kids changing like usual but the back of the locker rooms was where the fun begins.Kids would be fighting each other for fun, some would write on lockers with markers, others are getting high and some are hitting each other with shirts.It's chaos to the average student but a hell of a time for guys who know how this system works.This whole school has a whole hierarchy complex that can simply be dissolved if you break a few egos.It's like my father always said "my egos to weak to be hurt ", doesn't really make sense but it sounds inspirational.I got dressed and headed to the big gym as me and Jackson share the class.I walked into the gymnasium as I saw that girl that I've been in love with once again.It's always just a constant reminder of what I did wrong and what I could've done right.
"Man you gotta get over her, listen I'll get with this nice black girl if you're down with that, I need a plus one this weekend ?" Asked Jackson as we both laughed a bit.We sat on the bleachers as I said
"No I'm alright man…."
We sat there as another friend named Jonathan joined us, him and Jackson talked as I couldn't let down my stupidity.In my mind I did nothing wrong and she broke me, but from her perspective I'm the bad guy; which I totally understand.The class went on with the day as our teacher Coach Austen started to yell a muck,
"Aye retards, off the bleachers ! Come on don't be dumb !" We got down as we started to get in line.We did our start of exercises, we then began to play indoor basketball.
Me and Jackson were like Magic and Kareem when it came down to this.We did versus games and we just don't lose, I messed around too much when passing the ball but I always meet my objective.Jackson just had to stand there and it's over, we were a duo dynasty.We always played up to 24 and never lost a game.Some of the boys would say I play dirty, like a modern day Dennis Rodman when it came to rebounds and steals but I just don't think they're on my level yet.Well we played the entirety of the class period as the teacher rang his whistle, I passed the ball to Jackson as he took the winning shot even though we were up by 5.He shoots and he scored, he was like MJ.
"Alright, good job today and remember don't smoke and eat healthy, alright get the hell outta here !" He said as the class disperse, I gave one last glance at her as I headed back into the locker rooms.To my eyes I see near the back of the lockers is two boys fighting, and it ain't play-fighting.One boy is beating the other one senseless, smacking his head over and over on the lockers, kids cheered on as others pleaded for him to stop.Me and Jackson watched from a distance as most kids just went on with their day and changed.Another teacher named Mr.Falsman saw this and quickly rushed to stop,
"Hey hey ! You knock that shit out right now !" He yelled as kids scattered, the boy still kept beating on the unconscious boy.I still stood there frozen as Jackson padded my shoulder,
"Hey come on let's get changed, we got break next and I ain't trying to be here still ….." I went on with my day as I now can't get that image out of my head, the unconscious boy was bleeding from his eyes and mouth and nose, you could think the whole face was deformed, things like that kill.
It's my 3rd period, it's my English class and I have it with Ryan.This teacher used to our dumb antics as we see school as a joke at this point.
"PAC or big ?" Asked Ryan as I said
"I go with Biggie man, ready to die gets me through some shit man …." Ryan looked offended and said
"Man you're stupid, Me against the world is the shit, Plus All Eyez On Me dropping soon ….."
I scoffed at this as Mrs.Moss approached and said
"Can you two keep it down, they're presenting a project ?" We both looked straight ahead as the three students continued with their project.What you have to understand is like faith brought us together, me and this girl have this class as well; or maybe it's the school program we're in.Either way I never skipped a beat to see her ever again, I had her for almost every class.Well this presentation had to be on the assassination of Franz Ferdinand, it was me and Jackson and we didn't do shit bit draw a little poster.We we're up next as the three students finished there project on the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
"Any questions ?" Asked a girl from the group as no one said anything.
"Okay good, we're done here …." This girl was kind of a control freak if I had to say, her name was Laura, the kind of girl you'd like but hate until you got to know her.Laura and her group sat down as the teacher yelled out from her desk
"Dolton, Ryan, you're up !", we both got up comedically as kids started laughing.
"Alright just hold the poster up good and I'll do the talking…" I said as Ryan stood there with the poster in hand.
"Hello I'm Dolton and this is Ryan and our project is on the assassination on Archduke Franz Ferdinand and how it led up to the First World War …."
I gotta be honest I didn't study shit about this guy, all I knew is he could've survived if his driver wasn't so dumb.Well I gave a whole speech about power and fortune and how it leads to those underneath- I'm not gonna go into it, just know we passed with a 72%.
The day finished with as rumors spread about the Teachers, how one teacher was hitting kids.Like that old school type; well that teacher was Mr.Sanchez, I had him as my chemistry teacher and boy oh boy did this rumor spread.They had an article about in the local paper and when my father got ahold of this newspaper that day.He wasn't so happy, he thought maybe this guy was hitting me; he wasn't but he thought the worst.
I got home at school as he asked me
"This Mr.Sanchez hit you ?" I was laughing and said
"No …." He then added on
"Have you seen him hit a kid ?" I've never seen him hit anybody but so I simply said
"No never seen it …." Father was a bit frustrated and said
"Then why does this paper say he's beating kids in that school ?" I nonchalantly said
"I don't know, but hey I'll tell you this, if I he hits me, I'll be his ass, hehe…"
It made father laugh a bit as he looked like he was plotting something.I ignored this for now as I went to my room but the worst is yet to come.