"I want to be alone."
The next day my father took me to school, he was very quiet as I was in a cheerful.mood.We got up to the school as we see Mr.Sanchez being escorted out of the school by school security.
"Alright I'll see ya …." I got out of the car and headed to meet up with Jackson at our usual hangout spot.
Mr.Sanchez drove off in his 86' Pontiac 6000 STE, my father tailed him.Father pulled out a flip phone and made a quick call,
"Yea it's me, meet me at Wilshire and Tampa….now !"
He hanged up as the teacher started to drive, father made a diversion by recklessly driving ahead of him, Mr.Sanchez stopped as my father got out of the car slowly and calmly.
"Hey what the Hell !?" Yelled out Mr.Sanchez as my father walked up to his window and replied
"Sorry pal but uhh I need directions….".
Mr.Sanchez felt confused and said
"Are you fucking stupid or something, get your piece of shit out of the way !!!"
Father looked around as the street was deserted until his friends arrived.The car was behind Mr.Sanchez car as they saw my father in the street, two guys got out as my father told Mr.Sanchez,
"You work at Coolidge high right ?", Mr.Sanchez understood what's happening and sighed
"Ahh fuck-" my father punched him in the nose as the two other guys followed along and dragged him out the car.
"Get a bat !" Said father as one of the men in the car stepped out with a baseball bat.The men started beating on Mr.Sanchez even more as my father says
"You touch or even lay a finger on any of those kids, you're dead !, you head me tuff guy, fight a real man alright fight !" He said as the two men started to drag him on to the sidewalk.The men positioned his mouth on the curb as my father hesitated, a cop car arrived as a different man from the car got out and explained the situation.The cops proceeded to go on with their days and drove by like nothings happened.My father gave a good stare at the officers as they gave a quick nod, my father gave them a smile as he turned back to Mr.Sanchez.
"Look at me, I mean this, if you keep a tooth, I'll call it even ….."
My father was preparing to curb stomp him as the two men held him down.
"No-no please -" Mr.Sanchez pleaded with tears in his eyes, all you hear is a crack.Mr.Sanchez laid their in agony as the men let him go.They got back in their car as my father kneeled down to speak to Mr.Sanchez,
"I highly suggest you pursue a new career …." My father got back up and with pride walked back into his car.
"All good here boys, see y'all later on …." The men drove off as my father made a U-Turn around as he spat outside his car and on to Mr.Sanchez.It's awful what a rumor could do but you can say he deserved it since he did get trialed for pedophilia and sexual abuse on minors, plural; not singular.
That was the highlight of 10th grade for me, my father never spoke of it to me but the papers were all about "Justice served !".I payed no mind to it as I steadily went on with life, made new friends this school year.Jackson is still up to his old antics of smoking and drinking, Ryan is on his own path in life, I could never tell what he'll do next.
This new friend I met in my language class is Nathan, my boy and I have a love for movies.I didn't even know him that well until now, we'd be doing movie quotes when we saw each other in the hallways or during lunch.Well in this language class we're trying to take French, remember I said trying.It's nearly Halloween again and me and Nathan plan on trick or treating with some of his friends, I asked Jackson but he said he'd busy working.I also tried Ryan but he's been distant, he's been hanging out by himself, I don't know what's up with him.
"So what you gonna dress as ?" I asked him as Nathan replied " Maybe Brandon Lee from the crow, you know the outfit and everything …." I was shocked and said
"That's badass man …." Nathan agreed as he asked
"And you ?" I replied
"I'll give you hint, Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates…." He gasped as he said
"No fucking way, I should've thought of that- still you're gonna great man, you're already retarded like him, hehe…" we both laughed as the teacher started the class.It's Mrs.Dubois, she's a middle aged black haired woman with a buck teeth.
"Alright class, let's begin !…." She yelled out, I just couldn't feel more excited for Halloween.
October 31, 1996, I had my striped baby blue button up shirt, I had my beige pants and my Nike Cortez, along with a bubba Gump hat I hassled my dad to get for me.That Thursday night I met up with Nathan as his four other friends.Nathan was in full custom I couldn't believe it, his three friends wore suits and asked "can you guess ?" We couldn't tell until they stand aside each other in pose, they looked like the goodfellas poster.The last friend had his own DIY costume of Mathew McConaughey's character from dazed and confused.The same Ted Nugent shirt and mens salmon-pink bell bottom jeans and black dress shoes, along with his little mustache, thankfully the friend was naturally blonde.He also carried a can of Coke and said "alright, alright , alright " we all laughed as we started to head out, we had our bags are ready for the night.
We finished the haul with about two bags filled each, yes we didn't have proper candy bags so we improvised with blasting grocery bags.
We finished off the day at Ryan's house as he was expecting us.I knocked on his door as his older sister, Suzanne answered,
"Oh nice costumes….here you go …." She said as she quickly handed us each a little goodie bag full of candy.She was about to close the door as until I said
"Wait Suzanne it's me Dolton, is Ryan here ?"
She opened the door again and said
"Oh I couldn't recognize you, yea he's in his room man….." she let us in as we walked towards his room.
We entered his room to see Ryan with another random friend of his watching movies together.
"Ryan what's up …." I said as he said
"Oh you made it, come in man ! "
His room was a big bed with a 5 set shelf and a small tv.His friend looked like he was drugged out of his mind and felt paranoid.We sat on the floor as Ryan and his friend started the movie.
"What movie is it ?" I asked as his friend replied
"It's a classic ….."
He put on "Saló or the 120 Days Of Sodom ", it started off simple as I felt it would be like a godfather-esc type of movie due to the opening scene.
Twenty minutes into the film I felt horrid, I was confused, as were Nathan and his friends.
"Is this a god damn porno ?" Asked one of Nathan's friends as we continued watching.
It was horrendous, we were an hour in and the four friends Nathan brought left with an excuse,
"Aye I gotta man, it's getting late …."
The other added on,
"Yea sorry I gotta go too, you coming Nathan ?"
Nathan was somewhat glued to the film but said bluntly
"No imma stay, I'll see ya…." The friend exited on their own as I just started to feel nauseous.We were on the last 20 mins of the film and I felt like I've sinned, I don't get how Ryan endorses this.
We finished the film as Ryan said "damn, alright ready for the next one ?"
I was done for the night as it was about 11:34 pm and I just couldn't stand another minute here.
"Na I think we gotta go …..sorry Ryan, we'll hang out tomorrow maybe ?" I said as I got up and headed out with Nathan, Ryan walked us out.
I looked on the floor and saw some dvd's, I saw a copy of "Blue Movie by Andy Warhol ", "KIDS ", "Pink Flamingos" and "Faces Of Death ".
So many raunchy films I assumed, we got through the hallway and passed by the living room to see Suzanne watching "Friday The 13th".
We are outside as we turned to Ryan who says
"Goodnight guys, get home safe !" He waved as we waved and I replied
"Thanks man, Goodnight !"
Me and Nathan left as I was still in shock to what I've seen, I've never seen Ryan in love with films like that.I myself just love regular cinema, not the problematic ones like that.
That Halloween was such a blur, I mean I remembered vivid scenes from that film but I still have it rotting away in the back of my mind.It's March 16, 1997, I was getting out of church with my family as to my surprise that girl is here too, also that girl Laura.I didn't think I'd see this girl as a religious type but oh well, I got back in the car with mom and dad as we gave each other glances.I arrived home as mom said
"You want some some fried chicken, we got left overs ?" I was excited and said
"Sure…." My father looked a bit upset as he gave a disappointing stare at me and mother.He stormed off as mother asked
"What ?….where you going ?!" He left the home in a hurry as mother ignored it for now, she went back to heating me up the left overs.
I may feel as life is but a simple indulgence but I truly feel a pity for the ones enjoying reality.Imagine this, I got home one day as decided to enjoy a nice slice of apple pie.I'm in the kitchen enjoying it as my father entered the home and saw me eating.Hw suddenly storms into the kitchen and quietly but aggressively tosses out my plate.
"What the hell ?!" I yell as he turns back and said
"Go on a diet…." I stood there confused as I went back in the fridge and got another slice.He came back as he was more furious, he smacked me in the face as I had the tray on the kitchen table.I stood there in shock as he yelled
"The hell I say, stop fucking eating you fat fuck, you look disgusting….."
He then left the home as I sat down in the kitchen and was in complete disbelief.My own father saying these things is atrocious, he sadly wasn't wrong.
First semester of Senior year I was on a warpath to change, I had workout day to day and watched what I ate.The sad thing is now I only have Nathan with me, the rest of my "friends ", we've either lost interest in each other or had a falling out.I'd walk the hallways and just walk by them like they're strangers, it's a depressing feeling.
Also this girl I kept mentioning this whole story, I know I won't have a chance so I decided to focus on myself.Funny enough, in this anger management class; I have her in it, wonder what she's so anger about.
Well anyways, I was about 230 pounds in sophomore year and now I'm 160 pounds.It's all from pure hatred for this world and that energy from eating well, they don't bullshit when they say diets are everything.My whole senior year is a such an easy year, not much but waiting to graduate.
My elective class was the newspaper of the school but I switched second semester to be in the library.The library Job is such a relaxed class it's a bore, not for the reasons of teaching but for its lack of anything to do.On rare occasion we'd do some inventory which is a boring task but we'd do a routine around with three different people who track down the book in its system with a scanner.Most the time I'm sleeping in this class which is a lifesaver, it's my last class of the day so it feels great; My alarm clock is the bell ringing.Well when the bell rang I got up quickly with my backpack and headed to the front of the school to meet up with Nate.We we're both going to meet up with Ryan but first we had a detour.Remember Martin, Jackson's friend ? Well Ryan gave us some money to get him some heroin, I know what you're thinking.What the hell is this going to and why the hell does he want it and why would I, a close friend of his do this ? Well I don't really know, a friend asked for help and I obliged.
We arrived at the same home as we approached slowly up the steps and I knocked.This time is was a different guy who answered the door, this skinny small black guy and he was not so friendly.
"The hell are you, what you want ?" We took a moment as I played it cool,
"I'm a friend of Martin's man I'm here to buy some shit, I told him about this last week…."
He looked at us in paranoia and mean-mugged Nate as he felt afraid.
"How I know you ain't the cops ?" He asked as I smugly looked over at Nate and looked back at the man and replied
"I think we're a little too young for that now don't you think man ?"
He got a bit angered as he yelled out
"You getting funny with me boy -"
Suddenly Martin yelled out
"Damn it, let them in you idiot, fucking retard…"
The man let us in as we entered the living room once again, the man still gave mean looks as I see Martin smacking his tv.Those two girls from earlier are still here, sitting in that same couch big this time it's a more cleaner couch.
"Oh my boy, how you been-man hows Jackson been ?" He asked as we sat and I replied
"I've been good- I haven't talked with Jackson in a while but uh…..-this is my friend here Nate, cool guy …." Nate waved in discomfort as Martin said
"Cool, hey man, alright let's just get to it huh ?- aye bring it !" He demanded to one of the girl as one got up and went to fetch the heroin.I forget to mention the sound of "Hypnotize" by The Notorious B.I.G echoing around the home as we sat and waited.I quickly got the money out and passed it to Martin and said
"Here you go man…." Martin took it with delight as he replied "thank you my dear friend- so you guys want a Dr.pepper or something ?- aye get my friends a Dr.pepper now; go !" He said to the other girl who got up quickly, this is the same girl that talked back last time.
"No I'm good man, you ?" I asked Nate as he said
"Na I'm good too, thanks …".The girl sat back down as Martin said
"Whoa nonsense, it feels a bit of disrespect that you decline- especially it being a Dr.pepper- go quickly get some ." The girl got up again and went to the kitchen to get us as we didn't mind if this time.The song changed to "Bow Down " by Westside Connection as the first girl came back with the a bag full of the stuff.She passed it to Martin as he smiled and said
"Perfect …..alright fellas ….." he said as he tossed towards us, i gracefully caught it as the other girl returned with the sodas.
"Don't be fucking rude, give it to them …." Said Martin as she handed us the sodas.We both got up as the I said "well thanks Martin, have a good man ….you to ladies …." I said nicely as the girl whispered "fuck you … ".I was in shock but shrugged it off as Martin said
"The hell you say, say it louder !" The girl was more furious as she said "I said fuck you, and fuck you too Marty, I don't need this shit-" Martin smacked her in the face as me and Nate stood there in disbelief.
"Whoa Martin come on man -" I said as the black guy said "aye let's get you two out of here, you got your shit, now go …." The man manhandled is out as I said "hold on man …-wait -" he got us to the front porch as he slammed the door on us.
"We gotta do something …." Said Nate as I asked
"You got a gun ?" Nate said "No but we can the call man ….." I then added on as we walked down the stairs,
"Yes and it'll do no good for her with all that shit they have in there….come on man, let's go to Ryan's …."
Nate was in shock but still held his own as we drove to Ryan's house.
We parked on the street as we exited the vehicle, I had the bag in my backpack.
"I mean Christ we could've done something man, poor girls …" said Nate as as we approached the home and I knocked on the door,
"Maybe we could've, or maybe we stuck our business into something that could've got us both shot ….."
it was silent for a moment until Suzanne opened the door and said
"Hey guys, Ryan's in his room …." We walked by as we entered the hallway and opened Ryan's room to see it in complete darkness, no light presented itself in the room.
"Hey, close the door …." Said Ryan as me and Nate entered and I locked the door.
"You got it ?" He asked as I got my backpack off and unzipped it to get the bag out.I passed it to him as he was in pure happiness,
"Thanks man, really thank you; I really love you for this …" he said as me and Nate laid aside each other on Ryan's bed as Ryan started up a movie, something more kid friendly thankfully.We watched "The Lion King ", we were 30 minutes in as I wondered when or what Ryan was going to do with the heroin.
We finished up the day and me and Nate decided to go home, I was bored and Nate was hungry.
"So Ryan we're about to leave man, gonna get burgers wanna come along ?" Said Nate as Ryan had his eyes glued to the tv,
"No thanks man, see y'all tomorrow also thanks again for this …."
Me and Nate looked at each other as we shrugged it off and let ourselves out.I should've never left that room, I should've watched another Movie or something- just anything to keep Ryan occupied.
We walked by the hallway to see Suzanne in the living room once again, she's drawing something.
"Bye Suzanne !" I said as we exited the home, we walked the street to get to Nate's car as I was very worrisome, what a fool I was.I got in the car and we started to drive, as Ryan was in for a cheap thrill.
Ryan was in his room as he muted the sound in the movie, he was watching "Carrie".He put on his Walkman headphones and started listening to "Dream A Little Dream Of Me " by The Mamas & The Papas, it was an ominous sound for him.
He started to get his little kit out to prepare himself, he was all ready as he tightened his arm and got his needle ready, he pricked it in as he gave it a moment a felt well rested.He was laying on the floor of his bed as he then bobbed his head to the music.He looked underneath his bed as he got out a pill bottle, it was Percocet's.He downed three with water as he laid back and titled his head upwards.He took a deep breath as he was in a dream state.
He started hallucinating himself dancing with a woman in a red dress in a ball room.He starts dancing with her passionately as you'd get back to him in real life, he's laying against his bed as he starts to zone out and feel fine for a minute or so.Back in the living room, sister gets a call as it's their mother,
"Yea mom ?" She asked as his mom asked if they wanted pizza that night.
"Fuck yea …..sorry ….." she answered as her mom asked her to ask what toppings did Ryan want,
"Hold on let me ask him, don't hang up …." She got up quickly as she headed for Ryan's room.
Ryan is starting to spazz out and starts to gag, he foams and gushes out the mouth as he's still in his lustful dream state, his sister knocks as he doesn't answer.
"Damn it, we'll just know I knocked !-" she yelled out as she opened the door and sees Ryan.
"Oh Jesus Christ !, Ryan- Ryan !" She yelled out more in horror as Ryan starts to show tears as he's dying slowly, she takes a knee and smacks him a bit and says
"Ryan what the hell- oh….." she expresses as she looks around and sees the pills and needle and bag.
"Ryan you moron -" she says as you'd get back to Ryan, he's dancing the night away with that woman.They get more up close and touchy as he's smiling through it all.Suzanne got up quickly and checked the kitchen cabinets and got out a medical kit, she looked through it and found a Narcan box.It's been about five minutes now and she starts to rush back into his room, she accidentally falls as she drops the box.
"No no- fuck fuck, oh no no no -" she looks around where she dropped it as she can't find it.
Ryan's having the time of his life as he's in a drug infused nirvana.His head starts to shake as he falls over to the floor, he falls on his back as his head faces the ceiling.He is still unconscious and still gags out more bits.The headphones are still on as the song keeps his rush going, Suzanne is in a crying panic.She starts to cry a bit as she goes to Ryan turns him over on his side but it's too late."why Ryan, why did you do this to us …."
She says as he continues to suffer.She gets up and goes to the living room to get the phone as Mom still waits for an answer,
"Suzanne the hells going on ?!" She yells as Suzanne cries and says
"Mom I need to hang up …." She hangs up and calls 9-1-1.Ryan laid on that floor as he ended the dream state with going in for a kiss with this woman in red.The paramedics arrived as it got only worse for Ryan, they rushed him out to see what they could do but they sadly understood there's no saving him, he's a lost cause.
"Are you the mother ?" Asked the man as Suzanne replied in tears
"I'm- I'm ….the sister….."
the man was serious as he said
"The sister, alright, you can get in but you need to contact your parents to go to Westfield medical center, we have a phone in here, come on …." She got in as they asked more questions.
"How old is he ?" She quickly said
"Uh, 18, he's still in high school ….."
the men tried to look for a vein and as they were getting a needle ready.
"Is he gonna be okay ?" She asked as one of the men said
"I can't decide that yet ma'am…."
It was senior year, May 16, 1997, Ryan was pronounced dead of an overdose.Sad to think many felt awful but didn't really care, you know why ? Prom.It was in a week, we had a small assembly in his passing but that's it.His funeral was set to be on the 19th and I just had to go.His mother thought it was his own doing of dying this way, they don't know that me and Nate went out of our to get it for him.You can't even tell if he meant to do that or not, it was left to Ryan.